Chapter 20- Deciding to Wait
A week passed peacefully for the new couple. Erik couldn't help but ask Christine to speak again, and that was only a mere few seconds after she'd woken up from her nap in the library. He couldn't help it. For one, she woke up and immediately began begging him profusely -but silently- to talk. And for another, not hearing her voice was driving him crazy.
So, after she'd begun to speak again, most everything was right. Neither Christine nor Erik had ever been so happy and content with their lives. When they weren't basking in their love for one another and talking about everything and nothing, they relaxed together in the library to read, or Christine would listen to Erik play music for her.
But not everything was right. Christine still had yet to sing a note. Erik wouldn't allow it until he was sure she could without doing damage to her instrument.
It was a Tuesday morning when Christine skipped downstairs while smiling contentedly. She was smiling quite a bit, as of late. The moment she reached the first floor, she could tell something was different. Erik was sitting on the piano bench looking over their song, "All I Ask of You". Her excitement was mounting as she studied him.
"Good morning, Angel," Erik announced. He stood and moved towards her to kiss her waiting lips. They stood still just holding each other for a while before Erik could stand it no longer. "Christine, I believe you are well enough to sing now." He watched her obvious enthusiasm and couldn't help but smile. "Oh, how I have missed hearing you." He hugged her close again. "My little songbird.." he whispered in her ear as he stroked her brown curls.
Christine was practically bouncing with joy. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she exclaimed while hugging him tightly. Then, she broke the hug and moved to stand at the bow of the grand piano, obviously prepared for warm-ups.
Erik loved her excitement, and he went to sit at the piano. After beginning, he could tell Christine's voice was a bit rusty, which was noticeable through their warm-ups, but that was no reason to become discouraged. He reminded her of this when he saw her frown. "Don't worry, darling. Since you are well again, we will practice often." He gave her an encouraging smile. "You will soon sound even better than before."
Christine smiled again, feeling very capable. "And most of the thanks will go to my incredible teacher. I'm so lucky to have you," she said honestly.
He looked at her and shook his head. "No Christine, you are mistaken. I am the lucky one. You give me too much credit, my dear. Remember, you produce the sound. Don't forget that."
She blushed while feeling unworthy of such praise. "Thank you," she said softly.
Erik nodded firmly and seriously. "How does your voice feel? Are you tired?" He didn't want to overexert her. She was still so fragile, it seemed.
Christine shook her head. "No, my voice feels fine." She moved towards him. "I really want to sing "All I Ask of You". Please?" She pulled a 'puppy face' on him.
He couldn't help but laugh at what he saw. He'd certainly never seen a look like that before. It was adorable. "Alright, alright. You've convinced me." His laughter faded as he stared at her precious face in awe. He would never forget that look. "Yes, I will teach you the song," he finally said.
Her brow furrowed in confusion. Why was he staring at me for so long? She eventually shrugged it off, though. Victory! That was the most important thought. "Awesome, let's start," she said quickly.
Erik had never seen such display of anticipation. "Let's begin, then." He played the first chord, and the lesson began.
Hours passed…
When everything finally felt right to both Erik and Christine, they both felt utterly exhausted. Even Erik. He rarely felt tired, so this was a first. "I'm sorry," Christine said softly while sinking into the nearest chair. Her eyes noticed his slouched posture.
His exhaustion vanished instantly. "Whatever for, Christine?"
She itched the back of her head awkwardly while saying, "It took me, like, forever to learn it. I'm way out of practice."
Erik took a moment to comprehend the teenage-like vocabulary of the young woman he loved. He then laughed some before becoming calm and honest. "Christine, you are amazing. Your voice is the pinnacle of excellence. Others would marvel its perfection. You mustn't forget that." He chuckled while staring into her green eyes.
Christine had to blink to come out of the trance he was putting her in.. his voice, his eyes, everything about him. She let out a shaky laugh, to which Erik's head tilted to one side. "As I said before, you're distracting."
"What?" he asked in confusion.
"You're telling me all these things, yet I can't get past how much I love you in order to comprehend what you're saying," she explained while blushing.
After staring blankly for a moment, Erik stood without hesitation and walked towards her sitting form with a genuine smile on his face. He then picked her up and sat where she had been before settling her gently on his lap. "You are the kindest person I have ever known." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "And I mean that," he affirmed.
Christine closed her eyes peacefully when his lips reached her skin. "I love you," she breathed. Within a few moments of resting her head against Erik's chest, her mind came up with a few questions for him. "Erik, where did you get my clothes?"
Erik was surprised by the sudden random question. "What do you mean, love?"
"It's just, I've always been amazed at how perfect my clothes are. I can tell they were expensive, and they're all the latest styles." His expression caused her to quickly add, "I'm just curious."
His brow was furrowed in deep thought. Hesitantly, he said, "You may not like the answer."
"It's ok. Nothing you say will make me think any less of you." She watched him patiently.
Erik had to turn his head away from such beauty. "I know you must be wondering where everything in this house comes from, not just your clothing. What about the furniture, the books, the appliances, the instruments, my car… You've wondered, right?" He looked down at her for an answer.
"Well, yeah," she replied.
He nodded uneasily and sighed. His voice was sad as he began. "Christine, a person such as I can never enter the real world. I rarely venture outside my own home."
When he didn't continue after several long seconds, Christine said, "But you did leave… for me."
Erik's lips curled slightly upward. "Yes," he said faintly. "I did leave for you." He paused and sighed again before saying, "But I have left a few other times. I have some connections with the outside world. And I feel I need to tell you that I acquired them through terms that would be viewed as wrong." He let that sink into Christine's innocent mind for a few moments. "I know thieves, Christine, and I have bargained with them. That is how I have everything that I have. I made deals with thieves, crooks, robbers, whatever you want to call them."
Christine's eyes widened and she asked, "You mean, you stole this stuff?"
Erik couldn't continue to keep things from her. "Yes. Or rather, they did. But I was in charge of the crime. I told them what to do and paid them in return for what they stole."
Her eyes widened further. "But Erik, that's dangerous. People like that are crazy! One wrong move and they could have killed you!" She sat tensely on his lap.
He blinked. "What?" This was startling. "I tell you that I've stolen thousands of dollars worth of merchandise and you're concerned for my well-being?"
She barely listened to his question. "Please tell me you've stopped doing business with them. I don't want to lose you. I can't!"
Erik quickly comforted her by placing her head against his chest. "Shh… Angel, it's alright. I haven't dealt with them in over two months. Please don't fret." He couldn't believe she was placing her love for him above the crimes he'd committed.
"Do they know where we live?" Christine asked anxiously.
He shook his head firmly. "No." He would never put her life in danger like that. "They only knew what I wanted them to know, and that wasn't much. Please don't worry," he begged.
Christine nodded against his chest. "Ok." She was still a bit shaky, though.
Erik felt horrible. Before Christine came into his life, he cared for no one, not even himself. A crime was nothing of consequence. But now… She had taught him so much. Right from wrong, good from bad, patience from impatience, love from hate. And those were just the beginning. "Perhaps I shouldn't have told you."
"No!" Christine exclaimed. "No, I want to know everything. I love you, and the past doesn't change that. The past can just stay in the past."
He frowned at what she was saying. "Christine, do you mean to tell me that you don't care about what happened in my past?" That came across a bit more fiercely than Erik would have liked, but he needed to know.
"Of course not," Christine said immediately, somewhat shocked by his question. How can he think I don't care?.. "I care. I always care. You can tell me anything. I want to know everything, as I already said. Come on, Erik, don't think I want to live in some little fantasy world without knowing the truth. I don't want to be left in the dark about anything anymore."
'Anymore', she says… Of course. I kept her in the dark on so many things before. But no more. Never again. "W-what do you want to know?" Erik asked slowly. This was what he wanted, yes, but it was also what he dreaded. Everything had been kept secret for so long that it was hard to overcome the deception.
Christine continued to sit on Erik's lap while looking up into his masked face. The situation was intense, but she remained calm. "I want to know how you found me. How do you know so much about me?"
This turn in conversation was expected, but Erik didn't know if she would take it as well as she seemed to be taking everything else. "I first saw you in a picture that was in a newspaper. It was one of yourself and your mother. You were singing and she was playing the violin. I was immediately drawn to you in that picture. I believe it was your innocence and joy that drew me in." He displayed a small smile but shook his head slightly so that he could continue without pause. "Well, I went to the church the newspaper article was referring to and found that it was the precise church you attended. I was able to find your address and telephone number by looking in a church directory."
Her eyebrows rose. "Wait, you just walked right into my church?" She wasn't mad, just curious.
"Well, I didn't go on a Sunday, Angel. I went on a day when there weren't many people. Believe me, though, the entire mission was still difficult." His thoughts drifted a bit as he remembered each moment that transpired.
Christine laughed a bit at his use of 'mission', and Erik glanced at her in confusion. "Nothing, nothing. Please continue."
After a moment, he continued, "Well, as we both know, I did find you. In fact, I first saw you on August 22, 2002. I had driven by your house many times before, but you were never within view. That day, however, you and your mother were doing some work in the front yard. Your hair was braided and you were wearing overalls. You just looked so happy, so alive and free. It was beautiful." He sighed. "You were more beautiful than any building in Iran or any piece of music. I'd never seen anything like you. I-it scared me."
Erik kissed the top of her head. "I drove by seven times that day. It wasn't until the seventh time that you turned and acknowledged my presence. Of course you couldn't see past the tinted car windows, but you looked at the car like you could. You displayed the most pleasant smile. It was very.. heart-warming, and it was all I could do not to stop and talk to you. But I knew I needed to know you. That day, you became my obsession," he said softly. "And I practically lived in Asheville for the next two years."
Christine couldn't deny that the story was pretty creepy. She couldn't recall that important day at all. "So there was never any sort of doubt about me? I mean, you always knew I was the one?"
He displayed a crooked smile. "No, there were never any doubts. You are the only person I have ever desired." They stared at one another for a long moment. "But," he continued. "I was not the man for you. You had everything. A loving mother, friends, a boyfriend… You were perfect. I knew I could not lessen your perfection by making myself known to you."
She frowned at that. "Perfection, huh? Well, all of that ended." Christine's arms crossed as memories flashed through her mind.
Erik frowned, as well, while feeling sorry for her. "Yes… At the end of November, I gave up. I did not have a chance, so I decided to end it. However, I had no idea how strong my feelings really were. Not seeing you was driving me crazy. On the eighth of December, I knew I had to see you again. So, I returned only to find your situation had changed. You were no longer the happy, carefree girl I once watched from afar. Without your mother, you were a completely different person. This may sound odd, but you were even more intriguing to me." He saw the confusion on her face, so he quickly added, "Please do not take that the wrong way. I only mean that I could relate to your despair in a strange sort of way."
"No, I understand," she reassured. "Please go on."
He nodded. "My obsession grew and, with it, my fear. I continued to watch you from a distance, and, at first, I was quite content with keeping it that way. Yes, there were times when I almost came from my hiding place to comfort you, but I would always restrain myself. I was afraid, though. I was afraid for you. You were not well.. It was so painful to see you in such a state."
Christine was becoming a bit impatient. "So when did that change?" she asked eagerly. "When was it that you knew you had to kidnap me?"
Erik cringed at the word 'kidnap', for he now knew how wrong he was for committing the act. "I-I do not remember the exact date. It was a feeling that developed over time. I could not bear to see you suffering in your way of life any longer. You had nothing. You deserved everything. Of course, I also wanted you with me. I thought we could both be happy. At the beginning of November, I came to the conclusion that we had to be together. So, I made it happen." He watched her apprehensively.
It was crazy, all of it. Christine didn't have words to say. And yet, she loved him so much. It was wrong, it was all wrong. But it had ended so nicely. Everything was right. They were happy together, just like he always wanted. She smiled. "It's so perfect."
"What?" he asked in shock. He'd just relayed a story that was completely imperfect, so why didn't she think so?
"Everything's so perfect now. I'm glad to know what happened, and thank you for telling me." She grinned. "Everything's just like you wanted it to be. We're both happy because we're together. I wouldn't have it any other way."
Her reasoning was odd, and Erik had to think about it for a few moments. "But.. I feel selfish."
"Why?" Christine asked with a furrowed brow.
"Well, it seems I got everything I wanted, but what about you?"
"I want everything you want," she said with a shrug. "Trust me, I'm happy.. more than happy, actually." She smiled.
Erik took a moment to study her face. That smile reminded him of the smile he'd seen her display at her house so long ago. It was genuine and kind and made his eyes warm. "You are so precious to me."
They kissed for a long time before Christine moved her head back. "Erik, let's go upstairs," she said softly.
He thought about it for a second and looked down at his watch. It wasn't bed time.. so, "Why?"
A blush crept up to her cheeks. He really didn't comprehend the hidden meaning of her words. "Umm, I just think we'd be more comfortable."
With a shrug, Erik helped Christine get up before standing. "Alright, then." They ascended the stairs and she led him to her bedroom. They lay on the bed for a while, Christine's head leaning against Erik's shoulder while Erik's fingers stroked her arm. He studied the perfect porcelain skin he was stroking and hummed a simple melody softly.
Christine lay in deep thought chewing on her bottom lip and barely felt his fingers on her skin. She was trying to come up with how to initiate things…
Although it made her blush profusely just to think of it, Christine couldn't deny that she wanted to take their relationship to the next level. She was ready, but was he? "Erik, I love you," she finally announced.
He chuckled at how powerfully she'd practically proclaimed the words. "Christine, I love you, too," he mimicked using the same tone.
She was becoming aggravated. This wasn't working. She would just have to try harder. Rather abruptly, she sat up and looked into his eyes, her face a few inches away from his. "I want you," she whispered, her breathing a bit shaky.
After staring for a second, Erik finally understood. He understood why she wanted them to go to her room, and he definitely understood her words. "Ohh," he whispered. He found his eyes were clouding over with desire. He wanted exactly what she wanted.
They could not restrain themselves any longer and began kissing passionately. Erik hungrily lay on top of Christine and kissed her feverishly. Her fingers moved to the back of his head to massage his black hair while his hands were on either side of her body so he wouldn't crush her. While kissing her mouth and neck, Erik's thoughts went wild. Flesh… I need flesh… However, another voice intervened and reminded him, No, you do not 'need' flesh; you want flesh. There is a difference. If you 'needed' this, you would have been dead long before now.
He let out a greedy growl and continued to kiss her while one hand moved slowly up her smooth stomach bringing the shirt with it. Her moans only increased his eagerness to continue. Flesh… I deserve this… The other voice would not stay silent and became more forceful than before. Stop this! You animal! You are only thinking of yourself. There is another person here, and that person is far more important than you will ever be! You should make a promise here and now. You will not harm her innocence! Remember, she knows not the consequences of her actions. Do not do this! Not yet…
His hand reached her bra, and he stopped abruptly. The thoughts won. Good. Now, remove your undeserving hand from under her shirt, get off of her, and leave. Go compose.. You like that.. Erik obeyed the demanding voice in his head and began to move from the bed, but Christine gently grabbed his wrist. He had almost forgotten she was there. True, he was kissing her moments ago, but during that time he only regarded her body and his feelings. Her inner character held none of his interest. That knowledge pained him.
Christine was shocked. "Erik, what are you doing? Why did you stop?"
He found he didn't deserve to look her in the eye. "Christine, I- I can't…"
He began to move again, to flee again, but she only grasped his wrist tighter. "Erik, come on, what's wrong? If you leave, you're dragging me with you. Please, don't go. Talk to me."
He didn't want to hurt her, but his thoughts were mainly on needing to leave. How could I have forgotten her. "I- I'm sorry, Christine. Truly, I am.. but.. I must get out." Deliberately keeping his eyes away from her, he easily removed his wrist from her grasp and fled.
Christine opened her mouth, as if to speak, but quickly closed it and followed him downstairs. He was sitting at the piano but looked far different than usual. His regular immaculate posture on the bench was gone. In its place was the scene of an obviously distraught man trying unsuccessfully to bottle his emotions. She tentatively walked forward and placed her hand on his slumped shoulder. "Erik…"
His body made no movement. It was just his mouth. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
She sat next to him on the piano bench. "For what?"
His eyes were focused on the keys. "I-… I moved too quickly. It was wrong of me."
"What are you talking about? 'Too quickly'? Erik, we love each other. I was moving just as 'quickly' as you were. But, I don't think we were..."
Erik made the mistake of looking into her eyes. Those emerald pools made him want to tell all. "Christine, please forgive me, but I somehow forgot you." Tears escaped his left eye.
Her hand, which was on his shoulder, lowered. "You're not making sense. What are you talking about?"
"I was kissing you, touching you, but my thoughts were clouding my vision. I did not see you, I only saw flesh. I disregarded all else." He shook his head in frustration. "Luckily, my thoughts proved to be both hindrance and virtue. I was able to stop in time."
Although she knew the answer, she still asked, "Stop what?"
His eyes were still penetrating her own. "Christine, I would have made love to you."
Ignoring her modesty, she asked, "And why is that a bad thing?"
"What? Christine, we cannot do that. I forgot you! Does that not mean anything to you?"
His hysterical voice made her bite her lip worriedly. "Erik, listen to me. What happened wasn't wrong." She hesitated before asking, "You're new at this, aren't you?"
Erik responded a bit more harshly than intended. "Of course I am."
"Well, so am I. I think it may be normal to lose yourself and everything around you when you're caught up in- in passion." She spoke so timidly that is was quite clear she was telling the truth. "At least at first. We just aren't used to it. Meg and I used to talk, and umm.. When I was with Raoul, I-"
He straightened instantly at the mention of his name. "Do not speak to me of him! I know, you both shared a very passionate relationship, didn't you? And I do not live up to expectations, do I?" He knew that what he was saying was completely ridiculous, but at the same time, he needed to know for sure.
"Erik, that's not true! I was only mentioning him because I never felt like this with him! I knew of all of my surroundings every time we kissed, and I was always just waiting for it to be over. I never felt anything. It's like I got used to it."
"Why did you feel you had to stay with him if you felt nothing?" It was stupid in Erik's eyes.
"Well," Christine began, trying to come up with the right words. "It was like we were expected to be together. Everybody thought we were the 'perfect couple'. I felt I didn't want to disappoint them. There really wasn't a choice-"
He stood and roared, "Christine, you always have a choice!"
She stood, as well, and backed away. Why is he yelling? What does he know of choices? She yelled, "Well, I didn't have a choice with you, did I?" Without waiting for an answer, she ran to her room seething but also regretting her words.
Immediately, Erik felt regret and sank onto the piano bench. What have I done? Why did I have to yell? Damn that boy… He brings out the worst in me.. He rammed his hand on the piano keys producing an awful sound. No, I bring out the worst in me! This is my own fault, no matter how much I wish to blame it on the boy. Thinking of his close presence in her life… it was always more than I could stand!
Realization took place. But, she just told me she had no feelings for him after all. I should be deliriously happy! But why did she have to stay with him as long as she did? It was pure torture watching the two of them together! He looked towards the staircase. She is right, though. I am being hypocritical telling her she always has a choice. I sure as hell didn't give her a choice when I brought her here.
Erik stood and stayed still for a moment while continuing to look at the staircase. Will she forgive me if I apologize? What if she doesn't? He shook his head and walked upstairs. I have to try!
Christine was sitting on her bed with her arms crossed when she heard the knock on her door. A mixture of relief and anger arose in her. She stood in the middle of the room with her arms still crossed and rather haughtily said, "Come in."
Erik obeyed and hesitantly opened the door before stepping into the room. He looked into her beautiful face and sighed. Her eyes were averted to the floor. Oh, how he wished she would look at him. "Christine…"
She did not avert her gaze, but she narrowed her eyes and spat out, "Erik?"
He winced at how his name sounded from her lips. It was usually such a pleasant sound. However, he was not defeated by the mere sound of her voice. "Christine, please look at me. I know my appearance is horrifying to see, but please."
She immediately looked up at him glaring. "You know this has nothing to do with your looks."
"Well, at least you are obeying." He watched as her glare deepened. It was time to begin apologies. "I-I'm afraid I have never been good at apologies. You, my dear, are somewhat intimidating." He paused momentarily to gather word and then continued, "I know what I said was wrong. I was being completely hypocritical when saying you always have a choice. I did not give you a choice when I brought you here. What I should have said was, you should always have a choice. It was wrong of me to bring you here against your will. I realize that now. You have helped me realize so many things."
Her glare was fading as she said, "You're right, you shouldn't have brought up choices. You also shouldn't have jumped to conclusions about Raoul and I."
It was just something about the way she said that boy's name that made him cringe. "You are right. But, I cannot help but become resentful when you mention him. I could never stand watching the two of you from my distance. I do not think I will ever tolerate him."
Christine sighed and finally dropped her hands to her sides. "I know. I know you're sorry; I know you've changed for the better since I came here; I know you hate Raoul… I know all of this. I'm sorry, too." She, once again, averted her eyes, but this time it was due to shame.
He was busy thinking of more ways to apologize, but the ideas quickly left his mind when he heard her apologize. "What? You have nothing to be sorry for."
"Yes, I do. I was too overbearing. You thought we had gone too far and stopped. I didn't want to let you. I'm embarrassed to even admit it. I've just never had these feelings before."
Erik stared at the gorgeous girl before him with wide eyes. He walked forward and hugged her. "It's alright, really. You have to realize, you are not the only one with these feelings. I did not want to stop either. But, my angel, we needed to. I do not believe we are ready."
His words were meant to lift her spirits, but that was obviously not the case as her face fell. "What am I doing wrong? If this is just because you think I'm too young... Erik, tons of girls my age and younger are way more experienced than I am."
Erik shook his head. "Age has nothing to do with it. You could be older than I and still hold the innocence you possess. But, it's not even just that! I- I feel that I am not ready. At least, not quite yet. Soon though, I believe I will be." His thoughts unwillingly went to other things, upcoming events he could now envision..
"See! There I go again! I'm too overbearing. You shouldn't have even had to admit that! I should accept 'no' for an answer."
He blinked in surprise. "Christine, your curiosity only adds to your innocence. It is one of your most intriguing features. I love you the way you are. Do not try to change…" He looked at his watch feeling that their conversation was coming to a close. "It is late, love. Perhaps we should end this conversation for tonight." He led her to the bed and tucked her in. Luckily, she accepted his help without hesitation.
As he kissed her forehead, she whispered, "I love you."
Their eyes met in intense understanding before Erik left the room. This night, unpleasant as it might have been at times, had also proven to be quite enlightening. Christmas is coming.. It will be here in a mere few days. And I know exactly what I want to give her. He smiled triumphantly and went downstairs to feed Ayesha.