Julie stood in Honeydukes and filled a bag generously with chocolate. Professor Snape had allowed her to accompany her classmates to Hogsmeade. It was a welcome change. The past three weeks she had spent her detention in Professor Snape's office. Three whole weeks! And instead of giving her a imposition, Snape let her sit in a corner of his office, ignoring her. At first she had wondered constantly why he did this. But after the first week had passed, Julie began to understand his reasons. At least she thought so. It would be easier to write impositions, than to face up to one's problems. And that's what Julie did daily. She had begun to think seriously about her life, what had often been very tiring. Countless times she had sat in the corner and cried softly as she thought about the unfairness of life. Sometimes anger had raced through her body, while at other times, she had sat silently for hours, while staring blankly at the wall.

She sighed and looked around thoughtfully. Her classmates seemed to be having a wonderful time. Another sigh escaped her lips and she went toward checkout to pay for the chocolate. Julie was planning to share it with Professor Snape. Since the day when she met the professor on the way back to Hogwarts, she had secretly planned to bring him from time to time some chocolate. However, this had not been possible until now, as all trips outside of the castle were still prohibited for her. This trip to Hogsmeade was an exception. Julie saw Travers through a window, who stood outside with his friends and chatted. She had not spoken to him since the day after she had been in the Forbidden Forest. Travers had tried a few times to start a conversation with her, but Jean always stayed close to Julie. Jean gave Travers no opportunity to get close to her and Julie was grateful for that.

"Is everything all right," asked Jean, who now stood beside her. Slytherin's prefect followed Julie's gaze and she saw Travers through the misted window panes. She furrowed her brows and looked at Julie with a worried expression. "Have I missed something," she asked anxiously.

Julie shook her head quickly and looked away from Travers. "No, nothing has happened," she replied. "I'm just very grateful that I no longer have to deal with Travers. Thanks," she said, smiling at Jean.

"Let us pay and go out. I have a fabulous idea what we can do next," said Jean.

Julie appeared worried, "We have to return to Hogwarts in time. I do not want to annoy Professor Snape," said Julie with audible concern.

Jean nodded and pulled Julie toward the checkout. "Do not worry, we will be back on time."

Snape had allowed Julie to go with her classmates from Slytherin to Hogsmeade, but he had set strict rules which Julie wanted to follow under any circumstances. She paid the chocolate and stuffed the big bag in her backpack as she left Honeydukes. Julie took a deep breath as she left the store and cried out when someone grabbed her roughly by the upper arm.

"What is this," cried Jean surprised, before her voice was lost in the tumult.

There was a scramble and Julie suddenly found herself surrounded by reporters.

"Miss Abbott, how do you cope with your life," said an elderly woman which held her camera in Julie's face, before she squeezed the trigger.

Julie winced and squeezed her eyes shut as she tried in vain to hide her face with her hands.

"Do you suffer from anxiety?"

"Is it true that you were hospitalized for months at St. Mungo's?"

"Is it true that your parents have contact with the family of Amos Fletcher?"

They had found her, Julie thought while she desperately tried to escape the reporters. She was pushed, touched, flashes of cameras, more touches, someone stepped on her foot and she turned around, more flashes. She was pushed against a wall, photographed, touched again. Julie's senses fell into panic and she began to tremble uncontrollably. Desperately, she tried to cover her face with her hands, but they grabbed her hands and pulled them down forcefully until they hung limply beside her body. Someone grabbed her arm and she felt scramble from all sides, until she was suddenly free. Without hesitation, Julie fought her way through the witches and wizards, who had followed the spectacle with interested. She passed familiar and unfamiliar faces of her fellow students, until the crowd was behind her. Julie ran as fast as her feet could carry her. The questions from reporters still echoed in her head. She was terrified. Julie heard many steps which followed her. She could still feel the greedy hands on her body, which had touched her, which had harassed her.

She ran into Amycus and together they fell to the ground. Julie immediately jumped up, ignored him and ran on. Through narrow streets, passing grumbling witches and cursing wizards. Julie tried to create distance. Distance between her and the reporters, who like vampires, aimed to feed on her past. Her heart felt, as if it would explode as she ran faster, trying to escape her past, her fears, her pain. A branch whipped her cheek, causing it to sting and bleed. Julie's lungs were on fire as she heaved, struggling for breath. She could still hear them, or so she thought, the sound of many footsteps, which followed her mercilessly.

Only now Julie noticed the tears, which rolled down her cheeks. Her throat felt constricted and she believed to suffocate. Blinded by tears, she ran head-on into a lamp post. She felt a sharp pain on her forehead, then everything went black. The light came back quickly and with it dizziness and aggressive nausea. Julie swayed back and forth before she tumbled backward. There were steps which approached her quickly. Julie's eyes widened in panic. She reached for her wand, but it's gone. She feared the worst. Then someone grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. Her sobs were muffled by the clothes, against which her face is pressed. She felt a hand which gently stroked her head, while another hand held her in place. These hands were not greedy and abusive. They were gentle.

"Shh, do not be afraid," Snape's voice is low and he looked around carefully. They were alone. Now or never.

Julie heard a noise and then - silence. A silence which is broken only by the sounds of her weeping. She felt that Snape wrapped his arms around her and pressed her firmly to him. Julie did not care and cried. She let not only her tears run free, but also her feelings. The fear, which still has her heart under control. The pain, which she feels in her body. The feeling of impurity, caused by the greedy touches of the reporters. The panic of being unprepared confronted with her past.

Julie's heart is racing in her chest and her throat still feels constricted. Her hands are firmly buried in Snape's robes, holding it convulsively, without awareness, without knowing. She turns her head to the side, trying to breathe. Julie's ear presses firmly against his chest. His heartbeat, lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub, has a calming effect on her frenzied senses. Her own heart rate slows down, its tempo becomes more bearable. The oppressive tightness in her chest fades slowly but steadily.

She still clings to him like a drowning man who clings with his last strength to a rock, for fear to be entrained by the strong current. The flow is there, untamed and fearsome. But Julie's refuge withstands its power. Her breathing slows and she becomes conscious of the scent, which surrounds her, masculine, pine, herbs and smoke, Professor Snape. Julie sobs loudly when she finally realized that Professor Snape is with her.

Snape feels how her chest rears, which presses firmly against him. He understands that Julie slowly comes to her senses. Yet he does not end their embrace. How could he? No, he thinks, shakes his head, as if it was something unthinkable to let go of her at this moment. Julie's hands are still clenching the fabric of his cloak tightly, which she had grabbed in her fear and despair. She remains standing in his arms, without moving. Snape feels, how her tense body relaxes slowly and how she sinks into his embrace. Perfection, he thinks, as he is so close to her, like never before. He lowers his head slowly and gazes at her tousled hair. She smells of the wind and tears, blood, sweat and Snape is sure that he can smell the fear which still clings to her. He bites his lower lip in an attempt to resist the desire to kiss the top of her head.

When Snape had allowed Julie to go to Hogsmeade, he had expected that Mister Whisp would try to talk to her. Therefore, he had gone there to catch him in the act. He wanted to punish him. He needed to punish him. Something that Snape long had in mind. Snape had not forgotten the injury which Julie had suffered after the Christmas holidays. He would not forget it. Snape had harbored the desire of revenge against Whisp - a student. He knew that this was wrong, but he had not been able to fight it. Snape did not want to fight it.

He had lived an isolated existence for many years, far away from the feeling of being a valuable person. Snape had been used on one side by Voldemort, on the other by Dumbledore. He had never really experienced the feeling of appreciation. After Voldemort's death, the headmaster had indeed thanked him, but to more than that, Dumbledore was not capable. With the appearing of Miss Abbott in his life, Snape had learned many new things, one of which was to be valued. It brought him relief. He was valued as a person, and not only for his deeds.

Miss Abbott was for him one of the most important people in his life and he could not tolerate that Whisp was responsible for her injury. He therefore looked for an opportunity of revenge. Snape knew that while he harbored such desire, he was still on the side of darkness. He could not deny that there were days when his spirit lingered in the darkness. Sometimes he did nothing to change this. But the longer he remained there, the greater the desire became, to be freed from it. At this moment Snape was glad to have harbored such a desire. Otherwise he would not have been in Hogsmeade.

Suddenly Snape froze. The reason why Miss Abbott had gone to Hogsmeade, was him. Snape became painfully aware of what he had done. What HE had done to Miss Abbott. If he had not been so vindictive, this would never have happened. He had allowed Miss Abbott to go to Hogsmeade, because he wanted to take revenge on Mister Whisp. Snape had hoped the Whisp would approach Miss Abbott, a deed that would give him a reason to punish the boy. Through his insane desire for revenge, he had harmed the person, which he wanted to protect. Snape tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but failed miserably. It was all his fault.

Beaten by his error, Snape looked dismayed to ground and held Julie more tightly in his arms. This had to stop, he thought, shaking his head. He was neither a death eater, nor was he Dumbledore's spy. But who was he? He had been the son of his father, whom he had tried in vain to please. He had been a student, whose knowledge and talent had always been ridiculed. A dead eater, whose skills had been very useful, but who then betrayed his master, what had led to Voldemort's demise. A spy, who had succeeded in his mission and thereby helped to save the world from a dark wizard, but at what cost?

Snape knew he did not want to be anyone anymore, but only himself. But there was again the question of who he really was? Could Miss Abbott help him to find the answer? Or would it be better if he knew the answer before he ... oh, there were those thoughts again. They were forbidden. But why? Life was unfair. He shoved those thoughts into the back of his mind.

His vindictiveness was the cause of her misery. He had told her, that for people like them, each unnecessary pain, weather physical or mental, represents an extra burden. Now, he himself had inflicted upon Julie those pains, unnecessarily, born from his sick need for revenge on a student. Snape was utterly disgusted with himself. The vertical crease between his eyebrows was deeper than ever before, as he tried to cope with his guilt. Of course, the reporters would have found Julie sooner or later. They apparently knew that she now studied at Hogwarts. It was only a matter of time until they would have met her somewhere. Yet Snape was to blame for today's incident, because he had been the reason, why she had gone to Hogsmeade.

Julie's breathing was now calm and deep. Every now and then Snape felt her silent sobs. Then her body shook for a moment before she relaxed again. She had stopped crying and Julie leaned against him. She seemed exhausted, as if she had fought a battle. Maybe she really had been through a fight, thought Snape. He knew the influence of such questions too well. He avoided to go out in public. The sensationalism of the reporters and the wizarding world in general disgusted him. They had even harassed him at home after Voldemort had died. When his role as a spy became known to the public, Dumbledore had given countless interviews, attempting to shield Snape from the madness. Albus had told them a lot, but the reporters were not satisfied. They wanted to know everything. They wanted Severus Snape. It took almost two years until they had left him alone. But he was an adult and a man. Miss Abbott was young and an easy target for the sensation-seeking reporters. He tightened his embrace.

"Miss Abbott," said Snape. His voice was soft and low as he looked down at her. She did not react. Snape frowned and looked at her anxiously.

"Yes," she replied sleepily.

Reluctantly Snape ended their embrace. Julie sighed audibly and blinked a few times, while Snape looked at her more closely. She was pale and had a bump in the middle of her forehead. A bruise spread slowly. He took hold of her upper arms, as Julie threatened to fall.

"Are you dizzy," Snape asked searchingly, as he realized that she had difficulties to stand alone.

Again no answer. Then she nodded slowly.

"Yes," was all she said.

Snape helped her to go to his armchair where she sat down. He took off her backpack and Julie leaned back exhausted.

"How are you," Snape said with a worried tone.

The silence that followed his question, was worrying. Then Julie looked up at him.

"I have severe headaches. I feel nauseated and dizzy."

Her speech was slurred and Snape nodded.

"You have a concussion. Even your response to my question is delayed. This is typical. You urgently need bed rest. I will inform Professor Dumbledore that you are here. Otherwise you will be reported as missing. I'll be right back."

Snape left his living room in order to contact Albus.

Julie rested her aching head against the armchair and closed her eyes. She felt strange. Somehow different, she thought. Was she too calm? No, she was not. Perhaps she was just exhausted? Tired? Her body felt numb. No, definitely not. She felt .. secure. Yes, that was it, she thought, before she drifted into sleep. She felt secure around him.

A little later, Snape returned. He stopped in surprise as he saw her sleep in his armchair. An warm and unfamiliar feeling spread through him when he saw her.

"I was wrong," he said softly to himself. "She is the MOST important person in my life."

The truth of his own words hurt him. But it was a sweet pain, which he appreciated. Snape took a chair and sat next to her in order to observe her. It was not appropriate, but she had a concussion and Poppy said, that Julie had to be supervised. He leaned back in his chair and was afraid to get used to the sight that greeted him. She looked peaceful, but Snape knew that problems were hidden below Julie's peaceful facade, which would show up as soon as she awoke. He hoped she would sleep late. Snape furrowed his brow. No, he hoped that she would soon awake so he could help her cope with her problems. It was no use to run away from them. He had tried to do that and had failed. Perhaps he could encourage her to face them. Maybe she'd dare, if she knew that he would stand by her, now and in the future. What if she misunderstood him? What if she understood exactly what he meant? Before Snape could start thinking about the pros and cons, he pushed his thoughts aside. Poppy was right, she was his student. She still had detention. This had to stop soon. But then they would start practicing for her practical exam. Then he would spend more time with her. And then the school year would end. And thus their teacher-student relationship. And Julie would go home. And then he would visit her and tell her what he felt for her.

Snape sat motionless, staring at her. She still looked peaceful. His gaze wandered from her disheveled hair to the bump on her forehead. Then down to her mouth. Her lips were slightly parted and Snape licked his lips and leaned slightly forward. Immediately, he pulled himself together and closed his eyes, while shaking his head. Yes, he would tell her, though he did not know how. But he would not spend the rest of his life with the uncertainty of what would have been if... He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. At least he had a plan. And more importantly, he knew that his decision was the right one because he felt it. After all, what he had been through, Snape knew at least that he could always rely on the feeling in his gut. Much would have been different if he had relied on it before. Snape tried to banish the memories of his past from his mind. He wanted to leave them behind and look to the future. He gazed at Julie and could not shake off the feeling, that he looked at his future, when he looked at her.