Chapter 20

Considering how completely inebriated Jane had been, it wasn't surprising to Maura that the brunette did doze off to sleep. Jane had slid down so she was now resting with her head on Maura's lap and she was out cold.

Maura didn't mind being used as a pillow by Jane, she was slowly running her hands through the brunette's dark locks, deep in thought. She was trying to come up with some sort of 'strategic plan' to get Jane the help she needed. It wasn't going to be easy, Jane had admitted to needing help, but she had done so while being drunk. Soon as she would wake up, she probably wouldn't remember much of what she had said.

Maura also had to address the Africa and Ian issue, and soon. Jane was more upset about it than Maura had even realized, there were some insecurities at play on Jane's part that she needed to quell, she would have to reassure Jane of her love for her, now more so than before.

She hated the idea of Jane thinking she wasn't good enough, Maura looked down at the brunette "If you only knew how much you really mean to me, Jane," she whispered, stating what was in her heart. They were definitely going to have to work on their communication with each other. Jane didn't like to talk about her emotions in normal circumstances, but when she felt insecure in any way, it felt sometimes like pulling teeth, which, she now thought was a very strange expression.

Maura was also going to have to sit down with Frankie one of these days, she wasn't oblivious to his distant attitude, she had just chosen to ignore it until now. She hoped that by being able to explain what happened, and reassure him of her love for Jane, things would work themselves out. Jane needed everyone around her to get along, she did not need any additional friction in her immediate circle.

Maura was interrupted in her musings by Angela coming in through the backdoor.

"Maura?" Angela called into the house, "there you are," she said when she saw Maura sitting in the living room.

Maura raised her finger to her lips to get Angela to lower her voice.

"Oh, …sorry," Angela said when she saw Jane lying on the couch.

Jane had started to stir in her sleep a little, but when Maura continued gently moving her fingers through her hair, she seemed to settle down again.

Angela took a seat in one of the other chairs in the living room, looking at her daughter.

"How is she?" Angela spoke in a quiet tone now.

"Right now, she's still a little drunk I would imagine."

"Wha..?" Angela caught herself before she could fully raise her voice.

Maura took a moment, trying to decide if she should share the events of today with Jane's mother or not; she needed to talk to someone, and unlike what Jane usually said, she knew Angela could keep things to herself if needed.

"After last nights 'events'," Maura started, looking at Angela who needed no further explanation, she already knew what had happened, "I pushed her, I pushed her to talk to me."

Angela stayed quiet, waiting for the doctor to continue.

"She finally did, ...talk to me I mean, she told me everything that happened to her," when Angela looked at her like she wanted her to expand on that, Maura shook her head, "I can't tell you, if she wants you to know, it needs to come from Jane herself."

Angela reluctantly agreed, it was probably best she didn't know any details anyway; she motioned for Maura to continue talking.

"When she finished, she wanted to be alone, so I gave her a moment to herself; I went for a run to clear my head and when I came back, she had taken to drinking," Maura finished pointing at the bottle of Jack still sitting on the table.

"But she finally talked, she trusted you, she opened up." Angela said.

"I don't know if it's trust, Angela. I pushed her, almost manipulated her until she broke."

"You know how stubborn my daughter can be, if she really didn't want to tell you, she wouldn't have."

Angela shook her head, she looked again at her daughter that was still asleep, "you know," she said, pointing to Jane, "you're the only person I've ever seen her comfortable enough, to do that with. She never even lied like that with me when she was a kid, she was always trying to squirm away, but she does it with you. She lets you take care of her, she trusts you."

Maura took a deep breath, not sure how to respond, "I love her so much, Angela."

"She loves you just as much; I can see it. Even when she's angry, when she's pushing everyone away, including me, she still wants you around, she looks to you for comfort."

"Not lately," Maura said a little frustration evident in her voice.

"No, Maura, even now, even when she's angry. Have you not noticed lately, how careful she is not to aim her frustrations directly at you, that when she's angry, she directs it at herself and everyone around her, including inanimate objects, but never at you. She doesn't want anyone else around her, not me, not even Frankie. Except you, she doesn't want to push you away."

"I think she's afraid I'll leave her," Maura stated, "but I won't, I would never, I couldn't."

"I know you won't, Maura, just keep telling her that; she can be a little stubborn at times you know." Angela softly chuckled thinking it was the understatement of the year.

The women continued talking in hushed tones for a little longer until Jane started to move around in her sleep, looking at her body language it showed the start of another nightmare. Maura had hoped that now Jane had talked to her, the dreams might stay away, but it appeared not to be that easy.

Maura glanced at Angela, quietly requesting for her to leave, she knew Jane would not want her mother to see her like this again; Angela understood this all to well and left the house, saying she would be back later.

Thankfully Maura had been able to wake Jane up before she went into the dream too far. Jane had been very groggy upon wakening and a little hungover as well. Maura had left her on the couch by herself and got her something to eat and a glass of water. Jane had been reluctant to eat, but with a little added pressure she had eaten at least half of the offered meal and drank most of the water.

Jane was sitting up straight, back against the arm rest, legs stretched in front of her, glancing over at Maura cleaning up in the kitchen. Besides seriously regretting her encounter with the bottle of Jack, she felt, well, she wasn't sure exactly how she felt at the moment, embarrassed, emotional, scared, tired, cranky, and nervous, yes, definitely nervous.

Jane was waiting for Maura to sit down again, she knew they had to talk.

When Maura finally sat down, they just gazed at each other for a few long moments, neither of them knowing exactly how to start the conversation.

"I'm so sorry, Maur," Jane finally said, "I shouldn't have snapped at you earlier and I'm sorry I got drunk."

"It's okay, Jane. You have nothing to be sorry about and I'm so glad you finally told me what happened, I just wish you would have told me sooner."

Jane closed her eyes, trying to fight the negative thoughts seeping into her mind, 'Maura knows now, she'll just think I'm weak, she'll leave me', she thought sadly.

When she opened her eyes again, the blonde was a lot closer to her than she had been before, Maura reached out and cupped Jane's face between her hands, "don't do that, Jane, don't hide from me. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you, I'm not going back to Africa, I'm not going back to Ian. I'm so sorry I hurt you by leaving, I should have made it clear that what I used to feel for Ian, is nothing compared to what I feel for you now. You are so much more, we are so much more together than him and I ever were, and I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner; I shouldn't have left without telling you."

Jane just looked at the blonde, her mouth a little slack, whatever she thought Maura was going to say, she hadn't expected that; her still groggy mind was struggling to form a response.

When Jane just stayed silent, Maura continued. "I am right here, Jane, I am not leaving you. What Roy did to you, it doesn't change my feelings for you."

Maura paused for a minute, still holding Jane's face, looking deeply into her eyes, knowing that this was the moment she needed to push.

"You are still you, but you do need help."

Jane looked like she was about to protest, but Maura just kept talking.

"I know you don't want help, I know you think it will mean you are weak, but you are wrong. You are so strong and you will get through this, you are going to get better."

Jane still looked reluctant, but Maura wasn't above begging to get what she knew Jane needed.

"Please, will you let me get you help, Jane, ...please?"

Jane wanted to say no, she had been able to pull herself back together after Hoyt and after Dominic, she wanted to get out of this by herself, but she also knew she was getting worse every day instead of better. She felt like she was drowning, unable to come up for air, maybe she would just have to trust Maura; Jane finally nodded, "okay," she said.

Maura closed her eyes, letting out a deep relieved breath, "okay," she said as well.

Jane took the opportunity while Maura was this close, to pull her forward, flush against her own body. The sudden impact hurt her ribs a little, but the pain was worth it, Maura knew now and she hadn't left, maybe everything would be okay after all.