To Love & Be Loved

A/N – Tomoyo: "Fai, teach him to love, and you will be loved deeply." Tale of Kurogane and Fai starts at the point when Fai loses his eye. It skips through swiftly to the end of the series to look at what might occur… after.

Chapter 20 – Balancing Chakra Town

Lava flowed in slowing meandering streams down the mountain. Except for one ball of rolling fire that bounced and burned a trail, incinerating everything in its path till it hit the bottom. Charred decaying bodies surrounded Syaoran as the protective fiery shield winked out. He staggered dizzily a few steps and fainted from the heat.

Was it minutes or hours? Kurogane lay in darkness, aching. His last sight was Fai, clinging to him as they fell, sky, swirling blue magical lines of wings. Then the wind rushed out of him and pain replaced the brief wonderment of flying. He dared not move while his thoughts moved through assessing his state of survival. Waves of pan hit him repeatedly from Fai before he realized Fai was yelling and shaking him.

"Mage…. Get… off!" growled the hurting warrior. Fai silenced, moved aside and pulled him up. Kurogane howled with the pain and instantly punch Fai. Fai barely dodged, but insisted they get moving. When Kurogane opened his eyes and turned to yell again at Fai he saw the slow moving lava inching closer and closer. He pulled on Fai's energy, for he should be able to and used it to bolster his own to stand. They limped as far as they could till the got to the stream. Fai helped him sit on higher rocks away from both lava and rotting bodies. "Find the kid."

A swift nod and Fai was off. He was sure he had broken both his arms in the landing, yet he seemed whole. His forearms ached as if beaten hard. His fingers tingled a little. Then he felt it, Kurogane's magic moving through him. It faded with each step he took away from the warrior. He's healing me? It was the most confusing realization. Kurogane, so magic was weird enough, weirder that he knew enough to be able to control Fai's magic. But heal too!

Fai found Syaoran in the center of a charred circle of bodies. The boy was unconscious. Fai had difficulty picking him up, so he lifted by the shoulders and let Syaoran's feet drag will he could get to a better place where he picked him up and carried him back to Kurogane. Syaoran's face and arms were burned, yet the skin was slowly healing from the tattoo pattern outward. To Fai's magical sight, it looked a little like Sakura's magic. Fai sat with the other two as Syaoran roused, then gasped. There was the slightest frantic moment till he patted the feather secure on an inside pocked close to his chest.

The lava cooled before reaching them. They waited an extra hour just in case.

The journey back to Chakra Town took longer. They moved slower. Fai grew tired frequently, feeling drained most of the time till he realized Kurogane was massively drawing energy from him on a constant basis. That is when they took an extra day to just camp. They needed real rest and healing, but this was the best they would get.

While Syaoran slept, Fai drank from Kurogane's wrist. "I…" Fai tried to put to words the strange feelings inside. Confusion. Desire. Relief. Balance. Anxiety. Fear. He had started to get used to Kurogane in him in a way, the blood and the energy. There was this solid anchor he could internally hang onto.

"You'll be fine now, Mage. And you are welcome. We are keeping each other alive." The strangeness continued as it was Kurogane who had the words and not Fai this time. "Get some sleep."

Chaos seemed to be erupting across the river at the chakra estates as the three hiked through the orchards and gardens. "Shouldn't we do something?" ask Syaoran.

"We will visit the Sanctuary to let them know we succeeded. But otherwise no. They got people who know how to balance thing." Kurogane turned toward the bridge that would take them across the river to the Sanctuary of the Root.

Fai explained a little more gently, "We are not of this world, Syaoran. These people know what they need to rebalance things. Our interference might disrupt that balance as much as the feather did."

Syaoran understood that. He recalled from what he had seen through his clone's eyes that very fact where they created change. While the changes had worked out, they were very lucky. It could have turned out terribly. He nodded thoughtfully as he followed them.

In the Sanctuary of the root, they were greeted and brought to rooms to rest, bathe and eat. Rassin met with them to express his gratitude in person, along with an older woman he introduced as his mother, Mother of the House of the Heart. They had with them a little girl that caused Kurogane to stare and stare. After when he was asked by Syaoran and Fai, he explained that the child looked just like Tomoyo at that age. In this world it was Toymoyo and she would be trained to be the head of the Great Library, that house for the third eye, as she was talented as a seer. The small boy Kurogane had met in the middle of the night a while back was to become the new head of the Dojo for the Solar Plexus. More would be brought or found as needed to fill the vacant spots.

Syaoran slept alone in a small room with a window. He slept hugging the small feather with all his love and hoped Sakura could feel and understand that he would give his life for her, even if she would never in the end love him in turn. He made a promise and intended to keep it. He thought about this town and how they had these chakra houses to help people from both this world and others to be healed and balanced. In retrieving the feather, he played a small part in helping balance this world and another in helping balance Sakura. He curled up and slept to the soft sound of earthy drums.

Fai and Kurogane shared a room. There grew awkwardness. Now that the feather was not disrupting magic of those strong with the ability, Fai didn't need this bond he had to Kurogane. Yet, he felt trepidation when he thought about losing it. He sat on the edge of the bed, in his sleeping pants, staring at his hands in his lap. Kurogane ignored him for a while as he finished his bath and also changed for sleep. He knelt on the floor on a carpet and began the slow careful process of cleaning his armour and weapons, including the sword hidden by Fai's magic. He moved about in his usual routine. That routine reassured Fai who finally raised his eyes to watch.

Once done, Kurogane shifted his position a little and closed his eyes. Then opened them, "Mage, come here."

Fai did not resist the firm command, though the intent allowed him to refuse if he chose to. Fai stood before Kurogane and looked down. The warrior tugged Fai to sit and pulled him close so Fai sat between Kurogane's knees with his back pressed to the warrior's chest. He wasn't sure what was happening or why. He tried to relax but fidgeted often wanting to ask questions.

"Be still, Fai. Just breathe slow and feel the earth below us, feel the drums of the earth." Fai then realized Kurogane was going to share something private through his actions. He was going to share his meditation technique with him. Fai had often watched Kurogane do this late in the nights and thought he was just being on watch even when it was not necessary. He relaxed as he felt Kurogane becoming a deep rooted anchor, and thus followed suit marveling at the sense of stability. Kurogane smiled to himself as he felt balance find itself in Fai without his aid, as well as the child-like curiosity and the greater sense of peace that Fai never seemed to have. It was a small gift he could give Fai and Fai drank it in as thirstily as he did the blood that then was offered with a wrist.

This was an almost perfect moment. Kurogane wanted to ask Fai about the distrust, about his reticence to be honest with the group and so much more. However, this was a tranquil moment he did not want to disturb. As a man of actions and not words, he absorbed the feeling of Fai in his arms. He sensed through their bond, something… something he wanted to taste more. It was an emotion mixed up and confused and afraid and wanting. Kurogane moistened his lips and almost planted them gently on the back of Fai's neck before he hauled his own thoughts back to reality. Their trust was so new and born out of trauma. He doubted it was real trust.

He recalled when Fai had asked him if he hated the mage. Of course he didn't, but he could not explain what he felt or what his reasons were for saving him. He couldn't entirely accept them for himself yet. And now he wondered, "Mage… Fai… when we leave this world and our bond is broken, will you go back to hating me for what I did to you?"

He felt the internal tensing as well as the external tensing. Fai cringed on all levels. He was just starting to get used to this bond and the comfort it offered. When they leave this world, that will be gone. The answer was simple. He had already let go of that hate some time ago, more so through this world's experience. Kurogane could have done hard sexual violating things to him and didn't. He could have forced him to speak his darkest secrets and didn't. There was a lacing of disappointment and sadness. In some way, Fai wanted that to happen, still did, always did. It only told Fai more firmly that Kurogane was not interested in men the way Fai was. "No, Kurogane. I will not hate you."

Kurogane winced at the full use of his name. It was like a chasm split between them every time Fai said the whole name. There would be no hate… no… but distance. So close and yet so far away. He sighed.

Fai turned his head a little to try to see the warriors face. He had learned the meaning of this non-verbal language of sounds that Kurogane used more often than words. "What? Do you want me to hate you? Should I?"

"No."

"Then why are you so disappointed?" asked Fai on the verge of snapping emotionally, once again not knowing what he did to upset Kurogane this time or this way.

"I think… I…" trying to put this into words and honestly twisted in Kurogane's gut. "I will miss this when we leave."

"I will still need you when we leave. You are my prey, my life." Fai thumbed over where he has bitten Kurogane's wrist as he spoke. "I want to live." It was partly true. On some level he really did want to live, on another level, he would willingly die given that chance. "We can still sit like this when we leave. We can… spar… as you call it." He smiled a little at the new word for him. "And… you will chase away the nightmares still, right?" Hope flowed back along that bod and filled his last word.

"Always." Honest, plain, grounded. "Always," Kurogane whispered again.

Fai snuggled in more deeply.

The next morning Fai woke in the bed and Kurogane was already moving through morning katas. Their bags packed and ready to go. Breakfast half eaten with enough left behind for Fai. He had slept so well last night. They would be leaving today.

Sakura arrived in a cart with Mokana. The awkwardness Fai and Kurogane had been feeling showed clear on the youngsters' faces. She had a hard time looking Syaoran in the eyes for his similarities to her Syaoran and for the depth of the feelings he had for her. She wanted their bond broken soon. No longer able to take the subtle rejection and the painful ache it caused him, Syaoran offered her the feather, knowing she would drop and sleep for a while once she took it with herself. He caught her, and lifted her into his arms. "We're ready Mokana." He turned his back to everyone while they grouped together for the jump to the next world. His tears trailed silently down his cheeks.

Kurogane no longer thought of it as weakness. He had done the same once since he turned Fai into a vampire. He understood. As he promised himself, he pulled Fai into his arms. The surprised look in the mage's suddenly wide blue eye brought smirk to his lips. However, he was not risking separation again. Fai slip his arms around the warrior's waist and buried his face in the darker man's shoulder. Kurogane then reached out and firmly gripped Syaoran's shoulder. "No more getting separated." Syaoran hugged Sakura tightly and stepped in closer to Kurogane with a firm nod as Mokana whisked them off to the next world.

A/N – Some art… thank you artists on DA for wonderful inspiration.

http:/ inmemoryof0928 .deviantart .com/art/Undeserved-163001247