It's been a long time coming, I don't know if anyone is even still interested in reading more of this, but I figured I'd add something to it. It's a change of pace to move things along, and now the story will start being told about events we know about, filling in the blanks of a time closer to what Christian talks about in the books. Let me know if this is still an interest and if anyone would like me to continue, if it still has any fans I love each of you who waited all this time for an update. I'm sorry for letting you down, but I did promise to add more, so enjoy Shade 20!
It's been a long time since that panic attack, and there's been many more after it. Even now, I'm thirteen and I still have panic attacks. After that night, Carrick and Grace decided they needed to push the process along. Many more doctors and panic attacks later, I kinda talked in full sentences. The first one I used was in the car after a visit with the eighth one.
"You know, Christian" Carrick explained from the front seat, "If you started showing us you wanted to get better, we could stop the speech therapy."
After all the time of refusing to say words, it was okay for me to finally say something "I don't like the doctor."
Grace nearly drove the car off the road in her rush to pull over and Carrick's mouth dropped open. "Christian, say something else."
For the first time ever, little six and half year old me was tired of being treated like a baby, "I know how to use words, I just didn't want to."
Everything changed after that. They had looked at each other in shock for a moment before driving the rest of the way home in silence. I heard Grace on the phone later that night when I was sitting at the piano bench.
"I swear Elena, he just started speaking. He used a complete sentence, and he told us he knew how to all along, but he just didn't want to." I heard her say it, and started playing again.
I didn't understand what was so great about talking then, and I certainly don't understand what's so great about it now. The year after that I was in school, and it wasn't like Elliot had said. It was a school for "gifted" kids. Those kids could hardly color a picture inside the lines.
"They make me feel stupid," I told Grace, "I want to go to school with Elliot." Carrick and Grace looked at each other, and told me I could go to the middle school Elliot went to when I was old enough. I didn't understand why they did that, either. Until now. I'm in the same middle school, and one of the doctors suggested it was best for me if I take the bus, stay after school for clubs, and sit in regular classes. The work itself was easy, the teachers hardly assigned anything. But the kids aren't like the kids in my old school. I don't know who told them about my life, but they all know. On the bus ride to school, these three older boys all sit by me and ask me what it was like to live with a serial killer. I don't know who they're talking about, Mean and my mom weren't serial killers. This girl in my first class calls me a freak because I don't talk a lot, and I always wonder if she knows I went to a special school for gifted kids because I didn't talk for so long.
One day, walking into the cafeteria, a boy bumped into me and I screamed. I didn't mean to, it just happened. He told everyone, and they started thinking it was fun to try to make me scream again. I try really hard to sit down and be quiet, the teachers are nice to me and they like me, but I wish I had a friend. I see all the kids walking around together and sitting together and talking and no one even tries to talk to me. When they do, they say mean things. I think that's why Grace and Carrick didn't want me to go to school where Elliot went, I think they knew the kids would hate me. I don't understand why they do, they don't even know me. No one even tries to be my friend, and I think they might like me if they did.
I hate Grace and Carrick for sending me to the special school, maybe if I went to normal school from the start they wouldn't think I was a freak. I hate them for sending me here now, especially if they knew everyone would hate me. I hate the teachers even though they're nice to me, because I know they've heard the other kids say mean things to me and they don't even try to stop it. They just like me because I always know all the right answers to their questions in class. Then when I answer them right, this kid in my class always whispers "teachers pet" and I don't even know why. I hate Elliot too, because he sits in the lunch room at the table with the older kids and he sees people be mean to me and he doesn't say anything. He doesn't even say hi to me, it's like he isn't even my brother.
I found out you can go the library instead of the lunch room for lunch time, and no one is ever there so I go sit behind the bookshelf and read. The lady at the desk always smiles at me, and she knew my name the first time I came in, and she was still nice. She's always been nice, she's my favorite. Everyone seems to know my name before they even meet me, and I wonder how and what they say.
I had to pick a reading buddy for one of my classes, and no one asked me to be theres and the kid left at the end asked "Can we have a group of three?" and he gave me a mean look. I didn't say anything, I just started reading on my own and answering the questions. I don't like partners.
When Grace and Carrick ask me how my day went when I go home, I never tell them. I don't want them to be angry that I hate it and I want to go back to the special school. I don't want to see more doctors because I can't make the other kids like me. I don't want them to think I'm a freak because no one talks to me. "It's good, I like the book in English class." That always makes them happy, but Elliot will look at me and I look at him in the eye and I know he knows I'm lying. I wonder if he'll ever say something, I hope not.
When I go see my psychologist doctor, he asks how schools going too. He kinda answers his own question though. "How are you doing in school? Your parents say you're getting straight A's and no phone calls home, you seem to be adjusting well." I just nod and smile, no one has to know the truth. My whole life is a lie, why not add one more to the list.