Chapter 20

Paige reached to touch her lips for the hundredth time in the past 6 hours. They were still warm hours after the kiss and the tingly sensation was still ever present. She was slowly turning into that girl. The girl that she had sworn to never be again. The girl that found herself lying awake at midnight thinking about the simple things. The things that most took for granted. The things that made her heart skip a beat. The way the brunette would shyly take her hand, hold on to it and silently tell her that everything would be ok. A smile crossed her face as she opened her eyes to find herself facing the wall. She had kissed Alex Nunez or rather had been kissed by her, not once but twice.

Suddenly a familiar feeling resided in the pit of her stomach. Fear. She had been down this route once before and it scared her. What if things really turned out as before? What if Alex ran from her? She had already lost one girl, would she honestly be able to handle the loss again? Paige rolled on her back, looked out the window as the moon shined through her room. She knew any sleep at this point would be pointless. She had attempted to going to bed early, but she had tossed and turned for three hours in frustration. She was frustrated with herself for not being able to respond to Alex. It was a simple question. The answer was even easier. Her gut instinct immediately wanted to respond to the girl, but her fear took over and within seconds she was standing alone.

"Paige look at me." Alex pleaded.

Paige had walked to the lake and was now sitting Indian style in front of it. The voice she usually found soothing was now something that she found more frightening than anything she'd had to endure during her entire life. She knew in the back of her head that Alex wasn't expecting much from her, but was she ready to give that part of her to someone else.

"I can't." Paige managed to get out. She honestly didn't have the strength to look at the brunette.

Alex hesitantly stepped forward so that she was now standing directly beside the blonde. The two stayed still, staring out into the water, and both hoping that things would work out. Neither was even sure what that meant. Alex was angry with herself for getting carried away. Paige was angry that she hadn't the guts to stay. Instead of dealing with the things that had happed she ran.

"Paige..." She slowly sat down beside Paige. Alex accidentally bumped Paige's knee and felt the shock run through her entire body. She was almost certain that the blonde had it, too. As if she had just touched fire she removed her knee from Paige's. She knew she wouldn't be able to fight the urges of kissing the girl once again. "Look I understand... I do."

Paige turned to face the brunette for the first time since they had kissed. "I just... I uhh..." She sighed in frustration. She couldn't find the right words to say.

"I'm not going anywhere." Alex said sincerely. A half smile crossed Paige's face. Alex returned it before looking down at the ground ashamedly. "But I'm not going to pretend that I don't want you either."

Neither had voiced their feelings yet. Paige simply nodded her head. She wasn't sure how to respond to Alex's forwardness. Sure she loved this new side of her. She found it very attractive whether she was able to voice it or not.

The pair watched in the horizon as the sun began to set. Paige glanced at the brunette who was hugging herself tightly. She chuckled lightly, noting that Alex never seemed to have a coat around her, and warranted a puzzled look from her friend. She shook her head and gazed back at the sun. After several moments of long debate Paige slowly snaked her around Alex. She felt the brunette tense up at first. Silently she chuckled at how the tables had turned ever so slightly. As she was about the pull her arm way Alex nuzzled farther into the embrace.

"Warmer?"

"Much." Alex said laying her head on Paige's shoulder.

"Good." The pair let out a content sigh. Everything was going perfectly.

Alex groaned loudly as she rolled over for at the hundredth time since she'd tried to sleep. It was a battle that she was losing. The more she tried to sleep, the more frustrated she'd become as she failed. She was now facing the empty bed across from her. The sight only frustrated her more than she was. Rachel had obviously opted to sleep in Stephanie's room. She hadn't seen Rachel since she one-sided fight. It angered her that Rachel had a way of making her feel like it was her fault in reality it wasn't. Her thoughts soon returned to the root of her current problems, Paige.

Things had been going perfectly for them. They were actually getting somewhere, but she hadn't the slightest clue where things went sour. Had she done something wrong? Did she put too much pressure on Paige? Was she indeed not what Paige wanted? Was Paige not over Rachel? The questions came to her one after the other. She didn't have a single answer to any of the questions at hand. The only certainty that she had was that there was no way she was going to be getting any sleep.

After long contemplation Alex jumped out of bed. She quickly put on her hoodie and tennis shoes. She had to get some fresh air. She felt claustrophobic in the room. The four walls seemed to be closing in on her. She didn't care that it was now 12:15am or that it was probably chillier than before.

Paige hated to move from her position, but she wanted to know the time. Alex's head was laying on her shoulder with her eyes closed. She was snuggled up to Paige's side as they were now lying uncomfortably on the ground. She had evidently warmed up since they had first started holding one another. Paige realized her arm from around Alex's neck and pulled her cellphone to look at the time. She closed it and groaned louder than she had intended. "What time is it?" Alex lifted her head to look at Paige.

"It's actually after 6 now. You realize we've been lying out here for an hour now?"

Alex shrugged her shoulders, "It's not my fault you're so comfy." She laid her head back in it's in the original position. "What are we going to do tomorrow?" Alex asked quietly.

"What do you mean?"

Alex hesitated momentarily, "I don't know... I don't know what I mean. I just..."

"I don't know what we're going to do." Paige answered the girl honestly. She really wasn't sure what the next day would bring. She was content with the now and hadn't really put much thought into anything else since she had the brunette in her arms. She knew things would be ok with just the two of them. Would that still be the case with others around?

"So what is this?" Alex asked afraid of what the answer would be.

Paige abruptly released her hold on Alex. Alex knew right away that she had said the wrong thing, but she needed an answer. The uncertainty was killing her. They had been in one another's company for over an hour and neither had the guts to say what really needed to be said. She watched as Paige got up and dusted the grass that had accumulated on her clothes.

Alex let out a frustrated sigh and stood up as well. "Paige I need to know. What is this?"

Once again she got no answer from the blonde. Paige's gaze focused intently on the water. She stepped forward and kissed Paige for the second time. She felt the blonde kiss her back. She knew Paige felt something, but if she wasn't going to let her in, she wasn't going to keep putting herself on the line. There were no fireworks this time. The pressure alone physically hurt. The pain stricken kiss was overwhelming. She didn't want to believe that it could possible be the last time their lips touched, but this was Paige Michalchuk. One could never be sure. Alex quickly pulled away. She glanced at Paige one last time before walking up the hill. Paige remained stunned motionless.

Alex hugged herself looking out into the water. She wished she had decided to wear something heavier. The wind was blowing a bit more than usual. She watched the moonlight beautifully lit the water making it easier to see the ripples as they slowly reached the bank. It amazed her how she ended up at the same place she was 6 hours prior. Everything had become such a mess in a little over 24 hours. If she could turn off her feelings, she would gladly do so. Things would still be the same. Her roommate would still be speaking to her, she and Paige could go back to before and she wouldn't be outside trying to tire herself.

The brunette was too wrapped up in her own thoughts that she wasn't aware that she was no longer alone. A rustling in the grass got her attention. Footsteps were getting closer before they suddenly stopped behind her. She didn't have to turn to recognize the voice."What are you doing out here?"

Alex took a deep breath before answering, "I could ask you the same thing." She didn't bother hiding the anger she was feeling.

"Fair enough I deserve that." The blonde stepped forward. "I couldn't sleep."

Alex scuffed, "That's a shame. I'm sporting a freakin bruised nose and you're out here complaining about not being able to sleep."

"Alex... can we just talk?" Alex didn't respond. "Please."

Alex mentally kicked herself. She hated that she still actually cared after everything that had happened. She hated that she couldn't just walk away. "Damn you really are bi-polar, Gable?"