Hello my lovelies, I'm back. I'm so sorry for going missing like I did. Things got really rough with my dad, and school, and just so much other stuff, that writing became next to impossible.

This chapter is short (er) than some of my other one's (not my shortest though), but what happens is really important... I have a surprise for you all though, so check the A/N at the end ;)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and my original characters.

Chapter 20- Panic and Anxiety

Bellamy raced for the elevator, his phone still clutched in his hand held to his ear. He listened as Maya called Clarke's name repeatedly, and the sound of knocking on a door in the background, while he focused on maneuvering his way out of the club and to his vehicle a little ways up the street. It was dark outside, and the rain from earlier in the day had let up to a light sprinkle. Once his car door slammed closed and the car was started, Bellamy punched the gas and didn't look back, racing for Clarke's apartment building.

"Maya?" He called into the phone, trying to catch the woman's attention, while simultaneously swerving to pass a slowing down taxi.

"Yeah?" She answered back softly but worriedly.

"I need you to tell me if Clarke is okay right this moment, where she is, and what happened, all in that order. Leave nothing out." Bellamy said firmly, conveying the importance of his request.

"She's not hurt physically. She's locked in the bathroom. As for what happened, I was coming home from dropping Alison off at her babysitter's place because I have the night shift at the airport tonight, and I heard something shatter in Clarke's apartment. I knocked and when I got no answer I tried the door knob and found it open. Clarke was on her knees in the kitchen trying to pick up a broken plate, but she-she was…" Maya paused, taking a deep breath from taking so fast, and tried to find the right words to explain what she'd found. "She was sobbing and-and shaking so badly she wasn't actually picking the pieces up. I worried she was going to cut herself so I rushed over to help her, and I guess she hadn't heard me calling for her or something because she was startled to see me. I-I grabbed her freezing cold hands to stop her from trying to pick up the broken shards and she started to cry harder. I asked her what was wrong, but that only seemed to make it worst… She was having trouble breathing much less talking, but she got out your name before she bolted to the bathroom, closing the door and locking it behind her. I heard her throwing up when I was looking for her phone so I could call you." She finished.

"What do you hear now?" Bellamy asked, slamming the car to a stop at a red light. Curse words of all manner, shape, and form flying through his head.

"Water running, crying, and gasping…" Maya said concerned. Bellamy heard her knocking once more, calling for Clarke to just open the door.

It sounded like Clarke was working herself into a full blown panic attack, and Bellamy had no idea how to help her or stop it. Information from a long time ago floated through his brain… Lincoln was the only one who could help her, calm her. He needed Lincoln to get there in case it turned out he himself couldn't help her calm down. She'd practically asked for him though, hadn't she?

"Maya, I'm on my way, but I need you to do one thing for me right now, after you hang up with me. I need you to find her brother's number in her phone and call him… I don't know what name it'll be under, but his name is Lincoln, and her nickname for him is Bear. Tell him to get to her place ASAP, and just tell him what you told me okay? Can you do this for me Maya?" Bellamy asked a bit desperately.

"Y-Yes, I can do it." She said anxiously.

"Okay, good. I'll be there in a few." Bellamy said before hanging up and hitting the gas once again.

XxxX

As promised he came to a stop on the street opposite of Clarke's apartment five minutes later, throwing the car in park, snatching the keys from the ignition and slamming the door behind him in his haste to just get to Clarke. It had begun to rain harder on the drive over and the rain was now coming down in torrents once again. He hit the lock button on his key fob twice over his shoulder, ignoring the rain, as he dashed across the empty street and rushed into the building, taking the stairs two at a time 'til he got to her floor. The door was open, and he could hear Maya inside, talking, whether to Clarke in the bathroom or to Lincoln on the phone, he knew not… Not bothering to knock, Bellamy walked in and surveyed the apartment quickly.

It looked to have been cleaned spotless… The bed had been made to perfection, every pillow and blanket in place while the living area had been dusted and organized. The windows looked to had been washed and the floors had been swept if the broom leaning against the far wall by the book case was any indication. The kitchen had been scrubbed, all the counters clear, appliances put away, and dishes still drying in the dish rack by the sink. The only thing marring the otherwise impeccably cleaned apartment, was the white plate shattered on the floor… There were far too many small pieces to be picked up by hand, and most looked sharp. Bellamy was grateful Maya had been there to stop Clarke from picking them up, lest she have shredded her hands in her obviously distressed state trying to pick the mess up.

Bellamy's focus was drawn to Maya who was standing near the bathroom door speaking rapidly into Clarke's phone… To Lincoln presumably. As he drew nearer to her, Maya stopped talking seeing that Bellamy was there. The relief that shone on her face was palpable. Bellamy could actually hear Lincoln on the other end of the line asking questions too quickly to have them answered, and starting to sound panicked.

Bellamy gently took Clarke's phone from Maya's hand and held it to his ear speaking three words firmly, "Just get here." Before hanging up, and tossing the phone onto her bed, where it landed softly. He nodded his thanks at Maya, who gave a small feeble smile in response and motioned that she was going to leave. As she passed, she paused and spoke quietly, "Will you please call me to let me know she's okay?" Bellamy nodded once again, the lump in his throat preventing him from actually saying anything.

Okay? He didn't think she'd actually be okay for a long while- if ever again- but he didn't say that. As Maya left, Bellamy focused on the person who needed him most right now… Clarke.

He turned back to the closed bathroom door, hearing the water in the sink going, and small choking sobs that broke his heart all over again. He silently cursed his father and hers for doing this to her, while turning the knob of the door, confirming it was locked.

"Princess?" He called through the door, knocking softly. "Can you open the door for me?" He said in a soothing coaxing voice. The cries died down at the sound of his voice, but hadn't stopped… Each one, no matter how small, felt like a dagger to the heart. Seeing as how his voice was calming her down somewhat, Bellamy kept talking, telling her about what he'd walked in on earlier with his guys… Just the basics. The cries died down all the way to silence… He could hear nothing but the water running, but that didn't mean she wasn't still having trouble breathing or wasn't working herself into a panic attack.

He squatted down, sitting on his calves, and began again to try and convince her to open the door… He should have grabbed his lock picking kit from the glove box in the car. He heard shuffling for a moment, but the door still didn't open. At the bottom of the door there was a space between the door and the floor big enough for him to slip his fingers and the top part of his hand under. As soon as he did, he felt her small, cold fingers grasp a hold of his own tightly, like he was her lifeline and he was slipping away.

"That's it Princess, now just unlock the door. I promise you're safe." And just like that, he heard her flip the lock… It was like he'd said the magic words.

Bellamy gently let go of her fingers and twisted the doorknob, pushing the door open until it was open all the way. He stayed where he was though, in his crouched position just on the outside of the bathroom. Right in front of him was his beautiful mess of a princess, sitting on the floor next to the door with her back and head leaned against the wall, her head lolled to the side looking at him, and her arms curled around her knees as if protecting herself, from what, Bellamy didn't know. Her eyes were red and blood shot from crying. Her cheeks were streaked with tears that were continuing to fall, mixed with mascara that she had been wearing earlier in the day. She had changed her clothes from the dressy ones she'd worn at the meeting into a pair of raggedy sweats and a big t-shirt with her hair thrown up into a messy bun that now was coming undone, freeing tendrils that fell to frame her distressed angelic face.

"I-I a-am so-sorry." She stuttered, gasping and hiccuping not getting enough air. "I-I don't-… I-I didn't-"

"Shhh." He hushed her gently, wanting nothing more than to reach out and wipe her tears, but decided not to and held himself back. Her tears kept coming though, a fresh wave brimming up and spilling over onto her wet cheeks. She covered her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Dehydration was going to become an issue here real soon like, with the sheer amount of tears she was shedding.

With no real plan in mind except to get Clarke off the floor and out of this bathroom, Bellamy quickly stood and turned around grabbing a washcloth from the basket by the sink and wetting it in the running sink. After wringing it out, he turned off the water, knowing she must have turned it on trying to muffle the sounds of her crying. He spun back around and scooped Clarke into his arms, carrying her out of the bathroom… She gave no acknowledgement of surprise or resistance to him carrying her, but yet she also didn't melt into him like she had so many times before. In fact, she didn't even move her hands from her face, as she continued to shake with silent cries. She spoke some muffled words, but Bellamy shushed her, not wanting her to speak while she was so short of breath already.

Bellamy set her down on the foot of her bed, kneeling in front of her, and maneuvering her so she was sitting on the edge of the foot of the bed with her feet an inch or so off the floor… She was so short. The thought had an involuntary little smile twitching at the corners of Bellamy's mouth. It dropped just as quickly as it appeared though as the reality or the situation came back full force… She was pretty much engaged to his half-brother.

She already is… His subconscious whispered pityingly, making Bellamy wince at his own thoughts.

Bellamy silently brought his hands up to grasp her wrists and tug them down to rest on her lap so he could use the cool rag to wash away the tears and eye make-up on her flush face.

"W-why a-a-re you d-doing this?" She stuttered through her tears looking at him so confused. Bellamy's own brow creased in befuddlement… What was she talking about? He didn't have to wait long to find out.

"I-I would h-hate me if I were you…" She whimpered, her breath hitching on the word hate. "Y-you must hate m-me after w-what I d-did. I'm s-so s-sorry. You will n-never know. I d-didn't want to do it, I s-swear. I h-had t-to." She said working herself up again, her breathing growing rapid, unsteady and labored one again. Her hands began shaking harder where they rested in her lap. "Please j-just d-don't hate me." She pleaded.

"Shh… I don't. I don't." Bellamy said in his most soothing voice, meaning the words he was saying, trying to reassure her as best he could, but it didn't seem to be working like he'd hoped.

"I need y-you." She said grabbing his forearm, and holding it tightly, and oh how Bellamy had once longed to hear those words from her lips, but now they seemed tainted by the massive shadow of her impending marriage hanging over them both. "H-how am I suppose t-to do a-any of this with-with out you? You-you won't leave m-me right?" She asked in the most heartbreakingly hopeful voice if he ever did hear one. Her eyes were so haunting, Bellamy felt like if he'd had a soul, her gaze at that moment would have pierced it.

"I-I know this is s-stupid, and I have no-no right to ask this, but w-we can s-still be friends r-right?" She asked hiccuping and sniffling, tears still flowing as her whole body wracked with tremors from her exhaustive sobbing.

Bellamy's restraint broke then, and he moved to hug her close, promising, "I'm not going anywhere." Had he known, at that very moment, that only a short week later his promise would be broken, he might've… Well, he might not have said anything at all.

Clarke relaxed into the hug, taking a deep shuddering breath, and then froze. Her whole body tensed and locked up in a way Bellamy had never seen nor felt her do before.

Bellamy immediately let go of her, wondering what in the hell had triggered such a response out of her.

She sat frozen on the edge of the bed, back ramrod straight, hardly even breathing. Her eyes were vacant of everything, but what looked like sheer abject terror.

"Clarke?" Bellamy asked softly in a confused tone of voice, reaching a hand up to her face to cradle her cheek. He received no response from her at the sound of his voice, but when his fingers brushed over her damp cheek her whole body jerked away from him like he'd electrocuted her.

"N-NO…" She choked out in a strangled voice, her body coming back to life it seemed… Her whole form began shaking almost violently, but not in tears or sobs like before… No, this was something much worst… Fear. Unmitigated, unmistakable fear. She pushed him farther away from her and scrambled away from him, off the bed and onto the floor. She landed on her butt and immediately began scooting backwards away from where he was still kneeling at the foot of the bed, moving towards the corner space between the book case and window. Bellamy swore he'd never seen anyone move so fast in his life. She tucked herself into the corner, her back to the wall, bringing her legs up, and tucking her arms in-between her torso and her legs with her hands clutching her head desperately, further pulling her hair out of the bun, whispering 'no' over and over again...

This was obviously was her way of trying to make herself feel safe or her attempt to protect herself from whatever her mind told her was going to attack her. Bellamy didn't know which it was… Hell, it could have been both. While Bellamy didn't understand what she was doing, he understood her actions... She made herself look smaller by curling in on herself the way she did, and by sitting with the wall at her back she ensured no one could come up on her from behind. But why was the question…

Bellamy was shocked and hurt to say the least… He had no doubt in his mind she was terrified of him in that very moment, but what he couldn't understand is why. Why?! One minute she was begging him not to leave her, then the next she's hyperventilating in the corner because of one simple little touch from him, something he'd done a thousand times before.

Clarke continued to gasp for air, her eyes shut tightly and her body shivering and trembling so badly she was practically vibrating with anxiety. He thought he'd been calming her down, and all it had served to do was worsen her already delicate position!

Bellamy was at a loss of what to do, but he got to his feet anyway, taking a step towards her to do what, again he didn't know, but promptly stopped as the sound of movement seemed to further upset Clarke. Bellamy curse his own inability to do anything to help her… Her breathing was getting more and more ragged as the seconds passed, and Bellamy worried she was going to pass out or harm herself in some way if she didn't get her breathing under control…

As the thought to call 911 passed through his mind, he heard it… Loud footsteps rushing down the hallway, stopping at Clarke's door. Bellamy turned to the door behind him as soon as he heard the footsteps, hoping with all that he had left that the person on the other side of the door was Lincoln. Bellamy didn't have to wait but a split second later to find out who it was, as Lincoln threw open the door and rushed in, not bothering to knock or slow down. Clarke whimpered and ducked her head lower to rest on her knees at the sound… Bellamy didn't think it was possible, but she made herself look smaller somehow by doing that.

Lincoln took in the scene for a moment before his eyes landed and rested on Clarke… "Clarke?" He called across the apartment in a panicked voice, so much worry and apprehension shone on his face seeing his sister a shaking heap on the floor backed into a corner. Lincoln's eyes flickered to Bellamy just standing there helpless, and narrowed accusingly, as though saying, What did you do?

The real kicker was… Bellamy couldn't even tell him.

Neither of them had a chance to say anything to each other before both of their attention was back on Clarke, whose head had snapped up immediately upon hearing her brother's voice. Her eyes flying open to search the room frantically for the source of the voice. She was so pale, and her eyes were so red and bloodshot…

"L-Linc…" She exhaled out quietly upon spotting him, bringing a trembling hand down from her head to hold a shaking finger against her dry lips. Her eyes and movements silently and desperately telling him it was important to be quiet. She beckoned him forward with her other wobbly hand. Bellamy watched as Lincoln took careful measured steps toward her.

Lincoln slowed further though as he neared Bellamy, seeing as how he has to pass right by him to get to her, stopping fully when he was right next to him. Lincoln's eyes narrowed on him further, his brow creased in confusion.

What Lincoln did next had Bellamy equal parts miffed and confused… The man leaned in and sniffed him for a moment. Bellamy saw something like recognition and then understanding flash in his eyes before he winced. To say Bellamy was perplexed by the entire situation would me a major understatement. What the actual hell was going on around here?!

"It's you." He said lowly…

"Me?" Bellamy asked hintingly… Obviously it was him. Why it was him was the key question here.

"You've been drinking…" Lincoln sniffed him again. "Out of a freshly opened bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey and smoking Marlboro Ultra-lights 100s right?" He guessed. Bellamy nodded hesitantly, wondering how the man could have guesses that all just from smell, and so specifically too, and what that had to do with anything that was going on now. "Yeah…" He said somberly. "That's what I thought. Again, it's you." He said with a shake of his head. He reached around Bellamy and snatched the throw blanket off the foot of the bed and approached Clarke again.

This time he didn't stop until he was squatting down in front of her, setting the blanket to the side for the moment before grasping her small shaking hands in his much larger steady ones.

"What's going on sweetheart?" He asked her softly as she continued struggling to pull in air into her deprived lungs.

"He-He's here." She whispered fearfully, more tears pooling in her large scared eyes as she scanned he apartment behind her brother. Her eyes passed over the spot where Bellamy was standing like he wasn't even standing there…. Like she didn't even see him standing there. Lincoln was nodding along with her, but Bellamy couldn't see his facial expression seeing as how his back was to him.

Lincoln squeezed her hands once to bring her attention back to him. "Look at me Bug…" He coaxed in a soothing voice. "Start counting." He instructed in the same tone of voice.

Clarke shook her head frantically, her eyes still locked on her brothers as the tears washed over onto her pale cheeks. "I-I can't. He-he's here!" She pleaded with her brother frantically for him to believe her.

"You smelled him right?" Lincoln asked her. Bellamy's gut sank like a stone in the ocean… Oh God, he thought, don't tell me…

"Y-Yes…" She got out between gulping in lungful's of air.

"Okay, okay…" He soothed. Lincoln gently pulled her out of the corner and grabbed the blanket from the floor, throwing it around her and wrapping her up in it.

Bellamy himself was now having trouble bringing air into his lungs knowing it was him who had caused her to go into this state of panic… He didn't know… He didn't think…

Bellamy was snapped out of his thoughts by Lincoln moving to sit on the floor with his back to the wall to support himself and his feet firmly planted on the floor. He maneuvered a little ungracefully, favoring his still injured side, but didn't stop moving until he had carefully moved Clarke to sit in between his spread knees with her back to his chest. He wrapped his big arms around her pulling her further into his secure hold, whispering to her the whole time that she was safe, he was safe, and that no one was going to hurt her because big brothers protect their little sisters…

Once she was in place in his firm hold he began instructing her to breathe with him, slowly and deeply. Bellamy watched in fascination as she began to calm down almost immediately… Her breathing pattern matching her brothers, her chest rising and falling with his. It must have hurt the bigger man to take deep breaths like he was with those hurt ribs, but still he endured it for the sake of his sister. After several minutes of this Lincoln spoke, "He's not here Bug… Remember? Dad took care of him. He's gone, and he will never hurt you or me ever again." He swore. She nodded her head weakly, her eyes drooping in exhaustion. "Sleep my little Bug, I've got you… You safe." He murmured to her, before beginning to hum to her lowly. Bellamy watched in fascination as her eyes fluttered close and her head lolled to the side resting half on the older man's shoulder and half on his bicep.

As she nodded off in the comfort of her brothers arms, Lincoln looked up and noticed Bellamy still standing there stunned. "You should go." Lincoln said not unkindly. "I'll talk to you later okay man, but for now I need to take care of her and make sure she's going to be okay."

Bellamy nodded mutely, and turned to walk to the door, but before he took a step he turned his head and quietly told Lincoln to talk to Maya, the woman who called him, and let her know things were fine. Lincoln said he would. Bellamy walked to the door, his heart heavy, locking it and closing it behind him before leaning on it heavily. As he stood in the hallway, everything seemed to wash over him.

She had a full blown panic attack because of him… Because she smelled smoke and liquor on him and it reminded her of her abusive kidnapper from when she was a child. He knew she couldn't help being attacked by her own mind, senses, and emotions the way that had just occurred… He didn't blame her for any of it… He blamed himself mostly for being the cause of her panic and stress.

He was just so sad and heartbroken and lonely and dejected by everything that had happened. To think that he'd been standing here in this very spot that very morning, kissing her goodbye and promising to see her soon, compared to standing here now with everything that happened, meaning her engagement and the subsequent dissolution of their romantic relationship, the betrayals they had both suffered by the hands of the people who were supposedly supposed to love them, and now her panic attack? Where had things gone so wrong? Where had he gone so wrong? He felt like he was walking a fine line between fear and blame… Fear of the dark future ahead and the blame he wanted to put on everyone else but knew was his and his alone to be permanently placed with.

Clarke was such a strong person, probably the strongest person he'd ever met, and he just saw her break into a thousand tiny little shards, and he'd triggered it… Like a single gust of wind that brought the whole castle of cards down. It was his fault. This proved that even the strongest people break… Didn't it? Was he next? It sure as hell felt like it.

Bellamy pushed off her door and began to walk down the hallway, no idea where he was going, just knowing he had to leave. He walked down the stairs, through the lobby, and out of the building into the drizzling rain. Bellamy made his way across the street to his car, and got in. He sat in the driver's seat for who knows how long… Not knowing where to go or what to do.

He didn't want to go to his penthouse. He didn't think he could stomach the suffocating lonely walls of his fortress in the sky. No way in hell was he going back to the club… Completely out of the question right now. Who could he go to?

It was late… Almost 11 o'clock. Staring at the clock on the dash, a thought came to him. Bellamy knew where he could go… Somewhere he'd always be accepted and welcome… Somewhere warm with someone comforting. Yes, he knew exactly where he could go.

He started the car while pulling on his seat belt… Taking one last look as the dim lights coming from his princess's apartment, Bellamy turned his head to face forward and drove off into the night.

Whew! This was so hard to write, you all have no idea! Anyone wanna guess where Bellamy is going? Lincoln for the save, am I right? Sweet Maya... I want a neighbor like her one day.

So I'm sure a few of you are mad at the way I've written this chapter or that any of this happened, but I'll put it like this... Absolutely everything for this story has been planned, almost from the beginning. I knew this scene would be happening when I first introduced Clarke into the story. If you hate it, sorry, but don't tell me. If you love it, I'm SO glad, tell me. If you have questions or CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, great, tell/ask me in a nice way, we can talk all about it. I literally got into a comment war last chapter over on AO3 because someone, in there own words was being an asshole for fun. You guys have all been so great to me, and so supportive, and I love each and everyone of you. I appreciate all the well wishes and concern you've all given me and checking in on me when I went AWOL this past month. So... This leads me to my surprise... I'LL BE POSTING ANOTHER CHAPTER TOMORROW NIGHT. Yes, you heard me right. Another chapter tomorrow, Sunday, night. Now, I still want you all to leave me a review on this chapter and lemme know what your all thinking, but because I'll be posting another chapter so soon I won't be giving a teaser/spoiler for the next chapter.

Now, an update on my dad. The tests he had done back at the end of December came back showing that his heart was pumping only 30% of the blood it should be, which is not at all good. He was and still is, at a very high risk of having a heart attack or just stroking out without warning, which is terrifying for me and my family. He had to have an coronary angiogram done about two weeks ago, where they went in through his wrist with a small catheter to look at the arteries around his heart to see if there was blockage or maybe a collapsed artery. Thankfully everything came back clear, no blockage detected or closed arteries, so he didn't have to have a pacemaker or stint put in right away and there is a chance his heart can recover and heal if he can keep his blood pressure down. He's currently being forced to wear a special type of vest that monitors his heart and has the capability to shock his heart if it gives out for whatever reason. He's also on medicine to keep his blood pressure low, all of which he hates. You can imagine how terrible this all has been, and then adding on that I had to leave, almost right in the middle of it to go back to school at the beginning of January. I went home practically every weekend in January, and things have only just now settled down to where I can breath a bit... What am I talking about? I have mid-terms for the next 2 weeks, that I should currently be studying for -_- Sigh... Oh well. Thank you all again for the prayers and well wishes, it truly touches me and has really helped me get through this rough time.

I look forward to hearing from all of you! Oh, and guess who got a Tumblr and has been using it like crazy? This gal! Come find me at redhead17x. Yeah... Not hard to find, I know :) I would love to grouch- I mean talk with people about this disastrous rushed show we've been watching... Can we even really call it the 100 anymore?

-Redhead17x