"Don't even start with me right now," Charlie snapped.
"Charlie, I don't know what happened," Burn said. "Your friends said you were working, I think."
"I was," Charlie said, his voice unnaturally high. "But I wanted to finish up before you got here. Then they tricked me into going into the alley and locked me out there and it took me awhile to break down the door."
"Christ, Charlie, you broke down the door?" Dee demanded, annoyed. "We need that!"
"Frank'll pay for it," Mac said dismissively.
"Hey, why do I have to pay for it? I wasn't even the one to lock him out there!"
"Well, Frank, that's a good point and but you're the one with all the money here and you're in charge of the bar more than any of us," Dennis reasoned. "So unless you just want to not have a door from now on and let all manner of people and things in here without us knowing and not being able to heat or cool the place, you'll fix the goddamn door."
"And last time you wouldn't pay for something the mob tried to kill us. And then you refused to pay to save our lives, too!" Dee complained. "God you suck."
"I hate all of you," Frank told them. He turned to Charlie. "Not you, Charlie, you're wonderful and we're lucky to have you." He looked at Burn. "And Dee's right. I'm extremely indifferent towards you."
"That's not really what I said-" Dee started to say.
"Look, Dee, Frank already said he agrees with you on something. Take the win," Mac advised.
"Thanks, Frank," Charlie said. "And of course I broke the door! I couldn't just let you all get your hands on him!"
"I'm fine, Charlie," Burn assured him, with an encouraging smile.
Charlie managed a brief smile in return. "I know you are. And it's not like I don't trust you can take care of yourself. It's just that my friends are kind of the worst."
"Jesus, Charlie, tell us how you really feel," Dennis said disgustedly.
Charlie turned back to Dennis and his smile turned mocking. "Oh? Oh you want me to show you how I really feel? Here, let me show you."
Burn wouldn't say he was getting a good vibe from any of this but the way the others tensed seemed strange to him.
Charlie picked up a glass and whipped it hard at the wall. "That's how I fucking feel about it! You guys pulled shit with the Waitress for years-"
Burn's eyes widened and he just watched in horrified fascination.
"Her name," Dennis said, looking every inch a man who was regretting opening his mouth but couldn't quite manage to stop himself, "is Nicole."
Charlie let out a wordlessly scream and threw another glass at the wall.
Mac and Dee exchanged a quick look and started moving the remaining glasses.
"For years!" he repeated, shouting now. "Frank and Dennis slept with her! Mac tried to because he was mad at me for something I didn't even do! I can't actually think of what Dee did to her right now but I'm sure it was something!"
"That's probably fair," Dee admitted.
"You don't own her, Charlie," Dennis said. "She didn't even like you."
"I know that Dennis!" Charlie screeched. He reached for another glass and, upon finding none, kicked the bar instead. "But Burn does and he's a good person and he'd never sleep with any of you and if any of you fuck him over I will fucking end you."
"Charlie," Burn said softly.
Charlie glanced over at him then looked at his friends again. "Do I make myself clear?"
The others looked varying degrees of shaken.
"Do I?" he asked icily.
There was a nervous chorus of yes's.
Burn didn't understand any of what had just happened, really, or rather he understood only Charlie's side of it. Charlie was absolutely convinced his friends were going to somehow end up making Burn's life worse and he had been fretting about the idea of them all meeting for some time, despite the clear inevitability of such a thing. And then he had been kept away and trapped, leaving Burn to the mercy of his friends. And sure, their behavior had been less than ideal but he well understood their concern and honestly he had seen worse.
He walked over to Charlie and grabbed his hand.
Charlie automatically threaded their fingers together. "I know what you're doing."
"Do you?" Burn asked mildly. He turned to the others. "Why on Earth would you lock him outside?"
"Well we wanted to avoid something like this, for one!" Dee exclaimed, pointing to the wall Charlie had thrown the glasses at.
"I'm not cleaning that up," Charlie said flatly, his hold on Burn's hand getting tighter.
"That's fine," Frank said. "We'll just get Deandra to do it."
"Hey!" she objected.
"Well none of us are going to do it and somebody has to," Mac pointed out. "Statistically you'll break first."
"If you wanted to avoid provoking Charlie's anger, you have acted in the exact wrong way," Burn said. "Maybe he didn't trust you but his anger was caused by what you did and I think you know that. So I ask again, why?"
Frank shrugged. "Well, you know."
"I'm sure I don't."
"Well Charlie hasn't exactly got the best track record with women," Mac said. "And, like, we thought maybe it was because he's gay now but he keeps saying he's bisexual so that's not it. And I already met you and I don't trust you but I think I more or less see what you're about. It's only right the other guys get a chance."
"Yeah, Charlie has shown interest in like three women ever in his life," Dennis said.
"He literally never spoke to what's-her-name after they had sex back in high school. And I don't know if I'd even say he was interested in her but you can literally count the number of people he's fucked on one hand so she has to go on the list," Dee added. "Though given what she had to say about that night, it was probably for the best they stopped speaking."
"Nicole, of course, he stalked since before I even met him," Frank said. "I don't know. Woman has no standards but she doesn't want anything to do with him."
"And then Ruby," Dennis said, sounding almost wistful. "Now, picture this. Ruby was the complete package. Young, hot, mega rich, from a really famous and respected family…and, insanely, actually really liked him and wanted to be with him after I publicly humiliated her brother. Which, in my defense, I had to do to protect Mac and Dee because he was a dick and there to humiliate them for not being one of them."
"Wait," Burn said slowly. "You don't mean Ruby Taft, do you? I know her. Lovely girl. Very sweet and giving and smart. Got her heart broken a few years back by a man who…was using her…to convince his ex…to let him back in her life."
Charlie tried half-heartedly to tug his hand away but Burn squeezed it and Charlie let his hand still. He was biting his lip and looking rather embarrassed. "She…wasn't my ex. She was…Well I guess we're all calling her Nicole now."
"It's her name," Burn said simply. "I want to respect that."
"Respect…where'd you ever find this guy, Charlie?" Frank asked.
"I found him," Dee said. "I saw the ad for the study."
"You're the best, Dee," Charlie said absently.
Dee rolled her eyes but she was smiling.
"I know it looks bad," Charlie said slowly. "I know I insulted her in front of her friends and family and it was using that-that double standard we were talking about. But-Well, I guess there's not really a but. Maybe I shouldn't have used her like that but I definitely shouldn't have shamed her about it. I know. She was a good person and I guess one more example of the kind of things that can happen to good people who get involved with us. It's what I was telling you about before."
He waited anxiously for Burn's reaction.
What to even say? He had been horrified to hear the gossip a few years back after that party, so careful to not even allude to it in front of Ruby. It was so very clearly a horrible and indefensible thing to do. But it was years ago and Charlie was so intensely aware of that now.
"Okay."
Charlie's eyebrows rose. "Okay?" he asked uncertainly.
"Okay," Burn repeated, squeezing Charlie's hand again and trying to communicate his meaning.
After a moment, Charlie's expression cleared and he squeezed Burn's hand right back. "Okay."
"I feel like I'm missing something," Dennis said.
"You are being remarkably understanding," Mac said suspiciously. "I don't recall you taking it this well when-"
"Mac, it's fine. We're fine," Charlie interrupted. "Thank you but there's no need. Really."
"So," Dennis said loudly. "Ruby. I really thought she was just using him the way her brother was just using Mac and Dee. But it turns out he was using her. We, uh, we were all kind of shocked to see that one. And you're the first guy. So of course we had to see for ourselves what was going on here."
"Well, of course I was going to meet you at some point!" Burn exclaimed. "You are Charlie's closest friends. It was always going to happen. But doing it like this? Arranging to keep Charlie away? That seems both unnecessarily and a little convoluted."
"Well," Dee said, "we are very dramatic people."
"And besides," Mac said. "Like Charlie was ever going to voluntarily let us get you alone. I mean, come on."
"Why?" Burn asked.
"Let me put it this way," Mac said. "Who here has had a relationship ruined because of someone else in this room?"
Immediately, Mac, Dennis, Dee, and Frank's hands flew up.
Charlie shrugged. "Yeah, no, I'm good, actually. But they're right. They do tend to – we do tend to – fuck up each other's dating life a lot."
"I see. I suppose with such a tight-knit group it's easy to become insular," Burn said. He glanced at Charlie. "Uninterested in things outside of your own experience."
"Oh, that's a good one," Dennis said approvingly. "I'm going to have to remember that one."
"Unlike you, Burn actually means that, you jackass," Charlie said but there wasn't any real heat in his voice.
"I mean everything I say while I am saying it," Dennis replied. "I learned my lesson from George Costanza."
"He wasn't exactly supposed to be aspirational, Dennis," Dee said.
"Doesn't matter," Dennis said. "Man inspired me."
"But as to your original question, why we had to meet you and do it in private when there's no way in hell Charlie would allow it…well we figured you'd be on your best behavior around him, right? And we couldn't go too far or he'd get upset and try and intervene," Mac said. "So we needed to get you on your own and see what was going on-"
"This kind of shit has caused so many breakups!" Charlie interrupted.
"And those relationships were clearly not meant to be," Mac said indifferently.
"You make it all sound so dire," Burns aid. "Essentially, you only asked me a few questions and voted on my trustworthiness."
"I still don't trust you," Mac objected. "I just think you really love Charlie. There's a difference, man."
"Of course I do."
Charlie smiled brightly at that.
"We would have gone way further if we hadn't believed that," Frank said. "What can I say? You were not what we were expecting. You're either the best I've ever seen or you really mean that. And in case it's the former, I think you deserve a little rope to hang yourself with."
"I'm not."
"Sure," Frank said. "But you understand we can't just take your word for it."
"Okay, great, fine, everyone got to meet my boyfriend and agreed to just let us live," Charlie said loudly. "I'm pissed at all of you and you will rue the day later."
"Rue? Okay, now you're just making up words," Mac complained.
"Am not," Charlie said. "It means regret. It's all fancy and, like, poetry and theater and stuff. Right, Doc?"
Burn nodded. "Yes, 'rue' isn't really used much outside of the expression 'rue the day' but it is absolutely a word and one I know Charlie is quite fond of."
Charlie giggled. "Rue."
"Okay, fine," Mac said, looking put out. "I'm not going to try and argue words with like a professor. Doesn't even matter if I'm right or not, I won't win."
"You're not actually right," Dennis said. "Rue is absolutely a real world."
"Well good of you to weigh in now when we're done talking about it, Dennis!" Mac exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.
"So, anyway, we're leaving. I'll be back whenever," Charlie said. "And I swear to God, if you guys try to leave that glass until I get back…."
"No, worries, bro. We already decided Dee's cleaning that up," Mac said.
"Yeah, no we did not!" Dee countered. "You all just said I was doing it."
"Yeah, so it was decided. All democratic-like and everything," Frank said.
"We should just go," Charlie said quietly, beginning to move towards the entrance and tugging Burn gently along.
Burn nodded. As Charlie opened the door to the bar, he turned back to the group. "It was nice to get to know you a little better."
They all stopped and stared at him.
"Was it, though?" Frank asked.
"I will admit it was a little…different," Burn said carefully. "But while I cannot countenance your methods, your hearts did seem to be in the right place and I am grateful that Charlie has people to look out for him in case his feelings are blinding him to someone who is not good for him or does not have his best interests at heart. Given the way we first met, I would be rather disappointed if you had instantly warmed to me and I proved myself quickly enough."
"Like, seriously, is he talking about us?" Dennis asked. "Did we slip into some weird twilight zone bullshit while I wasn't looking?"
"Whatever, Dennis," Charlie said, rolling his eyes and pulling Burn through the door.
The two were quiet as they made their way to Burn's car and Burn drove in silence for a few blocks before parking in a mostly-empty lot.
"So. That was. That was that," Burn said.
Charlie laughed mirthlessly. "Yep. That was the gang."
"That really wasn't so bad," Burn told him.
Charlie gave him the most incredulous look Burn had ever seen. "Really."
"Yes, really," Burn said laughing. "I mean, did I enjoy the experience? Not even a little. I don't know how much I like your friends. Not to say I dislike them, exactly, I just…don't quite know what to make of them. But the way you built it up, I was expecting a lot worse."
"Honestly, so was I," Charlie said. "It's like a goddamn miracle. But then who knows what would have happened if I hadn't managed to get in there? Like, they push me around all the time but they know better than to really test me. Same with all of us, really. We can get a little scary sometimes when our backs are really up against the wall."
"So are you less concerned about your friends trying to ruin everything now?" Burn asked.
Charlie snorted. "Trying? Yes. Accidentally managing to do it as the result of some scheme? That will probably always be on the table, I'm afraid."
"Well we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Burn said. "Charlie, back there…you were so angry."
Charlie looked down. "Well, yeah, man. I mean they literally locked me in the alley so they could go interrogate you in peace! Why wouldn't I be angry?"
"No, I'm not saying your reaction doesn't make sense or that your emotions aren't valid," Burn clarified.
"Of course not."
"But your reaction did seem…extreme," Burn said delicately. "I haven't seen that side of you before."
Charlie let out a long breath. "Yeah, I know. I kind of didn't want you to?"
"I would have had to eventually," Burn pointed out.
"Yeah but 'eventually' can mean a whole awful lot," Charlie pointed out. "So much time in the future. And now there's…today."
"I won't deny that what they did was horrible and fed into your worst fears about how my meeting them again would go," Burn said. "But your behavior was alarming as well."
"I wasn't trying to scare you," Charlie told him. "I wasn't even really trying to scare them, I just…You know?"
"Not precisely," Burn said. "Anger is not something I struggle with. In fact, I almost go too far in the opposite direction."
"I'll believe it," Charlie said.
"But I can imagine it and I have seen it in others and that may be enough," Burn said. "This wasn't an isolated incident, was it? Your friends didn't seem as startled as I would have expected if it was."
"…No. It wasn't," Charlie admitted. "But, Doc, I wasn't mad at you. I would never-"
"You say that," Burn interrupted. "And maybe that's even true. Maybe you wouldn't ever get so mad at me. That would still leave a lot of people. And one day someone could get hurt. Maybe even you. And you really can't be sure you never would. Maybe one day I do something to set you off. You can't know."
Charlie looked sick. "Doc, do you really think I'm capable of that?"
Burn swallowed heavily. He wanted to reassure Charlie but he knew that wouldn't be helpful right now. "I believe that anyone is capable of anything."
"Usually you mean that in a good way," Charlie said softly.
"Usually, yes," Burn said. "But we don't even have to go into worst case 'am I in danger' territory. I obviously don't feel I am in danger or I wouldn't be here. But this kind of thing…I don't think anything good will come from it."
"Do you think I should talk to Dr. Brooks about it?" Charlie asked seriously.
Burn hesitated. He was loath as ever to tell Charlie what to do, particularly when it came to his therapy that he had sought out of his own accord. But as Charlie's partner who would be affected by things like a worrying temper, didn't he have not only a right but an obligation to weigh in?
"Yes," he finally said. "Yes, I do. But you know my opinion only counts for so much. Maybe my feelings persuade you to talk to her about it but unless the motivation to change comes from you it's not going to be as effective. Change is hard. Replacing maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors with healthy ones doesn't happen overnight. This can't just be for me."
Charlie levelled a serious look at him. "Dr. Brooks has explained all about the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivations, you know."
What was it about Charlie using those rather technical terms correctly and unprompted and pronouncing them right that made his heart skip a beat?
"And?"
"And I think you may be right," Charlie said. "Getting angry like that…well I know why. It's because things really suck sometimes. It's because I could never do anything about it and no one ever…but things are getting better. And it's nice to be able to scare people off if I need to but aside from that it's becoming a, what is that, a 'maladaptive coping skill.' So I need to find some better way of handling all this shit. I don't know. It'll probably save me from having a heart attack at fifty."
Burn nodded at him, breathing very carefully.
"Are you…Are you seriously digging the fact that I'm learning all these cool therapy terms?" Charlie asked, grinning in surprised delight.
"Maybe," Burn admitted. "But, then, I'm an educator and this is my field and you are my boyfriend. What more do you expect from me?"
"Well I expect you and I find somewhere to go where we can fully think about these things in private," Charlie said.
It really was a capital idea but Burn took a moment to mourn the fact that they still hadn't technically introduced the other to their apartment yet. Charlie had already been to Burn's on multiple occasions, of course, but given the circumstances he wasn't about to just casually bring him over like it meant nothing.
Still, he was sure he could think of something.
"As…unconventional as that was I am glad I was finally able to meet your friends properly. Mac was even using my name," Burn told him.
Charlie laughed and leaned against Burn's shoulder. "Yeah, they are just not going to know what to do with you at all."
Burn grinned back. "And you do?"
"Well, I don't know," Charlie said coyly. "I think I'm beginning to."