A/N: As promised, this chapter contains a flashback and Tony's struggle to remember. Gibbs is a bit OOC here, but sometimes love does that to you!
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters and not making a cent!
No beta, so all (stupid) mistakes are mine and mine alone!
Ch 20 – Time for Healing
Tony sat on a cold, hard chair in the waiting room, flipping through a six-month old "People" magazine, while Gibbs was in getting Schmidt's statement. He sat and reflected on the events of the past few days, trying to make sense of it all. He put down the magazine and stared out the window as questions ran through his mind: Why did Schmidt and Thorson both target me? Why did Thorson have to kill Greg and Mike? How did he end up at the farm? How long had he been planning this?
Half an hour later, Gibbs opened the door to the waiting room and saw Tony leaning against the wall staring out the window. Not wanting to startle him, Gibbs spoke quietly as he approached before placing a firm hand on Tony's shoulder, "He's ready, whenever you are, Tony." Tony turned and looked at Gibbs with apprehension. "You don't have to do this, Tony."
Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Yeah, Jethro, I do. You want to come with me?"
Gibbs reached for Tony's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Only if you want me to. Otherwise, I'll be right here."
Tony smiled warmly and leaned in to whisper in Gibbs' ear, "I always want you with me." Tony nodded toward the door and Gibbs followed him out. Gibbs had filled Tony in on Schmidt's condition as they walked to his room. Tony knocked on the door and heard a raspy, "Come in."
Tony slowly pushed the door open and entered the room. He walked the short distance to stand at Schmidt's bedside, while Gibbs hung back by the door. Tony looked down at the man in the bed and frowned. Schmidt was looking up at him with the eyes of a completely defeated and broken man. Tony carefully pulled a nearby chair closer and sat down as he cleared his throat. Schmidt was the first to speak. "Not sure why you wanted to see me, Tony, sorry, I mean Agent DiNozzo. I already told your boss everything I could remember."
Tony smiled weakly at the man. "It's okay Brian, you can call me Tony. I'm not here to question you. I just wanted to see how you were doing, and see if there was anyone I could call or if there was anything I could do."
They talked for nearly an hour while Gibbs stood silently, only speaking up when he had to leave the room to make or take a phone call. Schmidt apologized to Tony for using Greg to seduce him, for letting Thorson get his hands on Greg, and for what Thorson did to him. Tony responded by apologizing for not being able to stop Thorson out at the barn. Schmidt then asked questions about the charges against Thorson and what was to come next. Tony explained that Thorson had confessed, but that there would still probably be a long, drawn out trial.
"As for what comes next for the two of us," Tony shrugged but replied with resolve, "We heal and we don't let your bastard cousin ruin our lives." Tony gave Schmidt Dr. Cranston's number. "She's a really cool lady and an awesome shrink. She could really help you get through this, Brian. At least think about talking to her? I probably will at some point. I have Jethro, uh, Agent Gibbs, to help me now, too." Schmidt nodded, understanding the message Tony was conveying, and remembering Gibbs' earlier declaration during his interrogation.
Gibbs came back into the room and told Tony that the nurses said it was time to leave. He joined Tony by the bed and shook the bandaged hand Schmidt raised weakly to him. "You get better, Brian. We'll be in touch."
Tony shook Schmidt's hand, and as he turned to leave Schmidt called out, "Hey, Tony? Thanks, man, and again, I'm really sorry … about everything."
Tony nodded and offered a small smile. "Don't worry about it, just get better, okay?"
Tony fidgeted in his seat as Gibbs drove them to the apartment to pick up some clothes and other things Tony might want to bring to the house. Gibbs wondered why Tony was so on edge, but decided to wait until they reached the apartment to gauge his reaction to being back there. In the meantime, Gibbs reached over and took Tony's left hand in his right and entwined their fingers. Tony smiled bashfully at Gibbs and gave his hand a firm squeeze.
When they reached the apartment, Tony was taken aback by the crime scene tape across his front door. "What the hell? Never thought I'd see that," Tony exclaimed before chuckling, "but at least it isn't a bunch of damn flowers this time." Gibbs let out a snort as Tony unlocked the door. The smell of the garbage Tony never had a chance to take out assaulted him as soon as he stepped inside. "Damn, at least McGee could have taken out the damn trash!"
Gibbs went over and opened all of the windows to let some fresh air in before grabbing the bag of trash as Tony stood looking around his living room. "Back in a second," Gibbs said quietly as he headed for the door, dropping a kiss on Tony's head on the way. When he came back, Gibbs noticed that Tony hadn't moved so much as an inch. "Tone," he called softly as he stepped closer, "babe, you okay?"
Tony's expression was a combination of confusion and fear. His brows were knit tightly together as if he was deep in concentration as he stared at a spot on the floor, not uttering a word. Tony looked around and noticed the pair of socks he meant to wear Friday night laying on the floor near the coat closet where he kept his sneakers and running gear. He picked the socks up off of the floor and held them out to Gibbs. Quietly, his voice lacking any emotion, Tony said, "I was holding these when I came out here to put on my shoes. Then, next thing I know I wake up in a barn."
Flashback
Tony felt a brief, sharp sting on his neck before everything went out of focus. He was awake, but he could barely move from where he collapsed on the floor. He tried to stand, but his arms and legs were too weak. He tried to crawl to the couch, but only made it a couple of feet. He could hear soft laughter, but he had no idea who was in his apartment. He didn't know if he was being robbed, or exactly what was happening. He heard someone moving around in his bedroom. He tried to speak, but no words would come out. He felt someone put their arms around him and lift him up enough to drag him to the door.
The next thing he knew, he was sitting in the front passenger seat of his car. His eyes couldn't focus enough to recognize the driver, but he saw blond shaggy hair. "Brad? Thorson?" he slurred.
"Yes, Tony my love, it's me," Thorson said affectionately as he kept his left hand on the wheel and stroked Tony's cheek with the right. "I'm taking you somewhere special, where we can be alone and no one will ever find us. It is going to be so beautiful, My Own. I have been planning this for a long time." All Tony could do was blink as he tried to process this information.
Thorson was suddenly angry and began to growl and pound on the dash with his fist. "Everyone thought they could keep you away from me, my love, but I took care of them. But you'll see, My Own, it was all worth it to get you for myself."
When Tony woke up in the barn, he had no idea where he was or how long he had been out. Whatever Thorson injected him with must not have been very strong, because he was now pretty clear headed; feeling more like he just had a mild hangover, which he was used to. Tony knew that Gibbs would be worried when he didn't show up at his place and would do everything possible to find him. Tony tried to check and see if he had his phone, but with him wrists cuffed behind him he couldn't reach for it. Tony closed his eyes and prayed over and over, "Please Gibbs, hurry!"
He was led through the barn to the other end, and Tony became aware of someone groaning in pain. He tried to look into a stall as they passed it, but Thorson's hold on the chain attached to the stiff collar around his neck was too tight and he couldn't turn his head. Tony tried to buy time and turned to his number one weapon; he talked, firing off insults trying his best to bait Thorson to react, hopefully enough to give Tony an opening to fight and escape. His plan, however, backfired spectacularly.
Tony was shocked at how quickly Thorson had managed to get the cuffs on him and hang him by his hands from the chain, leaving his feet barely touching the pile of hay he was standing on. He swung his feet trying to find purchase, but to no avail. He didn't know what the spreader bar was for, but once it was attached to his ankles he knew he would not be able to kick Thorson. He opened him mouth to scream only to have Thorson place the red ball of the gag in his mouth before buckling it securely in place.
Tony was practically immobile and unable to speak. Thorson made short work of cutting Tony's clothes away leaving him naked and totally at his mercy. Tony felt another sting as Thorson injected something into his neck. A few minutes later, through the drug-induced fog, Tony heard Thorson speak to him as he walked over to a table laden with a variety of implements.
"What to do to you first, My Own? So many choices, so many ways to punish you," Thorson said as he ran his hand over each implement before picking up a metal-beaded flogger. He turned and stood in front of Tony with an evil grin across his face, flicking the flogger from side to side. Tony's eyes went wide in fear as Thorson spoke directly into his ear, "You broke a rule, My Own, and I have to punish you. You denied your Master, slave, but I will teach you to obey me." Thorson's feral eyes blazed as he ran his hands over Tony's now naked body. "So perfect, My Own. When you've had your punishment, I will claim you. You will love it, My Own. My hard cock in your ass; I will claim you as mine and only mine. No one will ever have you again. From this moment on, you belong to me." Thorson released an evil laugh as Tony tried to scream through the gag.
Tony's vision began to blur and his eyes began to flutter closed. Suddenly, a flash of intense pain coursed through him as the metal beads of the flogger landed forcefully on his shoulders. Again and again, the flogger rained down on his tender flesh of his back, his butt and his legs, cutting and biting with each stroke. Tears began to pour from his eyes as Tony realized that there was no way out; he was well and truly at Thorson's mercy, and just maybe Gibbs wouldn't be able to save him this time. Tony's mind drifted as the flashes of pain continued for several minutes before stopping. Tony steeled himself for Thorson planned next; Tony knew he was about to be raped. He prayed like never before in his life; prayed for Jethro to save him, for the strength to survive, for this nightmare to end.
The pain was back even worse than before. Through the haze of drugs and pain, Tony had seen Thorson flick out the bull whip that had earlier been hanging menacingly from a hook on the wall. Each stroke of the whip was agony, but thankfully those strokes didn't last long. Tony lost count of the lashes but felt one final stroke of the whip blaze a trail of fire across his back before he was overcome by darkness.
End flashback
Tony didn't resist as Gibbs gently pulled him to the couch. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Tony finally spoke. "Jethro, I can't remember everything; just little bits and pieces. I remember a sting, I guess that would be the Rohypnol Abby told me Thorson injected, then riding in my car," Tony said, confusion evident in his voice. "The next thing I know, I'm waking up in a fucking barn, cuffed, collared, and chained to the wall, and Thorson had my gun," he exclaimed as he stood and began pacing.
Gibbs sat quietly and let Tony tell his story without interrupting. He could see that Tony was struggling to remember; trying to put the disjointed pieces together. It broke Gibbs' heart to see the man he loved so much in such pain. He wanted badly to take Tony in his arms and reassure him that he was safe, but he knew that Tony needed to get this off his chest. Gibbs was determined to be there for Tony, no matter what, but he wouldn't push him to talk.
Tony stopped pacing and sighed. His emotions were all over the place. He was grateful that Thorson never got a chance to rape him. He felt guilty that he couldn't stop him from raping Schmidt. He was mad at himself for being taken in the first place. He was embarrassed that Gibbs and McGee had seen him in such a vulnerable situation. Tony suddenly turned to Gibbs and asked with a shaky voice, "Did Ziva see me, you know, after you found me?"
Gibbs stood and slowly walked over to Tony. He smiled weakly at him before softly replying, "No, Tone. I made her stay away. I knew you wouldn't want Ziva, of all people, to see you like that." Gibbs placed his hands on each side of Tony's face and searched his eyes. "Tony, Ziva was upset knowing that you were hurt. Hell, I was pretty much out of it."
Tears began silently spilling from Gibbs' eyes and he sobbed, "God, Tone, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry I let this happen. I never should have let you come here alone. It's all my fault. Tony, I should have …," Gibbs words were cut off by a sharp smack to the back of his head. In his shock he could only gape at Tony who was smirking at him. Gibbs blinked a few times and barked, "DiNozzo! Did you just head slap me?" Suddenly, Gibbs doubled over in a fit of laughter; Tony joining in with a series of giggles of his own.
Tony got the giggles under control and quickly sobered. He pulled Gibbs' face to his and kissed him gently. He sighed and rested his forehead against Gibbs' and looked deeply into his steely blue eyes. "Jethro, none of this is your fault … or mine, for that matter." He took Gibbs' hand and led him back to the couch. "Wait here," Tony said as he went into the kitchen and brought back a couple of bottles of beer. Tony sat next to Gibbs and took a long pull before clearing his throat and asking, "So, what happened out there … after you found me?"
Gibbs took a deep breath and sat his beer on the coffee table before turning to Tony. He spent the next hour telling Tony about Palmer's idea to track his car, getting to the farm, finding the club owner dead, and what he and Ziva found in the barn. "Ziva caught Thorson in the act of raping Schmidt. I was at the other end of the barn and ran in when she told me she had Thorson. Tony," he sighed, "we couldn't tell who Thorson's victim was. God, I know we both prayed it wasn't you. Anyway, I was more than shocked to see that it was Schmidt. Ziva cuffed Thorson and I knocked his sorry ass out. I saw you out of the corner of my eye and ran in to find …." Gibbs couldn't speak as tears began freely flowing from his eyes again as the memory of seeing Tony flooded back in.
Tony put his beer down and pulled Gibbs into a firm hug. For several minutes they held on to each other, Tony finally pulling back when he felt some of the tension leave Gibbs' body. "You okay, Jethro," Tony asked quietly, concerned by Gibbs' reaction.
Gibbs wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffled a few times and nodded. He took Tony's hand and raised it to his lips. His voice still shaky with emotion, Gibbs said, "Yeah, I'm okay. It's just … when I saw you … I thought the worst. Hell, Tony, I wasn't even sure if you were alive! Then, McGee came in." Gibbs paused and smiled. "McGee, man Tony, he took complete control. I was … am … so proud of him. He helped me get you down and get all the cuffs and shit off, we wrapped you up in the blanket, and he just told me to stay put and that he would take care of everything."
It was Gibbs' turn to stand and pace, gesturing with his hands as he tried to find the words. "Tony, I couldn't leave you. I had to be there … with you, for you. When you finally came to, it was like all of my prayers were answered." Gibbs again had to choke back the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He turned to Tony and saw the tears pouring from his eyes. He pulled Tony to his feet and into a loving embrace; both men sobbing as they were overcome with a combination of fear and relief, but mostly the love they felt for each other.
Tony finally pulled away. He saw the clock on the wall and noticed that a couple of hours had passed. "Man, we better get a move on if we're gonna make it to La Casa," Tony exclaimed. "No way in hell am I missing this; not again! Abby will kill me if I miss the big engagement announcement … again! Oops, so much for keeping it a secret." Tony cringed at the thought of Abby smacking him into next week.
Gibbs let a laugh escape and gave Tony a peck on the lips. "I already knew about it. McGee asked me for Abby's hand when the team was over at the house. Come on, let's grab your gear and get out of here."
Gibbs shut all of the windows he had opened while Tony grabbed the stuff he had already packed. Tony smiled at Gibbs who was waiting patiently by the door. "Let's go home, Jethro," Tony said without thinking as he led Gibbs out the door, totally oblivious to the full-blown, dazzling smile Gibbs had on his face. Gibbs nodded and thought, "Home with Tony. I really like the sound of that."