AN: This is going to be a shorter one because it's the last sad one and I wanted to get something out to you all! And a special thanks to those who've been with me from the beginning and everyone reading this story. I love getting new follows and favorites!
~**Chapter 20: Bella's POV**~
Today, I tell my parents that I will be going to school even though they were fine with me taking another day off. As soon as I pull in the parking lot, I receive nothing but sad stares. I quickly find my friends trying to ignore the stares but I fail miserably. Someone finally had to guts to walk up to me and apologize for my loss, which made me sad. I've been broken up with Edward since September but people still remember us being close. I look around for Alice because she was technically the last one with him but she's not at school today. I don't plan on speaking to her but I do feel bad because I know she is hurting and doesn't have many people to turn to right now. Finally, the school day ends and I can go home away from all of these people and their looks of pity.
Once I get home, my mom informs me of Edwards funeral arrangements. There would be calling hours this upcoming Friday from 4-6pm with the funeral services immediately following. He would be buried the following morning and only family would be allowed to be there. That same day we would be catching flights to North Carolina for our vacation. My mom asks if I want to go to the funeral and I inform her that I do. She gently tells me that she doesn't think I should bring Paul and I definitely agree. He and Edward weren't friends by any means and I'd feel really bad that he'd be holding me as I cried for my dead ex-boyfriend. I told my mom as much and she promised to stick by my side the whole time.
The rest of the week continues in much of the same pattern. Alice still has yet to return to school and I find myself truly worried about her. Finally, today is the day of Edward's funeral and I'm a rollercoaster of emotions. I try to find something to wear so that when I get out of school I can just clean up and throw the outfit on to make it to the calling hours on time. It doesn't help that most of my clothes are already packed for the trip tomorrow. After my 5th heavy sigh, Paul comes to look through my closet and help me find something to wear. He pulls out some black dress pants and then a white cami and a longer black cardigan. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow seeking my approval. I give him a smile and nod before looking for some suitable shoes. None of my heels seem appropriate or good enough.
"I should've tried to find shoes before today. I'll never have time to get some before the services!" I ramble.
"Babe, calm down. Just wear your flats. You'll probably do better on flat feet in case you get really emotional at the service," Paul says coming over to rub my back.
"You're right," I tell him turning around to hug him.
"Get ready, I'm gonna go have coffee with your dad," Paul kisses the top of my head and then walks out of the room.
I shower quickly and struggle yet again over what to wear only this time it's for school. I've pretty much been bumming it all week so I should probably look semi decent. I quickly throw on some jeans with a flannel that I stole from Paul and some boots. When I get downstairs, I find my dad and Paul in their usual seats chatting away. I notice my mom isn't down here yet and I figure she is still asleep. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen if she is sick or stayed up way too late. I grab a pop-tart and join them at the table for a few minutes. When it's time to go, Paul walks me outside makes me promise to come to him as soon as it's over. I remind him to grab my bags so I won't have to come here before I go to his house. Both of my parents will be at Edward's service and then they'll be meeting us at Paul's to drive us to the airport.
I take a deep breath and head off to school. When I get to school, I meet up with Ang and Ren in the parking lot. We make plans to meet at the funeral home instead of all riding together. That way once everything is done, we can go our separate ways. Ren still has to pack of course and Ang is spending time with her mom and brothers before she leaves. Once we get inside, I subtly look around for Alice but once again she isn't at school. In first period, I text Jasper to ask if he knew where she'd been. He doesn't respond until third period to tell me she's been home and that she's having a hard time. I figured she would be and I feel bad that she's most likely going through it alone. I express that to Jasper and he instantly responds letting me know that she isn't alone but says nothing more. I decide to leave it at that.
At lunch, the girls and I talk about our trip. I remind them that it may be too chilly to spend much time on the beach and they're fine with it. It's everyone else's first time on the east coast and I'm really excited to see how they like it. After a little while, Ren cautiously asks what she should wear to the services tonight. I tell her what Paul picked out for me and both girls agree to wear something similar. The bell rings signaling the end of lunch and we quickly get to our next class. As I sit down, I receive a text from Paul, he's finally finished with the large tattoo he was doing on a customer and he's so excited. I smile at that message and ask for a picture. He sends it and then refuses to text and distract me anymore.
After the last class, I practically run to my locker to deposit my shit so I can hurry up and get home. I don't even stop to talk to the girls. I'll see them soon enough. I hop in the Jeep and speed to my house. I bust in the door and shout for my mom who doesn't answer. I run up to her room and find her in bed sound asleep. "Mom, wake up. We've gotta get ready for Edward's funeral!" I poke at her.
"5 more minutes, Bella. I don't feel good at all," she says in a terrible voice.
"Are you sure you want to go?" I ask.
"I don't want you to go through it alone honey," she sniffles.
"Ren and Ang will be there. Dad too. You don't have to come," I explain.
"I promised Elizabeth I'd be there," she tells me sitting up.
I wander out of her room to so that I can start the process of getting ready. Not just by changing my clothes but preparing myself to go say goodbye. The more I try to calm down, the more upset I get. I'm not ready to see everyone sad, I'm not ready to see Edward's dead body, but I'm definitely not ready to see Edward's parents. Seeing his mother is going to be horrible and I can't stop the shudder at the thought. I try to shake the image from my head as I quickly remove my clothes. I can hear my mom showering and steal a quick glance at the clock 3:10. Hopefully she doesn't take too long, I really don't want to be too late.
I walk over to my mirror and give myself a glance. I turn to peak at my ass because Paul keeps telling me it's getting bigger. I can definitely see what he means but I just shrug my shoulders. He obviously likes it so that's a plus. Walking back over to my bed, I pull my funeral outfit on. I check myself out once again in the mirror and deem it suitable. I hear my mom shouting as she's getting out of the shower telling me that she will be ready in a few minutes. I acknowledge her and shake my head because I know that her "few minutes" is really a half an hour or so. I decide to call Paul while I wait because he's always amazing at calming me down. We talk about a little bit of everything and I finally feel calm enough. I thank him and hang up with a promise to see him in a few hours. My mom announces that she is ready and a few minutes later we are headed toward the funeral home.
As we pull up, I see most of my classmates walking through the doors. Ang and Ren are walking towards the door but they stop as they see me parking. They wait for my mom and I to catch up so that we can all walk in together. No words are said as we walk up the steps and through the doors of the funeral home. The ushers greet us and show us to the room where everyone is. We follow the few people ahead of us and I look around. There's a large screen with a video playing pictures of Edward and people he cared about. I don't recognize the song playing in the background but I do recognize myself in the current picture on the screen. We were at his house playing some card game with our heads back laughing. I tear up and smile at the memory. The next picture is a baby picture of him and his hair is just as wild as it always seemed to be. The picture changes again to one of him and some of his male friends, Mike, Tyler, and Jasper.
I turn around to look for my mom and see her talking to my dad. Just then Alice walks in the room and we make eye contact. I feel myself moving and suddenly we're face to face. She glances past me and looks at the screen. I follow her eyes in time to catch a picture of her, Edward, and I. Turning back to her I see tears falling down her cheeks so I wrap my arms around her pulling her tight to me. I hold my tears in but I apologize to her for everything. Life is definitely too short to fight over such stupid shit and I tell her as much. She nods and apologizes as well before drifting to Jasper's waiting arms. I go back to Ang and Ren and continuing looking at the pictures of Edward until I start to see ones I've already seen.
"Bella, we're gonna go look for Mr. and Mrs. Masen. Would you like to join us?" My mom asks touching my arm.
I look between my best friends who each nod at me. I nod back and follow my parents. We walk towards the other half of this large room we're in and I finally catch a glimpse of Edward's parents. They are standing close to each other greeting people as they walk past them to enter another room. Based on the tears on the cheeks of the people who are leaving that room, that's got to be where Edward's body is. I sigh and falter in my steps the closer we get to the Masens.
"Renee, thank you so much for coming," Elizabeth says hugging my mom.
"Honey, you know there's nowhere else I'd be today," my mom rubs her back. My dad and Edward Sr. shake hands and exchange words in a hushed tone.
Finally, my mom releases Elizabeth who looks right at me. She instantly bursts into tears and rushes to hug me close. "Oh Bella! He loved you so much honey. Even after the mess he made of your relationship. All he wanted was to get back together with you," she sobs as she holds me.
I start crying hard and nod into her shoulder, trying to find any words to say. "I'm so sorry for your loss. I loved him too, so much," I admit crying even harder. I feel another pair of arms holding us and look up at Edward Sr. who was also crying just as hard.
We stood there huddled together sobbing and my heart broke all over again. I could hear so many people gathering around us, opening crying at our display. To anyone who didn't know that Edward and I had broken up months ago, it would seem that we were still together and I just lost my boyfriend. After a few minutes, we all calm down enough to separate. I look around for my parents but my eyes land on Emily first. She looks hurt, not only by the loss of Edward but for the love his parents still have for me. I shake my head slightly and continue to search for my parents. They are off to the side talking to Angela's mother so I walk past Emily to find Ren and Ang.
They aren't too far from the first room we were in and I ask if they'd walk with me to see Edward. Of course they agree and we make our way through the crowd to get back to the entrance to that room. Mrs. Masen nods at me and gives me a small smile as we pass her. Luckily, there are a few people in line blocking my view of the casket. There is a large picture of Edward just to the left of the casket which is surrounded by flowers. My heart aches and races as we get closer to seeing him. I stay a safe distance behind Mike and Jessica who are at the casket now in front of me. Ang and Ren are on each side of me holding each of my arms. Mike and Jessica walk away and I gently remove myself from the girls' arms taking the finally few steps to Edward's body.
I place my hands on the side of the coffin and look down at him. He looks just like he is asleep and someone clearly put some makeup on him so he didn't look so pale. I reach my hand down and run it through his hair one last time. I use my other hand and set it on his cold stiff hands. "Edward, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it came to this. I loved you, I loved you so much and I never wanted this to happen. I can't tell you how awful it feels. How sorry I feel for your parents. How sorry I am that things didn't work. Oh God, Edward, I'm so, so sorry!" I sob loudly.
Ang and Ren come up and grab each of my arms just as my legs give out. They hold me up as I cry my heart out and after a minute, I make them release me. They let me go and I lean into the casket to kiss his forehead. "Goodbye Edward, rest peacefully and know that I will always love you," I whisper before leaning back up.
I let Ang and Ren drag me away from him as I sob uncontrollably. I plop down in a chair and hide my face in my hands crying. The girls rub my back and try to talk to me but I can't hear anything they're saying. I'm just absolutely in shock. Knowing that he is dead is hard but seeing him, feeling how cold he is, that made it real. I really can't deal with it. I stand up, walking past everyone avoiding glances almost robotically and walk outside. I can hear someone calling my name but it sounds very far away so I don't even bother looking around. I pace trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down and succeed after a good five minutes. I turn to go back inside and find both of my parents waiting just inside the doors with Ren and Ang not far behind them.
My parents hug me and ask if I'm alright. I tell them I am but that I won't be staying for the funeral portion of the evening. I said my goodbyes to Edward and I'm honestly not sure if I'm strong enough to be there for the rest of it. Everyone's sadness on top of my own is too much for me. I wander over to Mrs. Masen and explain everything to her. She nods her understanding and with a final hug, she lets me go. Ang opts to stay but Ren is leaving as well.
In the parking lot, she hugs me, tells me she loves me, and that she'll see me bright and early. I chuckle before hopping in the Jeep heading to Paul's house. I call him to let him know that I'm already on the way and he promises to watch for me. I drive in silence to Paul's house thinking of Edward and our time together. I'm thankful I had him in my life for the short time and I smile as I look at the sunset ahead. I know that is a sign of the end and I take a deep, freeing breath. I whisper a final goodbye to Edward oddly feeling peaceful since I first learned of his passing.
I pull up to Paul's house and he comes right out to the Jeep to pull me out. I let him hold me tight before looking into his eyes and smiling. I'm so glad he doesn't ask me about the service because I'm not ready to talk about it. Instead, we go up into his room and he holds me while we watch a movie. Once the movie is over, Paul starts packing. This starts a mini argument because he is such a procrastinator at times and he waited so long to pack. But the make-up sex is more than worth it so I let him off of the hook just this once.