Twenty

Eponine

My healing process has been rather quick and easy. Enjolras has spent as much time as he can with me to keep me from feeling lonely. He often sends Combeferre to the government buildings to negotiate if he himself doesn't absolutely have to go. I told him that I don't mind being by myself, but he's insisted to stay with me. I have to admit it's been rather nice, spending time with him. However, I can tell that he isn't entirely himself, and I know he is still carrying all the blame for what happened at the barricades. I want to talk to them about that, but I know he will only shut down. There is still no sign of either Gavroche or Grantaire, and that is taking a toll on both of us.

I was thrilled to move in with him, even though I am worried about what the public would think once I am able to venture out more. Enjolras has been more than kind as far as providing for my every need. When I arrived at his flat, I found his entire living area to be rearranged and a bed in the corner of the room. He had piled it high with pillows and bedcovers, making it look simply heavenly. Even with this pain in my side, I slept wonderfully my first night at the flat. He brings me food whenever I am hungry and helps me around the house when I simply insist that I need to get up off of the sofa. He has kindly let me read his books, and I have already almost completed an entire shelf. I have thanked him many times and told him he didn't have to do everything he is doing, but he insisted that he was doing these things because he loved me. That is a hard concept for me to grasp. I read my Bible and it talks of the Heavenly Father loving us unconditionally, yet that is so hard for me to fathom. I have loved before, but I have never been loved in return.

Today, we have just finished eating our lunch together and I am sitting on the sofa as usually thumbing through another one of his books while he has disappeared into his bedroom, probably hunched over his desk. There is a knock on the door, but before I can even begin to stand, Enjolras is out of the bedroom and headed to answer it.

"I'm sorry. I just can't move very quickly," I say.

"Ep, there isn't a need to apologize. I don't want you straining yourself. Don't stand," he says back, almost with exasperation.

I know he isn't exasperated with me. He is just tired of telling me to quit apologizing. He is patient with me and my brain that can't comprehend this level of love and care. When he opens the door, I see Cosette's rosy cheeks and blonde locks standing there.

"Good afternoon, Enjolras. I just came by to give something to Eponine," she smiles.

Enjolras lets her inside, "Of course, Cosette."

They both come to sit in the living area with me, and Cosette sits on the edge of her chair. The barricades have made her uneasy as well. Marius was injured worse than I, and she has been taking care of him every passing hour. I notice that in her basket appears to be clothes.

"Hello, Cosette. It's good to see you," I say.

We had a rough past but that doesn't mean we can't become friends now. I have begun a new life. I am a new Eponine. After all, the men we love are good friends. Things would become quite awkward if we were to continue to be strangers with each other.

"You as well, Eponine. You seem much better."

"I am. Gabriel has taken good care of me."

My statement is true, but I say it partly because I want to see his neck and cheeks flush.

"I brought you some of my old dresses. Enjolras happened to mention to me that you only have a few things, and he wouldn't have the slightest clue of what to get you. I really think these will suit you well," she smiles at me.

"Thank you, Cosette. That is very kind of you."

"Of course. When all of this…calms down, I would love to go with you to pick out some fabrics and dresses."

"I might have to take you up on that offer," I laugh.

Enjolras, who has been silent for this whole exchange, speaks up, "How is Marius faring, Cosette?"

At this question, Cosette's eyes become tired.

"He is healing, but slowly. In fact, I really should be going. I don't like to leave the house for too long."

"Send him our well wishes, and do stop by again. As soon as Eponine entirely mobile again, we'll come by for a visit," Enjolras says, walking Cosette to the door and taking the dresses from her.

"That was nice of her," I say as Enjolras sits down by me.

"It was. I am sure you too can grow to be friends once things settle," he says.

I make a sound of agreement as I rest my head against his shoulder. He takes one of my hands in his and presses my knuckles against his lips.

"You aren't yourself," I suddenly say, deciding we need to address the elephant in the room.

He looks down at me, "I could say that same about you, Ep."

"I realize we're both out of sorts, but I was shot."

He winces when I talk about my injury.

"I'm just going to need time," he sighs.

I twist to face him, trying to disguise my pain, and take his face in my hands so he will look at me.

"Gabriel, I know you need time, but know that keeping it bottled inside doesn't help. I am here for you, always."

He covers one of my hands with his and kisses my forehead.

"I love you," he breathes.

His face is inches from mine, and I think that he will kiss me. We haven't kissed since he professed his feelings for me, and every moment we spend together makes my desire to kiss him grow stronger. But he doesn't. He pulls away from me and stands, and my heart sinks.

"I should prepare us something to eat. I'll have to go pick up some things soon. But will vegetable stew do for the evening?" he asks.

"Sounds delightful," I reply quietly.

Enjolras

I could sense Eponine's disappointment when I pulled away from her and began to prepare dinner. But I want to show Eponine true love without the physical aspect first. I want her to see that physical affection isn't all there is to love. I want to show her love in all the very little things too. The life of prostitution is all she has known when it comes to physical affection, and I know that I won't be able to truly show her love in that physical manner until she knows that I love her for so much more than just that. I hope she can understand that.

She was right when she said that I am not myself. While she sleeps on the bed I've gotten her in the living area, I am up into the wee hours of the morning, not able to wipe the images of the barricade from my mind. When I do fall asleep, it isn't restful. My dreams are filled with nightmarish scenes, reliving that day along with other horrors. I dream of Eponine injured terribly, but I am unable to reach her. She bleeds out in front of me, calling for me, but there is nothing I can do. Those nightmares make me never want to sleep again.

But just as I am not my normal self, neither is Eponine. She is more reserved, quick to agree to whatever I say. It's like the fire inside her as been fizzled out, and I want it to return. But I know she is worried about so much right now. Her brother, Grantaire, me, her health. I know she tells me it's not my fault, but it isn't easy to just let that go. It's going to take so much work, but I don't know that I want to think about it. I just want to close my eyes, forget about all the horror that has happened, and sleep until everything goes back to normal, if it even will.