Something Breaks (November 1996)

For a long moment Ana simply stared at the scrap of paper clutched in her hands. Moony was hurt? Remus was hurt? How, what had happened, when…?

Her mind finally caught up with itself and she looked to the sky, now filled with weak winter sun and an expanse of pale blue but the night before dominated with a full, orb like moon.

She broke into a run, turning and heading towards the school gates. She couldn't use flight – someone would surely see a black shadow flying through the grounds and raise the alarm; it was a Death Eater favourite after all, so she ran as fast as she could, her calf high boots gripping the snowy ground as her skirts flew around her. She shouldn't have pulled her bodice so tight, she thought as she raced for the huge, imposing gates which were still some distance away, it was making drawing large breaths all but impossible.

Finally she came to the gates. Looking around quickly, scanning the grounds and noting that there was no one in sight (thank goodness for the Quidditch game – everyone would already be in the stands no doubt) she withdrew her wand from the holster hidden on her outer thigh and tapped it once against the sturdy iron. The gates groaned, creaking outwards a couple of feet and giving her enough space to slip through the gap. She closed the gates hurriedly, her heart thudding, as she looked around – constantly waiting for someone to appear and ask her what in hell she was doing. If someone did happen to see her she'd have to wipe their memories – which would further delay her from reaching Remus and Sirius.

Once Ana had closed the gates she pressed her back against the stone which bordered the grounds; a wall which stretched miles in both directions, and focusing with all her might on Grimmauld Place she Disapparated. The risk was great – but Remus was more important than her cover as a Squib being blown.

She landed on the doorstep in the gloomy London street and without pausing turned the door handle and stepped inside the house. As soon as she shut out the murky light from outside and turned into the darkness of the hallway she heard the house once again making itself invisible from the outside world; the grating and crunching loud over the complete silence of the long stretch of parquet before her.

"Sirius!" she called out, rushing towards the staircase, which was the best place to shout from if you wanted your voice to be heard throughout the entire house (Remus had once told her all about acoustics but she had paid little attention) and praying for a response.

A crashing sound coming from the first sitting room, right by the front door, broke through the faint echoes of her voice and she whipped her head around to see Sirius practically fall out of the room and look around for her wildly.

"Ana?" he shouted, looking to the front door before turning and seeing her; relief at the sight of her visible on his face. "Come on, quick, in here. Moony's…he's pretty badly battered – I didn't know who else to Owl."

She rushed over to him and swept past him into the room. The sight which met her eyes made her gut wrench painfully and she only just managed not to avert her eyes from the sight awaiting her.

Remus Lupin was lying next to a roaring fire but his body was still sporadically shaking – though whether it was tremors or cold or a mixture of both Ana couldn't tell. His face was a bloody pulp; deep gashes and grazes covered the flesh on his cheeks, forehead and chin. His nose was definitely broken. A pale hand was reaching out of the pile of blankets Sirius had no doubt planted onto his friend in order to keep the man warm. It had at least two broken fingers and the thumb too was sticking out at an odd angle. Most of the rest of Remus was concealed by the blankets but the one thing which was most painful, the thing which she found hardest to look at, was his eyes. One was black rimmed with a bloody tinge to the white whilst the other stared out at her blankly, without recognition. However the soft blue brought her back to her senses. She moved.

"Remus?" she whispered, taking three strides forwards and falling to her knees next to him.

She received no reply and produced her wand; running a brief diagnostic spell over his body – something she had learned early on in her training through the various Order members. Healing protocol; stage one – ascertain the damage.

She counted off the different coloured glowing lights which hung over the injured man's body. A yellow hue for breaks, white for organ damage and red for open wounds…it looked as if a series of rainbows had opened up above Remus' body.

"What do they mean?" asked a shaky voice from her side. She hadn't noticed Sirius come to kneel beside her. She reached out and gently squeezed Sirius' knee.

"Four broken ribs, lung damage – probably from the ribs, seventeen…no, eighteen open wounds, one leg broken in two places though the other looks to have gotten off with just bruising…" she stopped and swallowed. "I need clean hot water, some fresh towels and bandages to wrap the wounds…can you do that for me Sirius?"

There was silence for a moment and she looked to the other man to see him staring at his childhood friend; his expression bleak.

"Sirius?" she asked again. He started.

"Yeah…yes, I'll go…" he rose unsteadily and stumbled out of the room. She waited until his footsteps had faded into the house before looking back to Remus.

"Merlin above darling what have you gotten into?" she whispered, brushing a stray strand of hair from his bloodied face and taking a deep breath. "This is going to hurt and awful lot – I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

She raised her wand with a shaking hand and began to mutter. There was no sound but her voice for a few long seconds until without warning a high pitched keening began; rising in volume and coming to a height at which her voice was almost drowned out completely. She watched Remus twitch as he whined; like a baby been given Skele-Gro, and steeled herself; forcing her voice to remain strong and the movement of her wand sure as she worked. She vaguely heard Sirius come back with the requested water, bandages and towels but she felt his presence leave the room soon after with a string of muttered curses his only contribution.

After a few minutes Remus' keening turned to screams. She blinked away her tears and continued onwards. It wasn't the first time she had treated Remus after a full moon – when Tonks had died she had partially taken over the role along with Sirius and Fleur Weasley; who had a great aptitude for healing spells. However he had never been quite so severely injured as this and she had never been asked to heal him without various poultices and potions handy. Whatever had happened, however he had made his way back to Grimmauld Place in such a state, if he survived it would be a small miracle.

Not long after she dealt with the damage to his lungs, her breath coming in rushed gasps as she tried to uttered the complicated stream of charms as quickly as she could so he would have to suffer as little as possible, Remus fell abruptly quiet. The closing of his eyes and his constant, if slightly irregular, breathing told her he was unconscious. Good, Ana thought – she had been frightened that putting him into an unnatural state of slumber would do more harm than good. However if he was unconscious she would not have to remember all the pain she was causing. It didn't make things easier.

She didn't know how long she cast spells over the body of her friend. He drifted in and out of consciousness and once he started to say something; but she could only make out the word 'help' and decided she would much rather not know what it was he was saying. Most of the time he simply lay there, blissfully unconsciousness. When he was awake his grunts of pain and occasionally shouts – more than once developing into full blooded screams, caused tears to leak from her eyes as she tried to be stoic. Sirius did not return to the room. She felt a tiny sense of betrayal at that; that he called her to do the deed and didn't have the courage to stay with her until it was done.

Finally her task was finished. She dropped her wand unceremoniously and placed both palms flat on the floor, supporting her weight as she took in deep, steadying breaths; there was a cold sweat on her brow which had run down her face and onto her neck and chest without her realising. A small sound from Remus' prone form caused her to clench her teeth together tightly for a moment, readying herself to finish the job, before rising up onto stiff knees and falling into a sitting position at his side. She looked down to see his face was pale; ridiculously pale in contrast with the partially dried blood adorning it, and whilst one eye was swollen shut now the other was open and staring up at her.

"Hello stranger," she murmured gently, "How are you feeling?"

He groaned and closed his eye.

"I'm not surprised," she replied with a sad smile, "You got yourself in a pretty state."

He made a deep guttural sound, as though finding strength from some deep, hidden space, before opening his eye and again slowly breathing out,

"Wolf…pack…Greyback…"

She nodded wordlessly and leaned over to cover his lips with a finger.

"I know," she answered, "Full moon, group of wolves…it was never going to be fun and games. But surely Dumbledore knew the habits of Greyback's pack? They're beasts; they hunt and if they can't find prey they turn on each other…"

"He knew." Remus croaked. Ana's jaw twitched.

"Right," she muttered after a long moment of silence, "I'm going to clean you up…" she stopped at the visible flinch he could not hide at her words, "No more spells, I promise, the worst is over. But I need to check everything worked properly, wash away the blood and then get you somewhere more comfortable. I'll be gentle as I can."

He hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you anything to relieve the pain," she began conversationally, carefully picking up a towel and dipping the end in the now comfortably warm water before squeezing it out lightly and applying it gently to the first cut; running through an eyebrow and stopping half an inch from his eyelid.

"I was worried about it shielding any of your injuries and I didn't want you to sleep too deeply so anything that knocked you out was a no go. Plus I doubt Sirius has anything potions wise other than Pepper Up in this place – did you know it has fantastic properties for the treating of monster hangovers?"

Remus gave a weak chuckle at that; instantly wincing at the action. She continued to sponge away at the blood on his face; slowly revealing his features to her once again. His nose was straight and healed now but nonetheless she went especially carefully around that area. Once she came to his lip she noticed one of his front teeth was broken…however Ana refrained from fixing it then and there. She had promised him no more magic, for now, and had no intention no breaking that promise.

Once his face and neck was clear of blood Ana placed down the towel and began carefully unbuttoning Remus' shirt. She got three buttons undone before a white, shaking hand clasped lightly around on of her wrists. She looked up into Remus' eyes and smiled gently,

"Believe me; this is nothing I haven't seen before. Back in the other time I've seen you naked more times than I've seen Molly's Sunday Roast – and Molly cooked Sunday Roast at Grimmauld Place once a week for five years or so."

She cemented her words with a fleeting wink which caused Remus to cough, his thin body shaking with the motion. Ana merely continued to unbutton his shirt; his hand no longer impeding her actions.

"Don't worry it wasn't like that," she continued as she made her progress, "You got a lot of injuries – you know how it is with the change when you're older. No matter the Wolfsbane you still got yourself into scrapes and the transformations left you with a fair bit of damage – which is where I came in. Fixing you up became my speciality."

She finished unbuttoning the shirt and carefully parted it; revealing a chest which was covered in paper thin skin; ribs showing clearly through the milky covering and a stomach caved with under-eating. Ana fought the urge to flinch at the sight and won. There were a fair few scars there; both the fresh and those older than she was sitting side by side, and the sparse scattering of hair on his upper chest was grey – with exhaustion, not age.

She sponged his chest gently; there wasn't much blood there so the task was quickly done, and unbuttoned his trousers in what she hoped was a matronly fashion. Not that she knew quite what a matronly fashion was. Before pulling the garment down she hesitated and offered,

"I could try and find Sirius – ask him to do this for you, if you like?"

Remus shook his head slowly and with much effort.

"He's…probably piss drunk…by now." the man spoke weakly; his voice hoarse from the shouting from earlier and still shaky. However she did think he sounded stronger; stronger than before at any rate.

"Better hope not, for his sake." she said darkly before tugging down Remus' trousers, taking her time and allowing him to readjust his weight so she could remove the garments entirely. It was only when they were off that she paused and looked at him with confusion.

"If you got these injuries during a transformation then why are you wearing clothes?" she asked, "Surely you should be…well…clothes-less?"

Remus shrugged a shoulder, looking as though he instantly regretted it as a wave of pain showed clearly on his face.

"Woke up with…with them on. Don't know how it happened…don't know how." He trailed off, seemingly too tired to carry on, and closed his eyes for a long while.

Ana checked his legs and found them without any fresh marks – the bones had healed well enough under her spell but some Skele-Gro to strengthen the repairs wouldn't hurt. She used a discarded blanket to cover up his lower half before leaning forward and gently stroking his hair back from his face; causing his eyes to flutter open once again.

"I'm going to transfigure you a bed down here, alright? You shouldn't be moved too far but I daresay I can manage levitating you up a few feet."

He nodded slowly and she set about the task; transfiguring an old, discarded two seater of a withered sage green colour in the corner of the room into a comfortable looking double bed with mattress, pillows and cushions complete. Minerva McGonagall would have given her a billion house points for such a feat, she thought idly. Then, with as much delicacy as she could, she levitated a groaning Remus up onto the bed, allowing him to half crawl, half drag himself into a comfortable position. She then transfigured one of the blankets Sirius had provided into a coverlet and pulled it up over Remus' chest. Ana herself perched on the edge of the bed, running a hand across his brow as he settled back into the pillows cautiously.

"You don't have a fever," she murmured, "And though you're pale you're nowhere near as pale as you were before. I think you're going to make a full recovery, my dear invalid."

He smiled weakly and reached up to take her hand in his own larger one.

"Thank you," he whispered, "Without you…"

She hushed him before he could say it.

"You will be fine," she insisted, leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss to his temple, "But don't ever scare me like that again – you hear? My wrath will be unchecked if you do."

"You were worried about me?" he asked quietly; his good eye was already beginning to look unfocused and she knew that in his new, comfortable bed he would soon be fast asleep.

"Of course, silly," she whispered, "I love you - you're like a brother to me; which might seem strange to you who've only know me six months but to me? To me it's the most natural thing in the world. I couldn't bear it if I lost you."

She smiled to see his eye was already closed and his breathing steady. A slight rumble in his chest told her he had fallen asleep. Ana replaced his hand, still loosely holding hers, at his side and stood, leaving the room but keeping the door open in case he should wake up and call for her. She needed to send an Owl to Dumbledore; Poppy Pomfrey would probably be able to correct anything Ana hadn't had the skill or resources to right. She threw one last look over her shoulder, as though to make sure Remus was still there, before leaving the room and heading for the kitchen.

Even before Ana opened the door she knew Sirius was in there. She could hear the sound of a glass banging onto the wooden table and the sloshing of more liquid being tipped into said glass. She didn't even pause, opening the door and entering the room quietly, without drama, as her eyes fell on a very drunk Sirius Black.

He was seated at the table, his chair backwards and one arm leaning across the back, his legs spread so one fell on either side, chin resting on the supporting arm. His other hand was occupied with the tumbler of Firewhiskey, not his first, or second, or even sixth or seventh if his shaking grip and slumped posture was anything to go by. She pressed the door shut with her back and allowed him the time to down the drink, swallowing the stuff down in one smooth gulp, before announcing her presence with a steady,

"Remus is going to be alright; I think,"

She saw Sirius' head twitch to the side, in her direction, his body stiffening for a moment, before he slammed the glass back down on the table and poured another drink. He had obviously charmed the bottle to refill endlessly as it was still, even after he poured another generous tot, to all appearances completely full.

Calmly Ana walked over to the table and, sweeping past Sirius as he downed yet another mouthful of the horrible alcohol, she picked up the bottle and took a swig herself, wincing as the liquid burned her throat, before walking over to the iron stove and smashing the container to smithereens, less than if it were possible, on the hard surface. A shout of anger from Sirius was answered by her dropping the half on the bottle she still held and grinding her boot into it ferociously; looking with satisfaction at the brown, glass filled puddle on the floor at her feet.

"What THE FUCK are you doing woman?" he slurred, standing unsteadily and giving her a murderous look before making a tumbling approach and coming to stop a few inches away from her. His fetid breath was heavy with drink and she could not hide the disgust on her face as he tried to focus on her with heavy grey eyes.

"Your best friend almost died. You called me, and I came – I don't begrudge you that – I came and I did…" her trembling voice broke as her calm façade collapsed around her, "I did terrible spells on him, some ones I'd never admit to knowing, to make sure that he lived – that he lived unmarred by this; and where were you? Where were you Sirius? Sat in here getting shit faced whilst I listened to his screams…"

She raised her hand to hit him before she even realised she had done it…however his own hand came up, his speed and accuracy belying his drunken state, catching her wrist and holding it in a vice like grip.

"You think I didn't hear?" his tone was harsh now and she could almost believe she had knocked him out of drunkenness with her words. Or perhaps he had never really been bladdered; maybe he just wanted to pretend he was.

"The whole damn country probably would have heard if this place wasn't warded like Azkaban itself!" she exclaimed, "Heard me trying to help him – help him! I had to cause him more hurt than he probably felt when attacked to try and fix the damage and you…you left me. You left me to do it alone and you left him to suffer alone. What is WRONG with you?"

He shoved her back and she stumbled, not expecting it, going back four or five paces before her back thudded into the wall at the far end of the room. He prowled towards her, following her stumbling step for stumbling step, before without warning pulling his wand out and pointing it neatly at her throat with a hand which was only shaking slightly.

For a long moment everything was silent as she looked along the length of the wand to his face. In thirteen years he had never raised a wand to her; apart from when questioning her identity at one time or another (which was normal protocol for all Order members). However now there was fire in his eyes; real fire – the intent was clear.

"Go on," she whispered, her voice stronger than it had been since she'd entered the house that day, "Do it – you want to; I can see that."

His eyes narrowed ever so slightly and she could see his hand tightening its grip on the wand; see the thoughts going through his mind one after another. Oh no; he was most certainly not as drunk as he would like to be. Nowhere close in fact.

"Do. It." she spat, her quiet voice sounding loud in the silence.

The tear which tracked down her cheek was unexpected; she didn't realise it was there until she felt it fall onto her cheek. She saw Sirius' eyes widen, ever so slightly, as they fixated on the tiny drop of moisture and she felt as much as saw the grey orbs follow the progress of the tear down her cheek, past her nose and onto her chin where it fell onto the ground soundlessly. His eyes came back up to her face only to see another tear had already replaced the first; with a twin on the other side now, and she saw his resolve waver, his sense reign in the impulses of grief and Firewhiskey and, finally, the horror as he looked at his own arm, his own hand, his own wand – as he realised where it was pointing and what he was doing…

The wand clattered noisily as it fell on the floor.

Ana let out a slow breath and met Sirius' eyes; seeing the cloudy rage gone to be replaced by something far worse. His grey eyes, often clear and bubbling with laughter, sometimes harder than granite, were now so sad her heart could hardly bear it. She could see tears weakening the colour; making them pale silver as opposed to the strong stone she knew and loved. Without thought, without needing to think, she stepped away from the wall and threw her arms around his neck – pulling his shaking body to hers as she embraced him.

At first nothing happened; he simply stood there – unmoving. Then, as if a dam were breaking and water was falling forth uncontrollably, he sagged into her. She couldn't hold his weight and allowed herself to sink to the floor with him, cradling his head on her shoulder and shushing him as a mother would a baby as he began to desperately, painfully cry.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, sounding so like a child she almost felt the need to check a full grown Sirius and not some boyhood version lay in her arms. "I'm so sorry…."

"Hush," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his curly head and smoothing hair away from his forehead as he sobbed, "It's alright; there's nothing to be sorry for – it's alright."

She didn't know how long they sat there – two former prisoners of Azkaban wilting under the weight of horrors no one else could ever understand, two friends who had almost lost a brother in everything but blood, two people in a world which they felt lost in…Ana couldn't begin to count the similarities between them. She only knew him – just him – and that, she felt, was enough.

It took her a long while to realise that Sirius had stopped crying. It took her a long time to realise that somehow he was now holding her, though both had passed beyond crying and now seemed to embrace just silence and the comfort of having another human being close by.

If anyone had walked in they would have seen Sirius Black on the kitchen floor with Ana Harte half on and half off his lap, her hands clutched his blazer as she pressed her head against his chest, he with one arm around her and the other resting on her legs. If someone were to walk in they'd think they' interrupted some kind of tryst. However all Ana could think of was Remus and how close he'd come to dying. All she could think of was Sirius and how no one had realised how broken he was. All she could think of was herself and how much she had wanted Sirius' threat to not be an empty one.

Finally Sirius shifted. Wordlessly she moved off of him, allowing him to rise and then, taking his proffered hand, she levered herself up from the floor. When she was on her feet their eyes met for a moment and she knew that he would never, not ever, raise his wand to her again.

"Can you forgive me?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Yes," she whispered, "Just this once."

He nodded solemnly. It was an unspoken promise which needed no words.

"I should Owl Hogwarts – inform Albus of Remus' condition; he should send Poppy Pomfrey and some medicines which will help…"

"Not Floo?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Quidditch match today; they'll all be at the pitch…"

She trailed off and smiled weakly to Sirius.

"He's alright now;" she tried to reassure him as much as herself, "Weak but he'll survive."

"I'm still sorry," Sirius murmured, his eyes averted from hers, "Sorry I left you to do it alone. It's just…the way he was crying out, moaning and writhing…"

"I know," she answered, "And I shouldn't have yelled at you for not wanting to see your oldest friend in pain. I was just…" she shook her head.

"I understand." He replied. She believed him.

"Hogwarts," she said, "I'll Owl."

He nodded and offered,

"I'll go sit with Remus, make sure he stays alright."

She nodded her own answer, moving towards the kitchen table on which was parchment, an ink bottle and a couple of quills – the kitchen was the only place in the house from which Owls were permitted to leave. She pulled a piece of parchment towards her, dipped a quill into the ink and was above to touch nib to paper when she heard Sirius call from the doorway,

"Ana?"

She looked over to see him half in and half out of the door, looking back at her with a sincere expression on his face.

"When I needed someone, really needed someone, the only person I could think of other than Moony was you. I knew you'd be able to fix it, to fix him, and I didn't even consider calling anyone else. I know…" he paused looking away for a moment before evidently steeling himself and bringing his gaze back to meet her own, "I know that doesn't excuse what I did. I threatened you and that was a horrible thing after what you've been through today, I'll not forgive myself as quickly as you forgave me, but…well I suppose what I'm saying is I hope that means something."

His expression softened and she had to stop herself from going over to him. He shrugged a shoulder and murmured insistently, "I thought of you – just you."

She smiled and nodded slowly, her heart feeling lighter than it had done since she had come to the damned house.

"It does," she answered simply.