This chapter was...difficult...and some of you may not love it!
But anyway! I can't get enough of the reviews...seriously thank you. I makes writing so worth it!
Chapter 20 - Screwed
Tris's POV:
Breakfast was interesting. Seeing Will and Tobias's faces heating up for very different reasons was proving to be entertaining.
"Oh Jesus Christ!" Christina exclaims. "Would you two just relax!...Will, I know you saw Tris's booty and you probably even peeked at her cute tits—"
"Nope, nope, nope….I saw no cute tits—sorry Tris…boobs, breasts….what is the correct word here?" Wills asks nervously as I see Tobias narrow his eyes.
"There is no correct word," Tobias deadpans.
"—and it's fine! I know you love me, baby. You made that very, very clear last—"
"So Chris?" I ask trying to change the subject. "Please tell me you're working Monday…"
"I'm working Monday! Pretty sure Tori only trusts you and I to work during the play-offs. What time does the game start?"
"7:00," Tobias and Will say at the same time.
I see Will lean over and say something to Tobias, probably an apology, which is totally unnecessary. Tobias claps him on the back and gives him a nod while leaning back and stretching in his chair. He had to borrow Will's undershirt to wear under his jacket because his other shirt is now sans buttons. Will isn't as built as Tobias, so when he stretches the T-shirt pulls taut over his chest.
"Close your mouth Tris….and by the way you smell like sex!" Christina says in her loud whisper.
I look over at my boyfriend who has a smug smirk that he is trying to hide. Such a guy.
"Anyway….breakfast is on me today guys! My sincerest apologies…I swear…"
"Will it's fine….we should have had the door closed. She's the one who decided it was conversation time!" I emit pointing to a very self-satisfied Christina.
Christina leans over the table, "Speaking of conversation, I've been meaning to ask you…did you also get attacked by a vampire last night?"
Tobias chokes on his coffee and I ball up my napkin throwing it at him. "There will be paybacks Four!" His jaw twitches after I call him that. "Mr. I'm-a-brilliant-architect-whom-everyone-looks-up-to may just have to wear a turtle neck to work one of these days….."
Flashback:
"Sis! You do know it's June right?" Caleb asks running up behind me as I come out of the barn.
"Yeah."
"Then what's with the turtle neck?!" he asks pulling on the collar of it.
I flinch away quickly smacking his hand. "I was cold this morning, okay?" I blurt out remembering the deep finger nail scrape marks I left on myself trying to claw Eric's hands off of me.
"Hey, so mom wanted me to tell you a 'secret admirer' left a dozen roses on our door step."
"Hmm."
Caleb laughs. "How bad did he screw up this time?"
"No more than usual," I comment dryly while staring at the apple tree in blossom.
"I thought you hated roses? I know he's my boss but he's a total jerk-off. Especially if he can't remember you're favorite flowers. Susan's are carnations…at least that's what she tells me, probably because she knows I can't afford—"
End Flashback
"Do, do, do, do, do, do, do…do, do, do, do, doo….duh, do, do, do, do, do….Ya gonna finish that thought Trissy? Or should I go through the Jeopardy theme song again?" Christina asks with raised eyebrows.
"Oh…sorry," I say with an absentminded smile. "What was I saying?" I ask laughing as if I had a ditsy moment.
I can feel my hands get sweaty as I wipe them on my jeans and my forehead feels cold as the breeze from the restaurant door blows on the slight sheen of perspiration on my forehead. Tobias grabs my hand under the table and my heart, that I now just realize was racing, starts to slow down.
"Well, I would proudly wear a turtle neck to work," he says trying to deflect the attention from me as he leans over and says in my ear, "especially if it was because your sexy lips were on my neck."
I smile slightly as he gives me a chaste kiss on the cheek. He keeps my hand in his and runs his thumb over my knuckles knowing something is wrong.
Will takes a bite of his omelette and laughs quietly. "So Four….what the hell happened with Lauren? She throws herself at you and then she slaps you?"
"Oh yes…Four," I say enunciating his nickname and squeezing his hand tightly, "do tell."
As much as I hated what I saw with him and Lauren last night, I am curious even if it will piss me off…..I'm also happy the attention is off of me.
Tobias clears his throat in obvious discomfort as he looks at me.
"Okay Trissy…" he says while squeezing the top of my knee, which I hate almost as much as that stupid nickname rolling off his tongue. "Maybe you can add in your two cents on this situation since apparently you 'knew all about it', according to Lauren."
Putting my hands up in explanation I say, "All I know is she came into the bar a couple weeks back talking about a guy she liked, who made it very clear he would be at Hangars a lot in the future, knowing she was going to be there often. She also informed me that she knew he liked her because he kept checking his coffee cup to see if she left her number." I take a long drink of my now cold coffee before I add, "Then I saw her all tits-in-your-face last night."
"She was not all 'tits-in-my-face'—"
"Yes she was," Christina interrupts.
"Agreed," concurs Will.
"Well…maybe I don't notice anyone else's boobs except Trissy's," he adds squeezing my knee again knowing I hate the nickname.
I love this side of my boyfriend, the one who can just be with people without putting on his 'Four' face.
"Can we please get this story over with?" I sit back in my chair and cross my arms.
Tobias smirks at me and puts his arm around the back of my chair addressing only me. "I did tell Lauren I will be at Hangar's often….to see you….not her. I also do frequently check my coffee cup to make sure she doesn't leave me her number…"
"Yeah…that shit happens all the time," Will adds with a mouthful of pancakes as Christina kicks him. "Ow! Sorry…"
I see Tobias rubbing the back of his neck as he sighs. I know he doesn't like the fact that women fawn over him, but it doesn't make it any less easier on me knowing I'll have to be present for it.
"But that still doesn't explain why she slapped you," Will says pointing his fork at Tobias.
"Geez…." he whines running his hands over his face. "Word for word?"
"Word…for…word."
"Fuck," he says under his breath. "Fine. I said I would be more interested in dating her cat than in dating her."
I snort out a laugh at his blatant assholic remark. He can seriously be such a dick.
"You crushed that poor girl!" Christina blares in stupid Lauren's defense.
"I don't know why she was so offended…just because I prefer Tris's pussy to hers," he says shrugging.
My cheeks are now on fire, Will starts laughing hysterically and Christina drops her fork and guffaws at him.
"Did you…just say something funny and totally vile?" she asks with disbelief after regaining her composure.
"I told you babe….he's actually really funny! Just not often…."
"Yeah…don't have high expectations," Tobias says pointing at Christina while rubbing my back.
My face is buried in my hands as I shake my head.
"Aw Tris…don't worry….now we all know you have a great ass, tits and snatch!" says Christina while laughing at my expense.
"Can we please stop talking about my…parts?...and that is the worst word ever!"
"Which one?" she asks goading me.
"You know which one!"
"She won't say it," Tobias says with a confident shrug of his shoulders. He goading me too!
"I can say it…..I just—"
"Nope. You won't. I know you won't," Tobias says raising his eyes suggestively. Just because I'm getting used to the whole dirty talk...screw it!
I take down my last dredge of coffee, stand up and say to the whole diner. "Apparently…I have a very nice snatch!"
This earns me loud laughing from Christina and Will, several whoops from customers and an "I'll bet you do!" from some guy as I sit down.
Tobias turns his head and glares at the guy who said it while I smack him lightly on the back of the head and say, "Stop it," in his ear giving his neck a quick kiss on the way down.
"What?" he asks as he leans over. "I won't apologize for not loving other men envisioning how glorious your—"
I put my fingers over his lips. "Enough of that word!"
"Okay enough of the comic relief," says our tired-looking server. "More coffee?"
I got to move my cup over to her but Tobias covers it with his hand saying, "She's good." Well that was annoying.
The server makes eye contact with me while I glare at Tobias. "Honey? I'll let you answer for yourself now," she says getting down to eye level with me.
"Tris…trust me." His eyes flicker briefly at his use of the word 'trust.' "You don't want more coffee."
"Okay! It seems as if I don't want any more coffee," I retort, which seems to pacify her as she fills Will and Christina's cup.
"So….shall we?" Tobias asks nodding toward the door, not really waiting for me to answer as he pulls my chair out.
"I guess so!" I remark in annoyance saluting Will and Christina.
"Thank for picking up breakfast Will. I had a $1000 bar tab last night, so I'm kinda tapped out right now."
Christina snickers under her breath as I turn pretending not to hear that comment, knowing that I was charging him for everyone's drinks sitting around him until close. He rushes after me grabbing my waist and pulling me back to him while walking us in tandem out of the restaurant whispering in my ear, "As I said last night, you're…not…nice."
"You just looked like you were enjoying yourself so much with happy-tits that I figured you wouldn't mind a few rounds on the house! You know…didn't you want to celebrate?" I comment sarcastically as he pushes the door open for the both of us.
"Ow!" I say as he sucks a hickey right onto my neck pulling me to him roughly as he leans against the brick of the building.
"I'm only truly happy when your tits are rubbing up against me…as you well know." I cross my arms and stare at him being unnecessarily stubborn. "You know me well enough to know that I was not happy with that situation last night," he says with sincerity as he kisses my forehead still holding me tight to him by the waist.
"Imagine it from my perspective," I say with equal sincerity.
"Yeah…I would rather not," he replies tucking a stray stand of hair behind my ear kissing me sweetly on the cheek. "I'm sorry…I know we were joking in the restaurant, but that must have really been…"
I don't add anything as I really don't want to add onto his guilt. He pauses putting his hand under my chin so I'll look at him.
"Where did you go yesterday?….I may not deserve to know…but I hope you'll tell me anyway."
I nod my head communicating that I will but now is not the time.
He takes my hand. "Now onto the reason I would not let you have more of that awful shit they call coffee."
Tobias's POV:
We take the bus to my neighborhood…if that's what you would call it. It's just a bunch of high rises and expensive restaurants. It pretty much sucks that Tris lives in Bucktown and I live in the South Loop. It's not even all that far distance-wise, but Chicago traffic is a total bitch. Living here makes the commute to work for me easier, but not the commute to Tris's. And at this moment I'm incredibly focused on her, seeing how royally I fucked up the other night. I still can't believe she forgave me for completely stomping all over her trust. I'm going to have to ask her why.
She leans up against me on the bus as I put my arm around her shoulders. Who knew that I would ever be in the situation to actually show affection towards someone in public. But with Tris, I honestly can barely stand it if I'm not touching her somehow when she's near. I wonder if she feels the same…she seems to.
At the restaurant something was suddenly off with her…it was like she went somewhere else mid-sentence. I think I know where, hopefully she'll tell me. When I took her hand under the table she seemed to immediately calm down. As much as I hate that she is easily triggered (if that is what it was)…I love that I can instantly calm her.
As the bus comes to a stop I say quietly, "We're here."
"And where exactly is here?" she asks as I take her hand and help her off the bus. "I mean I know where we are, but why are we 'here'?"
"Patience….is a virtue."
"You sound like my mother," she remarks. Shit! I didn't mean—
"Relax...I'm the one who brought her up," she says squeezing my hand. Phew.
I nod my head and give her a small smile, which she returns. "It's about a block this way," I point with both of our hands, not wanting to let go.
"What…is?"
"So…the Hawks game on Monday night? Game 3…you pumped!?" I say with exaggerated excitement…although I am pretty pumped.
"Way to deflect! And in answer to your question, yes, I am excited. But….I have to work, and the closer we get to the Stanley, the rowdier the crowd."
I don't answer because I hate her job and she knows it. I wish she would try to sell some of her art. Maybe someday she could…I don't know...open a gallery? Is that what they're called? There is open space on Lake Shore Drive. Incredibly expensive but I could help her out…assuming she would let me…she probably wouldn't. She could maybe move closer…or move- whoa….enough Tobias.
"Well I will be there, just so you know,….for every play-off game."
She sighs and shakes her head. "You're gonna hate it….and there is nothing you can do. That's why we have Al. "
"I know…I saw how he got to save the day when that guy grabbed your sweater—"
"Did you just say 'got to save the day'? It's not a competition, Tobias," she says annoyed.
Fuck, she's right. "Sorry, I know. I just know how he feels about you and I can't help but think that I should be the one who gets to grab guys and throw them out…not just the observer."
"I guess."
"Do you not want me there?" I ask quietly as I look away pretending that wouldn't crush me if she said she didn't.
"No. I love having you there…but why torture yourself? Customers say and do some pretty nasty things…sometimes I don't even know why I work there."
I don't answer because I know exactly why she works there. It's one of the best bars in the city to be a bartender. She probably makes a pretty good living. I guess I don't really know. That's a conversation for another day perhaps because we are here.
"And we have arrived at our destination," I say guiding her down the alley.
"Wait. Is this where I find out that you have actually been strategically plotting my murder for the last month? You were looking at me kinda funny that first night..."
"First off, I don't usually think that far ahead," (that's not entirely true anymore) "and second, I was looking at you funny because I thought you were gorgeous and I wanted to throw you onto the bar and ravage you."
"Well, in response," she says pushing me up against the building sliding her hands up my chest which is where her hands tend to go most often. "I hope that first comment isn't entirely true," she says quietly not looking at me. "And second, even though I was convinced you were into Christina—"
"Impossible."
"I probably would have let you ravage me…well, maybe not on the bar. But, we have ample other 'private places'."
"Really?" I ask pulling her close to me roughly by her belt loops. "Can I see them sometime?" I implore kissing her behind her ear.
"I will gladly give you a tour…" She pulls me down to her and runs her tongue along my bottom lip. Jesus….I need to get my girl home.
"What are you doing, Four?!...Who is this little thing?" Gertie is sticking her head out of the door glaring at me. Fuck, how long has she been there? Does she have a damned camera out here…I'll bet she does.
I clear my throat. "This is my girlfriend, Tris."
"Tris?" she spits out. "What is with you Americans and your stupid nicknames?" She waves her hands and going back inside.
"What…the…hell?" Tris says under her breath as I adjust myself and take her hand leading her into Gertie's little shop. "Is she gonna murder me?" she whispers.
"I hope not."
I lead Tris in with my hand on her lower back which I love and I know she does too because she grins every time. I don't think she has a clue how many things I notice about her.
"What…is…that…smell?" she says as she closes her eyes inhaling deeply. "No….is this where you get that fucking amazing coffee?"
I nod my head as I see Gertie smile in pride but then she frowns as she sees that she's been caught.
"This one has a mouth on her, huh? Are you very sure you're not from Chicago?"
"What does she mean 'this one'?" Tris looks at me accusingly with semi-sarcasm, semi-serious attitude. "How many have had to 'earn' this?"
"Tris…I assure you. You are the only person I've ever brought here…both male and female." What's with that? I know she's been with other T-shirt wearing dudes…who obviously sucked in bed, seeing as they couldn't get her- gah!
"And how do you know I'm not from Chicago?" Tris asks Gertie curiously.
"You're less annoying accent."
Tris purses her lips. Here we go. "You're French, right?"
Gertie flits her fingers. "Obviously."
"I can tell by your very annoying accent." Shit Tris! I really want to keep coming here!
Gertie stares at her as I reflect on the fiery attitude of my girlfriend, then she narrows her eyes and says, " I like her. She can drink my coffee."
I sigh out the deep breath I was holding as Gertie goes to the back to make the coffee. I grab Tris by the waist pulling her to me. "You almost lost me my coffee rights, jerk."
"She was making fun of your annoying accent!"
"I do not have an annoying accent," I say in defense, "so, no she wasn't!"
"All people from Chicago say they don't have an accent!" comments Gertie handing us our coffees. "Although in your case gorgeous, you do not have this accent. But you come from money so you wouldn't!"
I stiffen at this reference as Tris glances my way intercepting, "So, we haven't been properly introduced. You already know my annoying name….and yours would be?"
"Gertrude." She pronounces it in French: Jher-trood. "But you may call me Gertie."
"Not annoying at all," Tris says under her breath as I pinch her in the side to shut her up.
"No cream, no sugar, no foo foo shots…so don't ask me! Folding table is in the corner. Handsome, you come get the chairs in back."
"Oui, mademoiselle," I say in my totally shitty French accent.
"'Mademoiselle'…such a flirt!" Not really. I look back at Tris who is smiling to her self and shaking her head while uncapping both of our coffees.
"She's a spit fire," Gertie says as if it's a secret.
"That she is," I say lifting up the folding chairs.
"You're in love with her...I can see it on your face!"
"That I am," I say plainly with a small grin as Gertie smiles back until she catches herself.
I open the chairs and sit down across from Tris as she hands me my coffee.
"So, what's up with this place? Why the secret location? How does she stay in business? Where does she get—"
"Did you want me to answer any of those questions?" I ask raising my eyebrows.
She narrows her beautiful eyes at me. "Sorry for being curious…jerk."
I laugh and try to explain. "She's a widow and her husband was a millionaire coffee importer. They have no children so she inherited everything. She's actually very business savvy."
"Seriously?" Tris says with doubt in her voice.
"Yes I certainly am! I have a degree is International Business mon cherie. I saw your real estate plummeting all the way from my balcony in Paris. What did you call it? The 'Global' Financial Crisis? Americans….so arrogant."
"Do you hear yourself when you talk?" Tris implores with excessive sarcasm.
"Anyway," I quickly interject before my coffee rights are stripped. "She bought low…waited out the market…and sold high. Gertie here actually owns my building and several others."
"It's my building."
"My mistake. And she also happens to be my neighbor."
"Why did you pick Chicago?" Tris asks with now genuine interest. "If you're from Paris….why not New York or—"
"Did I say I'm from Paris?" Gertie interrupts.
"Well, no…"
"I'm from Nice."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"I do my research!" Gertie says waving her hands in the air as she so often does. "Chicago is very much like Nice: very diverse, with a good bit of industry, tourism, stunning architecture and museums like none other! My Four here would love love love it! And many how do you say it 'culture hubs?' Very much like these neighborhoods of Wicker Park or Bucktown. Now…stop asking me questions and drink my damned coffee…I need a cigarette," Gertie flails her hands in the air and disappears in the back.
"I've never heard her talk that much. She really does like you….hmmm, who would have thought?" I say shaking my head.
"Wow! You really think highly of me…."
"It's not you," I say laughing and playing with her soft fingers on the table. "Well, it may be a little of you—" She pulls her hand away feigning offense. "Gertie's...difficult," I whisper, "and you're not exactly shy when people are rude. Well, at least not when it comes to standing up to coffee Nazis."
"I heard that! You're lucky you're gorgeous!" Gertie yells from the back.
"She thinks very highly of your looks, not that I blame her," Tris says running a finger down my jaw. "Should I be jealous?" she whispers leaning in to me.
"If I were into wealthy French widows in their 70s, then yes you may have something to worry about…." I give her a soft slow kiss on her cheek.
'Well then tell me…what are you into?" she asks moving her hands up my legs causing some serious arousal on my behalf as she brushes her thumbs over my groin.
"My apartment is right around the corner…I could show you if you want. No roommate…sound-proof walls…if you're interested." Please say yes...
"Tempting…but I'd rather finish my coffee," she says as she takes a sip holding back a teasing smile. Liar...
Pretending to be patient, I steeple my fingers together resting my chin on them, momentarily looking her over. I know I'll literally only have a moment until she gets embarrassed. She dons running shorts, a sweatshirt and tennis shoes. Her wavy hair is falling over her shoulders and she wears not an ounce of make-up. She is…I don't even know…incredible. On others it would look so plain.
"You….are…staring, Tobias."
"I'm allowed." She gives me a closed-mouth smile and her cheeks warm a little. "What? Why are you blushing, Tris….?"
"I don't know what you're talking about…." she says looking past me.
"There are only two situations when your cheeks turn pink: One: when someone complements you because you don't know how to accept one. Two: when you are thinking about….other things."
"Other things?"
"Yep."
"Such as…"
Tris's POV:
Getting to his building was pure agony. Now that I know what amazing sex feels like, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to get enough…particularly with this man. He pretty much dragged me half of the way until he made me jump up on his back and runs us the last block into his building.
When we get in the elevator there is another couple in there with us, but it doesn't stop Tobias from pulling me to him from behind and creeping his hands up under my sweatshirt, running his thumbs under my breasts. The couple is standing in front of us so they don't see anything, but they probably hear my hitched breath and small giggle and possibly his slight growl as I tease him with the tips of my fingers where he is engorged. As they get off on the next floor he continues his searching by reaching around my waist and forcing his hands under the waistband of my shorts into my underwear to tease me. I know he feels how wet I am as he sucks in a deep breath and his cock twitches into my back.
Suddenly I'm feeling bold, so I reach my arm behind me pulling on his neck saying, "That's all for you."
"Mmm hmm," is all he says as he removes his hand and bounces on his toes watching the numbers go up. "Fuck," he says under his breath as he rests his forehead on the top of my head. "I want you so bad right now…this is pure torment."
"Patience is a virtue," I say as I turn around and unbutton the top button of his jeans undoing to zipper partially, this time forcing my fingers into the front of his jeans.
"Mmmmm….must you do that right now, Tris…..shit."
The elevator dings on his floor as he throws me over his shoulders running to his door, which is thankfully only at the end of the hall. He unceremoniously puts me down as he fumbles with his keys trying to find the right one, I'm not helping one bit as I undo his zipper all the way and start to stroke him fast in his pants. He stops and leans his hands against the door breathing heavy until he turns and lifts me by the backs of my thighs pushing me hard against the door and kissing my neck.
"We're are going to have sex right here…I don't even fucking care," he breathes out as he reaches up under my shorts quickly testing my wetness with his fingers as we both groan. He sets me down momentarily and roughly pushes my shorts down. The elevator dings as we make eye contact with each other with wide eyes. His pants are still on, albeit unzipped, so he stands in front of me trying to hold them up and find the correct key while his neighbor gets off the elevator. Whoever it is, is of course walking toward us.
"Hello, Four!" says an elderly woman.
"Mrs. Brown," he says addressing her politely. "….Shit, shit, shit," he emits under his breath as I'm desperately trying to contain both my embarrassment and my laughter. He finally gets the correct key in the hole as we practically fall into his apartment.
"Who's your friend—"
She definitely did not get to finish that sentence as Tobias slams the door behind us and lifts me off the floor setting me down only long enough to pull off my running shorts and kick them out of the way as I unbuckle his jeans pushing them and his boxers down to his ankles with my feet.
"Where were we? Right here I think?" he asks huskily as he lifts me off the floor pressing me into the door in the small entryway as he accosts my neck with his lips. I'm still wearing my panties but they're small and lacey so he moves them aside with his adept fingers quickly before he drives himself into me.
"Oh fuck…Tobias," I breathe out as he thrusts deep inside me with a throaty groan each time. Soundproof or not there is no way people in the hallway can't hear us as the door bangs loudly over and over with each heave of Tobias strong legs.
"I...fucking...love you….God you feel so good."
"Just please...don't stop…"
"Not a chance…because I'm going to keep fucking you… until you come twice," he says as he reaches down and rubs his thumb back and forth over my clit as I reach down and hold his hand there.
"Shit….do that faster."
He increases the speed of his thumb as he thrust into me hard and holds me there rocking his hips in tight movements…he must have felt that I was close because that puts me over the edge and I bite into his shoulder and wrap my legs around his waist tight rocking my hips against his as he holds me there while I climax around him.
"Shit…I can feel every inch of you baby…how do you do that?" he grits out between clenched teeth. I don't answer because I physically can't and because I don't know.
"One down," he says in obvious restraint as he side steps out of his jeans and shoes and quickly slides us down the door onto the floor so I'm straddling his lap. I brace myself on his shoulders and plant my feet on the floor as I rise up and down over his cock. Sitting on him like this provides a totally different angle, it's like I can just enjoy the feeling, without it being powerful enough to reach my peak. He is resting his hands on my hips. I'm super sensitive in the best way possible and still feeling the slight shocks going through my body and I know he does too as he bites down on his lip and closes his eyes each time it happens.
"Damn….why would you think you wouldn't be any….good….at….this?"
"Because I was told that."
It just came out. I was being honest. But the look on Tobias's face of confusion and then blatant anger is slightly shocking. Please don't think about Eric…please, please, please. He clenches his jaws and roughly smoothes my hair out of my face before taking my face in his hands and studying my irises. Then faster than I can even process we are off the floor and he is carrying me into his room. He still has anger written all over his face and I don't know what to do.
He puts me on the bed with urgency not breaking bodily contact for one second as he kisses me hard and full on the lips. He pushes his left arm up under my back holding me to him almost as if he were to loosen his grip I would disappear.
My body and mind are at odds because physically I am incredibly responsive to his insistent need for me, but the emotional side of me feels like he is using me as a distraction. I know exactly what's going on in his head: he's trying not to be careful with me knowing how much I hate it but the bigger part of him, that seems to be consuming him at the moment, is trying to forget whatever situation I have projected into his mind. We are so much alike in how we use physical tasks as distractions from our mental states, and that is exactly where he is right now. But it still feels amazing…because it is coming from a place of love even if he doesn't know it.
He brings his right hand down between my legs to move my underwear but pulls too hard and rips them before pushing himself inside me hard with an emotional moan. I'm not even sure he knows that he did it as he props himself up on his elbow and rests his forehead on his hand that I can see out of the corner of my eye is in a white knuckled fist and starts thrusting. Instinctively I wrap my arms around his torso trying to move my hips in tandem with his, wanting desperately to enjoy his protective closeness.
But I soon notice that he isn't looking at me, he's still holding me close but he seems disengaged. I can't keep up with his movements anymore as he increases his speed. The sounds coming out of him don't hold emotion, they are more just physical responses to pleasure. It reminds me of Eric. I should probably stop him and I know he would if I tried. My cheeks are starting to heat up as some fucked up emotion of being pissed at myself for saying something in reference to Eric, and at the fact that Tobias seems to be using my body so he doesn't have to think about it. At this point, I may as well not even be here as he removes his hand from my back and puts it on my hip squeezing it with his eyes shut as I notice beads of sweat on his forehead. I feel him engorge inside me and roughly move his hips in fits and starts as he nears his release. A tear slides from the outside of my eye and trails down to its final resting place in my ear, and then another. Why do tears only come out of one eye sometimes? I make no move to wipe it away, not that I could anyway because I'm frozen in place. Suddenly he open his eyes and something seems to connect. The sudden look of shock and regret that comes across his face is enough for the tears to come out of my other eye. Not being able to control his physical response his hips convulse as he climaxes. I'm unable to tear my eyes away from his face as he looks away from me almost in shame as a strangled noise comes out of him that sounds like pain. He immediately stills himself inside me where as before he would take a moment to enjoy his peak...we both would.
He closes his eyes and completely turns his head away from me as he removes his hand from my hip, which I think may be bruised, and places his hand on the side of my face. Still with his eyes closed he must feel my tears because he moves his thumb along the trail they left behind as he lands his forehead again on his fisted hand.
I lay still, not knowing what to do or say nor how to feel as conflicting emotions are pummeling me. I had made it very clear that I don't want him to baby me or treat me differently just because of what happened with Eric but I also don't want to be used as a fucking blow up doll. Currently the anger is winning out as I push him off me and roll onto my side sitting up on the bed. I take a deep breath and stand up feeling grateful that my sweatshirt is big enough that it covers my lower body. Why I feel suddenly self-conscious I don't know. But as I stand my underwear that are now just a loose piece of fabric because they had been completely ripped in half at the crotch, slide down to my ankles as I stare at them.
Flashback:
I count to 60 slowly knowing that if Eric hasn't moved by the time I reach that number, he has officially passed out for the night. Thankful that I reach that magical number, I disentangle myself from Eric's limp arms and heavy legs that were pinning me in place and swing my legs over the bed letting out a shaky breath. As I stand I feel something tickle the sides of my legs and land at my ankles. My underwear that he had savagely ripped off lay in one long strip of fabric at my feet as liquid drips down my thigh.
End flashback:
I quickly go to step out of them but I'm still in my running shoes and end up tripping and landing hard on my knees, which hurts surprisingly more than expected seeing that I caught some of my weight on my hands, then I remember the bruises on my knees from falling on them the other morning. I cry out in a mix of pure embarrassment, pain and relived memories as my palms go clammy and my forehead breaks out in a cold sweat. Please make it to the bathroom please please please!
I don't how I make it there but I do as I retch into the toilet. My hair which was annoyingly hanging over my face like a curtain is suddenly out of my face thankfully as I continue to vomit the contents of my stomach. My throat is burning by the time I'm done and the cool tile of the floor looks so appealing as I'm lowered onto it suddenly using it as a pillow…albeit a little bit of a painful pillow. Something soft and cool covers my forehead providing much needed relief just as much as the soothing voice in my ear and the comforting pressure around my waist. I know it's Tobias. There's no one in the world that calms me the way he does…even as memories of laying on the bathroom floor back in Eric's house infiltrate my head. They don't seem to reach fruition the way they used to. I don't know how long I'm there, but the bathroom floor isn't as comfortable as it was as my skin starts to get cold and shivers take over.
I can feeling Tobias lifting me off the floor as I cling to him and I settle on his lap inhaling the soothing thickness of steam as it calms my throbbing throat.
"I love you," is repeated like a mantra in my ear as I nod my head in agreement. I know he loves me as much as I love him. "You're burning up. May I take your sweatshirt off…I promise I won't…touch you…I—"
"Take it off," I say feeling guilty that he even feels like he has to ask as the tears start to fall.
He lifts it over my head and then I can feel his fingers run down my back and stop at my bra strap but not unhooking it.
"Please…take it off…"
"Okay, " he whispers in my ear as carefully unhooks it and lets it fall off my shoulders and rest on my lap. He doesn't make any move to pull it off further, so I rip it off frustrated at myself.
I smell the scent of my shampoo as he starts massaging my scalp. "You bought my shampoo…"
I wasn't sure if he heard me until he hums, "Mmm hmm," as he lathers up the ends and then rinses the shampoo out as the water cascades down my shoulders.
"Tobias, I'm sorry…I know you were just. I ruined it….I—"
"Tris. I know I don't have the right to ask anything of you right now, but I'm going to do it anyway. Can you please stop…just stop…?"
"Stop what?"
But he doesn't answer as I feel his hands run up and down my back and lovingly over my shoulders and down my sides to soap up my legs. I lean back into him as he runs his hands over the top of my chest. I reach up to grab his hands to run them down my front but he immediately pulls them away resting his hands on my shoulders and his forehead on the back of my head.
"I'm sorry…I can't…." he whispers roughly.
I shake my head and rest my forehead in my hands knowing how badly I screwed up. I told him not to treat me like an invalid and when he tried his hardest not to, I do exactly as he expected. I literally fulfilled one of his fears…one I told him to never worry about.
He pulls me to him and wraps me in his arms one around my abdomen and one around my upper chest as I realize he's still in his boxers.
"Why are you in your fucking boxers?" I know how awful that sounded, but it's only in anger at myself for him feeling like he can't be in here with his entire body close to mine. I crave it so badly right now.
He doesn't respond and I know the only time he doesn't respond to people is when he doesn't feel it necessary, so I know I have my answer. I still need more of him though so I turn my body to the side moving my legs over his and rest the side of my face on his chest, putting my hand over his heart that is beating too fast. He lifts his leg up so as much of our bodies as is possible in this position are touching as he runs his fingers up and down my arm.
"I love you," I say, "so much—"
"I asked you to stop and I meant it," he says sternly pulling me closer if that's possible. I think I feel him shaking his head.
The next thing I remember is a T-shirt being pulled over my head and then I'm laid down on the best smelling bed….then nothing.
Tobias's POV:
Jesus she feels…seriously how am I going to hold off for her to come twice? What were you thinking Tobias? This girl turns you on more than any girl ever came close to and you really think you can do that? That is going to take some serious practice. With any other girl, I could get her there two maybe three times, which they seemed to find very surprising. Stop stroking your ego! Although not thinking about how she feels wrapped tight around my dick sending shock waves through my core seems to be briefly helping my stamina. Well, until now!
I hold her hips as she moves up and down vertically and just watching her face is fucking awesome. She didn't even flinch when I told her I was going to "keep fucking her…," I actually surprised myself because I was always pretty mute with other girls. Momentarily I feel guilty about thinking about other girls, but I'm really not thinking about them: I'm thinking about her and how she is superior; how being with her is superior. My bottom lip hurts as I realize I have been biting it as she spasms around me slightly.
"Damn….why would you think you wouldn't be any….good….at….this?" I truly don't get it…
"Because I was told that." WHAT?!
The deer in headlights look she gives me tells me everything I need to know….that son of a bitch told her that…made the strongest person I know feel inferior…again. I see it in her eyes as I quickly push the hair out of her face that she wishes she hadn't said a word and that if we stop now, she will feel inferior all over again. I won't make her feel that ever again.
Pulling out isn't as agonizing as usual because I got sidetracked thinking about one of the worst things…honestly there are even worse things. Do not think about any of that!
I set her on the bed quickly and cover her lithe form with my own feeding a need in myself that can only be sated by feeling her body on mine. I want to consume myself with everything her as I pull her to me trying to concentrate on how her lips feel on mine. They always feel amazing but something is tugging at the back of my mind that needs to leave immediately. I feel her hot and wet against my thigh so she is definitely still aroused. That's good. She would hate it if I were to…what? Go slow? What is the right thing to do? God she feels unreal but what if she is thinking about him right now. Do not throw up in your mouth! Would she not want me to go harder and faster? Or would she want me to so she gets over a bad memory? Just…do it!
I push her panties aside roughly because I need to be inside her…just to feel that she is okay and gauge her response. I moan as I plunge into her to the hilt and she immediately tightens around me. Was that in a good way? Stop thinking about that! That is not what she would want!
Get over yourself and fuck your girlfriend! No…That is not what you do. You do not just fuck her. Her arms are around me but all of a sudden I can't look in her eyes because can't believe what just went through my mind. We are moving together in a rhythm…but something is off. Ignore it…ignore it…it still feels great. There's that damned word again! Fuck….but it's true. Did she have 'great' sex with him….damnit….Just have sex with her…put that bullshit aside! Just have sex with this chick like you've always done and shut out the world. She still feels good…like really good…concentrate on how good she feels….how good you feel…nothing else. This girl feels amazing…this sex is amazing….Think about…nothing else….she is warm and…this feels…fuck I need to move faster…and harder…I'm close…I'm gonna….
I open my eyes briefly and...reality.
Tris. The look on her face. Oh...no...
I feel my impending climax that I have no fucking control over as I fall over the edge in the worst way…ever. I can't even look at her as the physical primal part of being male takes over. I don't even deserve to come inside her-to leave a part of me behind.
It's even worse as I realize the extent of my grip on her hips as she breathes out a short pained sigh as I let go. I want to look at her so bad. You do not get to make eye contact with her! I touch the side of her face to make sure this is real and not some fucked up nightmare. Turns out she is there as I can feel the side of her face is wet from a tear. I know I don't deserve the right to still be inside her but I can't bring myself to pull out as my head crashes down on my very tightly fisted hand. Jesus, what were you doing!?
She pushes me off her with seeming indifference as she sits up and scoots to the edge of the bed. All I can do is watch her, I can't even sit up. She takes a deep breath and stands up. It's as if time stops as a pair of shredded panties slides down her slim legs as she follows them down with her eyes frozen to the spot and stands there for an undetermined amount of time.
Holy shit I did that, holy shit I did that, holy shit I did that. I don't even remember it. How much of myself did I force on her?! Before I can even reflect on that she desperately tries to step out of them but she trips and falls right to her knees with a yelp of pain. I spring out of bed to help her up but I don't get to her in time as she practically hurls herself into the bathroom and vomits.
The only times she throws up is out of fear…we've had this conversation….she doesn't even throw up after drinking heavily.
Rushing to her I can see that pieces of her hair are sticking to her sweat-covered forehead. I gingerly, trying so hard not to scare her, pull her hair out of her face and hold it at the nape of her neck as she releases what's in her stomach several times. After I feel like she's done, there can't possibly be anything else in there, I put my hand on her forehead to find that she is burning up.
"Shit!" I need to cool her off but I don't want to leave her. This could be a horrible idea. I carefully take her by the shoulders and lay her on the floor but she goes down harder than I thought and semi-smacks her cheek on the floor. I suck in a deep breath and hold it in as punishment. She sighs out a shakey breath but the cool tile floor does seem to help her. I bolt to the kitchen to grab a rag and run it under the cold water, adding some ice cubes to it.
When I come back she is quietly murmuring to herself as she runs her fingers along the grout on the grey tile floor. A piece of me dies when I see I didn't even have the fucking courtesy to take her damned shoes off before I had my way with her. I slide off her shoes and socks and notice that she looks paler than usual which is incredibly disconcerting. Lightly I place the cooling cloth on her forehead and she brings her hand up to place it on mine.
"This bathroom floor is better," she says quietly. I don't know if she's addressing me or not. But the idea that she has been in this situation enough times to equate one bathroom floor as better than another is…beyond. I find myself lying next to her on the bathroom floor propping my left arm up on my elbow to hold the cold compress and placing my other arm protectively around her waist even though I'm the one who did this to her.
Is this what Eric did? Treat her like dirt and then think he had the right to be the one to comfort her. Is that why she stayed with him? I don't even want to know the answer to that.
We stay on the floor and I absentmindedly run my fingers up and down her legs not evening registering how high my hands are going until I feel her lack of underwear and it all comes flashing back that I forced them off of her…hard enough to practically shred them. As if we are sharing a memory, she starts to shiver and the sudden drop of body heat makes me nervous. Maybe it's not sudden? We are on a tile floor and she has a cold compress on her head and I have no clue how long we've been lying here.
I pull away from her and I hear a slight whimper that gives me a small flash of hope that she wanted me to be there with her. I quickly look her over and see that although she made it to the toilet, she could still use a shower.
How the fuck do I do this? I don't get to see her naked…I don't. But if I put her to bed and she wakes up a mess she is going to be embarrassed…not that she should…but she will.
I decide to do something that's probably dumb but not as dumb as what I decided to do when I screwed her earlier. As vile as that sounds… that's what it was. It was almost as if she wasn't there. She could have been anyone. I treated her…like she was anyone.
I walk into the shower that could now be my undoing and turn on the rain water shower head, letting the bathroom steam up. I come to the realization that I am naked. As much as I hate the idea I quickly walk back to the bed to put my boxers on. Where the hell are they? It hits me that I had enough mind to take off my own underwear as I remember nicely stepping out of them and my shoes at the front door. But hers...nope...I had to rip them off. Shoes...nope...couldn't help her take them off. Shaking my head I walk swiftly to the front door and put them back on because I don't have any right to be anywhere near this woman naked.
Back in the bathroom, I lift her off the floor and my heart skips a beat as she wraps her arms around my neck. I sit us down on the bench and she leans into me resting her head on my shoulder as I hold her tight in my arms. She takes a deep breath of the steam through her mouth. Her throat has to be on fire.
"I love you, Tris." I don't know how many times I say it as I hold her to me. It still feels like it will never be enough. She is nodding her head so at least I know she hears me…I don't know why she would believe me though.
Sweat is beading on her forehead and helping her shower isn't going to work well with a hooded sweatshirt on. "You're burning up. May I take your sweatshirt off?…I promise I won't…touch you…I—"
"Take it off," she says with a thick voice as she starts to help me by crossing her arms to lift it up. I basically do as I'm told and then by reflex I go to unsnap her bra, before realizing my blunder.
"Please…take it off…"
"Okay, " I say under my breath as I unhook it and let it go. I'm not going any further than that. She surprises me by tearing it off the rest of the way and throwing it onto the shower floor as she rests her chin on her chest shaking her head in seeming defeat.
I want to make this go away for her…so bad. The memories that I stirred up. Eric is the root of it, but I played a big part today. I will kill him if I ever come into contact with him.
I reach over and turn the diverter on so the warm water also comes out of the hand held shower head. She puts her chin up to the ceiling and sighs out my name along with some other words that my mind isn't willing to accept as water cascades down the creamy whiteness of her shoulders. I can't help myself and I briefly touch my lips to her left shoulder like I did that first night in the back of the Jeep. I reach back and put what I hope is a sufficient amount of shampoo in my hand as I massage it into her scalp.
"You bought my shampoo…" she says with a small smile on her face.
I stopped at the store the first chance I got after the first time we took a shower together, horrified that she had to use a bar of soap to wash her hair. I remember laughing with her as I watched her try to get the tangles out with a comb. It took a good 45 minutes. Thinking of that memory makes my throat tight so all I can get out is a, "Mmm hmm."
Then she starts talking. "Tobias, I'm sorry…I know you were just…"
All I heard is "I'm sorry," and probably some bullshit excuse she's making for me.
"Tris. I know I don't have the right to ask anything of you right now, but I'm going to do it anyway. Can you please stop…just stop…?" I can't emotionally handle an apology from her right now…because all it does is make me feel like him.
"Stop what?"
She knows what I mean…and she also knows I won't say it.
Her hair seems rinsed out enough…I think. So I take the body wash that I also bought and start massaging it into her back and shoulders, not because she needs it: she's rinsed off enough by now, but because I'm selfish and I need it. She hangs her head and braces herself on my legs as she sighs out my name in a question. I'm not answering her as my hands have a mind of their own and move down her sides to the insides of her smooth legs trying to wash away whatever filth I have left on her. She leans her frame back into me as I run my fingers over her chest avoiding her breasts, not even allowing myself to look at them. I feel her hands on mine as she guides them down her entire torso but I pull back immediately as I feel the swells on her chest. I still my hands on her shoulders and lean into her for a moment as my throat constricts again.
"I'm sorry…I can't…." I won't. Even though I know she's frustrated as she leans into her hands.
I'm not ready to let go of her yet so I try to consume her with my body without touching any of the places that I don't deserve to be.
"Why are you in your fucking boxers?" she spits out in a brief surge of anger. I don't answer her…again. It seems that the Tobias that doesn't know how to use words is back.
Suddenly she swings her legs over mine and rests her wet head and hand over my racing heart. I move my leg up to cradle her body in mine as I try to comfort her…but it's mutually beneficial.
Her throat constricts before she gets out the word, "I love you…so much—"
"I asked you to stop and I meant it," I chastise angry at myself for sounding so harsh. I pull her closer hoping she knows that I didn't mean what I said completely…I just can't hear her voice right now.
We both must semi-pass out because my feet slide out from underneath me as I almost plummet us off the side of the bench. Our toes are pruned and water-logged as I pick up the girl I love and walk her out of the shower, sitting her wet form on my bed. Towel drying her body avoiding all the places I desire and truly love because they are her and she has shared them with me is painful. It seems like the emotions of the past two days have officially set in as she seems barely coherent. I slide a T-shirt on her, pull back the covers and tuck her in. I don't tell her I love her because I don't want to hear her bullshit response. So all I do is watch her as she takes a deep breath and nuzzles into one of my pillows.
I sit there resting my chin on my folded hands until I can't take it anymore and I run my fingers from her temple down to her jaw bone giving her one last soft kiss on the cheek. Then I change into a T-shirt and sleep pants, close the remote black-out curtains in the apartment and go out to the couch.
Sleep must take over me easily because the next thing I know, I'm dreaming. I take in the smell of lemongrass and whatever else it is that makes her scent special, and wrap my arms around my missing puzzle piece, holding her tight.
"Tobias? I know you don't want to hear it, but I don't fucking care. I love you and you're a stubborn ass." Music to my dreaming ears.