Author's note: So now we get to the real reason why everyone is trying to keep Kurt from interacting with his past life. Let me know what you think :)

I don't own Glee or Dead Like Me

Chapter 20

Kurt let out a sob the moment he was in the hallway. Leaned up against a row of lockers, he could hear the muffled sounds of the assembly drawing to a close. He did his best to calm himself down, at least enough so that he could walk out of there before the double doors were thrown wide and students began pouring out. With great effort, he pushed off the wall and made his way to the exit, stopping only briefly to brush his fingers across his old, unadorned locker.

Blaine gave one passing glance over the silent gymnasium full of students and faculty before standing up and making his way out of the room. He didn't know what he was expecting when he played that song. It was the only thing he could think of to do for Kurt. Blaine had felt so special when Kurt trusted him with it. He hadn't quite understood the full significance of it until he sat down to play it that afternoon. About three quarters of the way through, a peace settled over him, and suddenly Kurt's near obsession with it made complete sense. It was comforting to think that Kurt might be out there, watching over him, at least until Blaine found his footing in the world again.

And now he felt his feet carrying him out of the gymnasium. He didn't intend to bolt after the performance, in fact if anything that would draw even more attention to Blaine and how Blaine was coping with his loss, which he definitely didn't want. But he had an intense urge to follow the boy from the coffee shop. Travis, was it? Blaine had noticed him sitting in the shop yesterday and as luck would have it, Finn chose a table right next to the overstuffed chair where the other boy sat, taking small sips from his coffee. The way his ear inclined to them, the suppressed movement of his eyebrows and the well-timed intakes of breath made it obvious to Blaine that the boy was eavesdropping on their conversation.

But why? Blaine asked himself then, and again now, when the boy's presence at the assembly made things even more confusing. Did he know Kurt? Was there something going on between the two of them? Blaine pushed that last thought away with ease. Kurt wouldn't do that to Blaine and besides, when were the two ever apart lately? Lately, Blaine thought with a hint of bitter sadness. I guess I can't use 'lately' anymore.

As he pushed the metal bar to open the door, he scanned the hallway from left to right for any sign of the boy, but the hall was quiet and empty. He strained to listen for retreating footsteps in either direction, but there were none. Sighing heavily, Blaine started down the hallway in the direction of the junior parking lot. The bell would be ringing in less than five minutes, but with all the teachers still in the gym, he figured he could sneak out before being bombarded by everyone else.

Finn was going home with his family, what was left of it anyway, for the weekend like he'd promised his mom. Blaine had no issue admitting that he'd miss the company, the companionship, the bond he'd built with Finn over the week. Sometimes they didn't even have to talk. Just sitting in comfortable silence was enough to keep all the negative feelings at bay. He imagined that at any other time, under different circumstances, people would think the sudden friendship and co-dependency was weird. Some might even make cracks about a romantic relationship, but for now people stayed silent, either understanding that the boys needed each other or reserving their judgment until such a time that the bond was no longer expected.

Blaine trudged out to the parking lot and threw his guitar in the trunk. As he settled into the driver's seat, a profound loneliness washed over him. His mom had offered to attend the assembly, but Blaine asked her not to. He didn't know what would happen, whether he'd make it through in one piece or not, and if things didn't go well, he didn't want her to see it. He felt like he'd put her through enough the last couple of weeks, and he desperately wanted her to think he was improving. He wanted to think things were getting better too, and overall, they seemed to be. The daily tasks of life were becoming less burdensome, less exhausting and every now and then, Blaine found himself smiling, even laughing over something. Sometimes Kurt would pop into his mind and he would have a hard time remembering how long it had been since he last thought of him.

But now, sitting in his empty car, he desperately wanted Finn there. Selfishly, he wished Finn hadn't promised his mother he'd come home. Blaine felt guilty for even entertaining that thought for a moment. What his mom and Kurt's dad must have been going through, Blaine could not begin to imagine. He just wanted his friend back.

Blaine contemplated calling Wes or one of the other Warblers. They were supposed to hang out tomorrow and although he was slightly nervous about it, he was also excited to see everyone again. He just hoped that they wouldn't act as weird as his friends at McKinley. The bond he held with the Warblers was deeper, more personal than that with the kids of New Directions. He liked them both equally, but each set of friends provided Blaine with something different, they each met a different need in Blaine and he was hoping that the Warblers would be able to meet his needs now.

Blaine fiddled with his phone for a few minutes before dropping it into the passenger seat. He didn't want to call them right then, his emotions were still too raw. Instead, he turned the ignition and began driving. At first, he had every intention of going home, but then an idea struck him. Making a left turn to take him off the path toward his house, he began making his way to The Lima Bean.

By the time Kurt made it back to the apartment, his emotions had calmed down quite a bit, curiously to the point where he could hardly remember why he was so upset in the first place. Turning the handle to the door, Kurt cautiously peered in, as if expecting Declan to attack him in a fury for ignoring his advice. Instead, he found Declan sitting on the couch, feet perched on the coffee table, while he flipped through a magazine.

"So?" Declan asked, looking up at Kurt. "Did you go?" Kurt noticed a lack of anger or frustration in Declan's questions, which confused him. Even more confusing was the sad tentativeness in his voice.

"Um, yeah," Kurt answered quietly. He remained standing by the door, afraid to move to much closer. "It was…" he struggled to find the right words. What was the assembly? Kurt searched his brain, trying to identify what it was he was feeling about the memorial, what he'd felt as he made his way home, but it was like a thick fog had settled in his mind, rendering him incapable of recalling the event.

"Kurt? Are you okay?" Declan stood up now, walking over to the other boy and guiding him to the couch. As the two sat down again, Declan spoke. "Did you lose something?"

"I can't…I know I went, and I remember seeing everyone there, but…" Kurt murmured, almost to himself more than Declan.

"The memories are gone," Declan filled in the blank for Kurt as the boy looked at him with dry, sad eyes. Both were silent for a few minutes as all the things Declan had been trying to explain to him all week started finally to fall into place.

"So this is what you meant," Kurt said, a slight sadness in his voice. "The more I try to hold on to my old life, the more of it I lose. How fucked up is that?" He turned slowly to Declan.

"I'm so sorry," Declan began. He knew they would be having this conversation, and surprisingly, Kurt was handling it better than he would have imagined. Then again, Kurt had no idea what he'd lost. "It's how They keep everything in alignment, how They make sure there isn't any crossover. It's fucked up, but there isn't anything we can do about it."

"What if I wrote my memories down?" Kurt asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. So far his schemes in the afterlife had been far from successful. "That way, I'd always have them."

"It doesn't work that way," Declan explained. "Do you remember that trip to Paris when you were ten?"

Kurt furrowed his brow. "I've never been overseas."

"Well, I could tell you all about the things you did and the sights you saw, but if you had no memory of it, it wouldn't matter, would it? It would be like me telling you a fairy tale about a boy named Kurt who went to Paris."

"That makes sense," Kurt conceded. He didn't really know what to say next, so he kept quiet. He could feel Declan's eyes on him, but it didn't make him uncomfortable. After a few minutes of silence, Kurt began to feel his eyelids droop slightly. Without thinking, he leaned into Declan, curling himself into a ball. He wrapped his arm around his waist and breathed in Declan's scent. With his head on the other boy's chest, Kurt could hear and feel Declan's heart speed up. Several seconds later, Kurt felt Declan's body relaxed as he brought his arm down and began stroking Kurt's back lightly. Within a few minutes, Kurt fell into a murky, dreamless sleep.

Blaine entered the shop, hoping to find the mysterious boy behind the counter. Blaine thought that maybe he'd rushed out of the assembly in order to make it to work on time, but it didn't appear that he was here. At the register was Natalie, the manager of the shop, who over the last few years, had gotten to know Blaine and his coffee order by heart.

"Hey Natalie," Blaine greeted as he approached the counter. The shop was nearly empty, in that lull between lunch and school getting out. The woman looked up and a small smile danced on her lips.

"Hey you, just the regular today?" She asked, already reaching for a paper cup.

"No, actually, I just stopped by to ask you something," Blaine replied. Natalie set the cup back down, looking a little concerned. She was aware of the tragedy involving Kurt, the other boy who came with Blaine almost every other day until a couple of weeks ago. She hadn't said anything to Blaine about it, not even to offer her condolences because she sensed that it would have been the last thing Blaine wanted from her. In her mind, Blaine wanted his coffee and a haven away from how the rest of the world was treating him right now, and she was more than willing to offer that.

"There's a new guy that's working here," Blaine began, searching her face for a signal.

"Yeah, Trevor? He's been great, a real lifesaver. A little spacey, but…" Natalie trailed off, watching Blaine and waiting for him to get to the point.

"Okay, Trevor," Blaine replied. He knew it had been something like that. "Do you know anything about him? Like, does he go to school somewhere, or is he from around here?" Blaine wasn't sure what kind of information he was hoping for, he just needed to know more about him.

"You know, honestly I have no clue," Natalie admitted. "The truth is, he just happened to come here looking for a job at the right time. I hired him on the spot. He doesn't talk too much about his life, he seems to be the private type. But he's very nice, and…" Natalie hesitated, wondering whether she should finish her sentence.

"And?" Blaine prompted, seeing the conflicted look on her face.

"I guess I was just going to say that I think he's interested in you," Natalie registered the look of surprise on Blaine's face. "Last Saturday when you were in here with your Dalton friend, he spent almost the whole time staring at you. I had to fuss at him three times to get him to work. Have you two talked at all?"

"No," Blaine answered. If it was possible, he was even more confused now than he had been after the assembly. "That's the thing, I've only seen him here a couple of times, but it's not like we've talked or anything. There's just something about him that I can't put my finger on."

"Well," Natalie sighed, peering over Blaine's shoulder as a couple walked in the door and started making their way to the counter. "Apparently there's something about you too, because Trevor seemed mighty interested in you. I'll keep my ears open for you, okay?" She smiled conspiratorially at Blaine, who returned the gesture.

"Thanks, Nat, I'll see you around." Blaine turned on his heel and headed back out of the shop. As he got to the door, he realized he forgot to ask her when Trevor worked again, but when he turned around, she was already in the process of taking the couple's order, so he decided to head out. After all, he'd be back tomorrow for his Saturday visit. Maybe he'd run into Trevor, and perhaps he could start getting the answers to some of the questions floating around in his head. At least it gave him something else to focus on.

As Blaine walked back to his car, he began humming the song he played at the assembly, promising himself that when he got home he'd play it again, knowing that it would bring him a measure of comfort.