Sorry I only replied to a few reviews, but they were all appreciated. Seriously, some people's reviews crack me up a treat, you don't even know. Haha. Thank you all so much for voting on that poll. I was thinking, considering the amount of unique voters on it, I was thinking, more of these quiet readers should make themselves known, cough, review, uncough. I'm just sayin'... So, the results of the poll are in this chapter, kind of, and let me say it was SO close. Literally, only a couple votes between them, and wow so many more of you voted than I thought would. I have to big up Julia here, because this chapter and the next two (?) are mainly all her. I'm just writing it. So, good stuff!

It's Halloween, so here I am, installing a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of fear into your fanfic reading lives. Just of a different sort...

Song: Rootless Tree- Damien Rice

EPOV

I sighed loudly as I dumped myself back down in my office chair. Sometimes I really hated being at work but I had to be here today. I really had to be here any day I could because the smell of competition was thick in the air as a promotion was left out to cool on the table. Finally. I'd been wanting this promotion for god knows how long and I worked like a motherfucker just to get myself in the running and years after working for this company, I finally was. Except I wasn't the only one, and that sucked balls. Quite literally...

Everyone knew I had been winning this race, I was winning before it even started, I had been confident, ready, excited. Now I was pissed off, because no matter how small, competition means there's a chance of losing, regardless of how far ahead I was or wasn't. It's even worse when the competition is a bitch. It's a million times worse when they're female. It's a billion times worse when it's been rumoured that that same female has been having an affair with the head of the company for a few months now.

Like I said, it sucked balls.

"Here." Alice placed some papers and folders down on my desk as well as a white plastic bag. I took the papers and flicked through them before eyeing the bag.

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a bag, Edward." Yeah? No shit. "There's a tub of ice-cream in it and chocolate and that cherry pie you like. Oh and I went to see Bella, she said she's perfectly fine working again, and she put a bag of candy in there for you." I raised an eyebrow at her questioningly as I scanned the folders I'd been given.

"Thanks. But why?" Alice sighed and gestured to the glass wall that separated my office from everyone else. Standing there, twisting her long hair flirtatiously around her finger and laughing overly enthusiastically, was my competition. With the head of the company no less. He was here for the meeting we just had, it was sort of a big thing, him being the top dog and all of us his minions. We basically just went over how things are doing, where we plan on going, how we're going to get there. Usual stuff. And then we touched on the promotion as well.

The promotion that was just being flirted away, right in front of my face. Damn her and her hair, and her face, and her tits, and her goddamn vagina.

By the time Alice turned back to me, I'd already taken out the spoon from the bag and was trying to prise the ice-cream tub open, "That could've been me, you know. If I swung that way." I moped, putting a large spoonful into my mouth, "I have charisma and charm. And I've been working here longer than her. And I'm male, I don't get hysterical around that time of the month. I'm reliable. I work so fucking hard dammit." Alice gave me an apologetic look.

I looked down at the tub of ice-cream I was eating and frowned, "What kind of comfort food doesn't have cookie dough in it? I'm not feeling comforted."

"They were out. Some woman took the last one just as I got there. Not that she deserved it, the silly cow was wearing socks with sandals. And not in the I'm-cool-and-quirky-and-my-name's-Alexa-Chung way. In the I'm-forty-plus-and-haven't-been-kissed way." She shivered, "See how I go out on a whim for you? What was I even doing in the same shop as people like that? You, Edward, for you."

"Well, thank you... A woman you say?" I stuffed another spoonful in my mouth and slouched down in the chair, "Women take over my life. You can all be so... so... so mean. Bella's going to have a girl." I spoke through the ice-cream, waving my spoon around slightly, "There's going to be another one."

"Edward, get a grip, you don't know that yet anyway. Seriously." Alice groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Man-the-fuck-up or I will slap you, I will. Bella is less emotional than you are right now, and her hormones are all over the place. Get your work done. I need that proposal for Aro as soon as possible. He's really been on my ass about you recently and I don't want him to be. He's a creep with cheap cologne, it makes me nauseous." Alice complained, checking her watch before putting her blackberry on top of the pile of things she was holding and pressing buttons on it.

"You tell me to man up whilst giving me comfort foods?" She ignored me and continued.

"Oh and Olivia's dentist appointment is at three, don't forget. Well, you won't forget because I'll remind you again. Um, yeah, that's all." She waved me off as she strutted out and I was once again alone and sad, now with ice-cream and pie and candy. No, I wasn't sad, I was really fucking pissed off.

Putting the tub aside, I moved the cursor on my computer so the screen turned on again, revealing the page I had put up prior to the meeting. I was booking tickets for Bella to go to Forks the following week. Olivia and I weren't going down to LA to see her mother anymore. Oh no, since yesterday, Tanya had decided she was going to be coming to New York for a week, to 'save me the bother'. So very selfless of her.

This of course was just stressing me out. Fair enough, New York is a big city, but the only area's Tanya is actually interested in are the parts in and around my end of town, and around my end of town, for the time being anyway, is Bella. Tanya was very aware of Bella being in the house; conversations she had with Olivia gave that one away. I was just stressing because when she doesn't like someone, she really doesn't like them.

She doesn't like Bella.

It wouldn't take a genius to figure that one out. I didn't need her to tell me, we were married, that side of her has not changed. She wanted first and foremost to come to New York, not because it would be easier for either Olivia or me, not because she wanted to see her friends or visit her favourite shops and restaurants , she wanted primarily to eye-up her 'competition'. And then probably try and break her down.

And that was just not happening anytime soon. If Tanya was in New York, there would be no doubt that Bella would see her at least once or twice. If she didn't see her when she was in the house, she would probably 'bump into her' at work, or in the street, or something. I wouldn't be surprised if Tanya thought to use Olivia as a human tracking device.

I'm 105% sure stress and pregnancy doesn't sit well together, at all. And all this thought of stress was really stressing me out. As if I wasn't stressed already. So to save Bella from high blood pressure and me from premature heart failure, I was giving her tickets to visit her dad during the time Tanya was in town. That was my plan anyway.

I clicked to book them, finished some things I'd been putting off for a while and then sat back in my chair once again and hung my head, taking a moment to close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else. That for a second, I wasn't me. I was just at peace...

Until my phone buzzed. I opened my eyes staring angrily at the ceiling before reaching over and picking it up to see a message from Bella. My face relaxed into a small smile as I saw her name on the screen:

I was sick again so I've been sent home, I didn't even make it through half a day :( I thought I lost my phone and then found it in the fridge. And I cried because it was cold. So I'm really sad and bored. I hope you're ok, Alice said you were stressed :(? Did you get my candy? B x

I sighed and went about replying to her:

Again? Maybe you shouldn't be back at work yet... Alice said you were fine when she saw you? I'm ok, yes, very stressed, I'll tell you about it when I get back. Have you slept? And have you drunk enough water? And are you still taking that medication? Is Olivia not there to keep you company? I think maybe you're going a little crazy with the phone in the fridge thing... and yes, thank you for the candy :) XX

I sent it and waited for her reply. It took another fifteen minutes before she did:

:) And yes, I've done everything I'm supposed to, but I don't think this medication is working anymore :( I feel like shit. And I was fine when I saw Alice but then I started feeling really bad afterwards :(:( I don't want to be near Olivia if I'm just going to be sick. Meg's looking after me though... keeping things inside my stomach is proving to be a challenge... ugh. B x

P.S. I am going crazy xx

I knew she shouldn't have gone back to work today. She'd been rather peaky for the past few days, but she said she was fine. Obviously when she stopped mid-make out, we could do that now albeit secretly, looking rather queasy and then nearly falling off her bed trying to get to the bathroom, it became apparent she wasn't ok. But since she hadn't fainted and she had a scan tomorrow anyway, we hadn't been to the doctors again... I looked down at my phone:

Just wondering, what was with the time delay just then? You should lie down and sleep or watch a movie or something. And make sure you're getting fluids. I'm sorry I can't do anything to help or I would :( Just rest and I'll see you soon, I have to take Olivia to the dentist... she hates the dentist. Fun. XX

She replied back quickly this time like she usually did:

I felt really light headed, and then I threw up... ha. Ok, I'm going to go and die now, I'll see you later, dead or alive. B xxx

Under my desk I had a few drawers, in each draw amongst other things I had things that were supposed to relieve stress. To be honest none of them ever did, but I get too fucking anxious about things so I pulled out a stress ball and started squeezing it. I remember a therapist I used to have when I was a kid would tell me to imagine myself squeezing all of my problems into the ball. So I tried doing that.

Every now and again I would constrict my hand around the indigo ball, squeezing it so hard my knuckles began to change colour before I relaxed and breathed out deeply.

So many things were weighing down on me. I felt more like the ball being squeezed than the person squeezing it. But I could deal with stress. Stress I had to deal with. But now I wasn't just stressed I was still a little pissed off and I was scared. I hate things being out of my control; if I am out of control I am effectively useless. I hate the thought of being useless when it comes to Bella, but I'm not a doctor. I'd need to call my dad and ask him what she could do for her sickness, it was only starting to get bad again now so hopefully we could stop it before she ended up back in the hospital.

I squeezed a little tighter on the ball and sighed, placing it gently down on my desk as my phone started ringing.

'Mom' came up on the screen so I reached over to answer it. She didn't call me at this time of the day unless something had happened but I decided today couldn't really get a lot shittier.

"Hey, Mom." I smiled to myself in an effort to sound more cheerful.

I was wrong; my day could get a hell more shittier. Oh and it did.

BPOV

I really needed to tell Edward he had the comfiest sofa's I had ever slept on, ever, in my life. It kind of, but not really, made the whole 'feeling like shit' thing not so bad. I don't know what shit actually feels like but I imagine it's warm and gross. I feel warm and gross. Edward text me telling me to suck on some ice cubes since apparently my stomach had become the most uncool place to be, so food and drink really didn't hang around.

To be honest, I just didn't want to get dehydrated again and end up in hospital because I just do not like hospitals. They're too clean and creepy. So I lay on the sofa, sucking my ice cubes with a wet rag on my forehead, my duvet, a thousand pillows and some 'calming' music Meg put on. It sounded like the stuff I used to do yoga to, even though I did yoga for a total of two weeks, I knew this kind of music actually was pretty good.

My blood pressure was a little bit too low so I was exiled to the living room where I was actually quite content. Well as content as you can be when you feel like shit. Since there was nothing left in my stomach except for the lining, I wasn't throwing up anymore. I was just dying, but dying a happy person.

Happy because I put it out there. I told Edward how I felt about him and wow, it was definitely a good thing. I could kiss him if I wanted to without wondering if I could or not. Although saying that, Edward hadn't actually said anything back to me. I got the impression he was trying to say it through his kisses, but he didn't physically say it. And I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about that. I felt a little unrequited; he said it was all he wanted to hear but to be honest, that wasn't all I wanted to hear from him.

I didn't even get a 'me too'. I think I know he meant it, but he didn't say it. I wanted him to.

I didn't mean to feel doubtful already but... I couldn't help it. I've not been in a relationship for years and this thing me and Edward have is so completely different to anything I've experienced, so I really don't know what it is I'm supposed to do. At the moment, I just want to have sex with him because we haven't properly really, and the last time didn't really count. I would like this to count.

There's only so much of a hand or a toy I can stand; it's not the real thing now is it. 'The closest thing to man' my ass. The closest thing to man is a man. I have one now...ish, so, you know, it was only a matter of time. I hoped at least. I couldn't have him touch me when I felt vile or kept throwing up or I was too tired or something. There was always something.

But maybe I was getting a bit too caught up here; I wanted to have sex, I didn't want to have sex. It kind of felt like it should be a big thing, us doing it. No, it wasn't the first time, it wasn't like either of us were virgins or some freaky shit like that, but, to me anyway, I felt like I needed the right time. Which was really fucking lame, I didn't need the 'right time' when I lost my virginity, honestly I didn't give a shit, sex is sex right?

Yet now it felt like some big ass thing. No pun intended. Plus, was I even ok to have sex while pregnant? Were there things I wasn't supposed to do? Fuck that; Edward and I weren't having sex until we were ready and I'd consulted Google.

Until then, I had Edward to hug and kiss to my heart's content... once Olivia had gone to bed. At some point, preferably before the baby was born we could out ourselves. To our friends we could do sooner than Olivia, but for the time being it all seemed like a bit much to throw at her.

First of all there was me, then me with a baby, then me with a baby produced by her father, then me with a baby produced by her father temporarily living in her house. For now at least, anything else seemed like too much. I absolutely adored her and I didn't want to ruin that. Maybe with a slow build up it would be ok. But maybe Edward and I should make sure we know where each other stand before anyone else.

I could hear loud talking from outside the room and decided it must have been Edward returning with Olivia from the dentist. I was sleeping when he came home to get her but I knew she was really scared of going so, before I fell asleep, I gave her a pep talk and told her not to worry about it because her teeth were fine. I may or may not have said something crude about dentists with their hands inside people's mouths but I can't remember, to be honest I may well have told her about my desire to be a magic horse with a horn, I was pretty out of it. Thank you medication. All I know for sure is my intentions were good.

After listening for a while longer, I could distinctly hear Edwards voice and what sounded like quiet sniffling. It was totally killing my mojo. I sat up on the sofa, a bit too quickly, making all the blood rush to my head and me feeling instantly queasy. When it passed, I stood putting one hand to the side of my stomach and the other out to regain my balance. It was irritating how I'd been standing for a total of one whole second, and already I felt like I was fighting an internal battle with my body to stay alive. My head, I swear, had some sort of vendetta against me. It hurt like a bitch.

I shuffled over to the door and opened it to see it was both Edward and Olivia in the entrance hall, except Olivia was crying and Edward looked pissed off. A different pissed off to the pissed off I'd seen him before. He just seemed full-on angry. And I'd never seen Olivia cry before and now she was, it made me a little sad. I couldn't think of anything she could have possibly done to make him look as angry as he did. The whole scene was just the weirdest thing; I had to wonder if I was still dreaming.

They both stopped and looked up as I stood in the doorway, Olivia almost immediately rushing over to me, wrapping her small arms around as much of my middle as she could, nuzzling her head into my side and continuing to cry quietly. I ran a hand through her loose hair as I looked up at Edward questioningly.

"What happened?" I asked, as the little girl clung to the bottom of my t-shirt. I could feel the cold of her tears on my skin underneath. Edward combed his hand through his hair irritably and sighed, his jaw slightly tensed.

"She wouldn't get out of the car. We were late." He said monotonously, looking at me with a weird expression he'd never looked at me with before.

I looked down at Olivia and then back at him, continually stroking her hair in an attempt at comforting her, "So... what?"

"So, she wouldn't get out of the car. We had to wait for a later time." He repeated.

"So what did you do? Did you just shout at her?" He didn't say anything but his jaw locked as he looked straight at me, "Oh my god, you actually did?" I said raising my eyebrows, honestly astounded because Edward just didn't do that. Especially not to his daughter, no matter how much she was pissing him off. Or maybe he did and I just hadn't seen that side yet.

I frowned causing a sharp pain to run through my head as I tilted my head to look at him, "Edward, she doesn't like the dentist. You know she doesn't. What was screaming at her going to do exactly except for upset her?"

"Well. Like I said, we were late in the end anyway, so it doesn't matter."

I was starting to get annoyed now. Something was clearly up with him. Maybe it was something I'd done. Maybe not. I don't know, either way, he was being so off and pretty irrational. Apparently he was having a day where Olivia not getting out of the car was going to set him off on a rampage throughout the city. "Well, obviously it does matter because you're not at the dentist anymore and she's still crying. I know you said you've had a stressful day but-"

"Bella, don't irritate me." He grumbled, totally discarding what I was saying. I don't know why but when he said that, something in me just snapped.

"I'm sorry?" I said, shaking my head and feigning amusement but then my expression turned sour, "Edward. Do not. Irritate. Me." I said seriously, hugging Olivia to my side with one arm, "So, you're saying you cared more for being on time than the fact your daughter was scared of the dentist? That doesn't sound like you." I continued, my mother bear instincts starting to kick in.

"She was being childish."

"Edward, she's a child. The last time I checked, children tend to be pretty childish." The more I looked at him, the more I looked at her, the more my pissed off I got. It really didn't take that much to set me off, especially not when it was something so ridiculous and Edward was being so... rude.

"This hasn't got anything to do with you, Bella." He almost growled at me, "I didn't care more for the time than I did for her."

"Well, you shouted at her for no reason and then complained you were late." I dared him to say anything against me. He stopped for a moment and ground his teeth together, putting his house keys down on the side table, "And how dare you say it's got nothing to do with me when you come back being a complete a-hole, and I have your daughter crying into my side. I shouldn't even be up right now. So sorry if I'm getting too involved, but you are the one in the wrong here. I'm just standing up for someone who clearly doesn't have the ability to stand up for herself. So you know what you are being, Edward? A bully. And for no reason whatsoever." Oh I went there.

"Olivia, go to your room." He said calmly, looking everywhere but in our direction. She ignored him, only tightening her grip on me and hiding her face further, "Olivia." He said again, more sternly, but again she didn't move. "Olivia, go to your room!" He shouted so loudly both myself and Olivia jumped. But big voices weren't going to quieten me because now I was really pissed and he was being completely unreasonable.

Olivia looked up at me, her blue eyes glistening with her tears. I smiled at her and moved a piece of hair out of her face as she loosened and eventually released her grip on me. I watched her as she went up the stairs, looking back at me every now and then until she was completely out of view. I waited until I heard the click of her bedroom door before I turned back to Edward, ready to release all hell if necessary.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked him as calmly as I possibly could, "Seriously? What was that? And you better have a good explanation because..." I shook my head, not sure of what else to say because I was just so confused and astounded at this whole conversation. No, not conversation, argument. We were arguing.

"Nothing is wrong with me."

"How can you stand there and say nothing is wrong? Something seems very wrong to me, Edward. You are being so mean for no reason, and I really can't... ugh, I'm getting such a bad headache..." I put my hands to my temples and started moving them in circular motions to ease the tension, closing my eyes and making a small moan of both pain and frustration.

"Why the hell are you getting so involved? It has nothing to do with you. She's my daughter and I can discipline her however I see fit."

"Ok, fair enough, yes you can, she's not my daughter, she's yours, but she didn't do anything wrong. You're just being a bully Edward, and I don't like bullies." I continued to rub my head as I felt myself becoming queasy, "I'm getting 'so involved' because this isn't you, Edward. At all. And I, unfortunately, care enough that I'll wait for you to finish your little hissy fit and tell me what's going on."

"Well you shouldn't... I'm not bullying her. She was being completely ridiculous." He scowled. I shouldn't what? Care enough or wait for him?

I opened my eyes, narrowing them and shaking my head, "Can you hear yourself? Honestly, you sound like a dick. So either tell me what happened with you today or go to your room and sulk like you're fourteen. The only one being ridiculous is you."

"Bella... Shut up. You don't know anything." He sneered at me. I stopped massaging my head, walking backwards cautiously so I could sit down before I fell down. To be honest I was getting bored of this now, I was feeling too bad to retaliate as much. I just wanted to go to bed, get up in the morning, see if he'd calmed down and then ask him again what the hell tonight was all about.

"Don't talk to me like that. And I know I don't know anything because you never tell me anything. And you're still in the wrong here. First of all, you're supposed to support your daughter through her fears not bully her into something she doesn't want to do. Yes, it's the dentist, she has to go, but it sounds as if all the while you were just standing around being shitty about something that has nothing to do with her. So what I don't understand is why you're taking your crappy mood out on her. Or me for that matter."

He walked forward, his eyes dark and impossibly angrier, his jaw line completely defined from the tension, "Olivia is not your responsibility and don't lecture me on parenting, Bella. Seeing as you're not one yet, you can't really say anything. Your father doesn't seem too bothered about your fears, or much about you. He doesn't even know you were irresponsible enough to get yourself pregnant. And as far as mothers go, well, you killed yours."

I stood up slowly and looked Edward right in the eye. He looked just as fierce as I felt until he said that. Now I was faltering, now I didn't know what to say, now I was choking on words, "Why did you say that?" My voice wavering as I felt my stomach drop, doing nothing for my nausea. Edwards face fell as the realisation of what he'd just said hit home. That was a direct attack on me, that wasn't fair, that totally crossed the line.

"Oh... shit." He hissed to himself, looking regretful and smacking his head with the palm of his hand. "Fuck. Bella-"

"Ok," I started, trying to keep my voice in check but failing miserably, "My parents..." My mouth hung open as I tried to find the words to finish my sentence, but I couldn't. Snapping it shut, I searched his eyes for the something in them I'd always been able to pinpoint, the sparkle that made him my Edward. It was still there, although dim and hidden right at the very back. It wasn't usually so isolated but knowing it was still there gave me some sense of solace. He hadn't gone completely insane.

I swallowed down the distressed emotions that were trying to make their way to the surface so show Edward that if he set out to upset me, then congratulations to him, he had succeeded.

"I've seen my brother and Rose, I've seen you. I've seen how it's supposed to be done, Edward. I'm female; I've got it built into me somewhere. And no, Olivia isn't my daughter, she isn't my responsibility, but I love her enough to stop you from being a complete dick. And this," I gestured to my belly, "This is my responsibility, and as part of my responsibility to my baby, I have to ensure we're both healthy. At this point in time, I'm not well and you're making it worse. I can't be near you."

I brushed past him, holding onto the doorframe of the living room as I stopped and glanced back, "Don't bother coming tomorrow." I said quietly, "If you're like this, I don't want you to be there. And I'm staying somewhere else tonight because... well I don't want to be under the same roof as you right now, I can't be."

I was rather in awe of the fact I hadn't toppled over and died yet; this whole making a great escape thing wouldn't work out so well for me if I couldn't stand. Edward was making me feel worse than I did before with his loud talking and spiteful words, and I think it was my subconscious need of self-preservation that kept me going. He didn't mean the things he'd said, I know he didn't, but that didn't make them any less hurtful or me any less upset. Whether he meant it or not, he still said it.

Looking at him made me want to kick him in the balls to bring him back to reality, and the regret in his voice was coming too late, the damage was done. "Bella..." he sighed.

"I don't want to talk to you." I said as I sat down on the sofa, taking my phone and searching for the first name I could think of.

"Bella." He tried again.

"I do not want to talk to you, Edward." I said sharply, pressing call on my phone and putting a hand to shield my face on the side Edward stood. The dial tone rung three times before there was a voice at the other end.

"Hey baby mama, how's it going?" Jasper always let his phone ring three times and always called me some kind of name when he picked up. I usually smiled to myself but for obvious reasons, I wasn't in the mood.

"Are you at home?" I sighed.

"Nope, I've just got to Ali's..." Ali. Dear lord if I even thought to call Alice 'Ali' I would be walking around with a lot less hair on my head. I heard him shift and hush talking in the background, I took it to be coming from Alice, "Why? Are you ok, Bella?" he said sounding concerned.

"No." I mumbled. For some reason I felt like crying now and my bottom lip began to quiver. There was a brief pause before Jasper spoke again.

"...You can come over here if you want, shall I come and get you?"

I nodded and then realised he couldn't see me, "Please." I squeaked, a tear running down my face before I quickly brushed it away and sniffed.

"I'm leaving now. I'll be about fifteen minutes, max."

"Ok, thank you." He hung up the call and I disconnect as well, sitting up and sighing loudly as I ran a hand through my hair,

I was conscious of Edward standing watching me but I feared if I looked at him, I may be inclined to use all of my energy trying to physically harm him. Although that was seeming like an increasingly attractive idea, I knew I didn't have the energy or the willpower to actually go through with it. It would probably end with me crying like whale whilst pitifully hitting his chest over and over, probably causing more damage to me than him.

I really was that upset with him though. It didn't matter how stressed he was, he went too far and he knew he had.

After taking various pills from various bottles, none of which were really helping me anymore but I was a believer in something being better than nothing, in this case anyway, I went upstairs to throw my pyjamas, bathroom things and spare clothes into a bag. Hammy was sat on my bed as I picked up my necessities, giving me a sympathetic look. Throwing the bag over my shoulder, I picked up my cat and hugged him to me, inhaling his familiar scent. I forgot how comforting familiar things can be and I started to miss my own apartment, my own bed, my own space with my own things.

I carried him with me as I knocked and then entered Olivia's room. She was lying on her bed colouring something in a book, stopping to look up at me as I came closer to her and then put Hammy down on the bed. I gave her a little smile as I put a hand through her hair, "Are you ok, sweetie?"

"No." She grumbled, pouting her little peachy lips, "I hate daddy now."

I sat down next to her and jutted out my bottom lip, "Ah, no you don't."

"Yes I do!" she insisted, sitting up, "I really do. He was so horrible...he was even horrible to you." She crossed her arms and frowned, "I don't like him anymore."

I sighed, "Well I don't think you hate him, and I know he still loves you a lot. He's just a bit grouchy today... very grouchy today. Sometimes when people get really stressed about stuff, like work, then they get bad-tempered. I'm sure he didn't mean to be horrible."

"But he was horrible." He was indeed. She twisted her mouth and I noticed she was looking at my bag, "Where are you going?"

"Oh." I looked at the bag and then back at the little girl, "Um, I'm just going to stay somewhere else tonight because... well, because I'm really not feeling well so Jasper's going to take me to Alice's. She has some stuff that'll hopefully make me feel better..."

Olivia didn't say anything, instead she sat quietly playing with my cats ears. Hammy was obviously enjoying the attention, lifting himself up to nudge her hand with the top of his head whilst purring affectionately, "I know you get sick." She said quietly, "I'm sorry if daddy shouted at you because of me. I didn't mean to not want to go in to see the dentist, but I was scared. I don't want you to go but I don't want you to get more sick." She sighed, lifting and then slumping her shoulders as she did.

"Livvy, it's not your fault, I know you were scared, he knew you were too. He didn't shout because he was angry at you. I don't really know why he did, but he's just a bit funny. Stressed." I smiled apologetically, "But I don't want to get any more ill than I already am either."

She stopped stroking the cat and looked at me sadly, "Are you going forever? My mommy got ill and argued with daddy all the time, and then she went away and doesn't come back very much and I miss her sometimes. I don't want you to go forever." Another thing Edward hadn't got round to telling me; the reason why he actually divorced his wife. I'd say that's a pretty big thing. But I guess he just didn't like telling me the things that actually mattered.

I gently pulled her into my arms, resting my cheek on the top of her head, her head on my chest, "I'm not going away forever, I'm only going for tonight... I'll see you tomorrow. And anyway, I'm moving back to my apartment in a few days."

"I know..." She tilted her head back to look up at me, "But do you promise you'll come back tomorrow?"

"I promise. Besides, I wouldn't be going anywhere forever without Hammy. You have to look after him while I'm gone because he gets lonely otherwise." I missed out the bit about how I thought Edward may well be angry enough to actually cook my cat on a spit roast. If he ever did that though, I would cook him on a spit roast. That wasn't a joke. "And you." I said, cooing my cat over, "Make sure Edward isn't mean and if he is you can scratch him."

I swear I saw Hammy's eyes light up just a little bit. I raised my eyebrows at him, "Hey, don't go crazy with it. Just, you know, a little reprisal. That's all. Don't claw his eyes out." I narrowed my eyes at Hammy, I could tell if he got the chance, he would totally milk the opportunity.

Olivia giggled, probably thinking I was just joking around but I was seriously talking to my cat, I knew what he was like. He put his two front paws on my knee and nudged my hand with his head. He always knew when I was upset, he just did, whether I told him or not. So it didn't matter if I made bitchy comments to him or ignored him completely, he'd always come over and brush up against either my hand or my cheek; it depended which he was nearest to.

I heard Jasper calling my name from downstairs and I looked to the partially open door before I gave Olivia a small squeeze and then stood up, "You two have to look out for each other, ok. I mean, you'll be fine, but, yeah." I kissed them both on the head before noticing Olivia was pouting again.

"Tomorrow is like forever, you know. It's not even bedtime yet." She complained. She was right, it was only half past five, all these problems had only arisen in the past half hour

"Well tomorrow isn't forever, it's tomorrow." I smiled as I made my way to the door, pulling a sad face as I waved to her and she half heartedly waved back.

---

As I made my way out of Sweet Tooth having shown Angela where to put the new stock, I wondered if maybe I was just meant to be alone. I had been for the past four years and I didn't hate my life then. I had my family still there in the background, I had work, I had my cat, I had my wine and my cigarettes. I missed my wine and my cigarettes. Luckily, or unluckily, cigarette smoke became one of those things that made me sick, so managing to give up turned out to be quite easy. The cravings still came up every now and then but I couldn't actually go through with smoking one.

Either way, I had been completely content with loneliness and nothing had really come up for me to think otherwise. Until now. Now, whether I liked it or not, I wouldn't be lonely for at least another eighteen years. Eighteen whole years. That's quite a long time. Albeit, during those eighteen years I'd still have my cat -touch wood- my work, my family, my wine and my cigarettes, but it wouldn't be the same. Things would change, I might change jobs, I might quit smoking for good, my cat might die, I might decide I don't like wine that much. And then I'd have a baby as well, then a toddler, then a child and then a miserable teenager.

And there would always be Edward. Whether we were together or not, he'd always be in my life. And Olivia. Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, just in the street. I'd rather liked my solitude and I was beginning to think I should enjoy it while I still could.

So maybe I wasn't ready to be anything with Edward yet. After yesterday, a large part of me was against the idea of even seeing him later on today, of even seeing him ever again. I'm not even sure he knew just how much he upset me. But the rational side of me knew yesterday wasn't really Edward at all. Or at least I was trying my hardest to convince myself it wasn't. But Edward wasn't walking with me now, he wasn't going to be meeting me at the clinic I was going to now to find out if our baby was a girl or a boy, so that just goes to show how well that 'convincing' was working for me...

I didn't hate him, I just hated how he acted and what he'd said. I really couldn't get over what he said to me. Everything else, fine, he had a bad day, whatever. That last bit though... of all the things he could have said, he chose the worst one. The worst.

Hate is a strong word, but I really didn't like him at this point in time.

Alice said she saw him on the phone and thought it was something to do with work but then he was a complete ass to her for the rest of the day. Obviously Alice wasn't about to let him get away with it and since he wouldn't tell her what his problem was, he just continued being sour. Jasper said he didn't have a clue either.

I felt so bad for the both of them last night; for one, I so obviously was intruding on their quiet evening in, and two, I played the ill whale quite nicely. I would have got things myself but I'd never been to Alice's apartment before so I didn't know where anything was. And then even after I told them to leave me alone and go be together and gush about each other's good qualities or whatever shit they spent their time doing, they decided –and by 'they' I mean Jasper with Alice following- to bring me ginger biscuits, ginger tea, ginger snaps, lots of ice and pillows.

It was sweet, but then I just made everything crappy again by getting all emotional about it and started crying. And then I threw up the ginger biscuits that Jasper had just gone out to get especially, which just meant the two had to endure another fifteen minutes of crying. Alice said Edward was going to have hell to pay when she got to work.

I sighed and pushed the sunglasses I had on my head down onto my face. I'd thrown up so much after the ginger biscuits I was amazed I didn't have sick coming out of my eyes. It was so vile. I didn't even want to be out of bed. I wanted to be curled up in a ball inside with a cold cloth, Bon Iver playing on my iPod, and a toilet nearby. The only reason I'd dragged myself up was because of my appointment, because this was the appointment. Plus I needed new meds.

As I stuck my hand out to haul a cab, I noticed someone waving on the other side of the street. I ignored them, trying to catch the attention of a passing taxi, but the person started crossing the road, still waving. I lifted my sunglasses as they approached, squinting until I could make out the woman making her way over, still waving at me. How did I know she was waving at me? Well the wave was accompanied by her squealing my name.

"Bella!" She called again, as she tottered over in her ridiculous heels, "Phew!" She adjusted her white shirt so you could clearly see her cleavage, just not too much of it. "I thought you didn't see me there."

She smiled widely, her perfectly straight and pearly white teeth almost reflecting the sun's rays into my eyes and blinding me. It was Bea and sauntering behind her Camille. I felt so shitty I couldn't even be bothered to take into account Camille hated me and I was completely intimidated by her.

"How are you? I heard you were in hospital for a few days and you hurt your ankle. I hope you're alright now." How did she hear that? It made me cringe at the thought of how much these women knew about me, things seemed to get around quickly with them.

"Um. I'm not great at the moment actually." Bea looked genuinely concerned as I offered her a pitiful smile, whereas Camille didn't even try, her eyes were on her blackberry and nothing else. She wasn't even bothering with snidey comments today. I couldn't say I was complaining.

"You're not? Oh no, what's wrong?" She gasped. Camille snorted and Bea sent her a glare before turning back to me, gesturing for me to continue. If it had been anyone else giving me the look of concern Bea was giving me, I would have said, without a doubt, they were taking the piss. The thing was with her, I really think this was her being serious, she had this somewhat dopey air about her. But she was sweet all the same and I wasn't about to blow her off.

"Just some stuff. I had a bit of an argument with Edward... but I'm not even sure what happened. And I've got the worst morning sickness that seems to be taking over my life at the moment. I can't even go to work now. So now I'm just on my way to the clinic for my appointment... alone..." I mumbled the last part to myself.

"Oh, I had such bad morning sickness with my daughter, all the way through. They say if you get it really bad throughout, you're having a girl."

"Well I'll find out soon enough." I said and her face lit up.

"Oh, it's the appointment. Are you excited? I'm excited for you!" She giggled to herself.

"I don't know." I said quietly, "I am, but..." Camille rolled her eyes, telling Bea she was going somewhere or other and then disappeared.

"Are you going to meet Edward there then?" She asked, looking all happy, and sunny, and tanned, and blonde, and peachy. And then me just like blah. If I didn't have the bump, I would say she was the one expecting. I shook my head and sighed. "No? Well you must be meeting him somewhere, you can't go to the appointment on your own." She laughed, and then her face fell as she realised that was exactly what I was doing.

I didn't want to bother any of my friends or my family, they had work, they had lives. I'd intruded on Jasper and Alice too much already to ask either of them, everyone else I knew was busy, "Darling, you're not going on your own are you?" I stood silently on the sidewalk beside this beautiful woman looking glum enough that I didn't have to answer.

"No way." She gasped as a shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly. In seconds she had her phone to her ear, asking for a car to come and pick her up, "If my Henry hadn't come with me to my big appointment I would have had a girlfriend there. You can't go on your own, seriously, you'll cry, I have tissues. If it were me, I know I'd need someone there so I'm coming with you, I can't let you go on your own."

---

In the time it would have taken me to protest, her car pulled up and she ushered me into it. To be honest, I didn't want to go on my own anyway, I wanted someone to be with me and hold my hand while I cried. And she did, which was good because I did cry.

I cried a lot.

I'm an emotional person so I was expecting the initial 'holy-shit-wow' tears, but then I was properly choking up. As in 'I couldn't even see the monitor' tears. As in 'I had to sit up because I couldn't console myself' tears. And I sat there, on the end of the bed, still holding the hand of the woman who was relatively a stranger to me, my top still up, the cold gel still on my stomach, and I cried quietly to myself for another ten minutes.

I was crying because, well obviously, my baby. I was crying because there was so many little things I wasn't paying enough attention to apparently; my weight and blood pressure being just two things. I was crying because Edward wasn't there with me when he really, really should have been, and that maybe I'd been too harsh, but then so had he. I was crying because even though I thought he should have been there, a small part of me was still glad he wasn't. If he hadn't been such an idiot he would have been, he would have been holding my hand instead of Bea, he would've had that goofy ass smile he always had, and I would've watched his reaction because it was always a million times better than mine. We'd find out together.

But if he wasn't going to do all that, if I couldn't be sure that he was going to be supportive and nothing else; not grumpy, or rude or just plain mean, then I didn't want him there. So I stuck by my decision and that was that. Edward would have to be told, just like everybody else.

As my crying subdued to stuttered breaths, Bea moved round to stand at the end of the bed, in front of me, and tucked my hair behind my ear, smiling her pleasant smile sans the teeth, "Wow, I think you need more tissues than I've got." She laughed and I did as well. I think the technician did too, just to break the awkward silence that had formed around me.

"Sorry." I said, taking the tissues Bea offered to me, dabbing my face and blowing my nose, "Thanks."

"You're welcome. So, have you got a name yet?" She asked excitedly but I shook my head.

Another reason why I was crying; my child was going to have to live with a shitty name chosen by Edward that would probably remind me of mutants and/or space freaks. Which was just fan-fucking-tastic.

But if not anything else, it was just a good feeling to know I was right and he was wrong.

Oh life. I haven't much to say, I'm just seeing their confrontation in my head and cringing... bad times. So, review. Happy Halloween! I'm going to go and watch an epic amount of 'scary' films with friends and probably scream like a little girl. Oh yeah, review.

You know you love me, XOXO