The Solace of Anger

Msrah was staring at him. Msrah always stared at him. It was as though the man wanted something from Skaara, and Skaara knew what it was. It was he who formed their group, who held them together. It was Skaara who started absconding weapons to the river. Those first few weeks after the attack it was difficult to hide their anger. Skaara allowed them to channel it. He held them back as they watched their friends be put to death, tortured and killed for no reason other than to secure the dominance of Apophis over the people of Abydos.

They made plans to defy the gods. At first Skaara spoke of direct defiance, of opposing Apophis directly. But after the first few weeks, when the killings stopped and Naunet took control, Skaara devised a new plan. He said that it would be foolish to oppose the gods directly. Instead they must escape into the night, and seek to undermine the power structure from the outside. They would leave the village, form a band out in the desert, free those who could be freed, and kill the jaffa whenever they could. In their hearts they knew that this would only create greater hardship for those left behind, but the fantasy of action gave them the strength to make it through the day.

Skaara never invited his friends home for supper during the rare times he had off. Skaara had stayed with them and their families more than once, but he never invited them to stay with his. He told them it was because Kasuuf would not approve of their activities. There were others in the group who said the same of their families, so such prohibitions were not unusual. Furthermore, and unspoken, was the fact that Kasuuf was Skaara's father. While Skaara made sure that none thought his father would betray them, they all understood that gathering together under his roof was needlessly dangerous.

Skaara was happy to let them believe this, and felt only a little guilt over the betrayal. Indeed it was true that his father would not approve, though there was no reason for Kasuuf to know of their plans. It was also true that gathering under the village leader's roof was reckless. But the reason that Skaara did not invite them home was because it was his home. When he was with his friends or in the mine, he could control his anger by constantly reminding himself that he must lead these people, this group, his friends. He must control himself, he must curb his own anger. At home he could rely on his father and sister. At home he could relax, for as much as he could relax at all. At home he could joke, he could love, he could forget about the external turmoil and pretend, even fleetingly, that everything was alright.

"Skaara!"

Shau're greeted him with her customary exuberance. He in turn stepped forward, closing the door behind him, and opened his arms to welcome her embrace.

"Come, speak to me." She said as she dragged him by the hand to the couch.

They spoke of many, mostly superficial, things. She asked him about his friends, and he spoke with her about her own. She spoke readily of those she knew, while he was much more reticent and sought any opportunity to turn the conversation back to Shau're. Eventually she turned the conversation towards a topic that was of much interest to her, but was of increasing discomfort to Skaara.

"So, is there any one special in your life?" She asked, with a carefully practiced nonchalance that was obviously intentionally nonchalant.

"Oh, I don't know, everyone in my life is special," Skaara said, ears burning as he glanced away.

Shau're elbowed him playfully, saying "There must be someone who is extra special. Someone that you hope thinks of you as special?"

"I dunno, maybe. There's a few girls I like, I suppose," He said, hoping that would satisfy, "but nothing really substantial." He offered her a shy smile.

She returned the smile with a knowing one, and changed the subject.

"Very well, keep your secrets. I, on the other hand, must cook dinner. Would you like to help me?"

Skaara agreed, and for the next hour they went about the business of preparing the evening meal. They joked and laughed, taking pleasure in their work and in their company. Eventually their father came home.

Shau're went to greet him as warmly as she greeted Skaara. Skaara stayed in the kitchen, telling himself that he needed to keep stirring the pot lest the soup burn, but he knew that this was just an excuse. After a few moments though he steeled himself, and left the kitchen.

"Father! It is good to see you!" Skaara said with only slightly forced exuberance and a reticent grin.

Kasuuf hesitated but a fraction of a moment before opening his arms and saying, "My son, it is good to look upon you once more." He closed his arms as he closed the distance to his son, and feeling slightly absurd, offered his hand to shake. Skaara took it, and on impulse, gripped the wrist of his father with his free hand. Kasuuf glanced down, took pleasure in this unexpected familiarity, and mumbled, "Yes, well, uh, Shau're says that dinner is almost ready?"

They set out the plates and set the food upon them. Shau're was instrumental in preventing the conversation from coming to a complete standstill. Skaara helped where he could, hinting subtly, playfully, of the gossip he had heard from his sister earlier. This allowed her to tell her father about all the things that she had spoken of with her brother, and more, without seeming as though she was attempting to focus the conversation on herself. For her part she tried to reciprocate for her brother, but as Skaara had said little about his personal life it was difficult to get a conversation started on that front. Kasuuf spoke of his own difficulties and pleasures, but like any good parent he was quite adept at saying much while conveying little.

He would make vague statements like, "Oh yes, it has been difficult, but there are those who seek the same things I do," Or "I'm sure in time they will see things from the others perspective." While such talk was sparse on specifics, it was clear in the generalities. Kasuuf sought always to mediate and to calm. He hoped to achieve this goal via compassion and empathy, by trying to see things from the perspectives of others. Whenever he made a comment that was particularly salient to this goal, Shau're would glance meaningfully at her brother; Skaara, for his part, responded by looking her in the eye and carefully ignoring the hint.

The dinner was mostly amicable, for both men had learned which subjects were best to avoid, and both relied on Shau're to be the mediator. That's not to say that either required her presence for an amicable discussion, but simply that it was easier to have such discussions when she was around. She had a knack for sensing difficult conversational waters ahead, and would head them off early. Both were grateful for her tact.

After dinner the siblings cleaned while the father sat. When they had finished they found him half asleep in his chair. When questioned about it he said that he was 'Only contemplating, only contemplating.' Skaara and Shau're shared a smile. Day had faded while they had cleared away the detritus of their meal, and in the cool of evening decided to bring out the wine. Such a delicacy was somewhat rare in these straitened times, but equally rare were the times when all the family were gathered together. All three thought that such was a worthy time for wine.

"So you say that your brother has a secret to keep?" Skaara blushed and glanced at his sister. "Or perhaps a secret to tell?" Kasuuf smiled as his son, hoping to hear good news.

"Oh, no secrets father," Skaara said, looking from father to sister, "merely rumors."

Kasuuf maintained his expression of polite inquiry.

"Well, there is one girl, Nauthifa, I guess. She's nice."

A pause.

"And so?"

"And so … and so nothing, really. I spend too many days in the mines, and when I do have time off it's so … so rare that all I want to do is relax."

Shau're was clearly still curious, but Kasuuf seemed satisfied. He turned to his daughter to ask about other families and the conversation moved on. Soon though Kasuuf was forced to admit he was far too exhausted to carry on. He went to bed while they brought the chairs outside.

"So who is Nauthifa?"

"No one."

Shau're gave him a bright smile.

"Really, it was just the first name that popped into my head." Skaara sighed before continuing. "I just don't have the time or energy to even think about such things."

Shau're reached out, placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"That's what I hate about the goa'uld, even if they are nice. It's not that there isn't the death and misery that we could be experiencing, it's that … that, I don't know, that it is not we who are in control of our lives."

Shau're grew slightly worried at the hint of anger in his voice.

"I barely have time to be with my friends, nor to be with my family. We were planting more food, building better houses. We were happier. And now they're back and we are nothing more than slaves again. They take that joy, that freedom, they all do. Damn the gods, they have no right to take that from us."

"You're right," said Shau're, "but they take it from us anyway. I wish that the goa'uld would leave just as much as you do, but I know that I can't make them. We have to adjust to the new situation, and hope that it will soon end."

Skaara was still angry, but knew that she was right. "I know. I only wish we did not have to rely on hope alone."

They sat watching the stars and sharing light conversation before finishing their drinks and going to bed. The next morning they shared breakfast before Skaara left to return to the work.

/ / /

The equipment is already at the gate, along with her jaffa. She had left a message in her office for whomever Apophis appointed as the next governor of Abydos, outlining the system that she had put in place and how it worked. All of her notes and files were stored away in her portfolio, and there was just one last task to perform before stepping through the gate.

"Have you arrived yet?"

"I am ready to dial the chappa'ai, I just wanted to let you know that I would be arriving shortly."

"Excellent. Who did you choose to watch over your home in your absence?"

Naunet paused, uncertain. "My lord?

"Have you not chosen your successor?" Apophis asked, incredulously.

"No, My lord! I wasn't aware that I should … If I only had more notice than I could …"

"Notice!" Apophis spat out. "You should have noticed that I have already once desired your presence elsewhere. And now you stand before me, ready to leave, and have taken no thought of how to control Abydos in your absence? "

Apophis stood from his command chair, walked down the stepped pedestal that held it, and began to pace in front of the screen.

"My lord, I thought you would be the one to decide who next would take control of Abydos."

"Why should I do that? The planet is still your responsibility." Apophis turned to face the screen.

"I … I did not realize. I thought that I was leaving permanently; my apologies, my lord."

"Fine," he muttered, "I will have Mola'khai watch over Abydos." … a pause … "He shows promise."

Apophis ended the conversation and contacted Mola'khai while Naunet began moving people and equipment through the stargate.