A/N: So I thought I could make this flow nicely, but it didn't work out that way. Sorry it took a while.

Chapter 20

I swivelled my head around frantically, searching everywhere for Shane. How could he leave? If he would have waited one more second…

I could feel myself deflating, realizing that he really was gone. He'd given up on me, even though he said he wouldn't. So much for love.

Scuffing my foot against the dirt angrily, I let out a growl of frustration. How could he do that? Why would he leave like that, when he told me to decide? Did I take too long for his liking? Well, I'm sorry it took a while to decide if my heart was safe in your hands.

Truthfully, I couldn't blame him for leaving. After all, I had been back and forth a lot since the beginning of summer. I hated him, I got used to him, we were friends, we were almost more, and now we were back to square one. It had to be frustrating, but a little voice in the back of my head told me it should be frustrating. These things weren't normally neat and tidy.

The little voice in my head also told me that, though I felt betrayed by Shane, I overreacted. Most girls wouldn't get so worked up over a simple kiss. Maybe it was the betrayal I felt at Shane going so strongly against his word. He promised when he left that the tour wouldn't change anything between us, and yet here we were. He even brought his laptop over the last week he was in town so we could 'practice' communicating only through webcam. We'd sat in my living room on opposite ends of the couch, talking to our computers instead of each other. My parents thought we were crazy.

That last week before he left was one of the best and worst weeks of my life. We spent hours together, sometimes talking, sometimes not. I missed those days, I suddenly realized. I missed the way things used to be, and I'd give anything to go back there, but we couldn't. What's done is done, and all there's left to do is move forward from this, although I hadn't been doing that very well lately.

With all of these stunning revelations swimming in my mind, I realized that the decision I had been going to give him was the wrong one. I'd been disappointed when I realized he was gone, and I shouldn't have been if I was going to tell him I couldn't be with him. My gut reactions were not what they should be for someone who was going to tell Shane Gray that she didn't love him. I'd decided that it would be best for us if we just stayed away. I mean, there's always going to be another tour, and I don't want my heart broken again and again. I wasn't thinking clearly yesterday, but now my thoughts were crystal clear. Or so I thought. Maybe I was just too afraid to admit the truth, like I always was. I'd spent last summer lying to everyone, and I'd spent this one lying to myself.

Without a second thought about it, I turned and ran in the direction I figured he must have gone, intent on finding him. I didn't need a Nate or a Tess to tell me this time; this time, I'd figured out what I needed to do all on my own. Shane had let me control everything so far, and I'd be damned if I let him control this.

I ran until I was out of breath, but I had no idea where he was. Finally, my side splitting in agony, I trotted to a stop, hand clutching my side. I panted heavily, trying to catch my breath as I looked around to see where I was. All I could see were trees, tress, and more trees. Great.

I let out a loud sigh and tilted my head back to the sky briefly, holding in the scream of frustration that threatened to come out. I wasn't one for loud attractions of attention.

Maybe this was how things were supposed to go. Maybe, in making the wrong decision, I'd made the right one. Maybe this was what was meant to be? I wasn't supposed to find Shane, I wasn't supposed to tell him what my heart wanted. That was how the world worked; no one got what they wanted, they got what they were supposed to have. If that theory was correct, then maybe I was never supposed to have Shane.

I shook my head quickly to clear it; I was thinking too much in riddles. For once, I just wanted to think in clear, simple, sentences.

I want Shane.

I don't know where he is.

Where would he go?

The answer came easily. I knew exactly where he would be: the canoes.

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"

I could hear the soft words floating up to meet my ears before I had fully reached the docks.

'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

I tried to remain silent, because I wanted to hear where it was going, but my feet didn't cooperate. A twig snapped beneath my sneaker, causing Shane to pause in his playing and turn toward the source of the noise. His eyes darkened.

"Oh, it's you," He snapped. I was taken aback by his hostility at first, before remembering why I'd come to find him.

"Yeah. You didn't let me tell you my decision," I replied, licking my lips nervously.

Shane's smile was bitter as he said, "Yeah, I could tell from your face what you were going to say."

I was silent for a moment, digesting his words. Was I really that readable? I shook my head. Of course I was.

After a lengthy pause in conversation –if you could call it that- I got up the nerve to say what I'd come here with the intention of saying. "You were wrong."

His shoulders tensed slightly, but he didn't turn.

"You were wrong about what I was going to say. I made my decision, and it isn't what you think it is."

"Is that so?" He asked. He still didn't turn around, but at least he was speaking now.

"Well, it was what you thought it was, but I changed my mind."

"Again," He commented emotionlessly.

"Yes, again, Shane. I changed my mind again but this is the last time, because you walking away from me… I didn't like it. I didn't want to get hurt again, but you walking away… It hurt."

He didn't speak again, waiting for me to continue.

"I've been jumping around a lot this summer, but you can't blame me for it. You hurt me, Shane. You can't fault me for not wanting to be hurt again. But… It hurts more to have you walk away from me then it does to know that you could let me down at any second."

This got his attention. He stood quickly, whirling around to face me as he did so. "I told you I'd never do something like that again. I promised you."

I shook my head sadly. "Neither of us can know what's going to happen in the future, Shane. You promised before you left for the tour that nothing would change, but then this whole mess happened. You can't make promises like that, and I can't expect you to. It's unfair to both of us."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" He asked, eyes still blazing.

I threw my arms up in the air, unsure of what to tell him. He always asked, and I never had an answer. "I don't know. I don't think there's anything you can do. There's nothing anyone can do. All relationships face this kind of risk. It just took me a while to see that."

"And you aren't willing to take that risk."

"I wasn't," I corrected.

His eyes lit up just a fraction. It was almost as though he was fighting down the hope my words created.

"I wasn't ready to put myself on the line like that, but it's inevitable. It's time to stop living in the past and start doing what I want to do. I can't… I can't let memories hold me back. All summer I've been telling myself I have to get past this, but I haven't really been doing that. I've been stuck in a loop. But I'm here now, and I'm off the loop, and I made my decision. I want to be with you, Shane. I want to try again."

The silence between us was thick, and I waited in anticipation for him to say something. Would he tell me it was too late?

He took a tentative step toward me. "So you're saying we can just move on?"

"Not exactly," I replied carefully, watching his face fall in confusion and rushing to get the next words out, "I'm saying we can move forward."

"There's a difference?"

"Yes. Moving on means that we forget it ever happened. Moving forward means we don't forget. It means that we take what happened and go from there. Rebuild."

"Rebuild?" He asked.

I nodded once.

"And how do you suggest we do that?"

I grinned, closing the distance between us. "Like this."

And with no further discussion, I pressed my lips to his. He pulled me closer, both of us savouring a moment that had come from far too much complication. None of it mattered though, because we were here.

A/N: So, this isn't the end. I will post an epilogue-ish thing. I just really need to end this before it becomes even worse than it's been getting. The lyrics above belong to Taylor Swift and Boys Like Girls, not me!