Maybe I should have listened to Emmett. He had told me not to after everything that had happened and I didn't comply. I had burnt myself like a little kid who reaches for the turned-on stove top. I had to know and I knew this irrational desire wouldn't be good for me. Still, I had to abide its wishes.
Bella still seemed to be a little shocked because she had heard our little talk. Maybe she had thought that I wouldn't try now that I knew she already had a date. Angela Webber's calm thoughts as well as Jasper's observations about her emotions had shown me one thing: She was telling the truth. Jasper unwilling gave me another fact: She liked going with Black. Why him of all people? Though I didn't know his identity when I decided to tell her this one truth.
I still had to try to ask her out to the dance and I still had to leave her in the dark. At first, my thoughts about the dance had been lonely strays, but finally they consumed my mind until I had the talk with Emmett.
He had advised me to follow through with telling her the truth, just like Jasper had done. He also told me not to ask her to the dance because she would probably know about my 'little decision'- as he called it- by then and be terribly mad at me.
If only I had know how right he was, I'd never even have made the false promise. It was right not to tell her, but having made the promise was a mistake, one I couldn't undo.
When she told me about her eavesdropping in the hallway, I was very embarrassed that she knew about my decision and the fall dance. How had she even managed to listen to us behind the gym without my superior senses noticing her clumsy steps? If she had stayed long enough into the conversation, she now also knew that I had admitted to having budding feelings for her. I was hardly ready to admit to them, so I wasn't at all ready to have her know.
I simply didn't know what to do, so I ran away as humanly as I could.
Later, I had to pick up the mess I had made. Thus I apologized, insisted on not telling her about the secret for the while and finally admitted to wanting to take her to the dance. She was shocked that I was still trying, still letting her know, though I knew that she already knew.
Yes, the side-effects of eavesdropping. I experienced them constantly. Always having to distinguish between the things humans thought and said was tiring, especially because they differentiated so greatly. Maybe she pretended not to know in order to lessen my prior anger?
I was a little scared that she asked Black only to avoid going with me or having to find a flimsy excuse. Through the thoughts of the other boys who asked her and made the mistake of not believing her it was obvious that she didn't want to go with any of them if she had a choice.
The way she had reacted to my supposed one-on-one admission with Emmett was another bad sign. She had avoided any interaction with me for the whole four hours that gave her the chance to ignore me and screamed at me the following day. She had only mentioned the broken promise, but who knew if she was shocked and disgusted about another admission on the inside?
It was a little scary, even I had to admit that. We had hardly talked to each other and she had spent one half of the time assuming that I hated her and the other thinking that I was an idiot with some kind of hereditary disease. As if I could ever catch one! But still I felt for her like I had never felt before.
It was curiosity, protectiveness and a gravitational pull of thoughts towards her that made up this alien feeling. Carlisle had told me it was love. It could also be a natural reaction to her person, if I paid the other male students' thoughts any mind. There were many who thought she was too ordinary or didn't pay her any thought, though.
These feelings were the reason that I had to tell her in person that I was going to ask her. I didn't want her to think that I was ashamed. If she hadn't overheard the part about the dance, I wanted her to know. The slight chance that it would make her rethink her options- especially for the next, the spring dance- was worth the awkwardness of the moment.
I knew she wasn't my date, but I was going to dance with her nevertheless. I knew for a fact that I was an excellent dancer, so maybe this would help me in my quest. I would quit lying to her. Next time I would just tell her 'no' if she requested something off-limits.
Another element in my excellent plot to make her like me- if only as a friend, I tried to convince myself- was being nice to her. I couldn't very well be rude and break my promises and then expect her to be comfortable around me.
…...
On Friday, I set my plan into action.
"Hi Bella.", I greeted her as I sat down at the table next to her in Biology. She smiled up at me and then continued taking out her stuff for the lesson. Did she still think that I disliked her?
Obviously.
"Do you already have a dress for the dance?", I politely asked her. She seemed to be a little confused by my question, but maybe that was just my lack of ability to small-talk. When did one of us ever get the chance to practice exchanging pleasantries with mortals?
It was only really possible for my family and the Denalis because of our choice of diet. One had to feel the need to talk to them, though, which hadn't ever been the case for me. If I didn't want any specific thing from them, I didn't bother conversing with humans.
"Um..." She fumbled for words for a few seconds, but then answered. "No. I'll go dress-shopping with Angela on Saturday. We are hoping that we won't have to return for accessories on Sunday."
"What were you thinking about? Color-wise, for example?", I inquired.
"Blue or green, but I'm not sure yet..."
Since blue was my favorite color- I tended to wear it almost every day- and it would look absolutely lovely on her, I decided to make a suggestion. "I personally prefer blue. It would look pretty with your skin." Her skin was so pale that it almost matched mine. It seemed to be even more translucent, though. One could mistake her for one of us if it weren't for her steady heartbeat and her brown doe eyes.
"I'll just see which one fits the best. I might even take a dark red one.", Bella explained, obviously not too keen on talking to me.
"You do that. I'm sure it'll look great, anyways.", I complimented her. A slight blush rose in her skin at my words, so subtle that no human eye would be able to make it out. She wasn't perfect in the way only immortals could be, but her imperfections made her more fascinating. For me, there wasn't anything more boring than perfection.
Because Bella wasn't perfect, she was perfect for me.
…...
As always, I had inconspicuously tabbed in on her fellow students' thoughts during her lessons to make sure that she was okay. This way, I might also find some useful information about her likes and dislikes.
Bella was very accident-prone. During her P.E. lesson she had almost stabbed herself and another student with a javelin- all in one Friday. After only ten minutes of class she had to watch from the sideline. She seemed so innocent and so much in need of protection.
What would I give to be her protector! And how big was the irony of that thought!
A monster of the dark trying to be a guardian angel for a sweet human. But maybe I could be that for her. I would at least try to keep her safe. Who else could do that for her? I was the only volunteering 'person' with supernatural talents and abilities. If anyone planned on hurting her, I would be the first one to know. I was the only one who could protect her without anyone noticing at all.
On my way to the next class I made another choice: I was going to be her hidden guardian angel and she wasn't to find out. This was my additional plot from that day on.
She had even told me where she would be going, so it would be easy. Especially since I was already familiar with the tone of Angela Webber's thoughts.
'Saturday, Newton, dress-shopping', I kept chanting in my head.
…
It was time for Edward's point of view again, so here it is! Maybe this helps you a bit with the whole Jasper/Emmett confusion...
What do you think about Edward's 'plot'? Please review!
A humongous thanks to emily for finding my recent mistake with fall/spring dance, I corrected it immediately!