Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns all!

Chapter 18

*Jace's POV*

The sun was well gone by the time I went to check on Clary. No matter how many times I tell myself to stay away from her I just can't. I was cursing myself the entire way to her secret garden. At night, with all the hallway lights casting a dim glow about the walls, the tapestry looks terrifying. The broad angel loomed over. His face casted in shadows that made him fierce and almost demonic. I shook the gloomy feeling away as I pushed passed the cloth and opened the door.

I was met with cool night air, the stars shining as brightly as diamonds on black velvet. I don't know what it is about the outdoors, but simply being ere calmed my unsettling nerves. I took in a breath as I slowly made my way through the garden. I found Clary curled up at the base of the tree, clutching her sketchbook to her chest for dear life. Her pale face shone in the moonlight almost as if the light itself was coming from within her. Dried tears were on her cheeks and the cover of her book was spotted with tears drops.

"I'm sorry," I whispered under my breath as I crouched down next to her.

She didn't stir when I scooped her up in my arms until I brought her close. As soon as she was near she snuggled in close and wrapped her lithe arms around my neck. Her book fell from her hands when she did this and opened to a page filled with various sketches. Some were finished and some were bits and pieces of a person ranging from eyes or hands or a mouth. I felt my heart clench when I took a closer look at those drawings and realised how familiar they were. Every last one was of me. I flicked through a few of the pages and saw the same results on the used pages. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as I picked up the book and pulled Clary closer, standing up as I did so. She may say she doesn't care for me or that these feelings aren't real, but the proof is right here in my hand. Or rather in these carefully drawn out pictures done in such detail.

She always manages to play with my emotions whether she realises it or not. Whoever said love was such sweet torture sure as hell knew what they were talking about. I walked slowly through the garden and carefully back into the house with Clary in my arms. She slept on peacefully, a smile tugging at her lips. She was much lighter than I had expected and certainly a heavier sleeper than I had thought. I was turning the handle to her bedroom door when I felt her move. She shifted herself closer to my chest as she let out a soft sigh that made me tingle.

"I love you," she mumbled in her sleep.

I stopped dead in my tracks for a moment as I glanced down at her. Yes, she's still asleep. I looked across the room and into her mirror. Yes, I'm still alive and me. My eyes darted back to her once again to see her sleeping on as if she hadn't done anything at all, as if she had simply told me the sky was blue when in fact those words coming from her were even more unexpected than if she were to say the sky was neon green with pink polka dots! I could practically feel my heart beating out of my chest and the thumping was so loud in my ears it was all I could hear.

A whole flood of emotions washed through me. Confusion as to whether or not that really happened. Fear when I thought she was speaking those words to someone else, say a curly haired rat with glaces? Joy at the realisation that she did in fact say those words. And finally content. I suppose all I really wanted from her was a real answer and not the crap she'd been throwing my way. I allowed myself to smile as I walked the rest of the way to her bed and pulled back her covers before gently placing her in bed. I covered her up and started to walk away when she grabbed my hand to prevent me from leaving. Her eyes were barely open, just small slits with a hint of green peeking through as she groggily stared up at me.

"Don't leave me," she muttered as she patted the empty space next to her on the bed.

"But…" I started to say as I tried to pull away without completely waking her.

"Jace," she whined as she tugged on my arm.

I let out a sigh when I realized there was no way around this and complied. I walked around the bed and laid on top of the blankets next to her. Clary turned on her side and wiggled closer to me until she was nuzzled into my chest, her hands on my waist to keep me from leaving. One of my arms was under her head and the other rested on the small of her back, rubbing circles in attempts to get her back to sleep.

"You make it impossible, you know," Clary said, her words came out mumbled since her face was buried in my chest.

I shifted a bit so that I could see her face. She was completely awake now and her emerald eyes were staring up at me with a look of defeat.

"I feel like that should be my line," I laughed as I looked between the two of us, the situation alone proves that.

Clary giggled too, her laugh always reminds me of the soft chime of bells, and once again my heart skips a beat.

"I was trying to save you by pushing you away. It won't be easy being together, you must know that. We can't be as open as Magnus and Alexander. Magnus… there isn't as much expected from him. But with me and my family, there's just a lot at stake. My brother and my father are dead set on the lines between pets and us. I just…" Clary was rattling on and tears had started forming in her eyes as she no doubt thought of all the vicious and cruel things they would do to us if we were caught.

Just thinking about it scared me too, but I think I'm willing to risk that. I already know what it feels like to be with her but not at the same time and if I'm unwilling to take any chances that dead feeling inside will be all I'll have.

"I believe this is worth it'" I interrupted her.

This time tears escaped her eyes but she had a smile on her face. "Really?" she asked, searching my eyes for the truth.

I nodded my head, knowing full heartedly how right this felt. Clary tipped her head up and kissed me. It was quick and sweet, but enough. It showed me that she was willing to trust in what I had said.