"We are going out and that's final!"
"Anya -"
"Whatever you are going to say is meaningless to me. You promised me dancing at the Bronze, and it didn't happen last night, so it is GOING to happen tonight."
"I should really patrol, and check on Willow and Tara," Buffy protested.
"Meaningless. Willow and Tara don't need checking on, honestly if you did you might see more of both of them than you wanted. And Spike is patrolling for you. DANCING, Buffy. Go put on some less grandmotherly clothing."
"Hey! My jeans are not grandmotherly! And doesn't Spike have that super secret job of his anyway?"
"He said no. I told him we were having a girls night out. He said he hoped it involved pillow fights in our underwear, and agreed to patrol. I'm sure that is what he is doing this very moment. So outfit change! NOW!"
Buffy trudged up the stairs, but a smile was playing about her lips. Anya was infectious, not to mention really good at planning things. Dawn was at Janice's for the night, both Tara and Anya had impressed on Buffy many times that nothing could be done about Giles until Monday, and now even patrol was taken care of. If truth be told, Buffy would have been totally excited to go dancing, if it wasn't for the pesky fact that Anya expected the details on Spike.
Surveying her closet, Buffy reached for a little green dress with lace accents that somehow managed to look dirty instead of demure. She'd been wanting to wear it forever, and depending on how Operation Giles Rescue went, this might be her only chance for a while. Or ever, Buffy amended darkly, thinking of having all those gold and black demons coming at her at once. Those thoughts gave way to fuzzy images of Spike carrying her gently and reciting poetry to her. Buffy huffed at her own lack of restraint.
She couldn't stop thinking about him.
The trouble was, she wasn't quite sure what she was thinking about Spike. Which was why talking to Anya would be hard - especially after the ex-demon had witnessed her breakdown in Spike arms post-Willow's suicide attempt. Which was embarrassing to even think about. Not the crying part, oh no, but the part where Buffy's inner repressed bitch came out and told Spike to leave after everything he'd done. What the guy really deserved was a big fat thank you, which Buffy knew, and hadn't yet given him. It seemed too late now, like it wouldn't seem genuine or relevant, so Buffy was just avoiding the blonde vampire. Mature, it was not.
"BUFFY! I want a chance to have a drink and eat a snack before the band comes on! Hurry up!"
Now that Anya mentioned it - well, shouted it up the stairs - Buffy wanted those things too. Quickly, Buffy pulled on a pair of tan suede ankle boots and her gold hoop earrings. Pursuing her lips in the mirror, she made a last minute decision to settle a long gold and white pendant around her neck. Another quick mirror check confirmed that the pedant settled nicely between her breasts, accentuating them nicely and instantly making the whole look a little more decadent. Perfect.
"Perfect," Anya agreed as Buffy came tumbling down the stairs. "There will definitely be some erections around us when we are dancing together."
"Ewww, Anya!" Buffy said. "I don't want to think about a bunch of guys watching us and saving up the image for" - she shuddered - "later."
"Sorry," Anya said, without anything resembling repentance. "I just like inspiring sex thoughts in potential mates. As long as they play nice and don't harass me, anyway, and even if they did harass us, you're the Slayer."
"I thought we were going out for US, not to provide erotic titillation to random guys." Buffy locked the front door.
"We ARE going out for us." Anya turned a megawatt smile on her friend. "The erotic titillation part is just a confidence boosting bonus."
By the time they'd been sitting in the Bronze for twenty minutes, Buffy had to agree. No one gross had interrupted them or hit on her yet, which made the many admiring and slack-jawed looks all the sweeter. Her confidence was boosted into the stratosphere, although that might have something to do with the gin & tonic she'd just finished.
"So HE broke off the hot hot sex?!" Anya's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Wow. I didn't know he had it in him."
"I know," Buffy half-moaned. "The thing is, I should've had it in ME."
"Well, you did have it in you," Anya pointed out, eyes twinkling. "Several times, in fact. Speaking of, how big was it? Spike's got a pretty big IT, I'd wager our next three drinks on it."
Too much there to process, said Buffy's brain. Slowly she shook her head. "That's not the it I was talking about... although it was a very nice it, with just the right curve and definite sizeableness. Also, he knows some really good angles and can go long enough to hit all of them... Also, I cannot have THREE more drinks."
"Seems not," Anya said, assessing. "Your next one should be a water. Anyway, I was teasing. Go back to the it you were talking about."
"I'm confused now."
"I said I didn't know Spike had IT in him to break it off with you, then you said -" Anya began to remind Buffy impatiently, but the Slayer jumped right back in.
"OH! Right. I just mean I knew he loved me and I didn't love him, I shouldn't have been taking advantage like that. Even if I was upset about..." Buffy trailed off.
"I understand," Anya said. "The thought that your soul might be gone is not a comfortable one. I didn't enjoy the realization either, when I first became a vengeance demon. Let's not talk about that, ok?"
"Two more gin & tonics," Buffy told the waiter. "And some wings, spicy mmmm."
"I said your next one should be a water!"
"Not talking about THAT either, if you get a no-no subject then I can drink what I want."
"Don't make me have to call Spike to carry you home," Anya warned.
"Spike, mmmm," Buffy said, her brain happily wreathed in colors and smiling blue eyes. She was playing at being a little more drunk than she actually felt, because it was fun. And it was convenient - despite her thoughts in her bedroom earlier that night, Buffy DID want to talk about Spike. She wanted girl talk, and she wanted to be able to be honest. Thus, another drink would harm no one.
"So... it WAS all about the sex for you?" asked Anya, suddenly serious.
"No," Buffy said, willing her buzz to recede a little. She leaned forward. "Anya, I have feelings for Spike. You can't tell anyone! They are smushy and gooey, but also very confusing. If it was anyone else, I would just... try it. Try a few dates here, some kisses there. But Spike and I already had kisses everywhere." Buffy felt a giggle rising and tamped it down. "And because he made it very clear that we can't have any of that unless I love him back..."
"The pressure is on and you can't just let things happen naturally," Anya finished.
"Exactly!" Buffy crowed. Then her face clouded over again. "It's very stressful."
"Have you told him this?"
"NO!" Buffy said loudly, as the waiter returned with their drinks and a large plate of chicken parts. He also had two tall glasses of water, which he set down in front of the girls with a wink. "Thanksssss!" Buffy carolled, and blew him a kiss. The guy blushed and grinned at the same time, and hurried away.
"Score one erection," Anya commented drily.
"Yup," Buffy said happily, and began to eat the wings in front of her. "Anyway, I haven't told him because it would be unfair to him. I don't want to get his hopes up because I don't know exactly what I feel - I want him around and I want to have sex with him, but I don't know if I could ever be in love with the Scourge of Europe. You know?"
"Not really. I caused intense pain and misery to thousands in my time as a vengeance demon, remember. Besides, ultimately you have to love someone for who they are, not what they were."
"Does that mean Xander still has a chance with you?" asked Buffy, putting down her wing. She might be tipsy, but she wanted to offer Anya the same chance to vent.
"Do you want Xander to have a chance with me?" Anya's face grew tight, and she crossed her arms defensively.
"No no, I'm not asking because I want you guys to get back together. I'm asking because I want to know how you're doing, sometimes break-ups SEEM crystal clear and sometimes they're not so easy," Buffy babbled.
"Oh," Anya said, and she relaxed enough to grab her own wing off the plate. "Honestly, I don't see any possibility for me and Xander in the future." The ex-demon shrugged.
"Because of the soul stuff?" Buffy asked, feeling timid suddenly.
"Not completely," Anya said. "That's more of a symptom of why Xander and I could never work. He wants a little woman to be codependent with, and although he can have a heart of gold he's also stubborn as an ox and often only sees what he wants to see. Plus, he's boring and kind of shallow when it comes to relationships."
"Boring? Like... sexually?" Buffy couldn't believe she was asking this about one of her oldest friends. It was the gin talking. The gin that she was going to take another sip of right now.
"No, boring like all he wanted to talk about was work. Which is construction. It's boring. No, sexually Xander wanted to try lots of different things. They were just all about him. He's very self-absorbed, you know?"
"Yeah, I knew that... non-sexually, obviously." Buffy took another gulp of her drink.
"I mean, one of his favorite things was for me to wear this shepherdess outfit and let him fondle my tits while I played damsel in distress. Then when HE was ready, I'd pull off the dress and fuck him in the ass with the strap-on I'd been hiding underneath it. What in that scenario is about me, you know?"
Buffy was pretty sure she was doing her best impression of a stranded fish. "Ummmm..." she said weakly.
"Exactly! You can't think of anything!" Anya drained the rest of her drink and slammed it down on the table. She beamed at Buffy. "God, it's great having a girl friend to talk to!"
"These guys aren't half bad," Spike said over the music, tossing back his beer.
"Yup, better than the usual bands desperate enough to perform in Sunnydale," Bernie said. "Want another one?"
"Yeh, thanks. How come we managed to book 'em?"
"They're from our fair capital, Washington DC." Bernie grinned, sliding the new beer to the vampire. "To far away to know our... reputation."
"'Ey, hasn't this place's reputation gotten a bit better since I started?"
The bartender snorted. "Yeah yeah. You're useful muscle in a pinch and the kiddies love you. We're lucky to have you, even if you do sing like shit."
"Only when I'm forced to look at your cussed ugly mug," Spike said, and raised his bottle in a mock cheers. "Makes my notes fall flat, your face does."
"Remind me to spit in your next beer." Bernie waggled his eyebrows. "Now, how come you're here tonight? Hardly ever have you around when you're not playing."
"Cause I'm playing as many nights as you lot will have me!" Spike shrugged. "I dunno, tonight I just wanted a quiet cold one."
"Better watch out," Bernie advised. "Quiet might not happen if any of your lady fans catch you sitting here." The grizzled older man put on a falsetto. "Oh, Spike! Play me like your play your guitar! Sing me a love song, Spike!"
"Oi! I got plenty of lovely lads for fans too," Spike admonished. "None of that there chauvinism."
"Oh, Spike!" Bernie's voice was now deep and gruff. "Put those talented fingers up my arse and wiggle them, won't you?"
"Geez, Bern! Getting a little R-rated aren't we?"
"Are we?" Bernie looked all innocence. "I hadn't noticed."
"Yeah, yeah," Spike rolled his eyes. "Besides, me bandmates get plenty of attention too. What do you say about that?"
"I say... that the house band at the Bronze is made up of the biggest bunch of lady's men I've ever seen, and you can shove your chauvinism where the sun don't shine." Bernie grinned. "Now, if you'll excuse me Short Pale and Ugly, I've got other customers to serve."
Spike laughed as Bernie slouched off to go serve some deserving, paying patron. Boy, did he ever like shooting the shit with the old bugger. A few nights ago, mid-set for Spike and the band, some fledges who hadn't heard that William the Bloody was now the patron saint of the Bronze showed up, trying to ransack the place and get in a couple meals. One of them had gone for Bernie, and Spike had been terrified he wouldn't get there in time. But the bartender, cool as a cucumber, had just smashed a bottle, jammed it in the fledge's face, and pulled out a stake from under the counter. By the time Spike was in striking distance, the fledge was nothing but specks in the half-drunken glasses of beer on the bar. Spike figured you tend bar at the Hellmouth, you know what's what, which meant Bernie had to know what Spike was - but befriended him all the same. Had to hand it to people like that.
Beer in hand, Spike turned to watch the band. They were kicking into a new song, eerie and spacey intro. Then the lead singer's remarkably compelling voice began, and Spike felt himself lean back. Half-bad wasn't right at all. These bastards were GOOD.
"Brought down by my own affections
Is there nowhere safe I can hide?"
Of course, it helped that the band was singing Spike's life in this particular song. The vampire breathed out, Buffy's name on the crest of his exhale. Out on a girl's night with Anya, his girl was? Be good for her. Anya was good for her. But still, Spike wished Buffy were here. Listening to this music with him. Maybe dancing with him.
A flash of blonde hair in the crowd at the front of the stage caught Spike's eye. Could it-? Spike shook his head, laughing at himself. Unfortunately, his life didn't work that way - it was never ask and ye shall receive for him. Silly to imagine that Buffy was up there... until the crowd parted, and Spike realized that he wasn't imagining at all. Buffy and Anya were dancing together, wild and athletic in the center of a group of cheering people.
"I was lost in a landscape of pleasure
Endlessly prolonged
Left to feel everything all at once
Till I felt nothing at all."
Spike set down his beer and was up and moving before his brain entirely registered the fact. His feet carried him to the side of a pillar where he could better see Buffy, dancing loose and free. Her ice skating lessons or ballet or something had paid off, as she flexed her muscular legs in a dress that left nothing to the imagination while somehow still suggesting that Buffy was a lady. She used all of the space the crowd had left for her, and spun and darted in and around Anya like they'd choreographed the whole thing. Spike shook his head in admiration. Was it any wonder that the first time he'd seen her like this, he'd been lost already?
"Blue sunshine lighting my way
I tried to love you but you turned me away
Now I go on alone, I go on alone
Trying to keep this love alive..."
The song wound to a close, twangling guitars and the melodic howls of the singer bringing it to silence. The boy started some stage patter into the microphone, talking about how great this town was or some such nonsense, but his eyes were for Buffy - as were the eyes of just about every other male in eyeballing distance, and no few of the females. Spike growled under his throat, and before his voice of caution could say much more than 'should let her have this girly night to herself' the vampire was pushing into the crowd.
Spike arrived in front of Buffy right as the next song was starting, and bugger him if it wasn't gonna be a slow one. The Slayer squeaked in surprise, which he couldn't help but find weirdly adorable. Several of the others that had been drawing close to her fell away as Spike held his hand out to his lady. Never breaking eye contact, Buffy drew in a deep breath, and Spike felt his unbeating heart hovering in his chest. Somehow so much was riding on this all of a sudden - would Buffy let him put his arms around her? Dance with her in public? Spike was beginning to think he'd either have to turn and walk back to the bar, or sweep Buffy into his arms consequences be damned (who was he kidding? he'd be doing the latter) when his girl placed her tiny tanned hand in his outstretched white one. Gently, Spike tugged her so their chests were almost touching, and wonder of wonders, she draped her arms around his neck. Buffy leaned into him, and Spike slid his hands around her waist, bringing her close enough for him to feel the heat radiating off her skin.
"Just give a little time to find yourself
In spite of all your clues
Maybe you just play the fool."
Slayer and vampire swayed together. Spike felt the happiest he'd been in a long time. He could smell the faint scent of honeysuckle coming off of Buffy, winding its way into his nostrils and surrounding his heart. Buffy laid her head on Spike's chest, sighing in what sounded like contentment.
"Don't have a point to make
But I argue all the time with only you
Beautiful you."
Spike smiled, and raised his head a little to look at the band. Singing close to the truth of it again, weren't they? All four of the kids looked like they were having a great time up there, which was how it should be. Out of the corner of his eye, Spike saw Anya having a great time too, locked in a slow dance with a young buck who had no clue what he was in store for - but he would learn. Anya had already started pressing her lips into the guy's neck in a way that left no doubt as to her eventual plans for him.
"I'm breathless
Waltzing after you
Haunted, under a blood red moon
I'm holding out, I'm holding out
Calling after you
Breathless, we move to our own tune."
The song ended, and without any inkling of how they got there, Spike felt Buffy's lips on his. The kiss was light and sweet, the warmth of her mouth seeping all the way down into his chest. It lasted just long enough for Spike to start to feel dizzy in the best possible way, and then Buffy pulled back. She smiled up at him, some combination of adoring, mischievous and serious that he'd never seen before and made his head spin even worse.
"Walk me home after this one?" she asked, as the band began a new song.
"Sure," Spike stuttered. "Uh - Anya gonna be ok?"
They looked over at the ex-demon, who saw them over her new toy's shoulder and gave the two blondes a thumbs up.
"Think so," Buffy giggled. "Dance this one first, though? Kay?"
"Whatever the lady wants," Spike said, with a tiny bow.
"She gets?" asked Buffy with a cock of her head, and pulled the vampire into her arms.