Hey guys, I'm still not dead. Just been going through a lot. My boyfriend of two years and four months is now my ex-boyfriend. I ended things between us and let's just say he didn't take it so well. Lots of fuckery happened and it was not awesome. Basically he drove me so crazy and made me so angry and my emotions were all messed up for a while. My depression was acting up and that's never a good thing, basically I pushed him away because my depression was fucking everything up. Don't worry, I'm fine now. I'm actually able to feel kind of happy now, and I haven't been happy in a really long time. It's been about two months since we broke up... It's been hard even though I still see him (because I have absolutely no friends at all, so without him I literally have no one), but this break was very much needed. I should update more often now since my depression probably won't be as awful and I'll be able to do a lot more with my life rather than school and trying to make myself be happy! I hope my depression isn't very active this summer, that'd be really great. *I wrote this like three weeks ago, and I can honestly say I haven't the slightest clue what I'm doing with my life. My life is just so damn confusing and I don't know. Basically I'm a mess. So if I don't update for a while, please don't hate me, just understand I have a lot going on.

The following is very important: I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but from my personal experience, all of this would have been nice to hear. If you decide not to read it, just know that someone cares about you and you deserve happiness.

I'm gonna get up on my soapbox for a moment now: If you are with someone who brings out your worst and makes you angry all the time, just go. I know it's really hard to do, and it can really suck, but it's for the best. If you don't feel like you anymore because of them, go. If he/she doesn't make you happy anymore and you find yourself faking happiness all the time, go. You don't need to do that to yourself, and you don't need to do that to the other person. If you fall out of love with them, go. Put your happiness first; don't stay with them just because you don't want to hurt them, because then when you finally can't take it anymore you end up hurting them even more. It's hard at first, I know, but your happiness is the most important thing. If you can/want you can try to stay friends, but it's going to be difficult, and a lot of people are going to tell you that you're crazy and to leave them alone. Again, your happiness should always come first. I tried to stay friends with my ex, and it sort of worked. All of you are amazing and you all deserve happiness in your lives. I'm saying all of this because I truly care, and I want all of you to be happy and not be stuck with someone you hate. Don't try to make it work if you know it can't. It just makes it hurt even more when you can't handle things anymore and you decide to end it. Okay, I'll hop off my soapbox now, sorry guys!

Okay, well now that that's over, we can get on with the story. It's been kind of hard to write on this one because I started two new ones that I hope you guys will enjoy (when I get around to posting them, that is!) and yeah. I haven't been able to work on this one for a while because I don't know, I haven't been feeling it. I will try to get better about it though since it's summer and I don't have to worry about school. I got a 4.0 last semester and I am officially a sophomore in college! Aw yeah! Sorry for such a long A/N, but I've been gone for almost four months and I had a lot to say! I just want to thank all of you for sticking with it! Well, this isn't much, but hey, I tried!

Chapter 17: Dunno

Drift walked down the hall with his head down, he couldn't help but worry about Len. He still had five more hours to go until he could go home, and he wasn't sure he'd be able to hold out for much longer. He pulled his phone out to text Len and see how he was holding up, Hey. Are you doing alright man? Drift walked into Mr. Hiyama's class and took his seat while he waited for Len's reply; all eyes were on him, Mr. Hiyama's included. "Um…" he sank down in his seat; he was never good at being the center of attention for no apparent reason. His phone vibrated and he quickly turned his attention to that, Hey. Yeah, I kind of fell down when I tried to get out of bed to pee, but other than that I'm fine. Drift's eyes widened, Fuck. Are you okay? Do I need to come home? Were you able to get in bed again? Len sent him a picture of himself lying on the bathroom floor with a very sexy and charming look on his face, Do I look okay bitch? Drift laughed a little and then looked at Mr. Hiyama, "Can I go to the office? I need to go home so I can take care of Len."

Mr. Hiyama's eyes lit up at the mention of Len, "How is he doing? I heard he was in the hospital again…?"

Another student chimed in, "Yeah, I heard he got the shit beat out of him by Dell."

And another, "Is he okay?" And then all the students bombarded him with questions: Is he out of the hospital? Why isn't he in school? What about baseball season? When is he able to come back to school? Did Dell really do that?

Mr. Hiyama cleared his throat loudly and the class silenced, "Drift, do you know how Len is doing?"

He nodded, "He's fine. He's not able to move much without pain because Dell cracked a few of his ribs, but he's okay."

Mr. Hiyama gave him a relieved smile, "I see. You can go, Drift. Thank you."

Drift gathered his things and rushed to the office to talk to the secretary, "Hi. I need to leave school, Len Kagamine is staying with me and is in need of assistance at home."

"Len Kagamine?" she thought for a moment, and seeing Drift in his panicked state she allowed it, "You go ahead and go, I'll take care of your attendance records." She smiled and made a note as he nodded and rushed out to get home and help Len. He ran outside to his car and sped all the way home. Upon walking inside he heard crying. He didn't want to eavesdrop, but… okay yes he did want to eavesdrop. He quietly walked upstairs so he could hear Len better.

"Espurr, I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I don't know why I'm having these suicidal thoughts still… it's really hard," he sniffled a little and tried to hold back his tears, "I just feel like everyone would be better off… My dad wouldn't have to worry anymore, and my friends… well they probably wouldn't take it too hard, and Rin would probably be sad, but at least if I was gone she would have to keep hiding things from me. I just," he sighed and wiped the tears away, "I just don't know. I love Rin, the only problem is that I think I'm starting to fall for Drift as well… I know he said he didn't have feelings for me like that, but I can't help how I feel. I miss my dad, but I'd much rather stay with Drift; I feel safe with him. It's not like I don't feel safe with daddy, but there's just something about Drift that makes me feel so comfortable and unjudged. You're lucky to have such a great owner." He sighed and picked Espurr up, cuddling up with him, "And if I go home with dad, I'll have to face Nero… I can't see him. I don't feel that way about him, Drift put an end to that, and I don't want to hurt him… the only problem is that Drift wouldn't want to be with me in a million years and—" Drift bursted through the door, knelt down next to Len, and put his lips to Len's. Len let the cat go and pulled Drift in closer to him. He was surprised, he didn't even know Drift was home, and now he was kissing him.

Drift smiled and pulled away, moving over and leaning on the bathroom counter; his face was as red as Len's was, "I uh… sorry," he grinned sheepishly. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

Len smiled and leaned over to rest his head on Drift's shoulder, "It's okay, Drift."

He sighed and looked down at the sad and confused blond, he knew it had to be hard going through so much all at once. "Len, I'm sorry you're so confused and conflicted… But you have so much to live for, please don't do anything crazy. I love you, Len, and I can't lose you. No one would be better off without you. A wise woman once said 'we don't die for our friends, we live for them.'"

Len looked up into Drift's dark grey eyes and smiled, "Erza…" he said softly. He couldn't believe Drift watched Fairy Tail as well, "We are so much alike it's scary," he laughed a little as Drift pulled him in for a hug.

"I didn't think you'd get the reference, but I'm so glad you did." Drift loved the fact that he and Len were so much alike, it made sense now why they were the closest out of their group. After he pulled away he got to his feet and helped Len up as well, "Did you ever manage to go pee?"

He nodded, "I managed to crawl to the bathroom and get where I needed to be… it hurt, but I got through it. When you texted me I was seriously about to go to sleep on the floor because I couldn't move, so thank you for coming home to save me," he blushed a little as Drift put his arm around his lower back and led him back to bed.

"Anything for you, Lenny," he smiled and helped him up into bed. After Len was situated, Drift covered him up and then got in on the other side, "I worried about you all day," he sighed, "It was pure agony…" Len looked over at him, but didn't say anything. He was too focused on the fact that Drift kissed him and then acted like it didn't even happen. "I'm sorry I kissed you…"

Len bit his bottom lip, "It's fine… I liked it… I just thought you didn't like me like that…"

Drift laughed softly and scooted closer to Len, "I have always liked you like that, but I've already told you, I can't be with you." Len nodded sadly, he understood, why Drift felt the way he did, he'd probably feel the same way if he was in his shoes. "And it's not because you've been with so many girls…" Len was confused now, he told him earlier that that was why. "I know I said that, but I didn't mean it… If you wanted me, you could have me, Len. But I know you, and I know our heart belongs to Rin. You may not see it, but I do."

He smiled and nodded, "I love her… I just wish she'd open up to me."

"Maybe if you open up to her, she'll do the same for you?"

Len thought for a moment, he was nervous, but he knew it was time, "You may be right…" He pulled out his phone to text Rin, Hey babe, we need to talk. She replied rather quickly, Um… are you breaking up with me? His eyes widened, God, no! I just need to talk to you about something really important. Can I come over? He couldn't believe she thought he'd do something like that. Oh! Yeah! Sorry! "Can you take me to Rin's?"

Drift nodded, "Do you want me to just drop you off or…?"

"No!" he said quickly, and then blushed, "I mean um… Can you stay?"

"Of course Len," he smiled, "I'll help in any way I can." Len smiled, he was so lucky to have such great people in his life.

xx

Len and Drift sat on the end of Rin's bed as she finished fixing her hair, "Sorry Len, I didn't expect anyone else to be with you," she blushed as she fixed her bow and then came out and sat at the top of her bed.

"Sorry, I forgot to mention it," he bit his lip, "Are you sure it's okay that he's here?"

She nodded, "Of course, Len. Drift seems really nice," she grinned at him, "It's nice to finally meet one of your friends. So what do we need to talk about?"

Len let out his breath and then looked Rin in the eyes, "I need to tell you about my past…"

Rin's eyes widened, she didn't expect him to open up about that ever. She didn't know whether or not to tell him she knew or to pretend she didn't, "Okay?" After that Len told her everything he thought she needed to know: he was bullied, he only had one friend who stuck up for him, and he attempted suicide. Rin was in tears by the end, as were Len and Drift. Yes, she already knew about what had happened, but hearing it from Len's perspective and how much pain he was in made her feel so much worse. "Len…" she said softly. He scooted towards her and she fell into his arms, "I'm so sorry…" She wanted to tell him she was the girl, but she was too afraid; she didn't want him to get upset with her.

He smiled a little and wiped her tears, "You don't have to apologize, babe. I'm still depressed, and that's why I drink and I used to use girls for sex. But you changed me, and I'm so grateful for that."

She looked up into his teary blue eyes and sighed, "I guess I should come clean as well… I um…" she looked over at Drift, "You two have to promise not to tell anyone." They both nodded and she continued, "My father sexually abused me for six years… it all started when I was about six or seven I think, and then Lily found out in the seventh grade and reported him."

The tears started forming in her eyes again, and when she looked up at Len she could tell he felt really sad, "I'm so sorry, Rin. I wish I could go back and change it for you, I really do…"

Drift felt awful, this was the first he'd ever heard of it so he was both angry and saddened by the news, "Rin, I'm deeply sorry for everything you had to endure over those six years. I know sorry doesn't fix things, but it sucks that it happened…"

She smiled a little, "Thank you both so much… I um, I actually left my old school because I started getting bullied. A lot of the students bullied and made fun of me too, the boy who made me snap said something to the extent that I liked what my father did so that's why I didn't tell…" she said angrily, "I didn't like getting assaulted… and it was terrible…" she shuddered and cuddled in closer to Len, "I kept having flashbacks while I was in that coma, and from what I heard it got pretty bad."

"Bullies are the fucking worst," Len shook his head. "Yeah, your sister was really upset one night. I felt so bad for her." He wished he could tell her he already knew, but he wanted her to think that she was the one who told him.

"Lily likes you a lot," she told him, "I dunno what you did, but she's happy we're together."

He shrugged, he didn't know why either. "Perhaps it's my dashing good looks," he winked.

Drift laughed, "That's definitely a possibility."

Rin laughed as well, "You two are so goofy… Gosh," she smiled, "I don't think I've actually laughed in a while. "I love you, Len."

"I love you too, Rin," he smiled and kissed the top of her head. "It feels so nice finally getting that off of my chest," he said softly, "I hated hiding it from you."

She nodded, "I felt the exact same way. I'm glad you finally trusted me enough to tell me, it means a lot."

"Same goes for you," he told her, "It means a lot that you trust me so much."

She hugged him and then pulled away and looked at Drift, "So, do you two wanna do anything?" They both shrugged, "Wanna go up to the cabin?" she winked at Len, who immediately shook his head and blushed; he didn't want a repeat of what happened last time. "Aww," she pouted, "You're no fun!"

"You know what happened last time," he growled.

Drift looked at them, "What happened?"

They both blushed and Len shook his head, "It's better if you don't know," he smirked, "Trust me. I wish I didn't know."

Rin smiled at Drift, he still looked extremely curious, "Let's just say we all got really drunk, and we almost had sex with—

Len covered her mouth, "No!" he cried.

Drift laughed, "C'mon, it can't be that bad." And so Len reluctantly allowed Rin to tell him everything that happened that night and Drift's face turned bright red, he didn't think Len would ever do that stuff. "I uh, I stand corrected," he grinned sheepishly. He still loved Len, and there was no changing that… Even if he did almost sleep with two other guys.

After that they just talked about anything and everything, Len and Rin felt a lot more comfortable around each other and they both felt a lot better after revealing their secrets… if only they could stop hiding everything completely.

Okay! I hope you all liked it! It only took me like forever to write:p Rin and Len will be together more in the next few chapters, sorry I've been straying from where it was supposed to go! I think I'm back on track for the most part now! I'm trying the best I can, it's been hard to write lately but I'm getting there. The last few times I've updated my depression was acting up and it effected the way I wrote, so sorry about all that! I think I'm gonna end this soon, but I'm not quite sure yet! Well, I'll try to update as soon as I can! It may take a while because I'm a mess, but I will try to do it within the next month or so! Sorry for any mistakes, it's like five in the morning lol. Okay, thanks for reading! Review and favorite/follow of you'd like:)