A/N: There was no place to leave this one, so here it is, all 12K words of it. Enjoy :)
Left standing in her room, again, Bella began to shiver. Desire, dread and shock began to flood her system, making her shake as she lowered herself to the sofa. "Oh god," she whimpered as the other Cullen's came running. He was so angry and he knew they were mates.
"What the hell was that?" Alice screeched at the same time that Emmett began whooping and catcalling.
Bella turned her head so that she could address the entire group once they'd filtered into her room. "That was my mate declaring himself," she said far more calmly than she felt. "Now get out," she hissed.
"Bella darling," Esme pled but Bella was in no mood to play happy families.
"Get out!" she bellowed as she came to her feet. "Get out. You've done enough!"
Esme was the first to flee, Alice hot on her heels. The boys took half a second longer and their faces echoed the anguish they felt as they did as they were told. It was Rose who left last but not before whispering a soft 'I'm sorry' as she closed the door behind her.
Bella kicked her backpack so hard it ricocheted off two walls before coming to rest on top of her bedside cabinet with a crash. She was going to miss that lamp she thought as she retrieved the bag by its shoulder strap. Tearing open its zipper she stood it on its end on her desk and stared at the contents.
His clothes on top of hers. Two toothbrushes and a hairbrush. She'd thought that everything was going to be so simple and she'd been so very, very wrong. She'd imagined taking Edward by the hand and running. She imagined checking into a cabin out in the National Park. She'd imagined lying in a bed with him, stroking his hair and his face while she explained that she was his mate. She'd imagined him taking her into his arms and slowly learning about each other's bodies. She could almost smell his aroused scent as she stood there staring at the backpacks contents.
Somehow Edward had learned for himself that they were mates. Somehow he'd worked out what it meant and he was right. It should've come from her. It should've been one of the family who told him at the very least. And he was right. She'd behaved like a child.
There was one thing Edward had been wrong about though. His family hadn't been odd at all. His parents had made sure that he knew they loved him. They'd protected him and had always done their best to make sure he had what he needed. As a family the Cullen's had let him down and Bella had to take her share of the blame for that. Edward had spent his human life knowing he was loved and accepted and since becoming a vampire Bella had done everything she could to keep him unaware that she loved him too. She'd been mean and she was sure he'd never felt accepted by her. And that was because she'd never told him he was. As he was. However he wanted to be she loved and accepted him. It was just that he didn't know that because she'd never told him.
But love him she did. And her family were right. She'd known she loved him for weeks but it wasn't until the cousins came that she'd admitted it. It wasn't until she was faced with the idea that he might not feel the same that she acknowledged it. It wasn't until he'd said he was leaving that her priorities took the correct order in her mind.
She was a Cullen second only to the fact that she was Edward Masen Junior's mate. That had to be the natural order to her life now. Edward had to come first, the family second. He was her mate. She was his mate. The family loved them both, she knew that for the truth that it was, and however they'd gone about things they meant well. She didn't like that, and neither did Edward obviously. But as much as the family had let them both down by inviting trouble she'd let him down too and she had to face the consequences of that, however he chose to deliver them.
But she loved him. It came down to that. Whatever his reaction she'd accept it because she deserved it. She'd thought him boring at the beginning but he'd grown into a man over the weeks since his change. She'd grown into a woman and was ready to try and prove it to him. She loved him and she wanted him and life without him in it wasn't worth it.
There was no point to forever without him.
She couldn't go back to being alone now that she loved him. She couldn't go back to just going through the daily motions because she loved him now. She'd never feel settled ever again if they weren't together because she loved him.
She'd pushed him away because she wanted her freedom but she knew now, faced with his exit from her life, that she'd never truly been free. Her fear had held her captive more firmly than any chains would have. Love had set her free. She'd been afraid for nothing and she'd missed out on so much because of it.
Bella took nothing with her. She left the backpack, her cell, wallet and keys right where they were on her desk and she simply walked out onto the landing, down the stairs and out the front door. She walked out onto the road and turned left to go into the forest. There was no hurry; he'd made himself perfectly clear. He was going to his home and that's where he'd be when she was ready.
She was ready. He only had a ten minute head start on her so she ignored her brains insistence that she run, as fast as she could, and jogged instead. It wasn't a leisurely jog though. It was more a conscious effort to go slowly. Her muscles strained and her tendons ached as she curbed the desire to fly along the paths.
She wanted Edward to have the chance to calm himself down a little before she approached his home. She wanted the chance to get straight in her own head what she wanted to say.
However it had come about Edward knew about mates and he knew that she was his. Whether one of the sisters had told him, or he'd worked it out for himself didn't matter. Not in the long run anyway. He knew and he had declared himself. Very firmly too.
He wasn't the shy, nerdy needy boy she'd first met any longer. She didn't know if he was still fainting after the hunt but if he was he was handling it. He was handling everything. She might have been a vampire longer than him but he was handling his change far better than she had. It had been Bella who'd berated him for not taking the extraordinary chance he'd been given but she knew now that it was her who was wasting it, not Edward. He'd embraced what he was. He'd come to see it for the gift it was and he was willing to make the best of it. Up until the point he'd stood in front of her and told her he was leaving Bella knew she had wasted her gift.
Being alone wasn't something to fight for any longer. Being with Edward was. And she was determined to fight for it, rather than against it now.
Edward had known to fight for it right from the off and Bella could now make sense of everything he'd done and said since meeting him. He hadn't understood his feelings but he'd owned them while she'd fought them. He'd had no idea that they were mates but he hadn't shied away from that, he'd fought for it. He'd pushed her and had been patient with her because he wanted it.
Bella had decided that he was weak five seconds after meeting him and she'd been wrong. He wasn't weak at all. He'd just never had anything to fight for before. Bella hadn't either. But when faced with it she'd hidden, he'd fought.
He'd stood up for himself whenever he could and he'd taken charge of every aspect of his life. He'd learnt to hunt. He was refurbishing the store and he had the money to do it. He'd bought a car and he'd changed his image. He still had the glasses but she assumed that they were just plain glass. He still hid behind his curtain of hair but not with her or the family, only with the sisters. He asked questions and really listened to the answers. He'd joined in every idiotic game and had played along with every suggestion the family had made and if she left aside his reluctance to participate since the sisters had arrived she could see that he'd become a Cullen quite easily.
Edward had accomplished in a few short weeks what it had taken Bella two years to achieve. Bella had taken months to come to terms with the gift Esme had given her, months to even begin to let her human life go and years to find some peace of mind. In comparison Edward was much stronger than she'd ever been.
Edward had never been weak she thought as she jogged along Spruce Drive. She'd wanted to see him that way to make her own choices more palatable for herself. She'd needed to see him that way so that she could justify hiding her desire for him. It was Bella herself who'd failed to see him for what he was.
Edward wasn't boring and he never had been. He just liked different things to her. Before she met him she imagined her mate would like the things she did. She'd never considered that he wouldn't. She'd looked upon Edward and his life as somehow unworthy of her love and attention because it wasn't the way she lived. But he wasn't unworthy, she was.
He was rarely still these days. When he wasn't working on the plans for the store he was with the boys. He still hunted frequently and she knew he enjoyed the running before and after. He went out of the house as soon as the other pairs retired to their rooms and he always came back smelling of the forest with leaves and dirt on his clothes. He ran for pleasure, just like she did. But he hadn't been idle. Not like she had.
She'd hidden away in her room and ignored the world and her feelings. But worst of all she'd hidden from her mate. Coming clean about how she felt was always going to be hard but by ignoring them she'd missed out on growing with Edward as he adjusted to his change. She'd missed his hunts and she'd missed the chance to build the store with him.
He'd held himself open to her from the second they'd met. He'd never hidden the parts of himself that were frightening to him. In fact he'd admitted his fears and what he saw as his weaknesses every step of the way. It had been Bella who'd hidden.
And Bella had had enough of hiding. There was no point to it because everyone around her saw through it. Edward had and so had the family.
Edward had said he was leaving but he wasn't running away from something, he was running towards something. He wanted an adult relationship with her. And in his own way he'd just offered her the same thing she'd been prepared to offer him. A quiet place to talk it all through.
It wasn't until then, that tiny moment in her long life as she ran towards his family home, that Bella knew what her purpose as a human being was. It was to be Edward's. She was but one half of a bigger whole. Nothing else mattered anymore. Not school, not work, not money and definitely not how hard she'd worked to protect her solitude. Until she'd heard him say he was leaving Bella thought she could cope with being alone. When faced with the reality of it she admitted to herself that that was impossible. She could never be happy if Edward wasn't near.
She even found the sight of his house comforting as it came into view. She knew it so well now. The scuff of missing paint on the fence that had matched the scrape on the front fender of the family car. The white shutters on the front windows and the brown ones at the back. Even now that the grass needed cutting it still looked familiar.
As she approached she found that she'd missed this little house and the time she'd spent in it with Eddie. All the things she'd so meanly told him she hated about it were the things she now missed. She loved its odd little hall with the markings on the wall where Agnes had noted Eddie's growth. She missed the whine and hum of the ancient washing machine. She'd found the striped curtains in the bathroom crude before, but now she hoped they were still there. She missed the privacy they'd had and she'd wasted. She missed the quiet in it and she'd missed how peaceful Eddie had seemed within its walls. Even the smell was familiar as she stood on the front porch.
With a trembling hand she rang the bell and held her breath.
As she waited for him to open the door Bella found herself missing Eddie. The real Eddie. Not Edward Cullen, but Eddie Masen Junior.
Edward startled when he heard the bell. He hadn't expected her to come at all - as belligerent as she could sometimes be - let alone come so quickly. He'd only been in the house twenty minutes but its comforting smells and familiar appointments had calmed him some. He'd gone directly to his old bedroom and had sat on the end of his still made bed and had put his head into his hands.
He'd either just blown his future or he'd cemented it. There was no way to tell and as he ran the events of the evening over in his head he came to realise that it didn't much matter. Bella was his mate and that wasn't something that was ever going to change. She'd either accept that or she wouldn't. She'd said only the day before that she was willing to try to have a relationship with him, so that was a small comfort. But Edward was in no doubt that Bella knew and understood the concept of vampire mates and she'd done everything she could to keep that from him and to deny it within herself.
And that scared him.
His own emotions towards her had been frightening and confusing but once he'd thought them through he'd come to embrace them. He wanted them. He wanted to love her. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to touch her and make love with her and he'd never wanted that, ever.
He'd manufactured the chance for them to be alone and have it out and then once he found himself without the family near, and without the sisters infecting his every thought, he began to worry that Bella wouldn't come.
And then the door bell had shattered the silence.
Rising from his bed he sniffed the air. There was no hint who was waiting on his porch but as he moved through the house his hopes began to rise. If it was Bella there was hope he thought as he approached the front door. Opening it, and seeing her there, relief flooded his already overloaded system. The hit of her scent calmed him even though inside he was still just as out of control as he'd been as he'd fronted her at the Cullen house. But his features were less grim than they'd been before as he opened the door to her and ushered her inside.
Bella had forgotten that the house had been emptied. She'd forgotten that his whole human life had been wiped out and the house cleaned of any trace of him so as she moved to the centre of the living room she looked about, quite startled.
The furniture she'd found stuffy and old fashioned was gone and she missed it. The pictures of a boyhood Eddie were gone from the walls but the faded patches where they'd been taunted her as she turned in a brief circle in the middle of what she now knew had been his very happy, very content life before her.
Without needing to check Bella knew there was nothing in the house except for what he'd left behind in his bedroom. He'd arrived at the Cullen house with one box and no others had been delivered so she knew that his personal things were all still in his room. That wasn't a comfort as she stared at him. He might have come to the Cullen's with what seemed relative ease, but his life was here, not with them. He fit here. He always had. He'd needed to leave while he came to terms with what he was, but now that he had she could see that he fit in the Masen house.
Here was where she'd met the real Edward. He'd been Eddie to her then and in some ways he still was and always would be. But the angry, hurt man who stood before her wasn't Eddie. He was Edward and he was a vampire. Her vampire.
There was no furniture in any other room and no electricity. There was no running water and no gas. Once they were both standing in the dark living room there was nowhere to sit even though neither of them needed to. There was nothing to look at because everything was gone and every surface was empty. There were no sounds because neither of them breathed and there were no background noises.
"Why are you here?" Edward growled, breaking the silence as he prowled the edges of his living room.
Turning as Edward circled her Bella squared her shoulders and told him the truth. "Because I'm your mate," she said firmly. "You told me not to come unless I was willing to admit that to myself and to you. Here I am. Admitting it. You're my mate." There would be no more lies, no more hiding and no more hedging from her. He'd been quite clear what he wanted from her and he'd been clear in what he needed too. He didn't need her to come to him until she was ready to behave like an adult and he didn't want her there if she wasn't ready to admit she was his mate. "You are my mate," she told him again. "I'm here because I'm your mate and we belong together."
Eyes wide and glowing with his anger Edward rushed towards her. Gripping her by the shoulders firmly he hissed, "You are my mate and I'm the last one to know!"
Startled but not frightened – Bella had known he was angry before she came, and she'd known he was likely to react either violently or at the very least aggressively – tried to remain calm as she spoke. "I know, I let you down. We all did. I'm sorry for that. I should've told you long before now," Bella told him regretfully.
And Edward could see the regret on her face but it was cold comfort in the light of his pain. Letting her go he began to pace before her. With his thoughts in disarray he stopped pacing lines and switched to circling her as though she was prey. With Bella turning in a slow circle on the spot he paced round and round her trying to decide how best to tackle the issue. He began softly, making an already nervous Bella wary, "Yes, you should have told me. You made it clear to me that I'd only learn about what I was by being with other vampires. It was you who told me that I couldn't stay here on my own because ignorance was dangerous. So I left my home to go and live with your family so I could learn to be a vampire, but that didn't really get me anywhere, did it? You kept from me some very important details, Bella. Why?" he asked through gritted teeth.
Keeping a casual eye on his fisted hands by his sides in her periphery Bella continued the tight circle she was making inside his larger one. "Any one of the others could've told you," she defended carefully.
Immediately diverting from the circuit he was making Edward rushed to the wall by the windows and smashed his fist into the plaster so hard he hit the joist beneath it. Bella cringed as he withdrew his hand and a fine mist of dust began to float around him. "Not fucking good enough," he raged as he came towards her again. "I don't want to talk about the others," he bellowed. "I'll deal with them later. I want to talk about you," he said less than calmly. The effort he was using to keep in control of his anger wasn't lost to Bella as she watched the chords in his neck distend. "If I was someone else's mate that might suffice," he hissed. "But I'm not someone else's mate, I'm yours. You took responsibility for me the day you made the agreement with your father. You should've told me vampires take mates at the beginning. You were there when I was introduced to your family, all paired up like you said, but you should've told me they were more than spouses!"
Reminding herself that there was no longer any room for lies Bella took a deep hit of his angry scent and allowed it to swirl through her system before replying. "You're right. I should have. I'll take responsibility for that."
"Damn right," Edward hissed before attempting to check his anger. It was futile by that point though. It had felt good to smash his hand into the wall. The release of a tiny pinprick of his rage had felt good, but it quickly returned as he rounded on Bella. "You had ample opportunities. I gave you so many openings, dropped so many hints about the way I was feeling. I all but told you that day in Port Angeles that I loved you," he accused. "And then in the forest during that ridiculous game, you could've told me then. I had my fucking tongue in your mouth for fucks sake! You didn't think you should tell me before you let me do that? There were so many times over the past few days at least where you could've used the word mate to start the discussion." He hadn't posed that as a question so Bella simply maintained eye contact with him as they stayed in orbit around one another. "When did you know?" he asked suddenly.
"At the beach," Bella whispered, understanding the question immediately. And again there could be no lies between them now. She wanted him and lying to him wouldn't get her what she wanted. Trying hard not to raise his stress or his ire any higher than it already was Bella used as clear a voice as she could to complete her answer. "The first time we went to the beach," she added. "I wanted you before then, but that day, watching you as you came out of the water, and then thinking about you on the run home, I knew then."
Licking his bottom lip Edward thought about that day. Her reaction and the way she'd ditched him had made sense to him long before now, but she was using language that didn't fit. "Want is a very vague word, Bella," he goaded. "I didn't ask when you first wanted me; I asked when you first knew I was your mate."
Trying to remain calm despite the scent of his venom floating in the air Bella tried to remember that she was the one in the wrong as she answered. His accusations were correct, she had had plenty of opportunity to tell him about mates, and that she was his, and she'd wasted them through fear. His anger was deserved and with that in mind Bella decided to just lay all her cards on the table. Circling each other as they were – both physically and verbally – could go on all night and they might never come to any suitable conclusion. It was time to just have it out.
Stopping all movement Bella breathed him in deeply, licked her lips to moisten them and let week's worth of emotional turmoil slip from between them. "I knew you were my mate on the run home from the beach the first time. I knew then because when you came to the house angry and left angry I thought I'd never see you again and I felt sick because of it. I wanted you before that though. Your first hunt I knew I wanted you. I wanted to make love to you and I wanted you to touch me and I wanted to touch you, but I knew you were my mate when you left and I didn't think you were going to return." That stopped Edward's pacing for just a split second but it was enough to give Bella the confidence she needed to continue. He was rattled by her admissions and it was the eye of the storm Bella needed to be totally honest. She ignored the anguished look on his face and kept going. "At first I thought it was just desire. I thought that the way you made me ache was just about sex. I wanted to fuck you, alright? There, I've said it. I wanted you to fuck me and claim me. I wanted you to throw me on the ground and have me until I couldn't see straight. I thought that if we did that the ache I felt might go away. But then even that scared me. The thought of having you, giving myself to you, and then walking away again made me feel worse."
Turning his dark, tortured eyes to her Edward began to growl. "What are you saying?" he demanded angrily. "You wanted a quick fuck but now you've changed your mind? It's too hard to have a relationship with me, you'd much rather we just fuck, is that it? Or have you decided masturbating in your bathroom is a much better option because you're afraid?"
"No!" Bella shouted without needing to think on it. She'd known he'd heard her getting off in the shower because she'd heard him too. That didn't bother her. She wanted him to know he turned her on, had probably wanted him to know that long before the embarrassment of being overheard subsided. But he had it all wrong. It wasn't about sex and it never really had been. But it was hard to explain none the less. "No, that's not what I'm saying. God, I'm not doing this well. It all sounded so much better in my head," she muttered. "Look, I'm trying to tell you that I love you, alright? At its heart, in my heart, that's what I'm telling you. You're my mate and I should love you because of that. But it's more than that. I fell in love you with you long before I knew you were my mate," she hissed, frustrated. "It's not about sex, it wasn't back then and it's not now. Having sex with you might stop this ache for a little while, but if it means nothing other than physical release I don't even want that. I can do that myself, as you know. I love you, Edward. I want you because I love you."
Stunned at her outburst and at the brutal honesty in her voice Edward's body began to respond. The venom in his mouth thickened and his limbs began to tingle. "You love me?" he asked, astounded and angry. "You say you loved me before you knew you were my mate?" Bella nodded furiously, pleased that she'd said the words out loud to his face after so long only thinking them. "You told me so many times that you were just my sister, that you were only near me because we were brother and sister. And now you tell me you were in love with me the whole god dammed time?" he ranted. Taking two steps toward the kitchen Edward turned and faced her again, eyes flashing and venom coating his lips. "Right at the start you laid right there," he pointed to the linoleum floor, "and told me you didn't like me," Edward croaked. "Over and over you turned me down. You avoided being near me. You didn't speak to me unless you had to. You ignored me and you denied me your attention time and time again. And now you expect me to believe that you did all that because you loved me?" Even as he said it Bella had to admit it sounded bad. He was right in everything that he said, his accusations were one hundred percent correct, and yet he was wrong. She did love him, right back at the start even, but it only made sense in her own head. Edward, not waiting for a response, marched right back to her. "You told me you didn't even like me," he drawled with a sneer.
Sighing heavily Bella realised that they'd come so far and yet hadn't really moved beyond the starting block. "I did, but so did you," she accused right back. "You scared me. I can't explain it any other way. Everything about you scared me. The way you looked, the way you made me feel, watching you hunt and knowing you needed me. It all scared the living crap out of me. I've never needed anyone, Edward. Nobody's ever needed me before. I've never wanted anyone to share anything of mine and when you asked me to share the refurbishment of the store with you I panicked because I wanted what you were offering. I really did. But I was afraid of it because it meant giving up a part of me to take on a part of you."
"There is nothing about me that's scary," Edward sighed, astonished that she could feel that way. "I'm boring. I read too much. You hate my boring music. You've said that all along. You hated my clothes. You hated this house. And even after you said you'd try to make a go of it with me you didn't want to share anything."
"And what have you shared?" Bella shouted far too loudly, her defences rising after being lectured. "Really, what have you shared with me? A tiny little sliver of a bookstore? You never mentioned a piece of you. You offered me nothing solid either, Edward."
"I offered you everything!" Edward boomed. Pointing directly at her chest he took a small step forward and with eyes blazing his anger he told her exactly what he'd offered her. "I offered you myself. I offered you the chance to share the store with me so we could build it into something great, something we could be proud of. It's the only thing I had left that held any value. It was the only thing I could offer you by way of a future. I offered you insight into my life and what I was really like. You had the chance to see for yourself what and who I was but you chose to hide from me. You locked yourself away for weeks and didn't come out of that fucking bedroom," he roared, making her flinch. "And then, when whatever you had stuck up your ass worked its way free, you came out only to tease me, or taunt me. The only true piece of yourself you've ever given to me is when I'm at my lowest. When the bottom falls out of my world you come running and you made me want that! God damn you woman, you made me crave that! All the sniping and the bullshit you hid behind I could see through. All that I could put aside because I saw the real you when you thought I needed you," he spat at her. "But you couldn't give that me long term could you? The instant my panic or my pain subsided you went right back to being the bitch you wanted me to see. You never shared a true part of yourself with me voluntarily so don't you dare tell me I offered you nothing solid. All I got from you was lies and grief!" Raking his hand through his hair after wiping the spittle of venom from his lips Edward began to pace again. With his furious eyes boring into hers he rounded on her and advanced until she was only a foot from the mantle where his family's pictures used to stand. Towering over her, his venom flowing freely from his lips and with Bella bent slightly backwards Edward began to list how he saw the situation. "I never lied to you and I never withheld information," he marked off on his fingers. "I never hid from you and I never pretended to be something I'm not. I was frightened and confused when I woke and you used that to torment me because you couldn't deal with your feelings. That's weak and pathetic and you don't deserve the love I feel for you!" he raged.
Bella, panicked though she was that he might resort to violence and scared at the thought of having to defend herself from her own mate if he got any closer, smiled the smile of the clinically insane. "You love me?" she asked through pursed lips. When he nodded she smiled a little wider. "As mean as I've been to you, as childish and as reluctant as I've been to share my life with you, you love me anyway?" she asked, incredulously.
"Of course I fucking do," Edward seethed. "Do you think I'd have fought this fucking hard, all this time, if I didn't? Do you think I'd have stuck around to be insulted by you, ignored by you, and teased by you if I didn't? Do you think I would've tried to see past all that if I didn't love you? Do you think I'd have gotten rid of those fucking tarts if I didn't?" he shouted, pointing toward the forest.
"Oh god," Bella gasped. "What did you do to them?"
"I drove them out into the forest, took their cells off them and left them there with a warning not to return till morning, but that's not important. Answer the question. Do you think I'd have done all that if I didn't love you?"
Shaking her head Bella smiled again, the weight of worry for the horrible sisters forgotten by his assurance that they were at least alive enough for her to kill them herself later if she wanted to. "Do you love me because you have to as my mate, or because you like me as a person?" she asked cautiously as Edward backed away a little. If he loved her even after the way she'd behaved they might have a chance. But if it was just because he knew they were mates, well, she'd deal with that if it arose.
Sighing heavily Edward turned his back to her and walked back to the centre of the room. The few seconds it took he used to think carefully about his answer. They'd just admitted to one another how they felt, and whilst that felt amazing, to know that she loved him, it was only one of many hurdles. Turning to face her once again Edward grinned. "I can prove it," he told her. He gave his watch a brief look, "Until five hours ago I didn't have any idea what a mate was. I still don't, really. I don't think I care anymore about the specifics. I just know that everything about you drew me in. At first it was just your scent and your smile. But it became so much more so fast. Your ass in yoga pants drove me insane. Your voice, god, when you hiss Bella. Your eyes when you're angry. Fuck it, your eyes when you're horny. The way you jiggle your house keys, the way you put on and take off your shoes in a definitive order. The way you line your books up. Your handwriting, how fucked up is that? The loops on top of your 'I's' when you write I find adorable. How you look at your mother. The ridiculous music you sing along to, badly, oh so badly. How you speak to your father. Fresh from the shower your scent cripples me. The way you slide onto a kitchen stool. The feel of your hand in mine. The taste of your venom on my tongue. Your hard nipple in my palm. Random shit, I know. But they're things I love about you and have done almost from the start. Jesus Christ Bella, I loved you before I even knew what love was," he told her. "You made me love you by just being you and if I love you despite the way you've treated me all this time then..." he trailed off. The pain on his face was so acute Bella was compelled to reach for him. Edward snapped his eyes to where her hand was held out between them. "You do that so freely, so easily," he told her as she withdrew her shaking hand. "You reach out to me only when you think I need you. Do you ever need me?" he croaked, his throat thick with not just emotion but thick with venom too.
Bella stepped forward then. There was no hesitation as she put her hand to his forearm. With eyes cast down she whispered softly and slowly, "At first I did it to comfort you," she admitted, then lifting her chin to stare into his crimson ringed eyes she continued, "but now I do it for me. Because I need the comfort touching you brings me. I've never needed anyone. But I do need you, Edward."
As she lowered her eyes to where their skin was joined once again Edward smiled over the crown of her head. She couldn't have said anything more perfectly. There was almost nothing he could hear from her that would make him as happy. She'd told him she loved him. She'd put voice to them being mates and she sought comfort from touching him. It's all he'd ever wanted to know and all he'd ever wanted to hear. All the games could be forgotten now. All the lies and the hurt he could let go of. Leaning forward slightly Edward kissed the top of Bella's head gently. "I am in love with you and I am your mate. I've never been in love before and I know you know that. You are my first and I don't need to be told the rules of mates to know that you'll be my last."
Mirroring his smile as she looked at the point at which their flesh united Bella sighed in relief. "I am so in love with you and I am your mate," she echoed. "Without the rules of mates I can tell you honestly that I'll love no other. You're it for me too."
Declarations done Edward happily shoved to the back of his mind everything that had gotten them to this point. He'd had his say, she'd had hers. There was still the family, and the sisters, to deal with. But that could wait. He'd forgive her her fear. He could let everything else go because he was in love with Bella and she was in love with him.
Through no fault of his own he'd risen a vampire, been given a second chance at life and had been presented with a future.
There was much to discuss, plans to be made and still many things for him to learn but he knew that Bella was that future. He'd known it for some time but until she'd confirmed that it's what she wanted too he'd not dared to hope. Now hope flooded his system and made him want more. Never a greedy man Edward settled for a long, lingering kiss with his mate.
Sliding his hand between them and using the point of his index finger to lift her face to his he wasted no time claiming her lips. With venom coated lips Bella pressed herself up against him and savoured the feeling of being enveloped by his scent. His tongue was insistent and they both poured all the feeling they could into the tentative union.
Not wanting to tamper with the beauty of the kiss Edward shifted as minutely as possible in order to wrap her fully in his arms. Holding her tight up against him he hoped she couldn't feel his erection.
Hoping he'd hold her close so she could rub his erection Bella tried to shuffle her feet and make it happen. Edward, groaning against her tongue stepped away with his lower half. Bella, sensing his hesitancy inched forward.
"Please Bella," Edward begged as she pushed, using her upper body as well, until they were full up against one another. Believing he was begging for touch Bella pushed harder, but Edward needing to keep his lower half away from hers stepped back as she stepped forward. It was an awkward dance, made harder by their joined mouths. When his back hit the wall beside the hall Edward began to panic. Bella, thinking she had him right where she wanted him, groaned into his mouth as she shoved herself at him. But Edward wasn't begging for more. He was nervous and excited and rushed. He'd had a mental image of how their union should go, and this wasn't it. "No," he whispered, withdrawing his lips from hers.
"Yes," she growled as he tried to step out of the embrace altogether. Standing on her toes she kissed him roughly, drawing his lips back to hers by using her hands to hold his head. Forcing her tongue back into his mouth Bella held him fast. Twisting to break her grip Edward shoved her away only to be gripped by the back of his neck and pulled hard up against her once again. "Yes," she hissed fiercely before taking a hank of his hair between her fingers and pulling his mouth back to hers.
Believing his hesitance was out of a false need to protect her virtue Bella ignored Edward's attempts to break the embrace and squared her shoulders, pinning his body to the wall with hers pressed hard up against it. Hooking her ankle around his calf she locked them together as the kiss played out.
Losing himself in the desire that flooded his system Edward kissed her back, finally. He forced her mouth open with his tongue and then swiped it across hers. Bella moaned long and deep as their venom combined.
His libido had been dormant for all his adult life and even though he'd indulged his need for release manually for weeks his need to claim his mate overtook his thought processes. He wasn't to know, but a vampires need to mark, to claim and to bite his mate was instinctual. The need to be claimed, marked and bitten in return was desperate.
His fantasy that their eventual union would be a soft, sensual affair was gone. The idea that they'd lie down on a bed strewn with bright white linens and bask in the glory of each other's bodies was shattered as Edward's vampiric nature took a hold of his brain. Power, strength and desperation flooded his already overly emotional system and turned Edward into a growling, hissing mass of desire.
With his mind made up for him by Bella's insistence that they finish what had been started Edward slipped his hands to Bella's shoulders and shoved her away just enough so that he could shift to his side, draw her in front of himself, and propel her into the position he'd just been in himself. The plaster at her shoulders gave just a little as Edward covered her body with his. He might never have done this before but his body knew what to do. His brain knew how to imprison her, his body knew to cover hers and his need coursed through his body as quickly as the venom that changed him had. Slamming his hands onto the wall by her head he thrust his erection towards her, into her belly, and ground himself hard up against her. Friction was his only thought. He needed friction. He needed relief from the ache in his balls he'd had almost from the time he'd met her.
Bella, flooded with a heady mixture of relief that he'd forgiven her and wanton desire pushed her hips forward and up into his straining length. Waiting for his groan, and moaning herself once it had left his throat, Bella stood on her toes. Biting down on his lower lip and waited for his reaction. Balling his fists and crunching them into the already damaged plaster behind her head Edward grunted roughly into her waiting mouth. Buoyed by his responses Bella slipped her leg between his and pushed upward, slightly, and applied gentle pressure beneath his balls.
"Fuck," Edward growled as the long, hard expanse of her thigh pressed hard up against him. Breathing heavily into her throat even though he had no use for the oxygen that was entering his lungs Edward closed his eyes and tried to come to terms with what they were doing.
"Suck," Bella begged as his lips made contact with her shoulder. "Harder," she begged again when he applied nowhere near enough pressure. Holding him by the scruff of his neck Bella tugged until she felt the sting of his venom on her skin. "Yesss," she hissed through gritted teeth when he found a happy medium force.
"You taste divine," Edward growled against the flesh at his lips.
Maintaining the pressure against his balls with her thigh Bella pressed her breasts into his chest and arched her neck so he had full access to her throat. "Bite," she whimpered, desperate to feel her mates teeth in her flesh. Terrified of hurting her Edward balked and stilled his lips against her throat and ran a line of kisses up to the soft hollow beneath her ear. Bella, thinking he hadn't heard, asked him to bite her again and again, but Edward continued leaving soft, lingering kisses on the column of her neck instead. Frustrated Bella used the fistful of hair she held to pull his face away enough so that she could look into his eyes. "Bite," she told him but he was already shaking his head before she could give the instruction. "Yes," she told him firmly. "We're vampires, Edward, we bite. It's what we do," she assured him though she had no firsthand experience with it herself.
She'd seen the marks on her sisters and mothers bodies, and sometimes on the guys bodies too, so she knew it was normal to want and to give the bites. She'd never thought she'd want it herself, but now it's all she could think of.
But Edward wasn't reassured. In fact Edward's anger had just slapped him upside his head. Returning his lips to her ear he began to growl. "How do you know?" he asked but didn't wait for an answer. Taking a handful of her hair into his fist he wound it around and around until her head was tilted so far back he could see the veins in her neck straining. "Is this another of your lies?" he hissed. "You told me you'd never been with anyone since your change."
Bella, panicked, let her thigh drop and put her foot back onto the floor. "I haven't, I swear it to you. I haven't been with anyone since I was changed."
Licking his lips to rid himself of her taste and his excess venom Edward scowled down at her. Fully in control of his anger but not sure if he could trust her he felt she owed him an explanation. "Tell me how you know about the biting," he demanded.
Squeezing her thighs together in frustration that her release was being denied her Bella let go of her panic and let the arousal she felt at his forcefulness wash through her. He had no idea what he was feeling and Bella knew it. But this was what mates did. They made sure their opposite numbers were on the level. The males took control and the females acquiesced. It was the natural order of things and if Bella had been asked only a week ago whether she'd be turned on by being supplicant to her mate she'd have scoffed. But now, with her hair wound around his hand and him bearing down on her, eyes glowing with his need to be sure of her, Bella was experiencing the first tingles of ecstasy at the hands of her mate.
"Alice and Rose," Bella whispered, allowing her venom to wash across her lips and right into his face. "They're covered in them. It's natural, Edward. I swear it is."
Relieved but not wholly convinced Edward drew in the scent of her venom in through his nose. "I've never seen bite marks," he remarked.
Bella grinned. She couldn't help it. "The boys don't leave marks in visible places," she told him with wide eyes and waited until his brain understood what she was saying. "If you bite me you'll leave a silvery welt, but it will fade in a few days, honest."
"I don't want to hurt you," Edward told her truthfully.
"It won't hurt," she replied hastily, "it'll sting but it'll be so good," she all but whimpered.
Letting her hair go Edward slumped a little and turned his back to the wall beside her. "I don't want to hurt you, ever," he told her gently. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm himself down. He was lost. This wasn't what he'd pictured and even though he was in agony for wanting her he didn't think he was ready to go through with it. The idea that she wanted him to bite her, that it would sting, didn't feel wrong and that worried him. Sex wasn't something he'd ever wanted or craved as a human and now as a vampire he felt emotionally ill equipped to do right by her. "I can't do this," he told her quietly. Reaching beside himself he took her hand into his and rubbed his thumb over hers. It was for comfort and it was familiar. "I didn't want this to be hurried and with me feeling out of control. Why do I want to bite you? Why do you want to be bitten? Isn't this supposed to be slow and gentle? This isn't supposed to be violent. I wanted it to be special," he told her. "I wanted you to feel cherished and loved. Candles and a decent bed for a start," he sighed. "But this, here, in the dark..." he trailed off, "I don't know what I'm doing. You can't want me like this."
Bella, panting softly and so turned on by his honesty and his words began rubbing his thumb with hers as she tried to make sense of what he was telling her. She knew he wanted her; she had no doubt about that. She knew he loved her and she knew his reluctance was about fear. Fear she could recognise, they were old friends. Taking another second to think on her response Bella turned so that her left shoulder was braced against the wall and she could see his face. He had his eyes closed and he too was panting softly. "Don't be afraid," she whispered. "I know you're frightened and nervous and I am too. This is a big deal, it's your first time ever and I want you to feel comfortable with what we're doing. We can wait, if you want to. But I don't want to. I don't need candles and shit like that that just isn't me, but if that's what you need that's okay. I want this to be right for you. But if you're balking because you think I don't want to, or I don't want to do this here, don't. You're wrong. Anywhere is going to be perfect because it's with you. Any time is going to be wonderful because it's with you."
Opening his eyes Edward stared down at her. She was so beautiful and she knew him so well. He was afraid. She knew he was likely to be afraid whether human or not because this was his first taste of sexual desire. His lust for her had manifested itself as dominance and he didn't know how to control that. He wanted to bite her. He wanted to mark her. He wanted to see silvery welts on her body and he hated himself for that. "I don't want to hurt you," he said simply as he raised his free hand and began to rub his thumb over the apple of her cheek. "Why do I feel so aggressive all the time? Why do I want to throw you on the ground whether you want me to or not? Why do I want to bite you?" he asked softly.
"Because you're my mate," Bella told him simply as she stared up into his eyes. "Aggression is a normal part of what you are. Plus you're male, that makes you extra aggressive because you want to protect me, you want me safe. You're the dominant force in our relationship and that's perfectly normal. In its basic form we're more like animals when we love than we are humans. It's normal to want to dominate me. It's normal that I want you to. That's who and what we are, Edward. You want to throw me on the ground because you need to claim me as your own. Its natural and you want to bite me because you'll enjoy it and so will I," she explained carefully. Not for the first time Bella mentally kicked herself from having hid all this information from him. This was fundamental stuff and someone should've told him. If not her then one of the others. It wasn't fair to him that he felt out of control emotionally when a simple explanation could've eased his mind. "I know you run at night, when the others go to their suites to be alone, but you must have heard them at least once, right?" she asked.
"Yeah," Edward sighed as he shifted his thumb from her cheek to the corner of her mouth. He strummed it across her lip and watched fascinated as she peeked her tongue just slightly out and licked the tip of his thumb.
"They aren't quiet, are they?" Bella asked as he stroked her lip again. Edward never took his eyes off her mouth but did nod his head. "They aren't gentle and they aren't careful either," she told him matter of factly. "Carlisle seems gentle and controlled to you, right?" she asked.
Unable to help himself Edward leaned toward her and swiped his tongue across her top lip. With her venom once again on his tongue he moaned lowly before answering. "He does," he told her honestly. "He doesn't seem to ever lose his temper."
Watching his tongue taste her venom off his lips made Bella fairly swoon. They might have been having a very serious discussion but they were also in the throes of foreplay and Edward didn't even realise it for himself. He was as unable to ignore his arousal, as she was. Their need for each other was desperate. Bringing her own free hand up between them Bella put her index finger to his lips, waited until he'd parted them, and then slid it between them. He sucked gently and Bella had to once again press her thighs together such was the height of her arousal. "He does lose his temper, as often as we do, trust me. But as calm as he seems to us he's rough with Esme when they're alone. Not to hurt her, but to claim her. The boys do it too. It's part of who they are. Alice and Jasper have been together for over a century and every night he reclaims her, Edward."
"I want to claim you," Edward blurted out before he could curb the errant thought.
"I need you to," Bella agreed as she stared at his mouth. "It's normal," she added to soothe him. He blinked just once and licked his bottom lip, turning her belly to jelly.
Staring at her Edward returned his thumb to her lip and hissed as she bit down on it instead of licking. "I feel so violent all the time," he moaned as she swiped her tongue over the tip of his thumb allowing her venom to coat it. "When I'm near you and I smell your scent change, I feel so violent."
"It's normal," she assured him when he removed his thumb. Letting his hand go from her grasp she put it to his chest and leaned a little closer. "I feel it too," she told him. "You won't hurt me."
Shaking his head to show her that he didn't want to hurt her Edward lowered his mouth to hers. He didn't wait for her permission or for her to part her lips and accept his tongue; he just shoved it inside her. Pulling her to him using his hands he thrust his erection at her. Knowing it was normal, that he should be feeling the way he was, set him free. Knowing it's what she wanted from him relaxed him despite the desperation he was feeling.
Bella, for her part, relaxed too. Her body didn't, but her mind did. She'd explained what he was feeling as best she could without any personal experience of the phenomenon. She'd heard the pairs within her family night after night for fourteen years and at the time she'd resented having to be privy to their physical couplings. Now she felt relieved. Without ever having realised it they'd taught her what a mate should want.
Gripping her about her waist Edward lifted her from the floor and pushed her back and shoulders up against the wall. Plaster dust flew into the air as he held her up. "Open your legs," he growled before returning his lips to hers. Wrapping them around his waist Bella did as instructed and as his marble hard length seated itself at her core she moaned deeply into his mouth.
Rocking himself into her Edward began to groan as well. The friction was delicious but it wasn't nearly enough. It heightened rather than eased his ache. It also released her aroused scent from the crotch of her jeans and it made Edward's brain swim. Withdrawing his tongue from her mouth and grinning at her mewl of protest Edward pressed his lips to her throat. He began with soft, gentle kisses but when Bella returned her fingers to the hair at his nape and began to tug rhythmically Edward began to nip at her.
"Harder," Bella begged as she bucked her hips. Edward closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the feeling of her flesh between his teeth. "Bite," Bella begged again. Thrusting himself hard up against her Edward did as he was asked and as his teeth closed over her skin Bella convulsed against him. "Yes, oh yes," she hissed through gritted teeth as her first Edward induced orgasm ripped through her body.
Edward, ignorant to her response, withdrew his teeth with a rush and tried to disentangle them. But Bella wasn't having it. Through hooded eyes she could see the confusion on his face. Panting heavily Bella tried to will the little aftershocks of her release away so she could soothe her mate. "It doesn't hurt," she whispered, huskily. "I swear it doesn't hurt," she moaned when Edward pursed his lips. "I came," she whispered, embarrassed that she had to spell it out for him verbally.
As though there'd be some tangible evidence of it Edward glanced down to where she sat on his hips. But there was nothing to see, of course. Returning his eyes to hers he stared at her for a full minute. Her irises were huge and they were black. "You came," he whispered to himself in disbelief.
Bella only managed to nod her head just once before Edward lowered his mouth back to her collarbone and sank his teeth back into her flesh. The mighty hiss that escaped her lips was wholly involuntary. Wriggling against him, desperate for more contact and another orgasm, Bella began to mewl like a wounded kitten. Loving the feel of her writhing but just as desperate for more Edward bit down just once more before instinct took over and he swiped his venom laden tongue across the mark. The sting of his venom made Bella jerk and made Edward still. Her scent, at the height of her release, stung his mouth and nose as he watched her come apart for him.
Reaching between them Edward pulled her jersey from her body with one swift, sharp tug. Its seams gave easily beneath his nails and as her bare breasts were revealed to him for the first time Edward sucked in a giant gulp of unnecessary oxygen. "Good god," he groaned as he stared at her peaked nipples. "You're so beautiful," he told her, without taking his eyes from his prize. Grinning smugly at Bella's hiss of disapproval he let her waist go and watched as she slid down the wall and got back onto her own feet. Her breasts were firm and pert, the nipples rosy and peaked and he wanted them in his mouth.
Watching him watch her was the most erotic thing Bella had ever seen. His hooded, dark crimson eyes and his pink tongue flicking across his lips as he fought to control his flow of venom made her impossibly hotter despite having just been given two incredible orgasms.
She was about to plead with him to touch her again when he stunned her by falling to his knees. She'd taken his stillness for hesitation but she'd been wrong. He stared at her as long as he had so that he could decide how he wanted her. Now that he knew he wasted no time.
His huge hands stretched about her waist and his fingers dug deliciously into her hips as he dragged her down the wall and to the floor. He'd been serious when he'd told her he wanted to throw her to the ground and take her. With her on her back on the carpet in the empty room Edward had everything he'd ever wanted in his grasp. He took half a second to tell god thank you for rewarding his patience and then he threw his left leg over her hip and slid down her body until he was eye to breast. Licking his lips Bella watched as he lowered his mouth to her nipple for the first time. A strangled hiss forced its way out of her throat as he drew that nipple between his lips and suckled, hard.
Her hands worked their way into his hair and as she tugged and pulled he sucked and chewed. Cautiously at first but as the pressure of Bella's fingers increased – and by extension her moans and groans – Edward found a rhythm of his own. Bite when she tugged suck when she released his hair. With her hips bucking wildly beneath him and with Bella's ripe nipple clenched between his teeth Edward began to moan too.
Closing his eyes and trying to concentrate to stave off his own orgasm Edward attempted to release her breast. Bella, struggling with teetering on the edge of another release herself, protested loudly. Drawing in breath Edward caught the now familiar tinge to her scent and knew it for what it was. Her orgasm was imminent. Ignoring her protests he shifted slightly and took the other breast into his hand and its nipple into his mouth. All thought for his own release forgotten Edward gave her hers.
Setting another punishing rhythm with his teeth, and squeezing in contrast with his hand, Edward drove Bella to the precipice. "More," Bella begged as she tried in vain to let herself fall over it. "More," she begged again as he swiped his venom across his bite mark. "Yes," she roared as the waves began to crash through her whole body.
Success was a two pronged idiom as far as Edward was concerned as he watched his love pant through her third release. He felt powerful and proud that he'd given it to her and stunned and concerned as he did his best to deny his own.
His balls were on fire. His chest and gut ached with need. The muscles at his thighs and calves burned with the restraint and his mouth and lips were coated with a veritable lake of venom.
His restraint was etched into his features and when Bella had crested the final wave and returned her eyes to his she saw it for what it was. It was both stunning and arousing. But it was also unfair. She could lie there beneath him for days on end and take all he wanted to give to her but she needed, no, she craved giving to him too. Staring into his eyes she swiped a hand across her lips to rid herself of her own excess venom and then purred, "Claim me, mate."
It was both challenge and invitation and the words reverberated around Edward's brain. She was his. She'd given herself to him. He'd waited his whole life and his wait was now over. He had a mate. He had a lover. He had a partner and he wanted her, all of her.
Bella watched the emotions flit across his face as he took twenty seconds to digest what she'd said. For the rest of her life she would remember the exact second he reconciled who and what he was, and what she was to him. It was all there, on his beautiful face. Love, desire, desperation and dominance.
Edward slid downwards and destroyed Bella's jeans. They too came apart easily under the power of his nails. He threw them aside and spared no thought to the beauty of her simple lingerie. They too met their end and joined her pants five feet away. The wash of her exposed scent made Edward's head spin. The sight of her beneath him, wet and wanting, made his body shiver.
There would be time enough later to explore her he thought as he stared.
Sitting on his heels he used one hand to divest himself of his shirt and his other hand to obliterate his own jeans. Down to his boxers Edward stared down at his mate again. She was glorious and she was his. "Mine," he hissed involuntarily as he shredded his boxers. "You are mine," he growled as he put a hand to each of her knees and pushed them to the side. "Mine," he barked hoarsely as he lowered himself towards her and as he entered her for the very first time he roared so loudly the windows shook.
For all their circling and all the foreplay Bella was unprepared for the feeling of having him inside her. The fullness of his size, the deliciously heavy weight of his body covering hers and the scent of his desire swamped her. A bellow just as loud as his roar forced its way out of her throat as he seated himself fully, right up inside her.
Edward, thinking he'd hurt her, stilled.
"NO!" Bella shouted, panicked that he'd stop as he tried to withdraw. "Mine," she hissed into his ear as she clasped her hands about his back and held him firmly in place.
As the word left her lips Edward's brain took over. She'd given her permission. They'd pledged themselves to one another. Digging is nails into the carpet by her shoulders and using his toes for traction Edward began to thrust.
His movements were uncoordinated and he gave no thought to finesse, but to Bella that only heightened how important this was. She was his first, she'd be his last. Bucking her hips to meet each plunge Bella did her best to maintain eye contact as she fell over the edge one more time.
The shriek of the carpeting giving way beneath them was ignored as Edward watched his mate orgasm with him inside her. The protest of the timber flooring beneath it was set aside as Edward stroked her with abandon.
The urgency of his release began in his balls and surged through his gut, chest and throat. It enveloped his entire body and as he stilled and allowed his seed to spill from himself into Bella he roared just one word into the darkness of his living room, "Mine."
A/N: Thank you for reading.
Please review.