"Okay," said the Director, "since you passed step four with 'minor help.' Minor help meaning, even though you needed friends to help you with your own 'fearless moral inventory' of yourself which was cheating..."

"I passed though," stated Knuckles.

"Yes," continued the Director, "then let's tackle Step Five."

"I can do it!" said Knuckles with confidence.

"This session will be with just you and me."

"Phew, that's a relief."

Session 5 - Goal: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our emeralds...I mean, wrongs.

"Now, Knuckles, first you must admit to God, the nature of your wrongs," said the Director.

"That's gonna be weird...seeing as he doesn't have a solid form to talk to. How would I do that?"

"Well, you can talk out loud to him," suggested the Director.

"That'd be weird."

"Okay, you can think words to him."

("Hmm, do I remember how to think?") thought Knuckles. "No, any other ways?"

"Well, how about writing a letter to him?"

"Sounds good," said Knuckles. He started writing:

Dear God,

I noticed Sonic Team has given me a pay cut recently...in favor of giving my cut money to the quote "more needed characters" unquote. God, please don't let me get kicked out of new Sonic games.

The Director looked at the letter. "Um, that's not the kind of letter you need to be writing to God right now. More admittance and more talk of repentance."

"Oh, I get what you're saying," said Knuckles. He started on a new letter:

Dear God,

And Sonic isn't more interesting than me, yet he keeps getting money from my paychecks. I humbly ask you to admit sonic to the hospital OR give me divine right to smite him as I repent.

The Director sighed. "Let me start it..."

Dear God,

I want you to forgive me for... not killing Sonic when I had the urge to, the other day. I felt like doing it but told myself it wasn't what you wanted. I know now that you looked into the future at this moment and were telling me then that it would have been okay.

"NO KILLINGS IN GOD LETTER!" exclaimed the Director.

"You really need to give better instructions," commented Knuckles as he started yet another letter:

Dear God,

I guess accidental death is good too. That way my hands are not stained with hedgehog blood. Sayonara Sonic.

"I'm getting Reverend in here," mumbled the Director while he went to the phone.

Minutes Later.

"Now, Knuckles," said Reverend, "we don't talk to God about killing others. We talk to him about helping ourselves to sin less and talk about blessing other people who we even feel angry towards."

"Who are you to tell me how I should be talking to God?"

"If you don't listen to Reverend, then I'll just send you to prison for your God-based Sonic assault letters," said the Director.

"Fine."

"Okay then, if you understand, then make a letter to God in the 'good' way," said Reverend.

Knuckles started to write...

Dear God,

Give me back my emerald.

The Director sighed. "You don't want your emerald back, remember? Is 'the damage you cause with it' ringing a bell?"

Dear God,

Give me back my emerald without me causing damage with it.

"Knuckles, you've even killed people while under the influence of that emerald," said Reverend.

Dear God,

Give me back my emerald without me causing damage with it and killing other people.

"You're not getting what I'm saying, Knuckles," stated Reverend. "Your bodily temptation is the Master Emerald. You cannot keep flirting with temptation and not expect to get burned by it again."

Dear God,

Give me back my emerald with less people in the world to get killed.

"No, Knuckles," said Reverend.

Dear God,

Give me back my emerald with no people in the world to get killed by me and M.E.'s love.

"Knuckles, we're going to take this slow," started Reverend. "What are the exact problems that arise when you use the Master Emerald?"

"I get a terrible rash."

"Other than that."

"The temptation to harm everything else that touches or even looks at the emerald."

"...which is wrong," finished Reverend.

"Which is wrong," repeated Knuckles.

"Okay, then if you get it: write about the wrongness."

Dear God,

Emerald wrongness equals bad Knuckles.

"More in-depth than that," said Reverend.

"No no," interrupted the Director. "He might go back to killing Sonic statements if he tries to write more. I'll declare the first part of Step Five a success."

"Yay!" said Knuckles.

"I'm going to take the next part of this step in a different manner," said the Director as he and Reverend left the room. A stuffed toy bunny with a microphone inside its mouth was put in their place.

"Now," said the stuffed bunny, "the next part is you admitting to yourself the wickedness in your soul that developed from that emerald act."

"but the emerald made me act bad, it wasn't me," defended Knuckles.

"You were constantly going back to the emerald."

"but the emerald made me do it," cried Knuckles.

"A piece of jewelry can't make you do anything. You chose your lifestyle. Your addiction is caused by you not controlling your mind."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Don't make me punch you," yelled Knuckles.

"That's a bad thing, Knuckles...but if the Emerald isn't here, then who would be telling you to do a bad thing like that? Your fists?"

"I'm not understanding what you're saying, bunny."

"Sometimes when I pick up knives, I want to cut up everything in sight...but it's not my fault, it's the knife's fault. Even though the knife can't think for itself or make its own decisions."

"Well that goes without saying," replied Knuckles.

"NO! I was trying to make you realize that it can't be a knife's fault! It can't make choices like I can. It doesn't choose to cut up people; the user chooses to."

"YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE!"

"I'm making plenty of sense."

"No, you're not."

Bunny sighed. "Fine, let's try this plan."

("What's he up to?") thought Knuckles.

"There are better characters than you out there."

"What did you say?"

"Someone like Tails wouldn't need me to repeat myself."

"...aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

A Knuckles rampage soon followed the aaaahhhh. After half of the room was destroyed and bunny was severely injured, bunny spoke up, "It wasn't my fault I said those things that got you mad, it was my mouth's fault."

"DUH. You use it to talk."

"Exactly! Do you get it now?"

"Get what?"

"I use my mouth to talk, because my mouth can't work by itself. Thus, saying the Master Emerald made you kill is false. IT WAS YOU WHO CHOSE TO DO THE BAD THINGS, NOT THE EMERALD."

"Oh, ya don't say?"

"Seriously, did you go to school?"

"Again, I had to learn of the outside world from the Master Emerald or myself. I did graduate with honors from Emerald Tech High though."

"Which will get you no decent career in the real world, anyway...so you admit that you do bad things, and it's not the emerald's fault that you're addicted to it?"

"Oh, sure."

"Good, on to the next part of the step," bunny said then self-destructed, and the Director walked back in.

"Director, there was some demonic bunny in here a second ago, but I took care of it."

"The bunny was a prop with a self-destruction mechanism," stated the Director.

"Why'd you bring a prop in here?"

"I thought a toy bunny with a microphone instructing you would make things go smoother due to its cuddliness. ...I can see it didn't work," the Director said while observing the half-destroyed room and remains of cotton from the stuffed toy.

"And the self-destructing part was for...?"

"I like explosions."

"Are you sure you should be directing me with my recovery?" asked Knuckles.

"On to the next part!" the Director said, not caring to answer. "The next part is admitting to another human-being/animal-human-mutant-thing the exact nature of your wrongs."

"Okay, so I just do that with you?"

"Nope."

-Shadow walks in-

"What's Shadow doing here?!"

"I figured he'd be the perfect candidate to admit your shortcomings to."

"WHY would you pick somebody who constantly taunts me!?!?"

"Because you'll definitely have mastered this step once you can admit your shortcomings to that type of person," replied the Director.

"but you said it would be just you and me for this whole step!" screamed Knuckles.

"You weren't complaining when Reverend and the Bunny came in," said the Director.

"ARRRGHHHH!!!!!!"

"But how does that make you feel?" asked the Director.

"Um...bad?"

The Director was already gone.

"Okay, Knuckles," started Shadow, "admit to me the realizations of your pitiful self."

"No."

"Is it because you finally realize you're a weak loser?"

"I'm not a loser."

"Anyway, let's get your confession started," said Shadow.

"I guess we should,...I'm Knuckles the Echidna."

"Woah, you said your own name!! Good Job!"

Knuckles got a little irritated but continued, "and I am a ticking time bomb with the Master Emerald."

"and your face is ugly too," laughed Shadow.

"..A-And I go on rampages when I think about or touch the Master Emerald."

"I mean, why would anyone like you anyways? All you can do is get mad and hit things."

Knuckles took a deep breath. "When I'm with the Master Emerald, my mind goes crazy."

"Then what's it doing the rest of the day!" cackled Shadow.

"Okay, I've completed the step," Knuckles said refreshingly. "I'm leaving now."

"Wait, what about my insults?"

-Knuckles left the room-

"Knuckles? Knuckles! Please listen to my insults. Please, somebody let me degrade you," Shadow cried as he broke down into a fetal position.

The Director came back with a frown. "Oh boy, another patient."

Step Five Complete.