Chapter Twenty

And You Want to Know What Goes on In Here?

EPOV

Despite the long nap I had taken with Bella, thanks to Alice, I was still tired. With Bella's nightmares I was getting little sleep and my classes were getting hectic. Life was just chaotic. But I wouldn't change any of it, I just needed to talk to Bella, get her to realize she really needed help.

Luck had played on my part when I had gone to get our food. The pizza lady had just put out a steaming fresh pepperoni and cheese pizza. I was so famished that I almost pulled an Emmett and took the whole thing, but decided to leave some for the other poor students that would come by later looking for food.

Walking towards the massive stone building that was our dormitory, I couldn't help but take a whiff of the intoxicating delicious aroma that occasionally wafted out of the box. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch and my stomach was in knots I was so hungry. I took out my key card and slid it in the card slot. The device beeped and I pulled the door open. The lobby was deserted when I entered, but deciding the elevator was just too slow, I took the stairs.

I hated being away from Bella, especially since the nightmares. Every night when she would start to whimper in her sleep, I'd think of all the ways I should have strangled the life out of James and how I wanted to find Forks and kill Jacob. She was so broken. She masked it well, but I knew her. I had tried to help her. I could pull her from the grips of her self conscience, but I couldn't help her get over what troubled her. Part of that made me feel like a failure. Didn't she feel safe with me?

I came to her door and knocked, waiting for entry. I stood still waiting for her to open up. But as I stood there, I didn't hear any movements towards the door. Feeling suddenly concerned, I reached down and twisted the knob, finding it unlocked, I entered the room. My heart lurched in my chest as I saw the sight before me.

She had her head on the desk and her entire body was shaking. Had she fallen back to sleep?

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, not knowing any other way to proceed. I held the pizza, not really knowing what to do with it. Her body seemed to grow stiff as she recognized that I had entered the room. That's all I needed to see to know she was awake.

"N-n-nothing," she stammered as she turned around in her chair to face her window. I couldn't see her expression, but I noticed her hands immediately go to her face only to return to her shirt wet as she wiped at it.

"Bella, really, what is it?" I asked as I walked over to Alice's desk and sat the box down. I walked over to her and positioned my self in front of her. She attempted to turn to look at her desk but I held her in place by putting my hands on her shoulders. I wasn't hurting her, she could have moved if she wanted. She just looked down at her hands that rested in her lap and started to shake once again.

I didn't ask her any questions. I gently lifted her out of the chair by putting my left arm under her knees and cradled her back with my right. I swung around so I was sitting in the chair and held her in my lap. I held her against my chest as she sobbed even harder. My heart ripped inside my chest as I rubbed my right hand against her lower back trying to calm her. If I thought the nightmares were difficult to handle, they had nothing on this. Seeing her so upset while she was conscious was even harder to deal with.

I took my left hand and gently smoothed her deep brown hair away from her face. Her eyes were red and a bit swollen; I noticed as I put my finger under her chin and lifted it lightly to look in her eyes. She looked at me and then big tears poured from her beautiful brown eyes. I gently swiped them away as I felt her grasp a hold of my neck. She buried her head against my chest and muttered smoothing inaudible.

"Bella, please tell me what's wrong," I pled as I ran my hand over her hair, smoothing it.

"I-I-I'm sorry Edward. I know I'm a lot of trouble," I heard her mutter. I instantly grew stiff. Did she really think that she was trouble? Of course I hated the lack of sleep that her nightmares created. But she wasn't a burden. I loved being able to hold her while she slept and save her from, well, herself. She was what kept me going anymore. Before, taking a look back at it, I was just coasting through life. I'd never enjoyed it until that first day I met her. Without her, life would have been meaningless again.

"Bella, how absurd," I whispered in her ear as I planted a soft kiss where her ear met the side of her head.

"But I know it's getting to you," she muttered, keeping her face hidden. I could tell she was almost done crying. Her frame only seemed to spasm as she caught her breath and gained her composure.

"No Bella, it's not. I love being here for you. I wouldn't have it any other way," I told her as I stroked the side of her cheek. She turned her face so she was looking me in the eyes. I gazed down at her studying her expression.

"B-b-but what about the shrink?" she stuttered, as she took in a deep breath.

"Alice," I muttered gritting my teeth. My darling little sister just didn't know when to keep out of things. Twice in one day she had made my life more difficult with her helping. Why couldn't she just leave things alone? I instantly reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose, a habit I had inherited from my father. Any time I was frustrated a headache always seemed to find me. I could already feel it brewing as the little pixie's vicious little face danced around in the back of my head.

"She didn't do anything!" Bella quickly exclaimed as she pulled back to stare at me wide eyed. Even though I was angry with Alice, I had to admit that I was touched that Bella felt so close to her. It meant a lot knowing they had a close relationship. If there was one thing I knew for sure it was that Alice had a gift for sorting out good people. She hadn't associated with many people in high school. Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, and I composed the entirety of her friends. Many of the fake people had tried to be her friend, all of us really. Alice taking Bella under her wing was just another sign that she was the right person for me.

"I'm not going to crucify her Bella. But I had asked her not to mention that to you. I was going to talk to you about it this evening," I told her.

"So it is true?" she sighed, looking down at the floor, her expressed pain. Her full lips seemed even fuller as her bottom lip protruded slightly into a pout. Her eyes seemed distant and unseeing as she tried to focus on the floor. Her arms wrapped around herself as she sat stiff on my lap.

"Please listen to me. I'm not asking you to go because I care to come over here and save you from your dreams. I'm asking you because I care about you. I'm afraid that this is really starting to affect your health," I explained as touched her shoulder. She seemed to relax slightly. I couldn't stand her being so suddenly withdrawn.

"Edward, I'm not going to a shrink. I can't talk to someone I don't know about this," she sighed as she looked up and appeared to gaze out the window. I could tell she was thinking about something, it only killed me that I didn't know what.

"You can get to know them before you tell them anything," I said as I slid my hand from her shoulder and onto her lower back in attempt to bring her around. I wanted her to get better. It killed me knowing that the nightmares were tearing her apart. She'd had them practically nonstop for two months. Something had to give. She had lost weight, her eyes were always edged with a dark rim, and she was having trouble focusing in class. It was time for her to get help. As much as I thought I was helping, I wasn't. She needed someone that knew what they were doing, that knew how and what she really needed.

"Edward, I don't want to talk to someone about it. I don't like talking about it at all," she replied as she continued to look away.

"Please Bella, please. I'm only asking because I love you. I just want you to be ok, I hate that those dreams are bothering you," I tried to explain.

"Edward, do you understand that you are the first person I told? The first person that ever knew what was really wrong with me," she said.

"I know, but what can I do? How can I make them stop?" I asked, frustration clearly in my voice as it rose an octave. She was tearing me apart. Part of me wanted to grant her every wish. But the other, more sensible at the moment, told me that she didn't know what she needed and that I needed to make her see.

"I don't know," she said, her voice expressing her frustration.

"Bella, do you see? I just want to help you; I want to keep you safe. If I could invade your sleep every night and stave away your nightmares I would," I sighed.

"You really want to know what goes on in my head?" she asked, a sarcastic bitter tone in check.

"Only if you want to tell me," I said.

"It won't help to talk about it," she sighed.

"How about this. It's a compromise. You go to one meeting and after that, if it really doesn't help in the least, you don't have to go back," I sighed, regretting the moment it left my lips.

"One meeting?" she asked.

"Just one."

"Fine, I'll go to one. But you tell absolutely no one," she sighed.

"Thank you,"

"You're welcome," she muttered. I pulled her to me and hugged her to my chest. I felt relieved knowing that she was at least going to give it a chance.

"I love you Bella, I'd do anything to make those dreams stop. I'd take them if I could," I said.

"I love you too Edward; and I'm sorry I was so emotional,"

"Why where you so mad?" I asked, still wondering what had gotten into her. When I had mentioned the psychologist before she hadn't gotten so worked up, I didn't see a difference.

"I thought you were getting tired of me," she sighed.

"I'll never get tired of you Bella. You're stuck with me. I just hope you feel the same way," I chuckled as I gently lifted her chin so our eyes met. Her eyes were still a little wet and seemed glazed by her tear shed. She just looked so unremarkably beautiful, so broken. Her hair was in disarray, her face a bit red, and her eyes puffy. But she was lovely to me.

"Silly Edward," she muttered as she gently touched my lips with her right pointing finger. I relished the touch as her smooth skin caressed my bottom lip.

"You're a tease," I laughed as she took her finger away and stood up, pushing my arms away.

"Sorry, but that pizza is getting to me," she laughed as she marched over to Alice's desk. I laughed knowing full and well that she wasn't really enticed by the pizza. I stood and walked up behind her and decided to repay her. I gently lifted her thick mane of brown hair, bent down and began to place light kisses on her neck. She had lifted the lid off the pizza but instantly stopped as her whole body tensed. I loved seeing her react in such a way towards me.

"And you were getting pizza?" I laughed as I pulled away. She turned abruptly and looked up at me with false anger pasted all over her face. She pretended to scrunch her eye brows and pulled her lips into a tight line.

"Edward Cullen," she said smacking me playfully on the chest. I grabbed her hand as she was about to bring it back to her side and lifted it to my lips. I placed a small kiss on the back of her hand and then turned it over and placed a light kiss on her palm. She sighed as I smiled against her hand. I let her hand fall to her side and then pulled her whole body against me.

"Bella, what am I going to do with you?" I sighed, as I moved a stray hair over her shoulder.

"Love me?" she said as she met my eyes. I smiled and bent down, meeting her lips with my own. It seemed too long since our lips last met, though it had only been hours. I gently sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, caressing it with my tongue. I felt her sigh in mouth as she met my tongue with hers. Our tongues intermingled, almost fighting for dominance. The manly side of me was starting to awake and I knew it was time to pull back. The man in me wanted to go further with her, but the gentleman, the man my mother had made me into, knew that I couldn't do that. I had to keep her honor. We were continuously pushing our, well my boundaries lately, and the second her hand went for my hair I knew it was time to call it quits.

I pulled back; kissing her one last, soft time and carefully removed her hands from my hair. I leaned my head against her shoulder, panting. "I do love you Bella."

(A/N: So two updates in less than a week, I think I've set a record for myself..lol. But, I got this hammered out last night and to my beta so I decided to go ahead and post it. It's substantially shorter than the last chapter but it moves the story and I didn't think it needed anymore length. Thanks for the reviews and as always thanks to Shanbug07 for tidying up this chapter. Please review and let me know if you like this chapter and if you have any suggestions or concerns.)