Chapter 20
Erin Reagan nervously pulled her car into a spot near the front of Jamie's apartment building and paused for a few seconds before getting out. It was mid-morning on Tuesday and she had resolved to take her father's advice and come see her little brother in person so that they could begin to put things right. She had been so shocked and hurt by the news of Kaylin's arrival and the fact that Jamie had been willing to keep it from her and Danny that it had taken nearly a full two days for her to find the courage to confront him about it. She knew that he would be returning to work the next day, so had set out this morning to visit his home unannounced and hopefully convince him to talk to her and let her see the little girl for herself. Thus far all of her calls and texts had been ignored. Erin deeply regretted the way they had left things at the hospital and her father's little demonstration during dinner on Sunday had driven home his point in his usual undeniable fashion. She didn't want to see those chairs remain empty ever again.
Biting her lip, she made her way into the building and stepped into the elevator for the short ride up to his floor. She was still rehearsing all the things that she wanted to say in her head when it dinged and the doors opened to reveal Jamie standing unexpectedly on the other side, dressed fashionably in a dark suit and precariously balancing a tiny blond-haired little girl and a car seat with one arm. Erin's breath caught as she was entranced by the toddler's striking blue eyes when she blinked back at her. Her hair was up in pigtails with clips and ribbons, and she was dressed in a pretty smocked ivory linen dress with eyelet accents and a kitten print motif around the bottom, topped off with soft pink stockings and creamy-white shoes. Adele Renzulli had a perfect fashion sense for her now self-appointed godchild and she looked simply stunning.
"Erin, what are you doing here?" Jamie sighed as he stepped into the elevator and turned around. "Downstairs, please," he asked his sister as there was no way for him to hit the button. They were running late and he didn't intend to be behind schedule, but figuring out how to dress the squirmy little girl virtually one-handed had proven to be a new and interesting challenge to him… just one of the many single dad hurdles he was determined to learn how to face.
"Where are you going?" she asked, trying to break the ice and hoping she could convince him to stay and go back to the apartment to talk. "You both look so nice…" she trailed off, wondering what their plans were and where they might be off to dressed like this so early in the day.
"A funeral," Jamie stated rather flatly. "For her mother."
"Oh," Erin said as her heart skidded to a stop. Of course, she had forgotten that there had been a greater tragedy in all of this and kicked herself for being so insensitive and focused on her own situation. The doors to the elevator opened once more, and they were in the foyer with Jamie still struggling a little in his current state to tote everything needed.
"Please let me help you… can I hold her?" she asked tearfully, but Kaylin shyly turned and buried her face in Jamie's shoulder when she saw the strange hands reaching for her.
"Not right now, Erin," he said softly, shaking his head as he continued awkwardly to carry the little girl, a backpack with her things and the seat out through the front doors and over to the waiting town car that had just pulled up in front of the building. Renzulli quickly jumped out and grabbed it to belt it into the back. "I don't want to upset her. She's been through a lot the past few days and sometimes it still takes her a while to warm up to new people. Maybe when she gets a chance to know you later. Listen, we've gotta run. Make it right with Eddie and then we'll talk," he added as he handed Kaylin to Mrs. Renzulli and then climbed in beside her when the little girl was buckled in and closed the door before Erin could say anything else as she watched the car pulled away from the curb.
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"REMEMBER not the sins and offences of my youth, but according to thy mercy think thou upon me, O Lord, for thy goodness. Rest eternal grant unto them, O Lord, and let light perpetual shine upon them."
Frank and Henry Reagan stood next to the Commissioner's black SUV as it sat back on the road on a grassy knoll above the small gathering below and observed from a respectful distance as Jamie held Kaylin through the ritual while a priest committed Jayne Marie Jeffers' remains to the ground next to her parents' graves in a small cemetery on the outside of Flushing Meadows. They both choked back tears and uncomfortably cleared their throats as they watched him help the little one throw some flowers and a small handful of dirt down on the casket that housed what was once her mother before standing back and moving off with a few of the other mourners.
"It was nice of everyone at the 12th and 3-5 to chip in and help Renzulli give that poor girl a decent funeral," Henry commented. "Bill would have appreciated that."
"We take care of our own," Frank agreed softly as he watched Jamie put his arm around his old TO's shoulder as his wife took Kaylin while they made their way back to the waiting car. "Tony and Adele… they did their best to help her and the brother after their father passed but Jayne... she was always a wild one. Just caught up with her this time. If it hadn't been last week it would have been another day I'm sure. Maybe her brother will turn good after all this. He's had a rough first week to start the academy," Frank added as he watched the young man linger at the fresh grave for a while before turning to to join the others.
"Well thank God that Jamie was there at that time for Kaylin," Henry sighed. "Such a sweet little baby girl. As much as I want to crack him over the head for doing what he did I understand it, not that I would have ever had the cahones to pull something like that off myself. I don't know where he gets it from. I mean Danny will go into things guns blazing, but Jamie… sometimes I don't think he really expects to get himself back out, and he does it anyway."
"Jamie doesn't have fear because he doesn't think about himself at those times. I worry for him, Pop," Frank frowned as he looked down to the ground and moved a few pebbles around with his shoe before leaning back on the car. It was a beautiful warm fall day, and he was in no hurry to return to his stuffy office in the city. "One of these days he's not going to be so lucky. Maybe having that little girl will ground him a little… knowing that she's counting on him to come home every night might just be what he needs to force him to watch his step more often. I can't lose another son, not like that."
"Let's hope so," Henry agreed. "He's already grown up a lot over the last few months. I never expected him to stand up to Danny and Erin like this and mean it without letting off... but he's held his own with them so far. Got a little backbone along with those stripes on his arm. I hope they work it out soon though. I just want everyone back together so we can all get to know my new great-granddaughter and Eddie too. It's about time Jamie had a good woman in his life."
"Pop, Kaylin's only a foster child right now and Eddie and Jamie have just started dating. Don't get ahead of yourself."
"Nonsense!" Henry muttered, thinking back to the other night when he and Frank had returned as promised to Jamie's apartment to meet Kaylin and Eddie when she stopped by after work. "Do you see him with her, Francis?… that little girl is a Reagan already and I've noticed the way he looks at Eddie… I'll eat my badge if she isn't soon one too."
"First things first, Pop. Let's worry about fixing what's come between the ones that already have the last name and go from there."
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Eddie had just changed after coming off a hectic shift at her precinct and was looking forward to a quiet evening at Jamie's apartment... just the three of them again she chuckled. She knew he would be tired and probably a little sore after being on his feet all day with the funeral and a memorial lunch at a nearby restaurant, so she offered to come over in the evening and bring some kind of light takeout fare. Whereas a trip to the pub or bar had once been a staple of her evenings, she was finding this more homey approach unexpectedly appealing and she had assured Jamie not to worry one bit about planning any elaborate date nights or anything else until Kaylin was more settled and his family issues had been worked out. Eddie herself was finding time with the toddler to be rather addicting and she was thrilled to see that she was becoming more trusting with her each day. The first time Kaylin had crawled up in her lap with a book and called her by name had caused big tears to well in her eyes as her maternal instincts were being awakened. Even in this short measure they were starting to feel like a little family… something that Eddie had not previously had such a happy experience with so she was soaking it in at every given chance.
With those thoughts in mind she was busily planning a stop a few blocks over at a restaurant that served Jamie's favorite decadent downfall… a rich baked macaroni and cheese dish along with a nice salad and something for dessert as she made her way through the front doors and down the steps towards her car. She didn't notice Erin Reagan standing up against the wall with her arms crossed until it was too late. Her heart instantly fell at the closed off body language as she imagined the upcoming confrontation, and she wished that she could just melt away and disappear. If Erin had been angry before, how was she going to feel now that she had found out about Kaylin and the fact that Jamie had deliberately avoided Sunday dinner earlier in the week? Even Eddie knew that was considered sacrilege in the Reagan family code of honor. She braced herself as she came to a halt.
"Eddie, please wait," Erin called out as she hurried over. "I was hoping to catch you here after work. I was wondering if you had a moment," she added. "I… I really need to apologize for my behavior last week. Please? Can we go get a cup of coffee or something and talk?"
Surprised by the conciliatory tone, Eddie found herself nodding and the two walked a short distance down the street to a small cafe and ordered. Erin waited until they were served before she continued. "I don't really know how to start this," she admitted softly. "I stopped by Jamie's apartment this morning to try speak to him, but he was on the way out to the funeral and I didn't really get a chance to meet Kaylin… she's so very beautiful," she sniffed and her eyes welled up. "I can't believe my baby brother… well that he did what he did... He's doing okay, though?"
"Yes," Eddie nodded. "He's determined to see things through himself and make it work."
"Well, I don't want him to do that," Erin said and then caught herself when Eddie gave her a puzzled look. "Wait, that didn't come out right. I mean he shouldn't have to do things by himself, especially now," she backtracked. "I'm sorry, I speak in front of people for a living... this shouldn't be so hard, but I haven't been able to put a word right the last few days. I've just been a wreck," she smiled nervously. "May I try to explain?"
Eddie nodded as she stirred her coffee, "Please, go on."
"Jamie's been the baby of the family forever," she started. "We've all been overprotective of him since before he was born… he was over six years behind Joe and my mom had a really hard time the whole pregnancy so when he actually came it was special to start. We all doted on him and he was so kind and easygoing in a family of really strong personalities... I feel like we've blinked and all of a sudden he's grown up and I don't know how that happened. When we lost Joe and Jamie became a cop it just put a terrible fear into all of us because they were so much alike, and then Sydney left him and we watched him go though all that pain, and everything since then… I got angry when he was sick and I saw him hurting again and then I was terrified after watching what he did at the bridge so I took it out on you, and that was wrong. I'm so very sorry, Eddie. Please forgive me."
"You weren't wrong in calling me out on the part about staying away when he was sick," Eddie said softly as she looked down. "If we're being honest then I know that I let my own insecurities get in the way and it nearly cost me everything." She glanced up and met Erin's eye. "I promise never to do that to him again."
"So can we maybe start over again?" Erin asked hopefully. "I'd like for us to be friends and I'm just going to burst if I don't get to go hug my brother and meet that little girl soon. I can't think of anything else."
"Why don't you come over tonight and join us for dinner?" Eddie asked, wanting to do everything she possibly could to put Jamie and his sister back at ease as soon as possible. "I'm just grabbing takeout and we were planning on staying in anyway."
"Do you think he would let me?"
"Maybe if I bring you in with his favorite food," Eddie said with a small grin. "He can't possibly say no then, right?"
"Altson's mac and cheese," Erin said, nodding with a big, relieved smile. "It'll be my treat. It's his biggest weakness and certainly worth a shot. Thank you so much, Eddie," she said as she reached across the table and squeezed her hand.
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Jamie and Kaylin were curled up on the couch together, kicking back in comfy clothes after a long sad day with an episode of her favorite Bear show. Thank goodness for Netflix, he thought, since the program was off air. Jayne must have had old DVDs of it before, but none of her or Kaylin's personal possessions had been located at Carl's filthy apartment. Jamie had shuddered when Renzulli showed him pictures of where the three might have been staying, empty beer bottles and trash littered the floor. For all he knew they had been living out of that car. Very little had been recovered with it besides their broken bodies… the river had taken everything else away. Maybe they had packed up and were going to run because of her parole violation, no one knew. When Bear and friends wrapped up with the goodbye song, he glanced at the clock and wondered where Eddie was when his phone buzzed with a text from her.
Sorry, running late. Mind if I bring a friend over to visit?
Figuring Eddie was just out with Kara since she had mentioned coming over soon, Jamie didn't give it a second thought.
Sure, the more the merrier, he replied as he moved around the apartment and picked up a little out of habit. Really gotta get a toy box, he thought as he piled some of Kaylin's stash in the corner. Between family and friends, the little girl was surely not going to want for much again. Jamie did still feel guilty about the whole birthday fiasco and was determined they would have a belated celebration for her at his dad's just as soon as everything was worked out between the siblings. No one should get cheated out of their second birthday party, no matter what the circumstances were.
"Jammie, I 'ungry," a little voice piped in behind him and he smiled. The new variation on his name made him chuckle each time he heard it and never in his lifetime did he intend to correct her.
"Well, sweetness that's good," he teased, "because guess who's coming over with something yummy to eat right now?"
"Jammie's lambchop!" she said with great excitement although he blushed and gave thanks that little pet name had come out in private and not in front of his family or he would have never lived it down. Gotta remember to watch what I say in front of her, he reminded himself although it pleased Jamie to no end to see that the little girl was starting to trust and open up to others now. Adele Renzulli had offered to babysit for him while he started back to work this week, but he was going to have to come up with a more permanent solution soon and that meant Kaylin needed to come out of her shell a little more since there was no way he was just going to drop her off with a stranger and leave her crying to traumatize her again.
"Yup, it's Eddie, teddy," he emphasized, "and she's bringing a friend of hers so we have to try to be extra special nice to them and not hide, okay? I promise, nobody will hurt or scare you."
"Eddie bear! 'Kay!" came the enthusiastic reply. Kaylin was also starting to relax and learn that in this house people who came to visit were friendly and she didn't get locked in a dark room alone with a DVD player to babysit her for hours while they had scary loud voices and did stuff elsewhere with her mommy who wasn't around anymore. Jayne Marie Jeffers had been living on borrowed time for a while now.
Jamie soon heard a knock at the door and looked out through the peephole to see Eddie waving. She needs to start using her key, he thought as he undid the locks and opened the door. He was shocked to see Erin walk in first looking sheepish and carrying takeout from one of his favorite restaurants.
"Truce?" she offered hopefully as she held the bag up. "I come bearing the holy grail of mac and cheese."
He couldn't contain the small sideways grin when he looked over and saw Eddie laughing. "So this is your friend, huh?" he asked as relief washed over him knowing that his sister had managed to put things right and he quickly reached over to hug her. "Missed you," he mumbled into Erin's ear.
"Oh, Jamie," she sighed. "Me too. I'm so sorry for what I said. Let's not do that to each other again, okay?"
"Promise," he whispered as he pulled back. "I think there's somebody else you probably want to meet then, right?"
"Yes, of course," Erin breathed in anticipation as she looked over to the little face peeking up shyly over the couch cushions.
"Kaylin, sweetie, come meet your Aunt Erin," Jamie called to the little girl with a smile as Eddie grabbed him from behind and gave him a hug and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
One down. One tough nut to go.
A very tough nut at that, and this one probably won't end as well. Will there be empty spots at the table this Sunday again? I'm not even sure yet! lol.