Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.

Chapter Twenty: Trust Me With Your Love

What I've found, is you can't edit your life. Striking a word here or there, doesn't change the story. The theme. The people you've met, the effect you've had on each other's lives. What you've done is what's on the page, and I'm afraid the ending was already written. Years ago, even if it wasn't on the paper yet. Fixed in type, sent out into the world. Inviolate.

Rory was slowly going out of her mind. The townspeople were confused. Luke and Lorelai, Richard, Emily, Tristan, Paris, none of them could figure out what the hell was going on. Rory and Jess were dating. They went out on a real date once a week. She was surprised he asked after the way the first one ended. She thought maybe he was surprised too.

Did you know other than the stray blind date, I've never really dated before. I'm not sure if we can date. We have histories and abandoned futures in the way. But then again, from everything I've read on the web, dating is supposed to be awkward at first. Let's see if our second date can end better than the first, and if we make it through it, at least we have the third date to look forward to. I promise though, I won't think you're easy, no matter how any of them end. So, I'll pick you up at six on Friday. If that's okay with you, maybe we can find a new future. Wear something dressy, but with comfortable shoes. Love, Jess

For the second date, Jess took her dancing after dinner. Having him hold her in his arms was almost too much. Rory clung to him, listening to the beat of his heart, basking in his warmth. Jess embraced her tight, breathing in the scent of her, his breath ruffling her hair, making her shiver with longing. But when the music stopped for the night, they didn't kiss. Separating from each other reminded Rory of pulling taffy. Step by step, they disentangled their bodies, pulling away from each other. They kept their fingers entwined on the way outside, only breaking away to get into the car. Once there, Jess held onto the steering wheel with both hands. He didn't say anything, but she knew. The moment was over, and he didn't trust her with his heart. They didn't go dancing again. Their last two dates had been simple dinners followed by movies. They talked about everything, and nothing. Skirting around the issues. At the end of each night, she told him she loved him, he said it back, and then she drove to her mom's to cry while he walked up the Dragonfly drive. After what Luke said, she knew it was actions, not words which would make the difference. But she didn't know what more she could do. Terrified she and Jess were drifting apart, she stayed awake during the night to watch him sleep. She didn't even read, she sat, legs drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around her knees. Wishing she had the guts to crawl into bed with him, but she was afraid. Afraid if she did he would pull away. She didn't think she could bear that happening. If it did, she'd give in to defeat, put the house up for sale, and quit putting herself in his path.

Jess was waiting. He didn't know for what, but he was waiting. He waited at work, while they talked business and books. Sometimes grabbing a quick lunch together at Luke's. He waited at the inn. Rory had taken to napping in the afternoons after work, and he'd lean in the doorway guarding over her while she slept. It was only fair, he'd seen her leave his room more than once, so he knew she was watching him sleep. So he watched her. Wishing he could trust himself to touch her, to hold her. His will power was only so strong, but he was terrified she would run again if he kissed her. Terrified she'd regret it and pull away. He wouldn't be able to handle it if she did. It would be the end of the little comfort they had found. So he had to be sure. He didn't know what he was waiting for, how he would know, he only knew it wasn't time.

And then, Rory had an idea. It was bold, and could end horribly. It could seriously backfire on her, crushing her into nothingness. But it was an idea. She had to wake him up somehow. Tell him she trusted him with her heart, and remind him he could trust her with his. Enlisting her mom, her Grandma, Sookie, and Miss Patty's reluctant help, she began to make arrangements.

A hectic two weeks later, forty-five minutes early for their date, Rory parked at the Dragonfly, grabbed the bag out of the car, and headed up the steps. Opening the connecting door, she surprised Jess who was exiting the shower. Rory decided to take the initiative right off the bat. Not that Jess could speak. She figured he wouldn't be able to form a complete sentence for at least ten minutes.

"Right now, all of our friends and family are dressing in their finest attire and in an hour will be waiting for us at the bridge," Rory said as Jess's eyes took in the sight of the wedding dress she was wearing. She laid the garment bag on the bed. "You can put your tailcoat on from mom's wedding and come with me to the bridge. You can marry me, or you can stay here. I'll go to the bridge by myself and tell everyone to enjoy the cake, but there won't be a wedding tonight. It doesn't mean there won't ever be a wedding. It means, well, I don't know what it would mean. Jess, I believe in us, in our love, in our future together. You have to decide if you do. No matter what you decide about tonight, I love you, I trust you to do the right things for me and my heart, and I always will. I know it's what you did, what you always have done." Rory pulled the long chain from around her neck and set it on the table. "I've been wearing your ring since mom gave it back to me over a month ago. I'd like you to put it on my finger where it belongs. I'll be downstairs in the lobby. You have forty-five minutes before we, or I, need to leave for the bridge. If you don't come down, I'll know you aren't ready to marry me." Rory left a stunned Jess standing in the bathroom door, wearing nothing but a towel, as she went down the steps to the lobby.

The wait was horrendous. Rory thought she might very well die of fear as the minutes ticked by ever so slow. She fingered her something new teardrop pearl earrings her grandfather had given her. She adjusted the something blue garter. She tried to read, she paced. She made sure her something old silver hair comb was secure in the elaborate twist Emily's hairdresser had created. It had been Luke's grandmother's, and she really didn't want to lose it in the pond. Tristan tried to give her a little handgun for her borrowed item, just in case she needed to persuade Jess to come with her to the bridge. She ended up with an ankle bracelet Sasha had been wearing. The tiny dangling silver bells chimed when she shook her foot. She spent a grand total of three minutes shaking her foot trying to make music. After a half an hour, she almost went back upstairs to listen at the door or to plead. After thirty-five minutes, she had to talk herself out of leaving. And at thirty eight minutes she vomited into a potted plant, thanking God her hair was styled up. She was scrubbing her teeth with a wad of Kleenex, when Jess came silently down the steps. He watched her for a second, confused.

"What are you doing?" he asked, making her jump. She stared at him with shiny eyes. She had been running through her "there isn't going to be a wedding" speech as she tried to clean her teeth. At forty one minutes, she had given up hope. He looked incredible, and he was there. Dressed and ready to go at forty three minutes.

"I vomited," Rory said, not breaking eye contact. Jess sighed, and shook his head. Turning away, he spoke.

"Let me get your toothpaste and toothbrush," he said, taking the steps two at a time and returning swiftly. "Here," he handed her the supplies, including mouthwash. "I'm sorry I took so long, I would have been down faster, but I couldn't get my cuffs buttoned or my tie right. I gave up on the tie." Rory finished brushing her teeth with Michel's imported bottle water, spitting in his garbage can, then threw her arms around Jess's neck, burying her face in his collar. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her, crushing her to his chest.

"It's okay, you weren't late," she said, pulling back and looking into his eyes. "Are you sure? You have to be sure."

"I'm sure, I don't know what I was waiting for, but I think this was it," Jess said, showing her the ring, and sliding it onto her finger. "When I saw it again I knew I was being an idiot. Wasting time. I dried off, dressed, somehow hit a cufflink time warp, realized how close I was cutting it and came down. We don't have wedding bands," he said as he used his thumbs to wipe the tears out from under her eyes. Holding her face, smoothing his fingers across her cheeks.

"Yeah we do, I picked them out for us. We should go, everyone's nervous, maybe not vomit-ey nervous, but waiting. I have to drop you off with Luke, and then go around to the other side of the park. The guests will be sitting on the bank. I had Kirk cut back the brush and Taylor took it another step and cut down a couple of the trees so there's more seating space, and we can get married in the middle. We added a rope railing on the back of the bridge, wrapped in a flower garland and lights. And Luke added a platform for Reverend Skinner to stand on. Hopefully no one will fall in," Rory said, throwing her arms around him again, holding tight. She was trembling.

"It's okay, shhhhh, easy Rory, it's okay. I love you, and I want this. I've wanted this for so long. I lost myself for a while, but I'm back now, we're back now. I love you, and need you by my side always," Jess said in her ear, soothing her.

"But do you trust me with your love? Are you certain?" Rory asked into his neck. Jess pushed up at her chin till she was looking into his eyes.

"Yes. Let's get to the bridge and I'll prove it," he said with a smile.