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Chapter 20

"This house looks like someone has dropped a bomb on it!"

The Doctor almost threw the morning newspaper aside and jumped up from the breakfast table at the sound of Missy's voice and when she appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, the Doctor swallowed hard. "You weren't supposed to be back before tonight."

"Well, I'm back now and I have my doubts you could have cleaned this mess all by yourself. The kitchen is a disaster and-"

Missy broke off and stared at him for a moment before she turned around on her heels and walked up to the bathroom door to have a look inside.

"Ha! I knew it!" Missy came storming back into the kitchen, "You seem to be confusing your underwear with the bathroom carpets."

"I was cooking for Clara last night. I swear, I was going to clean it all up after work today," he argued, but instantly realized that it was no good.

"Don't bother," Missy said and plopped down on one of the kitchen chairs, "As for the underpants, this is my last warning. If I find one more pair lying around the house, you will find a surprise in your wardrobe. I'm not kidding."

"Fine," the Doctor spat back, "Now, do you want me to clean it up after work or not?"

Missy let her gaze wander around the room for a moment. "Nah, it's fine. I've got the day off. I'll do it," she shrugged, "But you can tell me about your date with Clara instead."

The Doctor simply couldn't stop himself from smiling. "Well, we had dinner. We watched one of your silly romantic comedies and we snogged all the way through it. So I guess you could say it went well," he explained and leaned back in his seat. He knew he shouldn't feel proud about it, but he did.

Missy, however, didn't seem to mind him taking pride in it as the smile on her face showed. "Well, well, well, look at you, naughty boy. One of these days you're going to get laid after all."

The Doctor had tried to ban the thought of making love to Clara from his head as best he could, but lately the idea had started to emerge more and more often. In his imagination she was perfect and loving her would be perfect and he couldn't wait for the dream to become reality.

"Hope you're still gonna have underpants when that happens," Missy said matter-of-factly before she reached for his coffee mug and took a large sip.

Clara was nervously pacing the office, waiting for the Doctor to finally show up. Maybe he had overslept? It had gotten rather late last night, but she needed to talk to him before her classes started. Clara couldn't possibly walk around all day, feeling as nervous and agitated as this.

She was making a mess of things and she knew it. Danny, her fiancé, loved her. The Doctor, her oldest crush, loved her. It seemed as if she simply had to choose between being with Danny or being with the Doctor. The casual friendship she had been hoping for wouldn't stay casual for long as last night had proven. Clara needed to stop seeing the Doctor or it would end badly.

Then finally she could hear the door to his office open and Clara instantly stepped through the doorway. When she looked at him, Clara's determination almost faltered at the sight of him. He was the perfect combination of adorable and sexy with his silver curls ruffled by the wind outside and his holey jumper thrown over an immaculate, white shirt. Clara didn't even care that he was so much older than herself – she was undeniably attracted to him. Which was why they couldn't see each other anymore. She had a future with Danny, who was sweet and kind and her own age. She had agreed to marry him and now she was going to see it through. The Doctor was an annoying crush that just wouldn't go away, Danny was solid and he wouldn't disappear out of her life when the mood struck him.

"Oh, good morning, Clara," the Doctor greeted her happily once he had noticed her, "Did you get enough sleep?"

"Yes," she replied instantly, her voice nervous, "No. I've been thinking, Doctor."

The Doctor straightened his back and turned to look at her properly, obviously waiting for her to continue. This was going to be tough, Clara knew it, but it had to be done.

She was having too much fun in the Doctor's company, more fun than she was having with Danny, and that was a dangerous thing. But then why did he make her feel so alive when it was wrong?

"I think we should stop hanging out," she said quietly, unable to look at the Doctor, "I know I said I wanted to keep seeing you, but I don't think that's a good idea."

"We see each other at work every day," the Doctor replied, "That can hardly be avoided."

"I know, but the other stuff can. The having dinner together, watching movies, all of that. We should stop."

"Why?" he asked blatantly, "Because you want to snog me every time you see me?"

"Exactly," Clara spat back, "I am engaged, so what's happening between us isn't right. It has to stop."

To her surprise the Doctor scoffed in reply. "Clara, what's happening between us means there's something terribly wrong with your engagement."

"I know that!" she raised her voice at him, "I know that it's not perfect, but I have made that promise and I intend to keep it. I want to try, Doctor, because Danny deserves that. In fact, he deserves a lot better than me. I was lucky finding a man like him and I should appreciate what I have, not kiss my colleague behind his back."

"You're not gonna be happy with him, Clara," he argued staring straight at her. His eyes were almost pleading. "You can't even stick to wearing his ring."

This time Clara didn't even need to double check and look at her hand. She knew that she wouldn't find her engagement ring where it should be because it was lying on her bedside table.

"I love him," she admitted, her voice small.

"But you also have feelings for me."

Clara simply nodded in reply. That was the sad truth of it. She loved them both and it was an impossible decision to make.

"What do I do?" Clara asked him, "I can't leave Danny for someone who vanished out of my life once before, someone whose name I don't even know. I can't cheat on him. But you-"

She gestured towards him, sighing. "You're not making it easy for me."

"Oh Clara," the Doctor said and took a couple of steps forward before he softly closed his arms behind her back. She loved it when he held her like that. "I never said it was easy."

The way he looked at her, the sadness in his eyes simply melted her heart. A part of her thought that maybe she should be happy because the man she had pined after was loving her back at last, but then Clara remembered Danny and why everything was such a mess.

She went up on tiptoes, placed her hands on the back of his head and brought their lips together for another kiss. The butterflies in her stomach were running wild when their lips touched and Clara knew that she was definitely going to hell for this. At some point she would have to put an end to this. But not today.