Chapter Twenty: A History of Violence
Some women must smile to be beautiful. Some must weep. But with Princess Azula, the true radiance of the sun only shines through her skin when she is vulnerable. Or so Ty Lee thinks, as she looks at a girl whose concerned eyes at the brink of tears that will not flow glimmer like real gold.
The girls whom some of the paintings feature are all gorgeous and in an array of emotions, but none of them quite looks as lovely as the shivering princess.
"Are you okay?" Ty Lee asks, touching Azula, half-expecting to feel the fire of the sun itself. She sits down beside a girl whose ivory skin has gone chalky white yet glows beneath the sheen of sweat. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Everyone has nightmares," snaps Azula, glaring at Ty Lee.
"I'm your wife and I want to make sure you're okay," Ty Lee says softly. She speaks as if to a little, sobbing child and it makes Azula livid. Her resplendent allure morphs into a radiant anger.
"I do not appreciate people taking care of me." Azula turns away but does not walk away.
Ty Lee would hazard a guess that Azula's aversion to affection has to do with her missing mother. Or dead mother. Or whatever the woman is; Ty Lee is not dumb enough to ask about her.
"Do you want to go back to sleep?" Ty Lee asks, trying to sound more detached but just as pleasant. It is the thing she most wants to do.
Azula thinks about it for a moment, thinks about returning to the sleep that the rebels poisoned with nightmares. She then recalls the subject of her latest nightmare—the burning library. It gives her an idea.
"No. I want to go read," Azula says, and Ty Lee smiles.
"You can read in bed, right?" Ty Lee asks, batting her eyelashes.
"I want to go read things I am not supposed to read," says Azula, standing hastily. "You will accompany me, because I would hate to get caught."
"Okay." Ty Lee manages a smile, but the thought strikes terror into her heart.
She cannot afford to defy her father-in-law, even if Azula commands it.
[X]
They sneak into the Dragonbone Catacombs. Ty Lee has to remain a few steps behind her wife, in order to keep a lookout. It certainly scares her, even if she will admit to liking some of the thrill. It has been quite some time since she felt so excited in such a dangerous way.
Azula slips through the aisles until she finds the one she was searching for. She hands an armful of scrolls to Ty Lee and then grabs enough to make a large burden of her own, clearing the shelf.
She edges behind a large statue on the edge of the room and sits down behind it. Lighting two nabbed candles. Ty Lee sits beside her, not sure if she should be looking or not.
"What are these, princess?" Ty Lee whispers, trying to remain meek.
"Souvenirs from Ba Sing Se. They took these all from the library before burning everything else in it. I never asked what was so important about them, but perhaps I should have," quietly replies Azula, grabbing a random one to start.
A slice of fragile parchment falls out of the first scroll she opens.
'Sozin and his armies cannot be blamed for the Conquest of the Earth Kingdom; we were conquered by time itself in the end. All of the wonders we constructed from nothing but stones and words seemed unbreakable, but nothing lasts. Nothing is eternal but time itself. Empires all have expiration dates. Our time was up.'
The scrap is relatively unimportant in Azula's eyes, but she reads it twice anyway, then looks down at the signature for the second time. It intrigues her. Supposedly, it was written by the last Earth King during his captivity, a letter to no one. Azula would blame the comet for the destruction of the Earth Kingdom, but that is just her opinion.
"I bet the Fire Nation has one too," Ty Lee says before realizing the weight of her words. She meant it as a passing comment, voicing words that cross her mind without filtering them. The treasonous overtones are not intentional.
"Yes, yes we do," replies Azula as she sets the paper aside and begins to read what she originally was reaching for. "I can only hope that it happens after I die or I rule the empire that comes after it. That sounds nice, doesn't it?"
Ty Lee thinks about what the rebels told her before she left. She wants to forget their words and forget the task they assigned her, but it is difficult to erase from her mind. Maybe Azula would be their choice of a leader, under the right circumstances.
Does that make Ty Lee power-hungry?
Probably.
[X]
Ty Lee is extremely bored. She lies on her back on the cold stone floor, her legs propped up on the wall. Azula has been reading scrolls for… forever, if you ask Ty Lee, and it is terrible. Not only could they get caught, Azula also has not looked up once for the duration of the stay.
"So, what was your nightmare about?" Ty Lee dares to ask. It does make Azula look at her, although very unkindly. "You don't have to tell me."
"No, no I don't. I do not need to do anything for you," Azula says, somehow crueler than she usually sounds. Ty Lee feels incredibly hurt, but she just smiles.
"You're right," she replies, which is a true statement, albeit one that secretly hurts her heart. "So, what would you name our child?"
"What child?" Azula asks, setting down the scroll now. She only now realizes how much her eyes hurt and how much wax has dripped from the candles.
"Our eventual one," Ty Lee replies, swirling her finger around the ancient floor. "It's going to happen so I just think about things like that, you know? I love babies and I'll love our baby."
This broad smile is genuine. Azula gazes at Ty Lee's expression and wonders how something so mundane and petty could bring so much happiness to someone.
"Oh, I could not possibly care less about that, as long as the name is approved by both myself and my father," Azula replies before returning to the scroll. Ty Lee pouts. Azula catches it out of the corner of her eye and suppress a laugh. "Are you bored?"
"Very," says Ty Lee. She clasps her hands over her lower abdomen. "But I'm going to be here with you for as long as you want."
"Of course you will be," says Azula. "But, I do need to take most of these to my room. Care to help me smuggle them out of here?"
That makes Ty Lee panic internally. She knows she has to do whatever Azula says, but she is very afraid of what will happen if Ozai catches them. Azula would be fine in that instance, but Ty Lee certainly would not be. Or, at least, the people she loves would not be.
Ty Lee picks up the scrolls Azula kicks towards her and stands. Her head spins from dizziness and she stumbles for a few steps before gracefully catching herself. She takes a few deep breathes while Azula gets her bearings and then runs after the princess.
They sneak through the palace. Two fire sages almost catch them, but they make it back to their room.
When Azula shoves the scrolls under her bed and stands back up, she turns to see Ty Lee's shoulders shaking. She thinks Ty Lee is sobbing before her wife no longer can contain herself and bursts into hysterical laughter.
"What?" Azula demands, her own lips twitching. She keeps her composure, unlike Ty Lee, who now is rather red in the face from laughter.
"That was just really exciting," Ty Lee admits. Her laughter slows to a stop.
Azula slowly shakes her head.
Once Ty Lee catches her breath, she cannot help but stare at Azula, and the Monster of the West returns the gaze.
Ty Lee kisses her and then hastily pulls back.
If she was not confused before, she is now.
[X]
Later that morning, Mai sits down at the pier. It is at its busiest hour and so she blends in. Even her guards do not attract much attention, and they certainly cannot overhear any conversation between Mai and her bodyguard.
"I hate this place. It's loud and smells weird and seagulls are a disgusting animal," Mai remarks, which is rather kind and generous of her.
June sits down beside the woman she is to protect, not caring if protocol insists she remain standing unless the Fire Lady instructs otherwise.
"Then why did you ask to come?" June inquires. She is not too thrilled about being here either, but she has to accompany Mai wherever. The minute Mai asked the Fire Lord about this, however, June wanted to scream.
Mai shakes her head. "I have no fucking idea. Honestly, I just wanted to be anywhere but in that palace. I wish I was back at war in the Colony Kingdom. It was less tense."
June laughs as if that was a joke. Mai was completely serious.
"I get that," June earnestly says. "The stress just kinda seeps out of the walls. It almost infects me, and I don't think I've ever been stressed out."
"I was cut out for fighting, not being Fire Lady. I'm horrible at it and it's boring."
"I don't see what can be so hard. Or, uh, what you're horrible at, I mean." June did mean that, at least mostly.
"All of it. The political part, the romantic part, the having children part." The third is remarkably hard for Mai to say. She does not know why. Perhaps she has even fooled herself into believing that it does not affect her.
"The last one is why you're so mad about Claws, isn't it?" asks June, wondering how she got into this. Oh, right, the fact that she would be dead if she did not accept this dreadful job.
"Yes." Mai does not say another word.
She does not talk about her feelings, since everyone in the world must be under the impression that she does not have them. Mai put far too much effort into that reputation to break it over something as petty as five miscarriages.
At least some part of her ought to remain formidable.
[X]
Azula kneels with her scrolls, still enraptured by them. She slowly unravels why each piece was taken from Ba Sing Se. The first is a written history detailing much of what the Fire Nation erased during its conquest. Stacks of census data must have been invaluable in the tight regulation of the colonies and their union into the Colony Kingdom. Other things that help run an empire.
But what is interesting are the scrolls that were taken from some library in the desert. They detail much more unnerving things. An eclipse. A comet. Azula does not believe in Sozin's Comet, just like everyone else raised on faerie tales they are clever enough to question. He had superior armies and caught everyone by surprise. The stories of a divine rock of fire in the sky seem unlikely at best.
But the eclipse worries Azula. She finds an entire record of the Day of Black Sun. It is not pretty.
She reads a few other notes, ones about the Water Tribes - finding their weaknesses since they resist so fiercely - and yet another document of possible Fire Nation weaknesses.
Finding that library would not be unwise, but Azula is an important political figure who cannot run off and have adventures.
Ty Lee walks in and Azula shrieks.
"I didn't mean to surprise you. Have you been reading?" Ty Lee's words are innocent but turn Azula's blood to ice.
"These are not as enlightening as I had hoped they would be," Azula lies, sliding the scrolls back under her bed. She expected to have a revelation or two, but instead she just feels icky.
Ty Lee peels her eyes from the door for the first time since Azula got them out.
"Oh, but, love, you're the smartest person I know," Ty Lee says earnestly, furrowing her brow. Her eyes plead for Azula to return the scrolls to their resting place, but she will not do it.
"I see no value in them," Azula replies. "I thought they would be more exciting, but they are just a chronological history of the Earth Kingdom. They were rescued to preserve the history of an empire, yes, but I see no reason in keeping that history around when we obliterated it."
Azula picks at the brand on her arm. It stopped being sore some time ago, but she makes it ache every so often by tearing at it with her nails. Ty Lee watches the habit, transfixed for a few moments.
"Can you really obliterate history?" Ty Lee asks, keeping her voice light and airy.
Yet, Azula sees through it. "I used to like stupid girls for a variety of reasons. The only problem with them was being forced to talk to them. They would talk and talk and talk and it would bore me to tears. You are not exactly like them; sometimes you say very profound things, and I think I prefer listening to you drone about birds or make-up or something else not worth my time."
"Thank you?" Ty Lee squints; she does not know if that is a compliment or not. Azula gives no indication, so she moves on. "I don't mean to offend anyone or anything. I just wonder if you can just erase something as long as those scrolls."
"I found them slightly interesting," Azula lies. She wonders if anyone remembers half of what is written on this dusty parchment. That would be bad.
Maybe Azula understands why it has always been so difficult to keep the people of the Colony Kingdom in line. Maybe Azula understands why her father needs to invade and further dominate the protectorates built on top of the towns and cities Sozin burned to ashes.
She stands up.
Much of what she feels after reading the stories, names and monumental events is difficult to decipher.
She thinks she feels true pity for the first time in her life.
There is not much of a difference between the fallen Earth Kingdom and the powerful Fire Nation when it comes down to the basics.
And it does not take much. A mythical comet for the Earth Kingdom; a legend of an eclipse for the Fire Nation.
[X]
Ozai seems to be hiding much from Azula, but when she attends the war meeting, she finds that he behaves the same way towards everyone else. He has something on his mind, and Azula doubts it is the legend of the darkest day in Fire Nation history or the myth of Sozin's Comet.
"You did not have much to add to our meetings, did you?" Ozai says to his daughter. They had been speaking about the forthcoming invasion of the Colony Kingdom with important figures, and she was not his perfect, clever weapon.
"Nothing needed to be said," Azula lies, and he believes her. The truth is, there were a thousand things she wanted to point out but the words stuck in her throat.
Those scrolls have made her uncomfortable in a number of ways. The fact that she cannot fathom exactly how or why is salt in the wounds. Why should she care about the history of a dead kingdom?
She tries to push it to the back of her mind but cannot.
Speaking of the eclipse would make her sound ridiculous, and they would question where she found the information.
[X]
Azula heads to the gym to train after her disappointing strategy meeting. To her surprise, her wife is there fighting three guys at the same time. Her punches fly so swiftly that Azula feels the same kind of impressed she was back at that destroyed factory.
"Want to spar with me?" asks Ty Lee as soon as she sees Azula. She walks to the edge of the ring and smiles dreamily at her wife.
"I would love to," says Azula, climbing up and turning to face her wife.
She takes a few steps back and lights her palms.
Ty Lee clenches her fists.
They run at each other.
[X]
It is Round Five and Azula must admit she has never found a better sparring partner. Due to the fact that Azula is astronomically better at fighting than anyone else, she has never been able to get this engaged in combat. She finds it exhilarating; so does Ty Lee.
After one dodge, Azula spins and it takes her a moment too long to find her opponent again. Ty Lee comes down on Azula's shoulder, but Azula turns swiftly, forcing her knee against Ty Lee and knocking her off balance a step. Azula pushes Ty Lee backwards by the shoulders and does not draw any fire. She catches Ty Lee instead, with one arm, and pulls her into a kiss.
It seems like the right thing to do. No; it is purely impulsive, but Azula would never admit to such a thing. Ty Lee responds to it so passionately that it shocks that Monster of the West. She did not expect that.
Azula reaches for Ty Lee's neck before she realizes what she is doing and rescinds the gesture. She instead breaks the kiss and steps back. Despite Ty Lee's thorough support and admiration, Ty Lee will never be fully interested in Azula and Azula has accepted that.
"This was really fun," Ty Lee brightly says, as if those are supposed to be the right words.
They are wrong. Azula does not know what the proper ones are, necessarily, but they certainly are not those.
"It was a distraction," Azula says, and those are not the right words either.
"Right," Ty Lee agrees, but she looks hurt. Hurt? Azula does not know why Ty Lee would be so disappointed when she is allegedly uninterested in a romantic way.
It seems she and Ty Lee cannot have an uncomplicated moment.
This relationship tires Azula to no end, but it intrigues her all the same.