Doing This For...
As the TARDIS did her thing, moved through lots of time and lots of space, made her noises and joyfully brought herself and her Time Lord to a distant locale, the Doctor stared at the gears and sighed. If he had just had the presence of mind to keep Martha away from the nuns, none of this would be happening. Actually, he had had the presence of mind, but he hadn't done it for some reason, hadn't overruled her, or even asked for any serious reconsideration. Why not?
Because Martha had believed that the nuns were going to reconstitute the consciousness of a living thing, and that that was a good thing. To save a life, to bring love and bravery and wisdom back from oblivion... how could she not agree to do it? In fact, nearly every move she made was for the greater good - most certainly her choice of profession.
He might even argue that her choice to travel with him was for the greater good, even though he knew very well that she had had ulterior motives.
But when she had come back into the convention complex to face the Lazarus monster, after she had escaped free and clear, had that been just because she loved him? Just to be near him or further her relationship with him? Could anyone really risk their lives that way just on the off-chance that someone they fancied might notice? Or was it a deeper drive to take down something that could wreak havoc on humanity?
When she had run to the crew of the Pentallian, and against all logical evidence, demanded that they dump their fuel, had that been just for him? Or had it been compassion? The need to right a wrong done to a heavenly body, a sun that had been strip-mined and cut to pieces?
And caring for him for months in 1913, taking all manner of abuse from people who thought she was inferior to them (including him), and quietly watching him fall quickly and foolishly in love with an admittedly clever, but cold, woman...
That certainly could not have been a selfish act. Sure, he understood that she did it for love, but he also knew that she comprehended the implications of what they were doing better than any human he knew. She hadn't interefered with the natural order of things, no matter how much she wanted to shout at every person who treated her as subordinate and sub-standard. She hadn't interfered because she knew they needed to hide, she knew that historical events were in motion and at risk, and she knew that the Family of Blood could destroy the universe if they got hold of the consciousness of a Time Lord.
"She did it for the universe," he uttered absently. "For herself. For me. She did it for love."
She did it for love was so completely true, such a well-rounded statement, some of it having nothing to do with him.
The TARDIS stopped moving - they had reached their destination.
He didn't move for a moment.
Clearly, she was a great woman with or without him. But he couldn't help but feel in this moment that her bravery and her feelings for him were intertwined. Questions about Martha's motivations almost could not be answered without bringing up both, and realising that perhaps it all comes from the same wonderful wellspring inside of her. And by the same token, he thought, his bravery was intertwined with his companion. All of his companions.
Truly, he shared a bond with all of them, most recently with Martha. But in the time he had spent with Martha, he never felt, except for maybe once before, that he was doing it for her. And thinking back on their time in 1913, how she had done it for love, he wished he could say...
...well, that was just it. Something was bugging him, something at the tip of his mind that just wouldn't come to fruition. Something was unfinished, left dangling somehow, and it was knocking at him from the inside, begging to be made whole. If he could just see it...
But, it was time for action now, not for contemplation. He had to save Martha, lovely Martha, whom he had spent so much of the past few weeks thinking about, and so little time actually seeing. He felt a pang, but tried to shake it off as he approached the TARDIS door and stepped out.
Though, he found that he couldn't shake it off. He was unexpectedly accosted by emotion now, seeing this hallway, the cold phosphorescent lights, the dull brown door. Seeing it brought it all home once more, but in a new way. He was here to pull someone else into the fray, because when the going gets tough, on needs one's companion. But what does one do when one's companion is in peril, and one has tried nearly everything to get her out?
Dr. LeDohn Secopor heard something like the echoing sound of an accordion with asthma, and a minute or so later, he heard the knock at his door. Of course, he had anticipated the knock; he'd known that the strange noise had been that of the TARDIS, signalling the Doctor's arrival.
His heart had begun to pound and he could feel all parts of his face and his neck filling with blood. The presence of the Doctor indicated embarkation on an adventure of sorts, and Professor Secopor was so not ready for the Doctor's brand of adventure! But, wasn't he? Couldn't he spare some of his undoubtedly dormant valiance to help out a legend, and bring Martha Jones out of danger?
"Enter," commanded Secopor, and the Doctor obeyed without hesitation.
"Sorry to bother you again, Professor," the Doctor said brusquely. He shut the door behind him and sat down in the chair across from Secopor.
Secopor smiled. "It's no bother. I'm... I'm... well, I'm glad to see you." It seemed that several million possible descriptive words went through his mind on those few seconds while he was pausing, and all of them seemed either gushy or vaguely disturbing... either way, he didn't want to be off-putting to a Time Lord.
"I have a job to do," the Doctor tried to explain, looking at a spot on the floor, contemplatively. "I always have a job to do, in some form or other. It's lonely work, and it's why I travel always with a companion, you know?"
"I do know," Secopor answered. "I've studied you for years."
"Right. And it's not just because it's lonely work," the Doctor continued. "It's hard work, and sometimes I need backup. In fact, the TARDIS is made for a crew, but since it's stolen, I've never felt that I should... well, anyway. It's hard work, and I can't do it alone."
"I see."
The Doctor frowned at the floor and took a pause. The room was silent for a few minutes. The Time Lord's face was inscrutable. Secopor could not tell whether he was gathering his thoughts, or whether he had shut down completely.
The Doctor hadn't meant to say any of this, but suddenly there it was, like an unexpected bout of illness.
"I travel with people, mostly literally... humans. Most of them are humans," the Doctor said,rather more loudly than necessary. "They become my companions, my best friends in all of space and time. I'm an old bloke, and I've had a lot of travelling companions, but when you consider how many beings there are in existence across the cosmos, across the millennia, my friends are relatively few and far between. It's not a common thing to be chosen by me."
"I know that, Doctor. It's an honour, really."
The Doctor made eye contact for the first time since entering the room. "I choose people like you sometimes, Professor. Or rather... I suppose I should more often choose people like you."
"Meaning?"
There was a pause, and then, "Oh, just that you're clever, and you're a nice bloke, and you'd make a good mate for me, but you're not..." And then the Doctor's eyes went wide, and he seemed to remember himself somehow. It was as if he was suddenly realising just where he was.
"But I'm not what?"
For a few seconds, the Doctor gaped at Secopor, and seemed unable to speak.
"Doctor, are you all right?"
The Doctor smiled then, and gave a little chuckle. "Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I think I am."
"Care to finish that thought?"
The Doctor looked around the room and took a cleansing breath. "Hm. Maybe someday. But... you know, what? I'm sorry. Sorry I brought it up."
"Er, okay," Secopor responded, just a bit disappointed that he wasn't going to get another glimpse into the Doctor's brain. Some kind of personal epiphany seemed to be dawning, and Secopor wanted to know more, be a part of it. "Anyway, I suppose what I started to say was... I travel with backup. But I asked myself, what happens when I need backup to help me rescue my usual backup?"
Secopor chuckled. "Oh, I see. You need a second stringer."
"Exactly. Will you be my second stringer?"
"I thought you'd never ask!" The Professor got excitedly to his feet.
"But, just so we're clear," the Doctor said, stopping him before he could come bounding around his desk like a child. "You're not a replacement."
"I understand. I wouldn't expect to be."
The Doctor stopped for a moment, once again becoming contemplative, staring at something on the bare wall. "You see... Martha and I are very close. Sometimes I become close with my friends that way and..." and then he chuckled again.
After a pause, Secopor said, "Doctor, I really wish you would finish your sentences."
"Yeah, you're not the first person to tell me that," the Doctor replied, and he ushered his new, temporary partner out the door and into the TARDIS. He dug right onto the console controls, trying to avoid the man's eye. But he wasn't very good at hiding his feelings, and he could see by the way Secopor was looking at him, that the professor was onto him somehow.
He looked at Secopor and said, earnestly. "I'm doing this for her."
"I know," the man said with a soft smile.
"I'm doing it for... her. Yes."
"So what do you think, Professor?" the Doctor asked.
Secopor had been staring at the computer screen on the console for quite some time. The Doctor had asked the TARDIS to translate her display for the Professor, but the brilliant human still looked perplexed.
"Why are you asking me?" he asked, shrugging emphatically, like a child who had been asked why he'd stolen a biscuit from the tin.
"Because you're an expert in these matters."
"So are you! You're an expert in all matters!" the Professor all but shouted. "And it's your bloody TARDIS!"
"But you've devoted your life to this, and besides, I just need a sounding board, Professor," the Doctor said. "Like before, when we were talking theory, except now, it's practise. It's tangible! Can you read the screen, see what's what?"
"Yes, but..."
"Just tell me your thoughts. I don't want to mess this up. A soul is a fragile thing. Even Martha's."
"Okay, well, from what I can see, your TARDIS is hardly the worse for wear," said Secopor. "I mean, if this purple bar here is an indicator of soul energy, not just intelligence, but sentience, feeling, what we might call humanity if she were human... I mean, she must have great, vast stores of the stuff, because having her hooked up to a soul-stealing mainframe didn't seem to hurt her much at all."
"Good, good," the Doctor commented. He already knew this, but he was, nonetheless, glad to hear someone confirm it. "So, Professor, while I was imprisoned in the complex, I had an epiphany. And I'm not sure why it took me so long."
"What's that?"
"Well, you and I have been saying that it might be impossible to separate Martha's soul from the soul of Asmei and the collective consciousness of the women because once different energies are mixed, they are mixed forever, like liquids. The laws of physics will not allow us to save her... even though, disturbingly, the first law of thermodynamics doesn't happen to apply to soul energy. That actually makes things a lot scarier."
"Yes, it does."
"Defying the laws of physics is always scary. And frustrating, as it turns out, because that is the only one we can break inside that complex, and it puts so much at stake! It puts all souls at stake! But, you said the only way to extract entwining energies from one another is if they are housed in a receptacle that exists outside of time and space, therefore, the laws of physics don't apply."
"Right."
The Doctor paused for effect, and to see if Secopor would come to the same conclusion on his own. After a few moments, he gestured to the TARDIS console. Secopor's face lit up. "Oh!" he exclaimed.
"She is a receptacle of energy," the Doctor said. "The Vortex, souls, regeneration, pure data, emotion, you name it, she's got it in there, and it all twists about like energy soup. But..."
"Her heart exists outside of time and space!" Secopor exclaimed, getting to his feet, jutting his index finger in the air like the professor he was.
"Exactly."
"Oh, Doctor," Secopor said, almost with a whine, but a happy whine. "I totally understand now why my knowledge is theoretical! This is the only time I have ever been privy to even the idea of a receptacle that could exist outside of time and space, even though I've been reading up on you for years. I never put it together! It took a Time Lord!"
"Well, as with most things in my life, it took a Time Lord and a human to do it right. So, thanks."
"Do not thank me, Doctor! You have made my entire life with this little journey!"
The Doctor felt oddly melancholy hearing LeDohn Secopor gushing this way. It simply reminded him that this real companion was lost to him for the moment, and the process of getting her back was, and had been, daunting indeed.
"Are you all right, Doctor?" Secopor asked, noticing that the Doctor was staring at him with a deep, forlorn look in his eye.
"I'm fine," he answered unconvicingly.
Secopor smiled slightly and sighed. "We'll get her out, Doctor," said the Professor. "She's going to be okay. Remember when you first said her name to me? Do you remember what I said to you."
"No, I don't."
"You said Martha Jones, and I said 'the physician.' It means she eventually..."
"The future can be changed, Professor. A person's time line can change."
"Listen, Doctor," said Secopor. "As I've been saying, I know a little about you. I know that by this point in your life, you're all about the doom and gloom. I know it's because you've seen too much and you know too much. You know how things work, and it makes it harder to be optimistic."
"Yeah."
"Well, get over it."
"What?"
Secopor, rather uncharacterisically, the Doctor felt, took three steps forward and came toe-to-toe with the Time Lord in his TARDIS. "You heard me. Get over it. Get out of your head for a minute and remember that Martha Jones needs you. Your friend, Martha, needs you. She needs to be able to go back to her own time with her own family and she needs to eventually finish medical school. And to quote you, just like with most things in her life and yours, it's going to take a Time Lord and a human to do it right. And I'm here to be your wing-man in the absence of another human, but there's only one Time Lord, so buck up."
The Doctor crossed his arms over his chest and cleared his throat uneasily. "Okay. I hear you."
"I'm sorry Doctor, but you've been alone too long. You're too entrenched in your own rubbish with no one to bring you back to reality."
"You're right about that. Thanks."
The Professor straightened his tweed coat and returned to the leather seat by the computer. "You're welcome."
"I wish I'd met you a long time ago."
Secopor smiled. "You said you should choose humans like me more often."
"Brilliant ones who aren't afraid to tell me off." The Doctor smiled in spite of himself.
"But who aren't beautiful and lovelorn, and who don't give you all sorts of complicated feelings?" asked the Professor with a smirk.
The Doctor opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out.