So, I feel like the next two chapters need to be posted close together...you'll see why. So here you go, chapter 19. On Friday you'll get chapter 20.

Chapter 19

Unravelling…

Saturday was a whirlwind of excitement. To begin the day, it was the Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw to see who would face Slytherin for the cup. Harry caught the snitch and won the match despite the attempted distraction by a few members of the Slytherin team. A couple of them had walked on to the field in oversized cloaks pretending to be Dementors. Harry's Patronus knocked them off their feet, literally.

That night saw a different kind of excitement. Sirius had broken into the castle again, and this time he managed to get into Gryffindor Tower. Ron had woken with quite a fright to find Sirius standing over him with a knife. The whole castle was searched again, I even tried the Room of Requirement, but he wasn't found.

"Do you still think him innocent?" Remus asked me quietly after we reported our lack of findings to the Headmaster.

I looked at Remus, but said nothing as my eyes filled with tears. I wanted to believe Sirius was innocent; I wanted to believe that there was no way he would have betrayed James, but his actions weren't helping his case. I walked away from Remus without a word.

Apart from his snide comment after Sirius' break in, Remus and I remained on non-speaking terms. I figured he would let me know when he was ready to talk about what happened between us. Until then I'd wait it out.

It was misery. Nothing happened for two weeks. Nothing. Then finally, on Friday I received an owl from him. It was simple and to the point.

I think it's time

Saturday. My office.

11:00

I was at breakfast that morning when the letter arrived. I looked down the table and caught his eye. I gave him a solitary nod to let him know I'd be there, and he quickly diverted his eyes afterwards.

Saturday was a Hogsmeade day so the students would be gone. More importantly, Jonathan would be gone.

26 February 1994

I stood just outside Remus' office on Saturday morning at 10:59. I watched from the courtyard as Jonathan walked with the twins and Lee towards Hogsmeade, then I went to his office. I knew Remus was already inside; I could hear the sonophone playing. It was a Chimera song, but I didn't recognize it. I heard the distant strike of the clock tower and knew it was time. I took a deep breath before stepping around the corner and tapping lightly on the door. Remus looked up at me. With a flick of his wrist the music stopped.

"Tea?" he asked, waving me in.

"I wouldn't say no to something stronger if you have it."

He simply raised his eyebrows in a disapproving manner. He never was much of a drinker. I wasn't either usually, but sometimes a little kick was needed.

"Tea will be fine," I said. "Strong. And…"

"Black. I remember." He tapped his wand to his kettle and it started steaming. We each fixed our cups and took a sip before sitting in an awkward silence.

"So… you want to talk about what happened?" I said slowly.

"No. I know what happened."

Really? Then maybe you can tell me because I'm still not sure where it all went wrong.

"I want to know how it got to this." He waved his hand in my direction. "How did it get to the point where you don't recognize your own name?"

"I recognize my name just fine. It's simply a name you're not familiar with," I bit back before sighing.

I closed my eyes, and with a shaky breath I slowly let the illusion fall away. I know it's not true, but I could almost feel the scars as they etched over my skin. When I opened my eyes again it was to find him watching me with a sort of morbid fascination. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

"There was a small… fragment of me that hoped I was wrong, that this… that you weren't really… but this… this solidifies it, doesn't it."

I nodded, though it was unnecessary. "If there's anything you want to know, Remus, just ask."

"There's a lot I wish to know. But I guess mainly, right now, I just want to know how? Why?"

"Well, the how is actually quite simple. McGonagall described it as an 'exceptional talent for transfiguration.' Lift the cheek bone a little, tweak the nose…"

As I spoke I applied the enchantment. "A few minor adjustments here and there. As far as the scars are concerned, a simple but strong illusion charm hides them even from me. I can't change pigmentation so the eyes stay the same. The Muggles have these colored lenses, contacts they call them. I tried them once, but they just irritated my eyes too much."

"What about your hair? It's lighter than it was in school."

"Yours is a bit lighter too," I teased but he didn't smile. "A hair coloring solution, bought in a box from a Muggle store, and sealed with a charm to make it last. I've experimented with it over the years a bit. It's been lighter or darker depending on what I was feeling at the moment."

"And you said Jonathan doesn't know about this…illusion?"

I bit my lip to hold the tears back as I shook my head.

"He's never met Kate. Well…he has, but he was too young to remember her. When he got to the age where he started retaining memories, I made a choice. And I chose Katherine."

"Why"

"Because…" I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. "It was easier… It was easier to pretend that I was happy… that I'd be all right. It was easier than waking up every morning, looking in the mirror, and being reminded of everything I'd lost. Katherine was strong. And the longer I pretended I really was Katherine, then the stronger I actually felt."

There was a moment of silence, in which I wiped the tears from my eyes. I was sure there was more to come, however. We were just getting started.

Finally Remus asked, sounding as though it was hard for him to do so, "Why did you create the illusion in the first place?"

"Because… it was necessary," I said. I took a deep breath before continuing.

"After I left…our place, I went to James and Lily's. I stayed with them for a bit, in their spare room. But they were newlyweds…and they were happy…and it hurt too much to be near them for long. I was happy for them. God! I was so happy for them, and Merlin knows they deserved it. After everything James went through to get her and after everything Lily had to put up with, they deserved their happiness. But, I… I wanted what they had, and I was slowly…very slowly, beginning to realize that I wasn't going to have it. Not with you at least, and it if wasn't with you…I didn't want it.

"So… after about two months of living with them, I decided it was time to move out. But James didn't want to let me go."

"Why not?" he asked.

April 1979

"Oi! Wormtail, help Kate with the plates!"

I rolled my eyes as I headed towards the cupboard. "I can handle a few plates, James. How many times do I have to tell you, I'm pregnant not an invalid."

"Eh—you know James, Kate," Peter said as he followed me. "He's never going to change. It's best to just go with it sometimes. Here, you grab the plates, and I'll pretend I'm helping."

Peter smiled and I couldn't help but smile a bit too. I pulled the plates from the cupboard and handed them to Peter. I was reaching for the last plate when I suddenly grabbed my belly and called out in shock.

"Oh!"

"Kate?" Peter quickly levitated the plates to attend to me.

"I'm all right. He's just kicking 's all."

"He?"

"Or she I suppose. I don't really know. One thing is for certain, however; they're excited at the prospect of food."

"Who wouldn't be?" Peter quipped, making me laugh lightly.

I looked up at him. "Do you want to feel?"

"What?"

"The baby kicking, do you want to feel it?"

"Er—I—uh…"

I grabbed his hand and placed it on my swollen abdomen. The baby gave a particularly strong kick and Peter grimaced and laughed nervously.

"He likes you," I said.

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"Well…it's not exactly comfortable, but I wouldn't say it hurts. Any discomfort is over ridden by the joy of knowing that I am creating a precious child inside me."

"Oi! Where are those plates? I'm hungry," Sirius said as he came in the room.

"Really, Black? You're hungry?" I asked.

"Famished actually. I don't know what it is, but it feels like I've been eating for two lately. You know, I think it may be sympathy eating." He gave a cheesy grin.

"Cute, Black."

"I think the word you're looking for there is 'devastatingly handsome.'"

"That's two words," Peter pointed out.

Sirius ignored him however as he threw his arm around my neck and tugged me towards the table, leaving Peter to carry the plates alone.

We sat down to dinner as we usually did. I was between Sirius and James and across from Lily. Conversation carried on easily. We didn't talk about the war going on outside, and whenever someone came close to doing so, James made a quick shushing noise while his eyes flashed between me and whoever had said it.

After dinner we moved into the lounge. As the night drew on, I withdrew into myself more. To be honest, I never really said much these days. I never laughed much, never smiled much. The moment by the plate cupboard had been a rare one. I was always aware of the missing body in the room. James, Sirius, and even Peter all tried to distract me from it, but the emptiness was always there. It didn't help matters that every time I looked at James and Lily I was reminded of what I was missing. Unfortunately as the night drew on, and I drew in, they drew closer. Until, eventually, it was too much.

"I think it's time I move out," I blurted suddenly, cutting over whatever Sirius had been saying. The room fell silent as everyone looked my way.

"Sorry, Sirius, I didn't mean to…"

"It's alright, Kate. I was finished anyway."

I didn't think that was true, but I knew it was futile to argue. I looked towards James and Lily, James was tight lipped, but Lily smiled sympathetically.

"You don't have to go anywhere, Kate," she said.

"I know I don't have to leave, but I think I need to leave. I love you guys, so much…" I fought against tears which had suddenly appeared. Bloody hormones. "But I… I don't want to be a burden anymore."

"You're not a burden, Kate. We love having you here."

"Yes, I know, but…" How could I possibly tell them that their happiness caused me pain?

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be on your own, Kate," James said at last.

"James," I began with a sigh but he seemed to know what I was going to say.

"It has nothing to do with the fact that you're five months pregnant."

I shot a look at him that said otherwise.

"Ok, maybe a little then… still, I don't think you should leave. It's…. it's not…safe out there."

"Wars aren't known for their safety, James."

"He means—ugh…" Peter was cut off by an invisible blow to the stomach cast by Sirius.

"He means what?" I asked, turning to James.

"Nothing," he said shaking his head.

"Come on, James; you can't keep her out of this war indefinitely, and she's stronger than you think," Peter argued in a manner that was very uncharacteristic of him.

Sirius sighed. "I hate to say it, Prongs, but I agree with Pete. I think she needs to know."

Lily took hold of James' hand in support and nodded her consent. James sighed; the argument had been lost.

"We have reason to believe that there is a spy in the Order," Lily said.

"A spy?" I asked.

She nodded. "Certain information has been slipped to the Death Eaters."

"Information about me?" A slow panic began to rise in me. If my Father found out I had conceived a child with a werewolf, he'd stop at nothing to kill me and my unborn child.

"No," Lily said quickly. "No one knows about your pregnancy but the four of us.

"Then what does a spy have to do with my safety?"

There was a tense silence before Peter spoke up.

"We think it's Moony."

"You think… What? Remus? Our Remus?"

"Do you know any other Moony?" Peter asked but immediately looked like he regretted it.

"No. No, you're wrong. Remus wouldn't…"

"Kate…"

"Why? What possible reason could you have to think it was Remus?"

"He got you pregnant and then left you!" James said angrily.

"I. Left. Him," I said, enunciating each word carefully. "And he didn't get me pregnant, James… Maliciously," I added. "I was an active and a very willing participant in the matter."

I was struggling to breath and I felt a bad case of heartburn coming on, so I pushed myself off the couch and began to pace.

"He… he's not it," I insisted. "He's not the spy. He can't be. I won't believe it. No. I won't. And there's nothing… Nothing you can say to me that will convince me otherwise."

"Why do you defend him, Kate?!" James nearly yelled as he stood and walked to the other side of the room. "Why? After all the grief he's caused you, do you still defend him?"

"Because I lo…" I choked on my words with a great tearful sob. "I love… him, James. I love him, and that won't ever change. And I know… I know he still loves me… somewhere… He couldn't be the spy."

"May…maybe he's under the Imperious Curse?" Peter suggested.

I couldn't keep my emotions back anymore; my tears burst forth like a breaking dam. Sirius, being the closest to me, leapt from his seat and cradled me to his chest. I clung tightly to his robes. It felt like my world was slowly unravelling at the seams.

Another sad finish, I know. I'm sorry. The conclusion of Katherine and Remus' "talk" will be available on Friday.