*RAE'S POV*
We arrived back at mine, and Finn and I just walked into my bedroom, me closing the door behind us; and then I walked over to the cassette player, turning off the mixed tape. Finn walked over to my bed, sitting down, and I ran a hand lazily through my hair, before making my way over to him; sitting down beside him,
"You okay?" I mumbled.
Finn sniffed and he nodded, keeping his gaze low. He reached for my hand, entwining our fingers as he did, and he let out a soft sigh,
"I just... I love ya, Rae. Y'know?" He finally looked up at me, and I nodded giving him a small smile,
"I know you do, Finn. And I love you, too." I squeezed his hand gently.
Finn began to draw circles on the back of my hand, and my eyes slowly averted down, watching his finger as he did. I sighed softly, leaning close and kissing his shoulder softly,
"I think we need a proper chat, Finn. Let's get everything out in the open, and then we can move on from this. Yeah?"
As he looked up at me, I raised my eyebrows up in a questioning glance, and then he smiled small, nodding with agreement,
"You wanna go first?" He murmured, bringing our entwined hands up, and he kissed my knuckles softly.
Sniffing slightly, I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, and I nodded slowly,
"O-Okay…" I hesitated, watching Finn as he watched me closely. I let out a deep sigh, before I began to speak. "Before you told me you loved me, I was still recovering, Finn. I wasn't completely fixed, and in a way, I never will be. And throughout the time I've come out of the hospital, and I've gotten to know you guys, I've been discovering who I used to be, and who I've matured into. And… I kinda kept becoming sceptical of the new me. Because I felt like it wasn't me. Y'know? I felt like I wasn't allowed to become someone better than who I was before I went into the hospital. I felt like I needed to be punished, because of what I did to myself." I closed my eyes. "I had a crush on some nerdy guy, and I finally started feeling normal. I was feeling human emotions and I was starting to feel something, other than just darkness and confusion. I hadn't been outside properly for months, and I didn't understand the world anymore. Everything felt like a lie to me, and I couldn't quite figure out why. And then when I discovered that Archie was actually gay, I felt like everything was coming crashing down again. I felt that dark place slowly comin' back, because I felt like a joke. I-I can't explain it. When you came over the next mornin' and you talked to me. You even made me smile." I let out a small laugh, opening my eyes and looking at Finn, whom was smiling small at me. "Then-then I found a friendship. A friendship like I used to have with Chloe, and I cherished it. Then I started fancyin' some cocky twat, and it turns out, he somehow liked me too. And whenever I used to wonder, I'd ask myself why. 'Why would someone as fit as him like me? There's nothin' appealing about me'. Y'know? But after time, we grew closer and I saw hope. But this ain't about you and I, and you know all this anyway. I just. I write, Finn. It was an assignment and it was an escapism for me. A place to write without being judged, like everybody in the world seemed to do. And sometimes I'm a bit too honest, and sometimes I get the feeling to do somethin' dark, and I can't help it, I'm broken, Finn. And you, and mum and Kester, you're all tryin' to help me. And you all are. In your own little way."
I stopped talking and I stared at Finn, whom was staring at me in awe. He leaned forward, pecking my lips softly, before clearing his throat quietly and licking his lips,
"Rae, I… You know I'm no good with words. But I'm-I'm gonna try. Cause this is important, and I need ya to know the truth. About what I think about ya, about me and everythin' else. Alright?" I nodded at him. "I think… that sometimes… you tend to feel like a glass house. Like you feel so transparent, that ya don't know how to be you. When you're at your therapy sessions, I bet ya don't mind looking so transparent when it's just you and Kester. But like, when you're with the gang, and that time at the pool party. I watched ya. I watched the way your face fell, when your darkest secret was revealed. I watched ya closely, and I could practically hear your heart pounding out of your chest. But we ain't bastards, Rae. We ain't gonna judge ya, cause we ain't like that. We love ya and I love ya more. Because, I know that right now, I probably sound like Kester, and you're probably wanting to roll your eyes at me right now…" I laughed, and Finn let out a small laugh too. "But seriously, I watch people, Rae. Just like you do, and like Kester does. But you… you were always hard to read, because you were so closed, and I couldn't figure out why. Once we started getting along and I finally accepted you in the group, I could see how talented, smart and beautiful you are. Because you are, Rae. You're amazing, and I love ya. I really, really do."
I smiled at him,
"You always say that." I confessed.
Finn shrugged slightly,
"Must mean that I mean it then, don't it?"
I nodded silently, staring up at him and then I sighed softly,
"I can't promise that it'll be easy, Finn. Like I said, I can't be fixed. Not straight away, anyway. It's gonna take, and-and you're gonna have to be patient. Y'know?"
Finn squeezed my hands gently,
"Rae… I'm in this for the long run. I'm here to help ya, and care for ya. It's what I'm here for."
I sniffed slightly,
"Thank you." I whispered, before leaning forward and kissing his lips softly once.
Later that day, Finn and I decided that it'd be best if we all went to the pub. The both of us needed normality, and we both needed a distraction.
"So, Raemundo?" Chop called over, after all the laughter died down.
I looked at him and raised my eyebrows at him,
"Yeah?"
"Finny Boy told me that your mate Tix is awake. That's great news!" I smiled at him, my heart warming at his words. "When do we get t'meet 'er then?"
"Uh… I don't think she's well enough yet." I nodded telling him. I don't think she's ready for the big, wide world yet. Is what I really meant. Chop smiled and nodded, understanding what I meant, and then he clapped his hands together once; before wrapping his arm back around Izzy's shoulders,
"Right, team meetin'!" He announced.
Chloe rolled her eyes,
"Since when do we hold team meetings? In fact, since when have we referred ourselves as a team?" She asked Chop.
I rolled my eyes, looking down at my lap and then I watched Finn hold my hand, entwining our fingers together. Looking up at him, he was watching me with a smile on his face, and I couldn't help but smile back.
Chop ignored Chloe's comment, and even Izzy secretly rolled her eyes. There was definitely something going on with Chloe, and I needed to find out what. We were supposed to be best friends, after all. I kissed Finn's cheek softly, before letting go of his hand and standing up,
"Girls meeting in the bathroom." I announced.
Izzy stood up instantly, but Chloe hesitated, before standing up and following Izzy and I into the girl's bathroom. Once we were inside, I raised my eyebrows at Chloe.
"What?" She demanded.
Rolling my eyes, I sighed,
"Sup with you?" I asked her.
"Nothin'." She mumbled.
"Now that's bullshit." I replied.
"Come on, Chlo. We're all friends here. In fact, we're best friends. We're meant to tell each other everything."
Chloe looked from Izzy and then back to me, and she sighed folding her arms over her chest,
"Alright, fine!" She sighed again. "My mum and dad have been fighting a lot these days, and it's really getting me down. I don't want them to split up."
I nodded slowly, taking it in and then I walked over to her, hugging her tightly,
"Chlo, just talk to 'em. Well, your mum at least." I pulled out of the embrace. "You need to tell 'em that it's bothering you, or they'll never know. Ya never know, it could be over anything." I laughed slightly. "Like, remember that time we had a sleepover at yours, and we could hear them arguing? And it was all over the fact that your dad had bought your mum the wrong kind of perfume for her birthday?"
Chloe smiled and then she laughed slightly,
"And when we found out, we hid the bottle so she had no more proof."
I grinned and nodded eagerly, happy to know that Chloe was now okay.
"See! This is what best friends are for, Chloe! We're all here to make each other laugh and smile! We're all in this together!"
Chloe and I shared a look,
"That sounds like some cheesy musical." I told Izzy, rolling my eyes.
Izzy just laughed and Chloe added,
"Sistas forever!"
I laughed and we all joined into a tight group hug.
*FINN'S POV*
"Y'alright, mate?" Archie asked me, as my eyes stayed glued to the girl's bathroom. Peeling my gaze away from the door, I smiled weakly and nodded,
"Yeah, man, I'm fine." I picked up my beer and took a sip.
"Nah, man. Archers' right. You've been off ever since our Raemundo announced a lil get together in the bathroom. What's up?"
I swallowed slowly, looking at Chop and I just shrugged,
"Naught." I mumbled, sticking my tongue against the side of my left cheek.
Archie patted my shoulder gently,
"C'mon, Finn. We're all mates here."
"Exactly what Archers said." Chop piped in, after taking a sip of his pint.
I exhaled slowly,
"I read Rae's diary." I announced quietly.
"Ya what?!" Chop shouted, bringing attention to a few of the punters.
I shot him a look of annoyance, and he nodded,
"Aight sorry, man. Ya read Raemundo's diary?!" He asked in a quieter tone.
I nodded,
"Yup." I emphasised the p at the end of my reply.
"Did Rae know you were reading it?" Archie asked.
I looked at him and nodded again,
"Course, man. Din't even wanna read the fuckin' thing, but she made me."
"She made ya?" I nodded. "Why?" Chop asked.
I shrugged and sighed,
"S'pose she wanted to tell someone else apart from her therapist and her diary about what happened. S'pose she jus' wanted someone t'talk to about it."
"And?" Archie encouraged.
I swallowed slowly, looking down at my hands that were on my lap,
"It was bad." I said quietly.
Chop furrowed his eyebrows together,
"Bad? How do ya mean, bad?"
"What I read. I-I expected it. But I din't at the same time. Y'know? The stuff she writes, guys, it's fuckin' 'ard to read. I love 'er, I really do. But knowing the stuff she went through. Breaks my heart."
"What did you do?" Archie asked, his voice soft with concern.
I sighed deeply, picking up my pint,
"Went insane. Burst into fits of tears. Pussy move, I know." I nodded, taking a sip of my beer.
"Nah, mate. Ain't a pussy move when ya love the girl, Finny. What happened next?"
"I couldn't stop. I wa' just sat there: crying and crying. And then I insisted on reading until the last page. And I did. And then I went to Big G's house, and I almost knocked his fuckin' 'ead off."
"What? Why? What did you read?" Archie furrowed his eyebrows together.
I shook my head,
"Doesn't matter, mate. I din't do it. Ended up cryin' again." I laughed slightly. "We went home and talked about it. Came 'ere to forget about it. But I just… I wanna make sure she's alright, y'know?"
I looked up at the guys and they both smiled at me, nodding,
"We all do, mate." Chop said.
I smiled weakly at them both, and when the girls' bathroom door opened, my head shot over to the direction, smiling instantly when I saw Rae's face; our eyes locked together. She sat down beside me, and she kissed my cheek softly,
"What're you lot talkin' about then?" She asked, looking around at the boys.
Archie shrugged,
"Guy stuff." He let out a nervous laugh.
Rae raised her eyebrows at Archie and then she giggled,
"Alright then, Arch."
I smiled and let out a small laugh at her remark, taking her hand in mine instantly, and I wrote: PERFECT along the back of her hand. I looked up at Rae with a smile on my face, and I noticed that she was smiling to herself, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. I bit my lip and I moved closer to her, letting go of her hand and wrapping my closest arm around her waist, and then my free hand, holding hers again. Rae smiled bigger, resting her head on my shoulder, and then I kissed the top of her head softly,
"I love you." I murmured quietly.
Rae sighed happily,
"I love you too." She whispered.
I smiled and closed my eyes for a few seconds, and then I opened them.
"So, anyway. Like I wa' sayin'!" Chop started, and we all let out a laugh.
"I'm sorry, Chop. Please do continue with your team meeting."
"Why, thank you, Chloe, my darlin'."
Chloe laughed and shook her head, taking a sip of her half pint.
"I wa' thinkin', what if we all do somethin' this weekend? Ain't it yours and Finny Boy's last week together before your mum comes home, Raemundo?"
Rae groaned softly,
"Ugh, don't remind me."
Izzy smiled at the two of us,
"Aweeee! You're like a married couple!" She squealed.
I let out a small laugh,
"Always up for the fairytale shit, ain't ya, Iz?"
Izzy smiled bigger at me, and she stuck her tongue out at me. I rolled my eyes and I began to stroke Rae's side softly. Rae let out a small laugh at Izzy and I, and then we all turned our attention back to Chop.
"Well how about we have a party?"
"Another party?" Archie asked, his eyebrows raising up. "We just had one, you forgot about that?"
"Yeah, I know! But there's always drama," he let out a cough and spluttered, "Finn." Before letting out another cough. I let go of Rae's hand, sticking my middle finger up at Chop with a smile on my face, before holding her hand again, and I stroked my thumb along the back of her knuckles. Chop chuckled and he shook his head,
"Aight. Alright cool. None of you fuckin' borin' lot wants another party. So what do you suggest?"
"Well, by the time it's the weekend, my mum'll be home, for a start."
I nodded in agreement with Rae,
"Yeah."
"Aye, ya got a week left, so don't worry. You'll be glad when he's gone." Chop grinned and winked at Rae.
I rolled my eyes smiling and I heard Rae mumble,
"Doubt it."
I smiled bigger, kissing the top of her head softly again, and then I looked at Izzy,
"How do you put up with 'im?"
Izzy grinned and shrugged,
"He listens to me."
"Ahhh I get it." I turned my attention to Chop, a smirk growing on my face. "Iz wears the trousers in the relationship."
Chop scoffed, and he rolled his eyes,
"Ah c'mon, man. Don't be a fuckin' knob all the time."
I tipped my head back, laughing softly at his comment, and then Rae answered,
"Sorry, Chop Meister. He can't do that."
I rolled my eyes and smiled hearing the rest of the group cheering at what Rae had said. She looked up at me, and I grinned down at her,
"You're lucky, Rae-Rae."
"Mmm, good to know." She smiled.
Later that day, it was around 8:45 p.m. when Rae and I got home. After locking the door behind us, and I took off my jacket and shoes, Rae doing the same. She turned to me and smiled,
"I fuckin' love you."
I grinned,
"I fuckin' love you, too. Rachel."
She raised her eyebrows at me,
"Rachel, eh?"
I chuckled softly,
"Mmm, I like Rachel." I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers softly and then I murmured. "Suits you." I pecked her lips softly.
Rae ran her hands through my hair and then she whispered against my lips,
"Only my mum calls me Rachel."
I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around her waist and I pulled her in closer to me,
"Tell her that she ain't allowed to anymore. It's my name for you know."
"Mmm, what happened to Rae-Rae?"
"You," I kissed her lips softly once, "get," I kissed her lips softly once again, "two." I kissed her lips softly a third time and I felt Rae smile against my lips,
"I can handle that." She murmured against my lips.
"Fancy goin' up to bed, baby?" I asked her softly, murmuring against her lips.
Instead of answering, Rae pulled away from the embrace, gripping my shirt and pulling me upstairs and into her bedroom.
Dear Diary, He knows everything! He knows everything and he still loves me! I don't know if I'm just lucky, or if there really was someone out there meant for me! He makes me feel alive. More alive than I've ever felt in my life. I'm in love, diary. And I want him to be mine forever. Just gotta try and not fuck it up again. This is the eighth night together, and I really don't want him to leave. Ever!