Disclaimer: Trinity Blood and its characters do not belong to me. This fanfic consists of monologues by the characters at their most alone. Not in chronological order. May contain spoilers for the anime. Rated for potential dark and mature themes.

Noelle: Seasons in the Sun

We had joy, we had fun; we had seasons in the sun…

I met him one lazy summer afternoon on the steps of St Helena of Rome. The sunlight glinted off his hair as he climbed up the stairs. I was sweeping the porch of the church. He appeared like an angel. I must have fallen for him then. I did not hesitate when he asked me on the behalf of Cardinal Sforza to join AX. Countless times I have worried about him, prayed for his safety when he leaves on his more dangerous missions... fearing that glimpse of him would be my last.

Now he looks slightly bewildered as I order sherry to go with our seafood dinner. I need it. Do you have the slightest idea how difficult it is to tell that special someone how much you love him?

I know some would say it is a sin for a nun to be entertaining such thoughts. If loving someone is to sin, then I am a sinner. For a while, I was content to be his colleague but not anymore. I cannot lie to my heart. The sunset is so lovely in Barcelona, so romantic. Nearby, a couple looks into each others' eyes. A waiter plays the violin nearby. Poor Abel is looking more ill at ease by the minute. Is he feeling guilty about spending AX money on this meal? I will go to confession and do penitence for that.

How many times have I gone to confession with those butterflies in my stomach? Sometimes I feel ridiculous confessing my love for Abel to one of the others. And thank God for the seal of the confession. Thanks to my powers, I can sense who the Father on duty is without even meaning to. Hugue has an unmistakable melancholic aura. William's is a solid colour with a tinge of a past sorrow... I prefer Hugue as my confessor, at least with his journeying and silence, I have little fear of him blurting something out by accident. Sometimes I wish it were Abel listening to my confession.

Everyone has a unique colour… Especially Abel… Now, he is emanating an aura of nerves. Poor Abel.

Surely he can't be that clueless. Both William and Hugue know from those sessions in the confessional. Vaclav probably guessed it. I am sure that was why he handed me and Abel a pair of tickets for the Christmas play. We really enjoyed that play. It was a comedy. Abel was chuckling throughout.

Leon also guessed it. He is always teasing me about Abel whenever we meet. I am sure Caterina definitely knows how I feel towards him.

"Noelle, take care of him in Barcelona, please. Don't let him blow the budget like he did with Leon in Albion." I am sure there was a twinkle in her eye when she handed me the funds for our trip. I have considered leaving AX in light of my personal conflict but if I left, I am sure I will never see him again.

Already, we had spent a lovely summer's day in Barcelona, visiting the tourist spots, seeing the sights and the sounds on this sun-blessed city. We watched a group of gypsies dancing near the fountain to the tambourine and accordion. I started dancing to the lovely music, and pulled Abel along for a jig. I was surprised Abel turned out to be better dancer than I had expected. The crowd by the fountain applauded when we were finished dancing. I suppose it is not every day a priest and a nun danced a gypsy jig in a public square.

"Noelle, you have not touched your food…" Abel asks and fidgets. He isn't eating much either. I don't feel that hungry, really, on top of those butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I smile and sip at my glass. My thoughts are elsewhere. The sunset is so lovely. I wish time will stand still...

"I have sinned. I am in love with a man…" I am back in that confessional in the ancient church frequented by AX members and half the population of Rome. Fidgeting with the hem of my habit and awaiting the reply of Father Confessor. "I dream of walking with him on the beach in the sunset, just the two of us…" I blurt out and blushed with embarrassment. I add in a whisper. "I will tell him I love him…" I had some more intimate fantasies but I was waiting for Father Confessor's reaction first.

"How is that a sin, my child?" William's upper class Albionian accent was unmistakable. He has no idea it was me on the other side of the screen.

"Because I am a nun and he is a priest," I bit my tongue. Damn the vow of celibacy… Poor Father William was speechless for a while before he continued.

"Love comes in many forms, my child. Familial love, love between friends, love for one's fellows in Christ… Didn't God love mankind that he sent his Son to redeem us?" After expounding on the variations of love, he tried to convince me that my feelings are a mistaken form of what's really a platonic love. I know better.

Now I am living my little sinful fantasy. Walking on a sunset beach with the man I have developed an undeniably romantic love for. The seagulls are calling. The last rays of the setting sun paint the sea a shimmering gold. The sand appears so soft under my boot-soles. The breeze tugs softly at my hair. Maybe I should just go barefoot. The sherry must be getting to me. I spin around to face him. He is looking at me, a small smile on his face. He is at ease now, away from that expensive dinner and the tourists at the restaurant.

How does he feel about me? I have no idea if he really loves me or will love me as I love him. My powers are not that specific. I know he feels comfortable around me, most of the time. Does he see me as a friend, a colleague? Now or never, Noelle, girl, I tell myself and screw up my courage to broach the topic that could irreparably shift the balance of our relationship.

"Say, Abel, aren't you going to ask how I feel about you?" I blurt out. The alcohol must have loosened my tongue and made me reckless.

Please don't let him hear me, please don't let him hear me…

"Huh?" He blanches. Talk about awkward.

Never mind. I feel my heart sink just as the sun starts to slide under the horizon.

"Excuse me…" Sister Kate's voice cut in. I had forgotten about the communicator. Thank goodness for the interruption. As Kate relays the information relating to our mission she has discovered to Abel, I gaze at the last of the dying day. It is better to have loved and lost… isn't it? Had we really loved to start with? Emptiness fills me. I let out a soft sigh. Night is falling. The moment has passed. The mission beckons.

Author's Notes:

Noelle's feelings for Father Abel are probably more than platonic. As to whether her feelings for Abel are reciprocated, it is open to discussion. Reviews?