Ahhhh, here we go. Just had to take a quick breath before the wind-down. Sorry to keep you waiting.

XX.

You don't know a thing about this life
And we are up for everything it takes to prove we're not the same as them

'Cause we are not the same
And we are not afraid
And we are not ashamed.

Gojyo

I stared in disbelief at the wreckage.

The theater had just collapsed around us—Dasha's theater—a building that had stood for years and years. I'm not saying I was sorry to see it go, but it did shock me to see it lying there in pieces, like a scrap yard. Steel was sticking up out of the ground, snapped off and bent, support beams had fallen and broken in half, there were hunks of steaming iron lying all around, piles and piles of shattered glass, crumbled stone and splintered wood. The stage was gone, a huge, black crater in its place, with smoke fizzing up from all around us, and the air smelled like a barbeque. There wasn't a sign of Wu anywhere.

Hakkai and me stood there for the longest time, side by side, staring at the ruins around us, struggling to breathe through the smoke and the heat. He clutched his bleeding hand, and I could hear from the way his breath shuddered that he was shaking.

Finally, he gasped, "We-we're alive…"

"R-right…" I realized I was shaking too, from head to toe.

"I don't understand. By all means, we should have been crushed when the ceiling collapsed…"

There was a chunk of stone twice as thick as me and three times as long lying at my feet, like if I'd been one more step in that direction, it would have fallen on me. I stared down at the ring on my finger, and even with it there, I was glad nothing had landed on me.

I took another, deeper, quivering breath and held it for ten seconds, looped my arm around his neck, "Damn, dude. Was that freakin' crazy or what?"

"I'm not sure what happened exactly."

"What, didja' have your eyes closed or somethin'?"

"Actually, what I meant was, I don't understand. If he did indeed achieve immortality, as he expected to, why did he…? Unless…he's not actually dead."

Both of us did a quick double check of the area, but I didn't see Wu anywhere. It seemed like he really must have imploded, or exploded, or spontaneously combusted or something.

Gen-Tang was coming up behind us, walking steadily across the piles of debris, and I was startled as hell that he was still alive. "As I told you, numerous times, in the past, the Hallmarks of Discord are not something to take lightly. I hope the two of you can finally see what I meant first hand."

We turned to him, simultaneously, and Hakkai called across the distance to him, "Do you mean to say this happened because of those items?"

"That's exactly what I mean to say." He answered tiredly, and he looked pretty damn worn out, katana in hand, blood running down his face and arms, robes trashed and stained, but his voice was steady and strong, "They were never meant to be gathered together; while it's true that collecting them and initiating the sacrifice can result in the user becoming immortal, history has proven that it's far more likely to bring destruction to the one who tries to use their powers for his own gain. Like I said before, it's a delicate procedure, invoking the abilities of the Hallmarks to become immortal—one mistake, and it could cost your life."

"But Mr. Wu seemed so certain that he'd done everything correctly."

Gen-Tang was just a few feet away now, and I noticed that his injuries were a little worse than I thought—there was a gash on his forehead, and a long, deep scrape stretching down his bare shoulder to his elbow. "Well, no one ever believes they're going about it wrong, but the fact of the matter is, it's been so long since the procedure was done correctly—if it ever has been in the first place—no one really knows how to do it the right way anymore."

"Man, what a fat waste of time." I mumbled, got a cigarette started.

"What do you suppose Wu did wrong?" Hakkai asked.

"Impossible to say for sure." Gen-Tang wiped his blade across his sleeve and then sheathed it. "The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is the fact that he didn't gather the Hallmarks for himself."

Neither of us said anything for a moment, and I think Hakkai was giving him the same stupid look I was. "Ya' mean…that makes a difference?"

Gen-Tang nodded gravely, "Yes, believe it or not. In the past, many have theorized that anyone who expects to use the Hallmarks of Discord, whether it be for good or evil, must be willing to take responsibility for their powers and all the consequences that come of gathering them."

"I suppose that would include the effort required for going out and finding them." Hakkai murmured.

"In theory. Although, both Wu and Dasha must have had their own ideas about what it really meant to be involved in finding the hallmarks. Apparently they both thought it would be enough to use you to get everything for them, possibly because neither of them considered the fact that you're a person as well."

For some reason, I remembered what Madame Xiaoli had said to us the day she gave me the enchanted flower. After she suggested that she was supposed to give me the flower, she'd said that it seemed right to give something so forbidden to someone who was kind of forbidden in his own way.

Maybe Gen-Tang was right. Maybe the only reason I had survived any of this was because Dasha and Wu had both underestimated me, just because I was a hanyou.

What else did she say?

…there is a lesson to be learned here as well…after all, if those things that are precious to us were never threatened, how could we learn to appreciate them? …by the time this venture is over, the gains will be well worth it…

I slid a glance at Hakkai, even though he wasn't looking back at me—he was listening to whatever Gen-Tang was saying—and I thought maybe she was right. I had definitely figured out exactly what was important to me through all of this, and how far I'd go to protect it. Even if everything else about this sucked ass, that seemed like it might actually be worth it.

Follow the path to destiny, and you'll find what you seek.

When the Book of the Ancients told me that, I had been asking where to find Jien; still, even if I didn't get the answer I was looking for, maybe I got the answer I needed. Something about all this made me want to go on living, and if I found Jien, good for me. If I didn't, well, that was just the way it was, because somehow in the middle of it all, even with people yelling at me from every direction that I was worthless and expendable and disgusting, I had discovered something that made me feel appreciated and important and necessary, something that had given me the courage and the strength I needed to pull through, even when every fiber of my being was screaming to just give the fuck up already. That felt like the first step onto the path to destiny right there.

Grinning to myself, I hung my arm off Hakkai, felt his hand hook onto my shoulder; it felt strangely familiar, like I'd known him forever and ever, like it was supposed to be just like this.

Gen-Tang was still talking, "…strange as it may sound, when you gathered the Hallmarks together, whether it was because you asked for them, or because you stole them outright, you took responsibility for their individual magic, and that could be why no one else was able to use them."

"Hm." Hakkai turned to me, "Ash-Calder did tell you that you would have to accept full responsibility for the Ruby Dagger when he gave it to you."

"Wait a minute." I tore the cigarette out of my mouth, "What're you guys sayin'? Are you telling me that if I put all that crazy shit together and sacrificed a virgin I could have been immortal?"

They both stared at me like I was stupid.

"Yes." Gen-Tang said at last. "It's very possible. After all, you did all the legwork, you suffered all the consequences, and you endured the pain that's associated with the Hallmarks. The people who love you were the ones who died and were tormented. Not Wu or Dasha or the people who followed them. You were the only one worthy of receiving the benefits."

"Well, damn! Wish I'd known that."

Hakkai sighed, disappointedly, "Gojyo."

Gen-Tang shook his head, "It's easy to think that this kind of magic could solve all your problems, but remember, child, immortality, appealing as it is, is incredibly dangerous to mankind, and it can rob you of every connection you've ever had to this earth and the people on it."

I opened my mouth, started to tell him that I didn't have connections to anyone, because I wasn't human or youkai, but I stopped myself. For the first time in a long time, it occurred to me that maybe I didn't need to go spewing that kind of pathetic bullshit everywhere I went. I guess it could be the fact that by this time, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it wasn't true.

Besides. I didn't really want to be immortal anyway. What good would it do me to be here forever and ever? Hakkai asked what was wrong with being here, and I guess there wasn't anything wrong with it. I didn't want to die, obviously, but what good would it do me to live forever? It wouldn't change my place in this world.

Slowly, I nodded. "'Kay."

Gen-Tang smiled suddenly, rested his hand, heavily, on top of my head, "You've grown up a little, haven't you? You both have. I hope you'll remember the things you learned from all this."

"I'm sure we will." Hakkai murmured. "Never in my life has there been anything so…educational as this."

"And I want to apologize to both of you. I let you fall into a dangerous situation, yet again…and I'm sorry for that. I'm also sorry I instructed you to fight him. That was my responsibility, and I shouldn't have forced it off on the two of you."

"Please, think nothing of it, Gen-Tang-san." Hakkai said with a bow, "We've gotten used to this sort of thing, I think."

Gen-Tang laughed a little, which kind of weirded me out, since he'd never laughed before, and for the first time I noticed how cheery and confident and father-like he looked. At least, the way I imagined fathers were supposed to look. "Well, then, as long we're all on the same page, I think it's time to return the Hallmarks of Discord to their rightful places. Don't you?"

"Sure, but." I looked around the wrecked theater again, "Do you think that stuff survived? Wu blew up right next to it."

"Those items have been in this world for thousands of years." Gen-Tang answered, surveying the ruins as well, "I think it would take a bit more than an explosion to destroy them completely."

"Yeah, well, what about your book? You don't think it got burnt to a crisp?"

"Let's look around. You might be surprised."

"Wait a moment." Hakkai interrupted, politely, "Just one more question before we begin the search… I don't understand. The two of us. We were right next to him as well, and as best I can tell, neither of us have a scratch on us."

"Oh, I…" I popped the Goddess's Ring off my thumb, "I can explain that." I held it up for them to see.

They looked at it a long, disbelieving moment, and then Hakkai demanded, "When did you take that?"

"Slight of hand, baby." I grinned. "I snagged it when I picked up the Medallion and handed it to Wu. I never trusted that fucker, and I figured he'd try to pull this shit. I thought if I had the ring, maybe it wouldn't work…or something."

Hakkai shook his head wonderingly, "I never would have expected your trust issues to be the thing that saved us. Well, at any rate, it explains why you're okay, but I still don't understand why I wasn't killed."

I thought about how hard I'd tried to stay close to him in the fight. I had been meaning to give him the ring, because I figured, being half-youkai, I had a better chance of surviving than he did, but I never got a moment to hand it to him. Still…I had been holding onto him really tight at the end there.

Gen-Tang fixed a serious eye on both of us, "Ah. It looks as if you protected each other."

I stared hard at him, trying to decide if I should laugh or not. "Yeah…sure. How does that work?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand either, Gen-Tang-san. We happened to be holding onto one another when Wu…exploded, or what have you, but I fail to see how that could possibly be enough. He had the ring, and I did not."

"That may have been enough." Gen-Tang went on, "Don't forget, boys, we're dealing with mysticism, so it could be that the Ring could feel the love you hold for one another and chose to shield you both."

The two of us were quiet a sec, and then I scoffed, "C'mon. We don't love each other."

"Love." Hakkai began a little loudly, then trailed off, "That is…love is a very strong word."

Gen-Tang smiled again, knowingly, "It's the only explanation I can give, but I suppose it could also be suggested that the two of you are simply very, very lucky. Now come." He started to walk across the debris. "Let's find the Hallmarks."

I watched him go, then locked gazes with Hakkai a moment. We stood shoulder to shoulder.
"Just to be clear, dude. I do not love you."

"Yes, no, of course not… I don't love you either."

"I mean, sure, you're a cool guy, and stuff, but I wouldn't say I love you."

"I don't love you either." He repeated. Then again. "I don't…"

When some silence had passed, I hooked my arm around his shoulder and began to walk, "C'mon, we better make sure this dude's not gonna' turn on us next."

We spent a couple hours digging around in what was left of the theater, looking for the Hallmarks of Discord. At first, I couldn't help complaining a little. I really didn't see how they could have survived through everything that happened, especially the book and the flower. The medallion was so small, I doubted we'd just stumble across it somewhere; I thought the only thing we might possibly find would be the dagger, because it was pretty sturdy, and who knew what it was made of. Whatever it was, it didn't seem flammable or breakable. Hakkai and Gen-Tang seemed pretty cheerful too, and they wouldn't let me go home. Hakkai kept calling me over to show me some knick knack he'd found, and no matter how stupid it was, it always distracted me long enough to keep me from leaving, and anytime I sat down to smoke, hoping they'd just leave me alone and look for the crap themselves, Gen-Tang would say, "Now, now, Sha Gojyo, don't get discouraged. See this thing through the end, won't you?"

After a few hours had passed, we'd finally moved enough stuff around to start finding things. Hakkai found the Wizard's Medallion hanging off a nail in a chunk of wall that was still standing, and then Gen-Tang unearthed the Enchanted Flower, sitting in a small hole and shielded by a pile of sandbags and half-torched curtains, almost like someone set it down there and buried it to keep it from getting hurt. It was swaying and singing happily.

I figured, if the flower made it, the book probably did too, and I stopped whining as much, and I even wound up having fun with it. Hakkai and me screwed around a lot, shoving each other and throwing crap at each other and chasing each other around the crater Wu's explosion had made. Every now and then Gen-Tang would scold us and tell us to watch where we were stepping, but it was kinda' half-hearted, like he didn't mind letting us be kids, even when we were supposed to be doing something important.

"You gotta' daughter our age, huh?" I asked after the two of us had settled down a little, and me and Hakkai were rooting around a bookshelf that had fallen down. I didn't even realize Dasha had a bookshelf—I guess it must have been upstairs where I never went. I didn't want to know what kind of books that sick fuck was into.

"I do have a daughter."

I hadn't thought about that ever since we first met him, but she was the one who'd taken us to meet him in the first place. "Yeah. I remember her being pretty cute—bet you're happy."

Gen-Tang gave me a disapproving scowl, "My daughter's too young for you to go fooling around with, boy. Mind your mouth."

"Hey, I don't mean nothin' by it. She's-"

"A man's daughter is nothing to speak lightly of."

I grinned at him, "Yeah, yeah, my bad, pops."

He didn't answer, but his expression lightened up.

"Gojyo." Hakkai nudged me. "Look."

I glanced down to where he was pointing, saw the aged, leather cover of the Book of the Ancients, covered in dust. "No shit?"

Hakkai started to dig it up, carefully, pulling other, less fortunate books out of the way and piling them to the side, and before long, he had the Book of the Ancients in hand. "Remarkable. It's not so much as singed. See?"

I took it from him, turning it over in my hands, but he was right. It was in perfect condition. Aside from being really, freaking old, anyway.

Gen-Tang took it from me immediately, "It's about time you returned this to me, boys. Six months of chasing this thing around—my people will think I've died by this time."

We both stood up, dusting ourselves off, "So, you goin' home now?"

"No, not until all five Hallmarks are found. Now let's hurry. The sun is starting to set."

I hadn't even noticed how late it was getting, and we still had one more thing to find.

The Ruby Dagger was next. I found it lying at the bottom of the crater, probably right where Wu had been standing when he exploded, half-covered in ashes and black dirt, knelt to pull it up out of the ground. That was a little harder than I expected it to be, since it seemed to be embedded in the burnt earth, but when I finally got it loose, it was perfect, just like everything else.

For a moment, I stared into it, my scarred face staring back out at me. It was incredible to me, everything I'd gone through to get this stupid knife, and all the pain it had caused me.

"…I must warn you that the Ruby Dagger will cause one of you a great misfortune."

Guess it was me. Tai was dead thanks to this whole thing, and if that wasn't a misfortune, maybe I didn't even know what the word meant.

"Take it, but remember my warning, and know also, … sometimes the prize we long for is not what we need—be aware of what you have already, and do not sacrifice it for things you cannot get back."

Part of me wondered if maybe Ash-Calder really did know what was going to happen when I brought the dagger to Dasha. It seemed like he had known a lot of things. In the end, I really almost had sacrificed what was in front of me to find something—someone—I'd probably never get to see again.

I realized Hakkai was standing over my shoulder. "Do you regret it?"

"Dunno'." I twirled the knife around in one hand. It was a little heavy and clumsy, not like my switchblade. Jien's switchblade. I wondered where that went anyway.

Maybe I'd find it here somewhere.

"I guess I…just wish everything could have played out differently."

He offered me his hand, and I let him pull me up. "Yes, I know what you mean. The two of us went through a lot over the course of everything. Still…we mustn't forget the things we gained in the face of all that we lost. After all, if it weren't for Dasha and his psychotic mission, I doubt the two of us would have become friends at all."

That was just six or seven months ago—I was a little shaky on the time frame after being in the hospital for so long and having so many days blur together—weird to think how different life had been back then, without him.

Suddenly, I realized that I'd been living a bleak, meaningless life, and some silly, stupid, little part of me, really hoped I'd get to keep Hakkai around for a long time.

Then, for some reason, as I was looking at him, I felt something strange growing inside of me—I'd felt it before in my life, but just a handful of times. When I was a kid, I used to feel it for Jien, this feeling I couldn't express and didn't really have a name for. Since Jien left, I hadn't felt it for years and years. In fact, the first time I felt it again after Jien was gone was when Hakkai and me ripped off the Wizard's Medallion at Wu Manor. When we stood together at the bottom of that hill, and he told me to take care of myself, and he called me by name and smiled at me…

I'd been feeling it more and more after that. Like the first time he told me we were friends, and again on the night of my birthday, after our argument, just before Banri came. I felt it really strongly when I spent the night in his dorm, after Dasha kicked the shit out of me, but even then, I didn't have a name for what I was feeling. It was something I'd never really experienced before.

Today, when we were facing Wu, the whole time—from the second we all walked into the theater, to the second we sat up and looked around and saw that the theater was gone—all I could think about was how I didn't want anything to happen to Hakkai, and how I'd do anything I had to, anything at all, to make sure nothing did.

What kind of feeling was that?

Maybe…

I thought about what Gen-Tang told us, about being shielded from the blast, and I wondered if he was right.

I looked at Hakkai a while longer, and he was just watching me back, waiting for me to say something, and then it just hit me, a thought falling into my head like a raindrop falling into a bucket full of water.

I really love him.

It freaked me out. I mean, what the hell was love anyway? Wasn't it about sex and women and shit like that? That was the only thing I knew about love. If I was thinking 'I love Hakkai' didn't that make me gay?

Maybe not. I didn't feel like I wanted to fuck him or anything like that—I hadn't felt that way ever, not even when I'd slept in his bed with him—and it's not like I was attracted to him.

But…

But damn. I feel like I love him.

No explaining that one.

"Gojyo?"

"Yeah. Sorry. Um. I guess you're right—we wouldn't." I smirked at him.

"Here. Before I forget." He reached into his back pocket, got out Jien's switchblade. "I've been meaning to give this to you for some time now."

I practically threw the Ruby Dagger down as I reached for it, "Sonnova bitch! Where'd you find this?"

"I picked it up the day we fought Dasha here. I thought…one of us could use it… I didn't mean to keep it for so long. Forgive me."

I flipped the blade open to look at it. It was all sparkly and clean, and it looked like it had been sharpened, "Did you clean it?"

"Mmhm. There was quite a bit of blood on it by the time I was done with Dasha."

I gaped at him, "This is what you used to kill Dasha?"

"It was the only weapon I had on me at the time. At any rate, this means you played a role in ridding the world of that maniac after all, doesn't it?"

"Heh. You're just sayin' that to be nice, 'Kai."

"Not at all."

"Listen, kid." I hooked my arm around his neck, "You're the guy that killed Dasha. The only guy. Don't shortchange what you did."

Hakkai laughed a little, putting his own arm around my neck, "Oh, very well then. I'll have to bear the shame of his blood alone forever, shall I?"

"Dude, don't even." I looked at him seriously, "I mean, I know you probably never wanted to kill anyone and shit like that, and I'm really sorry I roped you into all this, but don't feel too bad. You kinda' saved my life."

"That's rather extreme, don't you think?"

"No, man. You did. Even if this whole thing had worked out ideally, the way I wanted it to, that ass was never gonna' let me leave An Jin. Thanks to you, I can go wherever I want and be my own person again."

Hakkai smiled, slapped me on the back, "In that case, think nothing of it."

Arms still around each other, we made our way back to Gen-Tang, who was waiting at the edge of the theater for us.

"Just don't go too far." Hakkai said.

"What're you kidding? I'm not goin' anywhere—not right away at least—you and me are gonna' have a fucking blast now that that dipshit is gone. You might as well forget all about studying during your free time, 'cause I ain't giving you a moment's peace."

"Ah, I might have known."

"Don't worry. I'll still let ya' see Kanan though."

"There was never any question about that Gojyo. Even you wouldn't be able to keep me away from her."

I flicked ashes off my cigarette, considered again the fact that they had the same family name, but in the end, I didn't care what their deal was, and it wasn't my business. If Hakkai had to have Kanan around to smile and laugh and be happy, that was good enough for me.

"That seems to be everything." Gen-Tang said when we were beside him again.

"What happens now?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the hallmarks, half-expecting them to come to life again, but they seemed really ordinary right then.

Gen-Tang slid the messenger bag off his shoulder and knelt down, beginning to pack everything up, "I'll take them and return them to their respective places; the two of you shouldn't have to worry about them anymore."

I glanced at Hakkai, and then back at Gen-Tang. "Um. Okay, but hey, how do we know you're not gonna' try and use them next?"

He stood up again, looking almost irritated, "I told you already that being immortal is nothing but a burden. Why would I want to bring such a curse upon myself? Furthermore, I doubt I would be any more successful at using them than Wu or Dasha was. Now hand that here."

I looked down at the dagger, but I didn't give it to him. I still felt nervous. This was the last piece of the puzzle, and twice now when I'd handed it to someone, just because they talked like they knew something I didn't, it had gotten me in a lot of trouble. Gen-Tang had been acting like he was on our side, but what if he'd just been waiting for his opportunity to get his hands on this shit, like everyone else?

"Gojyo." He said calmly, "I appreciate that you're finally taking your responsibility to these things seriously, but I have no intention of betraying either of you now."

I still didn't hand it to him.

Gen-Tang waited a moment longer before adding, even quieter, "I understand your reluctance after everything that's happened, but if you can't trust anyone, you'll always live your life alone."

I smirked at him, suddenly, "Thanks for the advice, pops, but I think I'll take this thing back to where it belongs myself."

Our gazes locked a long time, and then he finally smiled back, "Well. If that's really what you plan to do, I can't complain. Mt. He-Ping is a long way in the wrong direction for me anyway."

With that, he slung the bag back over his shoulder, "You two look after yourselves."

"We certainly will." Hakkai answered cheerfully, "And you as well, sir."

Gen-Tang gave us both one more smile, and for some reason, I got the weirdest feeling that he was just a little bit impressed with us, and then he turned and walked away, rounded a corner, and was out of sight.

Hakkai and me messed around a little longer in the ruins. I looked around for any sign of Tai, but she was really gone, not even a scrap of her clothing left, and then we left and started walking up the hill, discussing plans to take the dagger back to Ash-Calder along the way. Hakkai said it would be best to take it back as soon as we possibly could, and I didn't want to keep it in my flat for very long either, so we agreed to go the next morning, and then, we parted ways.

I kept my eyes open for any of Dasha's boys on my way home, but the streets seemed really peaceful for once, and I even relaxed a little. It was like a huge shadow had finally lifted off my life, and I could just be.

At home, all the lights were off, and the place was still a dump, but Banri wasn't around. I felt like I hadn't been there in forever—I guess, in a way, I hadn't been—and I'd even missed it there a little.

I touched my stomach, where the bullet had ripped through me, but it didn't even hurt now, and I was pretty sure I was going to be all right.

When I got inside, I wrapped the Ruby Dagger up in a clean rag and tucked it under my bed, and then I tidied up a little, even though I wasn't sure why I felt like I should. The place had always been a dump, and I'd never cared before. When I was done with that, and my half of the living room was clean, I ate some of the garbage I found in the fridge, laid down on my lumpy, little cot, and fell asleep.

The next day was great. When I got up, I felt really good: free and happy and safe, more than I'd ever felt before in my life, maybe, and as I was walking to meet Hakkai, the air was fresh and clean and cool. It made me feel like I was starting over with a brand new, clean slate.

When I met Hakkai on the hillside, he looked as happy and relieved as I felt, smiling this big smile, eyes brighter than usual. He had a big, heavy backpack with him, which I didn't worry about at all, since I was positive he'd done a better job packing than I had the first time we'd gone.

I took a moment to eat the breakfast he brought me, and then we set out.

The walk didn't seem as long this time, and it was definitely more fun. We were in the middle of nowhere, with no one to frown at us or shake their heads or tell us to be quiet or say that a human and a hanyou shouldn't be friends, so we yelled and screamed and laughed as loud as we could, wrestled and chased each other and play fought the whole way there. I had never seen Hakkai laugh so much—he almost seemed like a completely different person—I wanted to think it had something to do with me, but I already knew that it was because of Kanan. I teased him a little about getting laid, and he put up with it like a saint.

We ate lunch beside a stream and even wound up taking a short nap there before continuing with our climb up the mountain. At night, Hakkai lit a fire and cooked some of the food he'd packed, and then, when we were done eating, we played some cards until I was about to go crazy from losing to him. For the second time in our lives, we stretched out on the side of the mountain, side by side, and looked at the stars, but it was better this time. I didn't feel like bitching about life anymore. Nothing was hanging over my head now—nothing that hadn't been there since the second I was born. I fell asleep feeling genuinely happy.

In the morning, we ate breakfast and kept moving, and just a little after noon, we were on top of the peak again.

It was still pretty frosty there, but it wasn't as cold. The thin, crisp air made me feel alive.

The two of us climbed up to where Ash-Calder's cave was supposed to be, and stopped.

The cave was gone, like someone had come along and plastered new rock over it, not leaving so much as a seam to indicate where the entrance had been, but the white tree was growing there still, and my pack that I'd left before was sitting in the snow, looking wet and faded.

"What the hell?" I ran my hands along the stone, but it felt solid.

"I suppose this means…"

"We didn't imagine it, right?"

"No, of course not."

I paced back and forth a few times.

"What are you going to do, Gojyo?"

I stopped to look down at the Ruby Dagger, which was still wrapped up, dry and clean. It miffed me that I wasn't going to get the satisfaction of knowing that I'd brought it back to its rightful place. "I don't think I should keep it." I mumbled.

"Nor do I."

"But…I'm responsible for it."

I heard him laughing, turned to look at him, "What?"

"You surprise me sometimes, that's all."

"I just don't think I should leave it all unattended and stuff."

"No, of course not. However, in this case, it might be more responsible to leave it behind than it would be to take it with you for the rest of your life. Regardless of the fact that it's been entrusted to you, temporarily, I don't think you're especially suited to guarding it forever."

I turned it over in my hands. Considering that it had almost cost me my best friend—twice—I didn't even think I could stand to carry it around with me for the rest of my life. "Right."

So I did the only thing I could think of. I got the tattered, holey blanket out of the pack I'd left, I folded the Ruby Dagger into it. I walked to the edge of the cliff, and Hakkai watched me.

Below me, the valley was beautiful, deep and dark and rich, full of emerald green trees and covered in pure, white powder. A peaceful, little breeze was blowing—it smelled like pine needles and earth—and I could practically taste the wildness and the purity of the mountains. All of it made me feel really small and unimportant.

I held onto the dagger for a couple more seconds.

"Good riddance." I cocked back and chucked it as far as I could, hurling it down into the valley, and then we watched it fall away and disappear into the treeline.

I lit a cigarette, grinning, turned back to Hakkai, and slung my arm around his neck, "Let's go."

He laughed a little, "You did your best, I suppose. The Ice God will just have to settle for that."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean? I didn't see a drop box anywhere, did you, Hakkai?"

"No. There's not so much as a welcome mat up here."

"All the more reason to get the hell off this mountain. I'm cold."

"Yes, I'm sure. You still don't have a coat, after all."

"Maybe I'll go steal one tomorrow. That reminds me, what are you doing tomorrow, Hakkai?"

"Oh, class. Studying. Seeing Kanan perhaps. The usual. Life seems uncommonly peaceful all the sudden."

I grinned to myself at that. "It does, doesn't it? Anyway, some time, later this week, you and me should go play cards somewhere, make a little pocket money—I'm totally broke."

"Very well, that sounds acceptable. Allow me to get my affairs in order, and then I'll come and see you. Perhaps on Sunday or Monday."

"'Kay, cool. Um, your school's not gonna' throw a fit about it, are they?"

"Who could say? At this point, they're all quite frantic with dealing with the death of the chairman, and in any case, I can't say that I particularly care anymore."

It was my turn to laugh, "That's the spirit, smiley. Live fast, die young, and do whatever the fuck you feel like in the meantime."