Inner Demons

Loki slammed his fist onto the worn-out wooden table in anger.

This wasn't supposed to happen! Leif shouldn't be working with the Avengers against me!

After fleeing the scene in the Hammer Tech building, Loki had taken a moment to grab Sterns, as well as the machine and addition equipment he needed, before teleporting them off to a safe and abandoned little cottage in one of the rural areas in Pakistan. He had not bothered about Hammer; that man was useless anyway. Therefore, the mad scientist was now in the living room of the cottage, fidgeting and twiddling about with the machine parts gleefully while Loki retreated to one of the dusty bedrooms to lament about his foiled plans.

Everything was wrong!

If the situation had gone as Loki had planned, Leif should be by his side now and all of the Avengers would have been in ice. Instead, his four captives have thawed out and Leif had wrenched himself from his father's grasp, running off to join his friends. Loki groaned at the thought of his son being chummy with all of the god's hated enemies. Why is the boy so aggravatingly obstinate?

I wonder how Thor managed to brainwash Leif to this extent… Loki thought grumpily to himself as he sulked and glared at nothing in particular.

It appears that Leif was right about him in the past. Loki is prone to making miscalculations in his plans. And this time, that miscalculation had been Leif. The boy had managed to trick the trickster god himself. How utterly ironic.

Loki glumly wondered why his persuasions had failed with the boy. He knew that his son had been through similar experiences as him. Leif should understand the pains of being an outcast. The boy should understand the agony of desperately crawling to meet others' expectations only to be let down in the end. Loki saw the sadness and doubt in his son's eyes during their conversation. The god knew that Leif had understood what he had meant. What had compelled the boy then, to continue working against him instead of siding with him against this corrupted, twisted world?

What you are doing will only gain you acknowledgement by fear, not love…

Loki gave a scornful laugh when he remembered his son's words. Love. Loki despised the very thought. The god never understood why it had been something others could receive so easily while he had to struggle and fight for in the past.

Must be because of my Frost Giant parentage, Loki thought bitterly to himself. It must be because I am a monster.

Loki remembered how he had always longed for attention and love from the people around him before. Since young, Loki had struggled not to fall behind his brother. He had fought for any opportunity to show his eagerness about being a proper prince of Asgard to his father and the others around him. However, he had always been left behind.

Years ago, when he was still a boy and Odin had brought both him and Thor into the Weapons' Vault, Loki had listened with a sinking heart while his father declared that only one of them could ascend to the throne. Somehow, even at such a young age, Loki had guessed that it would not be him. Somehow…

Loki closed his eyes at the pain of the memory. What followed in the thousands of years to come had been an excruciating struggle for the second prince; to prove that he was a worthy son to his father and that he could be Thor's equal. The God of Mischief's stomach turned when he remembered the day of Thor's crowning to be King. It was supposed to be a glorious day for his brother; never for him. Not even a single pair of eyes would have noticed him that day.

And in the flurry of events to follow, Loki had tried his best to gain Odin's recognition. It was all he had wanted. He had never wanted the throne; Loki could still remember telling Thor that. The god had merely wanted others to see him as someone that is as capable as Thor, as a true Prince of Asgard, as a son of Odin. He wanted others to know him as himself, not as the brother of Thor. To do that he had even been prepared to destroy his own race. But Loki had failed. Pathetically. Even when he was dangling off the edge of the destroyed Bifrost, Loki had begged his father for some form of recognition, for some consolation that what he had done was not in vain. However, Odin had simply dismissed all his efforts with a single word: No.

Loki's fists clenched and whitened as the god recalled that particular moment. The old Loki died the second that word left his father's mouth. When he had released his grip on the handle of the spear, Loki was prepared to fade out of existence. However, fate was unkind to the god's wishes and he lived, continuing to roam the other realms in exile. During this period of time, Loki learnt a lot.

Loki smiled to himself spitefully as he considered his new plan now. The god will no longer seek for something as foolish and volatile as love. No, he will fight for something more realistic, something easier to control. Loki will aim for power. He would no longer ask for others to recognise his worth; he will make them recognise his worth. Loki grinned at the thought.

As for Leif, Loki thought carefully to himself. The boy is simply deluded and naïve at the moment. Loki decided that he would claim the Earth as his own first and continue to persuade his son to return to his side after that. There will be a lot of time after his goal is completed. Furthermore, after Midgard has fallen, the boy would have no choice but to cave in eventually. Loki smirked to himself once more.

Now I will have to address a few more pressing issues.

Loki frowned. He had originally planned to incapacitate the entire Avengers team to make it more convenient for him to take over the planet. However, due to Leif, this step of his scheme would not work anymore. Loki will need to proceed to his backup plan. The god gave a weary sigh.

And it was backup plan he had hoped he would never have to use.

XXX

It has been three days since the Loki encounter and the Stark Mansion was strangely peaceful. And quiet. Considering how all of the Avengers and Leif had recovered enough to move back into Tony's house, this was an extremely bizarre phenomenon.

Ever since he met his father again, Leif had not been his usual self. Thor was the first to notice it when the god had dragged himself off his hospital bed to visit the boy, anxiously inquiring about his nephew's injuries. Other than receiving a snarky remark where Leif had flatly pointed out that Thor's injuries were far more severe than his own, the god had been unable to elicit any form of response besides the occasional grunts and nods. The others realised this too, when they were all in the Stark Mansion again. There were no more pranks, no more snide remarks and no more grins. Leif simply kept silent and sat in some inconspicuous corner of a room, ignoring everyone around him and simply replying questions from the others with nods or one-word answers. After three whole days of this odd behaviour, all of the Avengers, even Tony, had started to worry about the kid.

Steve and Bruce both tried to get the boy to open up, but to no avail when all their attempts to start a conversation resulted in awkward silences. Thor endeavoured to get Leif back to his old mischievous self and did so by pestering his nephew the entire day regarding questions about 'new Midgardian technology' that the god had somehow managed to find all of a sudden in Tony's house. This only resulted in an extremely aggravated Leif (although Thor should be given credit for getting the most words out of the boy… even if they are not very nice words). Tony Stark, on the other hand, decided that provoking Leif back to normal is the best way to go about it and threw even more snide remarks in the boy's direction, hoping to elicit some sort of reaction from him. The only reaction the genius received, though, was from an enraged Thor who brandished the Mjolnir about dangerously and berated Stark for 'indulging yourself in the joy of my nephew's pain!'

Yes, the atmosphere in the Stark Mansion was not a happy one. Tony Stark found himself ironically wishing that the boy would revert back to that annoying brat he hated. It appears that Leif caused more grief when the boy became a depressed little child. Heck! Thor had even started to blame Tony for not taking proper care of Leif during the god's brief absence, therefore leading to a down spiral in the boy's mental health. Tony didn't even know he had become the official baby sitter for the kid now!

Despite being the cause of all this trouble, Leif had not actually meant for the trouble to happen. He had merely wanted some peace and quiet; some time alone where he could think about what Loki had said. After a long day of nagging and coaxing, the boy was back in his room, hugging his knees up to his chin while he sat on the nice soft bed. It was only 6.30 p.m. and Leif had barely touched the plate of spaghetti for dinner that Pepper had set kindly before him earlier. The boy simply muttered some inaudible excuse and retreated back to his room, much to Thor and the others' dismay.

You have never fitted in…

These words and a gleaming image of his father's green eyes had haunted Leif's thoughts repeatedly since their encounter. He found himself recounting more about his own childhood, reliving those terrible memories, which he had long thought he had forgotten, over and over again. He remembered his first year in school, where he had few friends and was often picked on by older students due to his frail appearance. He had felt so lonely then. Even after the incident where he finally snapped and retaliated against those bullies, he was not exactly well-liked either. Popular maybe, but only as 'the freak' or the monstrously strong boy. He was feared, not well-liked.

Then as he grew older, his looks started to develop and he began to make better use of his wit and cunning to make a reputation for himself in his school. His name was notorious amongst the teachers. The other boys were in awe of him and most of the girls, well, tended to eye him as though he was some potentially juicy (though poisonous) piece of meat. Despite of all this, Leif didn't have anyone in the school that he could consider a true friend. There was no one that he could divulge his deepest secrets or reveal his skills to without fear of scaring off the person. Leif never felt like he belonged.

And even now, when he is no longer in school, he didn't fit in either. Not at S.H.I.E.L.D, and certainly not with the Avengers. Leif understood that the others have always treated him like some extremely dangerous person when they knew who he really was. They regarded him as some sort of a walking time bomb, one that was deadly and would probably explode at any moment. However, he had tried to ignore this fact in the past, converting his discomfort into entertainment by making use of their fears to prank and tease. Leif felt that he had been doing a good job so far until Loki came along and casually said something that shattered his barriers.

The Avengers treat you as an unwanted burden that they would gladly toss from their backs.

Leif can't deny that. That was a fact that had even been flaunted in front of him blatantly (especially by Tony Stark). He supposed he had deserved it a little for causing all that trouble, and indulging in all that mischief. But Leif wondered if he could have remained sane under all the stress he had been through if he had not managed to have his fun. They provided him with a distraction. No, Leif realised that his pranks did more than that. They gave him the attention he had craved. Leif smiled bitterly at how pathetic he had been. After all those years of telling himself he didn't care about what others thought, he was still hankering for attention.

Why do you put yourself under all that pressure? Why do you struggle so hard to meet the expectations of the people around you?

Sadly, this was the same case with his adopted parents as well. Not that Leif felt they didn't love him. He knew they did. However, he also knew that he was adopted, and this fact had always made him insecure. Leif knew that he wasn't their real son, and ever since he realised this fact he had always felt that there was a need to work harder for his parents' love. There had always been this innate fear in his heart that his parents may one day reject him if he failed to meet their expectations.

Will they still love you once they see your true form?

Leif's arms wrapped around his knees tighter as he remembered his cold blue skin and piercing red eyes when he had transformed into a Frost Giant. A monster. How could Eleanor and Oliver love him when he looked like that? How could anyone possibly like him when he looked like that? Why would they? Even Leif hated himself when he saw his reflection as a Frost Giant in the mirror.

The boy wondered if his father had really been through experiences that were similar to his. He must have, Leif decided after a moment's thought. He knew how I felt…

Leif gave an uncontrollable shudder when he tried imagining how life was like for Loki in the past. If Leif had felt so low after only living for 18 years, perhaps Loki's actions could even be justified, having lived and gone through thousands of years with experiences similar to these.

We are monsters.

Leif remembered with a pang of irony how he had told Bruce Banner in the past that one's conscious decisions makes the person who he or she is. He gave a rueful smile at this thought. Now this memory seems a little taunting, given his current state of mind. However, even if Leif grew to accept this monstrous part of himself, would other people accept him as well, even after knowing what he is?

Besides, you nearly joined Loki in his quest to conquer the Earth, not just once, but twice in the past, didn't you? A nasty mocking voice sounded at the back of his head. Some conscious decisions those were…

XXX

Thor suddenly brought the Mjolnir down onto the dining table with a loud 'thud', causing the Avengers seated around the table to give tiny jumps involuntarily. Tony, for one, thought it was a miracle his table had not collapsed on its legs.

"Things cannot continue like this!" The Norse God said infuriatedly as he glared around at his friends. After Leif had mumbled something under his breath and left for his room without even having a proper evening meal, Thor had decided that measures will have to be taken to cheer up his nephew and had gathered his friends for an important meeting.

"We know Thor," Tony muttered unhappily. "Believe me, we wish for your nephew to recover as quickly as possible from his despondent state as well. His depression is catching." The billionaire rubbed his face wearily while the god glared at him.

"This is all your fault, Stark. If you didn't bring Leif along with you, none of this would have happened," Thor growled and Tony stared at him in disbelief.

"Hey! I am not the boy's official babysitter. And he is 18 years old, for god's sakes. The kid is not exactly a kid anymore. He made that decision himself!" Tony replied indignantly. "Besides, I don't see why I have to bear the brunt of the blame. Bruce here agreed to let the boy go as well." Tony nodded towards Bruce, who sank a bit lower down his chair when Thor turned accusingly onto him.

"And I am starting to regret that decision," Bruce admitted guiltily, not only to the frustrated Thor, but also to the others in the room. "It seems as though Loki has damaged the boy's spirit beyond repair."

"Furthermore, it was dangerous! Leif could have gotten killed!" Thor re-established his point by thumping the Mjolnir on the table once more and Tony winced at the loud bang it caused. At this rate he would have to buy a new table.

"Perhaps we shouldn't blame Tony entirely for this," Steve spoke up, being the fair one, and Tony suddenly felt grateful about that. Maybe goodie-two-shoes Captain America wouldn't be so bad after all, especially in circumstances like these. "After all, it was to rescue us." The soldier continued to remind the god gently of this fact and received a disgruntled grunt as a response.

"Yeah, finally someone acknowledges the fact that I just saved all of your skins." Tony said and grinned to Steve, who didn't return the smile. "Besides, I didn't intentionally place the boy in harm's way. Loki is Leif's father. Even though that guy might be a psycho maniac, you should believe in whatever little humanity your brother has left that he would not kill his own son." Tony said matter-of-factly to Thor, who simply glared back but thankfully did not argue.

The God of Thunder didn't really know what to say to Tony Stark's reply. Part of him still resented the fact that Leif may had been in danger. However, the other hopeful part of Thor was inclined to agree with Tony, to agree that his brother still had an ounce of good left in him.

"There is no use in debating who is to take the blame any longer," Natasha finally spoke up irritatedly. "What we should do now is to help Leif overcome whatever poison Loki has injected into his heart and get him back to normal again."

"What poison?" Thor asked in alarm while the others ignored him.

"The Captain and I tried to talk to him, but he didn't give much of a response." Bruce mumbled sadly and Steve gave a curt nod.

"Well, don't look at me. I am not Aunt Agony material," Tony said hastily as Natasha turned towards him with an expecting look. "Ask Pepper. She's helped me through all my troubles." The billionaire turned and grinned at his lover, who glanced back exasperatedly.

"I can't say I haven't tried," Pepper said apologetically to Thor. "But Leif wouldn't open up."

All the eyes in the room were now trained on Natasha Romanoff, who met this onslaught of attention with one raised eyebrow.

"I am a trained killer, not psychiatrist." The red headed assassin replied simply and Clint, who was next to her, nodded in agreement.

"Same here guys. I don't even know how to start off a conversation with the kid." Hawkeye muttered. After all, Thor, Steve and Bruce were the ones who had spent more time with Leif, Clint rarely talked to him.

"So no one can help my nephew?" Thor asked, looking extremely woebegone.

"You are forgetting about yourself big guy," Tony pointed out. "You are his uncle. You are the uncle. If anyone could get him back to normal, it's you!"

"Except for the fact that if he could, he would already have done so, Tony." Pepper reminded her lover gently and Tony frowned. Right.

The entire room became silent as everyone tried to think of another possible solution, but to no avail. The tense atmosphere continued for a few minutes before it was broken by Steve.

"At this rate, we are getting nowhere," Steve said finally. "Successful or not, our best bet is to find someone to talk to the kid. Preferably someone who knows him well and he would not be uncomfortable with." A few heads nodded in consent and there was a slight murmuring as to who would be the best candidate for the job. Tony suggested Fury and earned himself a few sharp glares as well as a hard whack on the head by Pepper. Then, suddenly, Thor brightened up.

"I know the perfect person for this job!" The god bellowed happily and the rest of the Avengers turned to him in surprise. Thor grinned as he looked around at his friends' bewildered faces.

Yes, the god was sure that the person he had in mind will cure his nephew of the 'poison'.

To be continued…

Oooooh… So who do you guys think this perfect person is? Guess guess guess! Haha! XD

There are both Loki and Leif's parts in this chapter. To be fair, Leif is not the only one affected by their conversation in the Hammer Tech building. Loki got a bit of the angst too, although it is not as severe as Leif's. Do Leif's thoughts seem to be written a little too confusing for anyone? I don't know… it's meant to be self-conflicting. :/

Thanks for all the lovely reviews! :D I woke up this morning and was delighted to see that my inbox had so many new messages. They really made my day! Please do keep them coming! XD

BTW... electracait has written a short chapter about Loki and Leif in her story, Why the Avengers shouldn't text. It is wonderful! You guys can go and read it, if you haven't. It is in chapter 50! ;D