A/N: Happy belated Thanksgiving to those that celebrate! Once again, I am floored by the wonderful reviews you send me. I also received notice of quite a few new readers – I hope you are enjoying the story! I have to say, I love being able to write scenes from both perspectives. It is always one of my biggest complaints when you can only guess what is going on in the other character's head. So, here is Edwards's POV of what happened after Bella fell asleep in his car.
Self Esteem Ch 20: Finally, Part 2
"What the hell happened here? Where is my daughter? Someone needs to start giving me some answers or…" I hear Chief Swan growl from outside the car. I carefully lay Bella on the seat and get up to talk to him before he starts shooting random people. I don't want this to be the way that I see him after all this time, especially knowing what I feel for- not to mention what I've been doing with- his only daughter, but I decide to suck it up, because he deserves to hear what I know directly from me not from some PA cop.
"Calm down, Sir and I'll tell you. As professional courtesy, we waited to question your daughter until you got here. Most everyone has gone back to the station." A bored sounding police officer tells the Chief. Uh-Oh.
"Professional courtesy? What the fuck happened! I don't give a good, Goddamn what you have to say. I. Want. To see. My. Daughter! NOW!" he spews automatically resting his hand on his holster.
The now scared looking cop opens his mouth to say something, but I jump in with, "Chief Swan she's asleep in my car. She is OK now. Safe. Just asleep." I try to appease.
"Edward Cullen? What?" he says looking utterly confused.
"Chief Swan I'll tell you everything. At least everything I know." I say and wait a beat before he nods, telling me to go ahead. I explain what I saw as well as what I gathered from the little Bella said and how she looked. I end the story with my sister calling the police.
He looks from me to the cop whose nametag reads Sanders, "Where is the fu… I mean suspect now?"
Sanders replies, "He is being checked out at the hospital. He was unconscious when we arrived, but based on the statements from this young man and the rest of the kids, he will probably be taken into custody once everything checks out OK with him. We will need your daughter's statement in order to hold him and officially charge him with assault though. We can head back to the station where she can get some dry clothes and she can be photographed by a female officer." The Chief winces when he hears the word assault
"Assault charges? Does she need to go to the hospital? Does she need a ra…" but the Chief's words are cut short when we hear the car door open. We both rush over to help her out of the car. "God, Bells! All they said was you were attacked and that I should get here as soon as possible. Goddamn fools. Are you OK? What happened? Did he hurt you?" He say as he wraps her in his coat and then puts his arms protectively around her small frame. Bella murmurs something that I don't catch
"Are you hurt?" Chief Swan asks looking her over for visible sign of injury. I notice Bella's face and I know she what she is going to say before it leaves her mouth.
"No, I'm f…" she starts, but I don't let her finish.
"Don't say you're fine, Bella." I sigh, turning to the large angry man standing across from me and say, "Yes, Chief Swan, she is hurt. I couldn't tell how badly, but there were, um… marks on her neck and um… chest."
He looks back at Bella, "Bella? He hurt you? What happened?"
"Dad, it's nothing. Just some scratches. I'll be fine. Don't worry. I just want to go home." Damn it! There she goes down playing what happened.
"You need to give a statement to the police first, tell them what happened, in detail… he didn't, um… didn't um…" he stutters out, his face turning an odd shade of something between red and purple- either from anger or embarrassment I don't know which.
But Bella, knowing what he is asking stops him before he has a stroke trying to ask if she was sexually assaulted, "No, Dad. Edward got here in time."
"OH, thank, Christ! But you still have to give the PA police a statement. They were nice enough to let you sleep until I got here, but now we have to go to the station." His relief is palpable.
"I really don't want to. Can't we just go home?"
"Bells…" he starts but I can't take the chance that he will give in. I'm not letting that bastard get away with this again.
So I grind out, "No, Bella. This time you have to make a report."
"This time? What do you mean this time? Has he hurt you before?"
I speak over Bella's "No." with my "Yes." I don't care how angry she gets at me. This time the fucker is not getting away with it. Bella tries begging me with her eyes, but I don't back down. "You tell him or I will."
She audibly releases a deep breath before admitting it, "Yeah, I had a run-in with James before, but nothing really happened. Edward helped me then too."
Chief Swan's face reverts back to that awful violet color, "What the… when… wait, James, isn't that the kid I saw in the hospital with the broken nose and the fishy story a month or so ago? Edward, did you break his nose defending Bella?" Fuck. I didn't know he knew anything about what happened to that fucker. I'm trying to work up the courage I need to tell him the story as I feel his eyes trained on my face. I'm not sure, but I think he finally suspects there is something between Bella and me. Luckily before I have to speak, Bella lets me off the hook.
"Edward won't get in trouble, will he, Dad? I mean he saved me – twice."
"I'm not sure, kid, but he won't if I have anything to say about it." Oh, Chief Swan, that is so nice of you, but you have no idea what I will be doing to that fucker if he even looks Bella's way again – save the mercy for my murder trial.
"If I have to tell the other officers, can I just tell you at the same time? I don't really want to have to repeat the story. Please, Daddy?" Bella pulls out the big guns, puppy dog eyes, and crocodile tears.
There is no way anyone could say no to that, "OK, baby-girl. Well, let's get going. The subject is being checked out by a doctor and then taken into custody based on the other witness reports, but you need to tell them what happened before they got here."
I don't really want to let her go, but I don't have a choice. I'm getting ready to walk back to my car when I hear a quiet, "Can I have a minute, please?"
"Yeah. Just don't be long. I'll be in the car." He says walking away. Before I even realize I've moved, I find myself wrapping my arms around Bella.
I just want to hold her. Let her know I am not going anywhere. "It'll be OK, Bella." I murmur into her hair.
"Thank you, Edward. Thank you so much. I don't know how I can ever repay you for what you did."
Repay me? I'm the reason she was out in the rain by herself in the first place. "Don't worry about it. Just go talk to the cops so that bastard can get what he deserves. Besides, if anything ever happened to you…" I can't even finish that statement, so I just hold her tighter. The mere thought makes me sick.
I would be happy to hold her all night, but she looks so tired, so I reluctantly let her go with a kiss on the top of her head. "You better go. I have to get home, I'm sure my mom is frantic by now. I called her so she knows I'm safe, but I know she won't relax until she sees me with her own eyes." But instead of releasing me, she pulls me closer. If she doesn't let go soon, I won't be able to let her go at all. "Bella, you have to let go. It's late and you still need to give a statement and you need to sleep." She finally releases me.
I look at her as she walks away and she seems so sad and resigned, like she's heading to the gallows or something. I wish I could make this easier on her somehow. I know talking about everything will be difficult, but it has to be done. I watch the squad car drive away until it turns a corner and I can no longer see it.
I drive home in a daze. One minute I'm in Port Angeles the next I'm pulling into the garage hoping that Alice has already gone to bed. I'm not in the mood to deal with her tonight. I know my sister, her heart was in the right place, but she was so off base. Bella could have been… I am not even going to allow myself to think about what could have happened to Bella. I don't think I've ever been so pissed at my sister before. I slip in the side door that leads directly to the kitchen, knowing that's where I'll find my mom, the kitchen always sparkles when she is worried about one of us. I find her scrubbing the already immaculate countertops, "Mom, I'm home."
"Oh, Edward! I was so worried! I know you called and told me you were OK and Alice said you were fine, but I just needed to see you with my own two eyes before I could really believe it. Are you OK, honey?" She asks, pulling me into a tight, mom hug. "Let me see your hands." She demands, pulling them up for inspection. "Edward. Your hands are all cut and bruised. Let's get you cleaned up and put some ice on those knuckles before they swell up any more than they already are. Sit." Again, not a request.
I sit at the table, watching her gather the first aid supplies. She never wants to see any of her kids hurt, but she is definitely in her element when she gets to take care of someone. She sits next to me and starts cleaning my bloody hands… I wonder when she is going to figure out that the blood isn't mine.
"What happened, tonight?" she asks still concentrating on her task.
"I told you on the phone, I got into a fight." I try to sound nonchalant, but she lifts her eyebrow letting me know I didn't quite pull it off.
"Alice told me what that boy was trying to do to Bella, I understand your reaction, but she said another boy had to pull you off him and you continued to fight. That's not exactly like you. So, what happened tonight?" she repeats
I sigh, flinching a little when she puts some hydrogen peroxide on one of my knuckles… I guess it wasn't all of James's blood afterall. "I saw him dragging Bella into an alley. Her clothes were torn and she was begging him not to hurt her and I just snapped. The thought of her being hurt, in any way, but especially what he intended, makes me see red… and I… I just… I don't know…" I trail off not knowing how to finish the statement.
She is quiet while she wraps my hands in gauze and puts an icepack on my knuckles. "You love her, Edward and when we see people we love being hurt, sometimes things just happen." She says kindly.
"I do love her, mom. I tried not to, I tried to stay away, but I can't anymore. I love her even though I shouldn't."
"Why shouldn't you? I know there was something more going on with her than you told me. You were walking around here happier, more alive than I've seen you in years and I suspected, but when you trashed your room? I knew. I've never seen you react that way. I knew you were going through something intense. I thought you would eventually talk to me about it when you were ready, but when you couldn't, I knew it was love and not just infatuation."
Sometimes it bothers me that my mom can see right through me, but right now I am really grateful for her incredible sense of intuition. "I shouldn't love her because she broke my heart, because she treated me like a toy, because she was ashamed of me. She made a fool out of me and then right when I was prepared to walk away, figuring she just didn't feel the way I did, she admitted she had real feelings for me."
"What happened then?"
"I got really, really angry and I haven't talked to her since… until tonight. I love her, but I don't want to be played for a fool again." I keep my eyes on the tabletop, so I don't have to look at her in the eye.
She pulls my head up gently by my chin and says, "Sometimes, love is worth it. Sometimes, you have to take the risk of your pride being hurt… of your heart being hurt in order to have something spectacular. You know something about you Cullens – by birth, not by marriage-" she chuckles slightly, "you are all programmed to find that one, great, love early in life. Your dad, Alice, even Emmett, all found their other halves young. I thought maybe you would take more after the Platt's in that way… you know how long it took your Aunt Elizabeth to find real love, but maybe I'm wrong."
"What if I let her in and she hurts me again? I don't think I could take that without breaking." I whisper my greatest fear.
"That is always a risk, but from what Alice has been telling me, I don't think that will happen. Besides, she would be a fool herself if she let you go, you are quite the catch." She tries to joke.
"Mom, I'm serious. I'm really scared." I finally admit out loud to the one person I can always talk to.
"I know you are, honey. How do you feel when you think about Bella not being a part of your life? How do you feel when you aren't with her?" I wince, knowing she is right.
"I feel empty, numb, desolate." I say
"Well, then don't let fear – or pride- stop you from trying. And if something does happen, you know we are all here for you, me, your father, Emmet, and especially Alice. She is your biggest supporter you know."
"I don't want to talk about her tonight. Her scheming almost got Bella really hurt." I say a little angrily lifting up my hands to remind her of what happened, "She needs to learn to stay out of my business when I tell her to."
"Try not to be too upset with her, honey. You know she was only trying to help… admittedly, she sometimes goes a little overboard…"
"A little overboard? Mom, she had a girl- a supposed friend- convince me that I should take her out after flirting with me for weeks only to make sure I saw Bella with that big Quileute oaf in order to make me jealous enough to want her back… that is messed up. And when the whole situation came crumbling down, Bella ran out alone in the rain and almost, almost…" I couldn't finish.
"I know she fucked up, Edward" My eyes almost pop out of my head. I can't remember ever hearing Esme Cullen say the f-word before, "and I understand you are angry… you have every right to be. Just try to remember that she is your sister. She loves you very much and only wants you to be happy. Not to mention, if it wasn't for Alice's little disaster you would still be ignoring the girl you love, alright?"
"I will. I know she was only trying to help, and no matter what happened at dinner Bella is going to be fine and she is back in my life. I'm just not ready to forgive and forget yet." I say suppressing a yawn.
"You've had a long, trying day. Go get some sleep. I love you. I'll see you in the morning." She says making her way around the kitchen turning off lights.
" g'night, mom. Thanks" I say already walking through the door. I just want a shower and my bed. I want to sleep in and then go see Bella. We have a lot to talk about… plus I really, really want to see her. I trudge up the stairs to my room and throw the door open, only to find my sister sitting on my couch wringing her hands. "Not tonight, Alice. I had a long day. I'm tired. I want a shower and then I'm going to sleep. Please leave."
"Edward, I'm sor…"
"I said, not tonight, Alice! I don't want to hear it right now. I'm too angry." I growl, refusing to look her way before heading for the shower. I shut the bathroom door behind me hoping she will get the point. I let the water heat up before stepping under the hot spray. Stepping in, I take my time letting the hot water relax my muscles. By the time I get out, I feel slightly better. I pull on some pajama pants and a thermal top, already half asleep on my feet, but when I re-enter my room, Alice is still there, now sitting on my bed.
I can tell by her red-rimmed eyes she has been crying, but I can't find it in me to forgive her right now. "Alice, I meant what I said. Not tonight. Give me some time and space." I spit out, pulling back my comforter.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"
OK, apparently, my sister is deaf or too stupid to listen, "You didn't mean? You didn't mean what, Alice? You didn't mean to stick your nose in where it doesn't belong – again? You didn't mean to make me question the motives of the only real friend I've made in years? You didn't mean to piss me off? You didn't mean for Bella to get hurt? Or maybe you didn't mean to get caught… for things to backfire. What? What didn't you mean?" I'm louder than I probably should be at 1:30am, but I'm having trouble caring right now.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean for Bella to get hurt. I was only trying to help." She says as fat, tears start coursing down her cheeks.
Damn it! I can't stand to see her cry. I take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself before going to sit next to her at the bottom of my bed. She rests her head against my arm, "I know you didn't." I manage, still not ready to let it go, but also knowing she is my sister and I will get over it.
"I just thought that with a little push you would both see you should be together. I didn't realize that either of you would react so… so… ferociously – you with your jealous anger and her with her self-pitying angst. I figured that one or both of you would give in and talk to the other before the drinks arrived and you'd be making out before dessert. I really am sorry, Edward."
"I know your heart was in the right place, but Alice, you went way too far this time. You lied, you manipulated, and you involved other people. Now I don't know who to trust." Except Bella… how ironic. She was the only one who has been nothing but honest with me from the start. I may not have liked what she did or said most of the time, but she was honest. I know she held her feelings back for a long time, but even that isn't exactly lying.
"Please don't blame Maggie. I'm the one who convinced her to do this, she didn't want to. That's why she kept trying to give you outs, you know?"
"You know I won't be mad forever, but just let me have some time to work it through. I just need some space, from everyone."
"Everyone, but Bella, right? I saw you two together tonight. You were obviously just as happy to have your arms around her as she was," she says hopefully.
"Alice… I said time… space… now go!" I say trying to keep my face angry, but failing as she is now bouncing up and down in her signature excited Alice way.
She gets that knowing smile that I hate so much and says, "I know, I'm going, but just remember… it worked!" She says as she runs for the door. I growl and throw the nearest pillow at her, hitting her back before she is able to retreat through the door. I sit there a few minutes making a plan for tomorrow before crawling into bed. Bella and I have a lot to talk about, but I think we can do this. I hope we can do this… I need to do this. I can't take being without her any longer.
I sleep like the dead. I don't remember dreaming and I am still in the same position I was in when I fell asleep last night. I look at the clock. 10:30am. I don't usually sleep this late, but yesterday was pretty stressful. I reach for my phone to call Bella, but it goes right to voicemail. She must still be sleeping. I drag myself down to the kitchen to grab something to eat and find my dad sitting alone at the table, reading some medical article. I poor myself a bowl of cereal and sit across from him enjoying the rare few moments of quiet in the house.
"I heard what happened last night. You OK?" Dad asks without putting his paper down.
"Mhmm" I mutter my mouth filled with Lucky Charms.
"You going to Bella's today?" he tries to hide the smile in his voice, but fails.
"Planning on it." I reply.
He looks at me over is paper. "How are your hands?"
"OK, not too bad." I grunt out.
"Well, make sure you wash any abrasions well and put some Neosporin on them before you go." He says eyeing my knuckles from where he sits.
"I will." I say finishing my breakfast and getting up to put the bowl in the sink."
"Oh, and Edward… make sure you're safe, son." He says, his smile finally breaking through. I can't remember the last time I blushed, but I'm sure my face was crimson at that comment. I just nod back at him to let him know I heard and take off for my room.
I try Bella, but get her voicemail again and spend the next hour and half alternating between staring blankly at my homework and calling Bella. Frustrated, I decide to pass the time playing my guitar, but after only a few minutes, I am drawn to my phone, my fingers automatically hitting the speed-dial for Bella, but there is still no answer. I try the piano only to find myself making more mistakes than I have made in years… I slam my hands down on the keys; the dissonant sound reverberates through the room. I try Bella's once again only to be met with her recorded voice asking me to leave a message.
Now I'm starting to worry. I wonder if something happened. I wonder if she was hurt worse than I originally thought and is in the hospital. Or is she ignoring me? Am I too late? Did I say too many hurtful things last night? I decide to just drive to her house and check up on her myself. Even if she slams the door in my face, at least I'll be able to see that she is safe.
I grab my jacket and keys and slip out of the house unnoticed. On my way, I happen to role by the police station and notice Chief Swan in uniform, heading inside. I find it hard to believe that he would leave Bella if she wasn't OK or that he would go into work if she was hospitalized. I relax slightly and decide to call her again, but just like the last 20 times, it goes to voice mail. A few minutes later, I pull into Bella's driveway next to her truck and practically sprint to the front door. I knock and wait, but I hear nothing, so I knock again, but there is still no sound from inside. That uneasy feeling is beginning to twist in my stomach again. I tell myself she is fine… and that she didn't see it was me and decide not to come to the door. Maybe she is just sleeping?
I head to the side of the house and look up at her dark window. I assess the tree I used to climb on a regular basis as a kid and decide to give it a shot. I'm a lot bigger and heavier now, so I have to be careful which branches I use. I smile when I make it high enough to see into Bella's window, without falling, unfortunately, I don't see her. I lean a little closer to the side of the house, the tree bending slightly under my weight and I realize that I can reach the window from this angle. I give it a hard jerk upward allowing it to open just a crack and making the tree bow slightly more from my weight. I know I should probably stop so I don't break the tree, but I try the window again, and it opens a little further. I push one last time and it squeaks as it opens the whole way. I smile triumphant until I realize that the window must not have been locked… that's not good. Her father is the freaking Chief of Police. Didn't he teach her to keep the doors and windows locked?
I use all my upper body strength to pull myself through the window, holding on to the sill for dear life. Unfortunately, I stumble trying to get my damn legs inside. I pick myself up and dust myself off, muttering to myself that this was a stupid move. What was I thinking? If she is here and OK she is going to be scared… and probably really pissed off that I climbed into her bedroom uninvited. If she isn't OK, then what the hell am I going to do? I can see it now, 'I'm sorry for breaking and entering into your house Chief Swan…' Suddenly the door opens and slams against the wall with a loud, thwack! Bella rushes in holding a, what? A fishing pole? Jesus!
"Get out of my house motherfucker!" she screams actually managing to sound menacing.
I hold my hands up and say, "Jesus Christ! Stop! It's me. It's me." And she drops her weapon. That's a good sign, right?
"Edward? What? Why? Um…"
I interrupt her before she can kick me out- or realize I just broke into her room, "You weren't answering your phone, so I decided to check on you in person. I saw your dad walking into the station on my way over, so I knew you were alone, and when you didn't answer the door. I got worried that something had happened."
"Um… thanks?" it sounds more like a question than a statement.
After a few moments of awkward silence, I push out, "So are you? OK, I mean. Are you OK?"
"I'm fine." She answers without conviction and I find myself pinching my nose in irritation "What?" she continues.
"You're not fine, Bella. I know that tone. Don't lie to me. Tell me how you are – really." I say making sure to catch and hold those big, beautiful brown eyes.
She just stands there seemingly having some kind of silent debate in her head. I try to help her out by saying, "God, Bella when you left that restaurant after what I said to you…I just… I felt…" sick to my stomach, terrified that I'd lost you for good
Her face changes from contemplative to angry in a split second before she growls out, "I'm fine. No permanent damage was done. You're free to go with a clear conscience. It wasn't your fault, no need for you to feel guilty." Shit! She thinks I did this out of guilt. Didn't she hear me last night when I said I didn't ever want to let her go? Or did she just not believe me?
Knowing I have to make this right, I have to tell her how I really feel if I want to fix this I take a small step toward her, "Bella, I…"
But she turns around and head toward the door, "You don't have to go out through the window, I'll just walk you down so I can lock the door behind you. Charlie will be home before too long and I was just about to…" Fuck, she's not even going to listen… I'll make her listen. She needs to at least hear me… then she can do whatever she wants.
I reach out and pull on her arm, hoping she will turn around and I can talk to her face rather than her back, "Bella, I…" but she interrupts me again.
"No, Edward I can't. I can't do this and then watch you walk away. I just can't" She is panting and tears are starting to fall from her eyes.
God, I want to erase all her pain. I start again, "Bella, I…"
Finally, she falls into my arms, whispering, "Please"
I move her back just enough to look her in the eyes. I want her to understand that I mean what I say, "Bella I…"
She starts to interrupt me again. She needs to shut up and let me talk, damn it! So I do the only thing I'm sure will keep her quiet. I kiss her. She is stiff at first, but then her whole body relaxes against mine and she returns the kiss with equal measure. Knowing that I have to stop before my hands start to wander, I start to pull away, but she actually whimpers. God, what that does to me. I fucking missed the little noises she makes.
I smile down at her and say, "You are so stubborn. I couldn't think of another way to shut you up. Can I talk now?" she nods yes, so I continue, "Bella I know you are confused. I know that I said some horrible things to you last night, but I want you to know I said them out of jealousy, pain. I'm sorry I hurt you. I don't ever want to hurt you. I…"
"I hurt you first. I deserved it." She interrupts yet again.
I decide to lay it all out for her, "No you didn't. Yes, you hurt me, but you were right about what you said. You didn't lie to me. You always told me the truth. I was the one who couldn't deal with our arrangement. And then finally I couldn't think about you with someone else. I couldn't stand not being able to hold you, touch you, hell, even talk to you in public. It just hurt too damn much. I wanted, no, needed more and then just as I give up you tell me you love me. At the time, I couldn't reconcile what you were doing with love. If you loved me, then how could you be with other guys? How could you treat me the way you did in front of others."
"I'm so sorry, Edward. I really didn't mean to hurt you." She sneaks in when I pause between sentences.
"I know you are. Stop apologizing. I get it now. Sometimes, pride, fear, and comfort allow you to do and say things you don't mean." I understand that because that is exactly what I'd been doing the past couple of weeks, exactly why I reacted the way I did last night at dinner.
She looks up at me and says, "So where does that leave us? Do you think we can be friends?" Friends? Is she kidding?
"No, Bella, I don't think I can be just friends with you anymore." How can we be just friends, hell, I don't think we've ever been just friends.
"Oh. OK, then." She murmurs trying to pull away and hide a fresh wave of tears. She is so stubborn sometimes!
"No, Bella. You don't get it. I can't just be friends with you. I honestly don't think we've ever been just friends. I've had feelings for you since I first laid eyes on you in Kindergarten. Of course, I didn't know what it was then, but I knew you were special even back then. As we got older, the feeling just got stronger and when you left, I lost myself. It was like you took the best parts of me with you. Then you came back… different. I tried to forget about how I felt. I tried to ignore the damn pull towards you. The constant want, need to be with you, but it didn't work, and when I finally got my chance over the summer I jumped. Head first, consequences be damned." I say finally getting it out there.
She surprises me by saying, "I feel the same way. I think part of the reason I was so mean to you is because I didn't want to feel anything for you. I just wanted to glide through high school as a superficial-uber-bitch, but you made me feel, and I couldn't stand it. So, like I said, where does that leave us?" She says biting her bottom lip. How can she not understand what I'm saying? I must not be saying it right, so I decide to answer without words. I lean in and kiss her. I put all of my feelings, all of my need into that kiss. When we have to break to take a breath, Bella stumbles a little, but I catch her by the arms and take the opportunity of her stunned silence.
"I love you, Bella." She can't misinterpret that now can she.
"I'm sorry, what?" She asks
I guess I was wrong so I say it again, "I love you, Bella. I've loved you my whole life. I can't ever picture loving anyone else. I just want to be with you." And then I realize that she may not want me. I may be too late, so I add, "If you'll have me."
Luckily, she takes mercy on me and responds right away, "I love you too. I've always wanted you in my life and I'll want you for the rest of my life… if you'll have me. I've never wanted anything more in my entire life." She smiles at me then. That beautiful smile that I've been dreaming of as long as I can remember. I smile as I bend down to kiss her. She sighs and I take the opportunity to push my tongue past her lips and twist pleasurably with hers. She feels so fucking good, but she is having trouble staying upright, so I decide to help her. You know to be a gentleman and stuff.
I pick her up and place her on the bed. I vaguely notice that it is bigger than the one that used to occupy this space. She shivers as her body hits the mattress… I can't be sure, but I may shiver a bit as well.
Without really thinking, I move on top of Bella resting my lower half in between her legs, the kisses automatically heat up from the increased bodily contact. I can't help the moan that escapes me when her hot little hands remove my shirt. She scratches her nails down my exposed back, and then makes her way around to my sensitive nipples. My hips move toward her center of their own volition. Her hips thrust up in anticipation and she sighs in pleasure when she feels how hard I am for her. She leans forward to help me undo her bra and I move around to touch her incredible breasts and stroke already hard nipples. The weight feels so good in my hands.
"Oh, God, Edward. That feels so fucking good." She practically moans. I need to see more of her, so much more, so I rip the shirt and bra off throwing it over my shoulder, not caring where it lands. Mmmmmmm, she looks so deliciously good. I can't help but lick my lips in anticipation before tasting her hard nubs one by one and grinding my erection where it wants to be more than anything. I'm lost in the heaven that is Bella's breasts when I feel her hands push back on my chest. Apparently, she wants to be in charge- I'm happy to oblige, so I roll over allowing her to straddle my hips. Damn, it's been way too long. I love the feel – the sight- of her on top of me.
I hiss as she grinds her hips down in just the right way, "Oh, God, Bella. Fuck!" It isn't until she tries to undo my jeans that I come to my senses. I want this – God do I want this- but we need to figure things out first. I don't want her to regret it. I want her to be assured of my feelings before we share that kind of intimacy again. Reluctantly I say, "God, Bella. We have to stop."
But she just smiles and whispers in my ear, "Nope." Momentarily distracted, I take advantage of the close proximity of her neck and she bucks her hips against me again.
"Oh! Oh, Fuck, Bella. Baby we have to stop. Really, we do. We have a lot to talk about." I am trying to be the good guy here! I really, really am… at least my mind is, my body, seems to have other ideas. I hope she relents soon because I don't know how much longer I can hold out.
I look up as she bites on her damn, bottom lip, looking at me like she wants to devour me, and she says in the sexiest voice I've ever heard, "Did you or did you not, just tell me you love me?" She pauses, actually expecting an answer, knowing I am incapable of speech I nod and she continues, "Did I or did I not just tell you I love you back?" I can't help but smile at that statement, and I nod again. "Well, then I think a little celebration is in order, don't you?" She raises her eyebrow as if daring me to challenge her before she kissing me so I can feel in every nerve of my body. She starts moving her hips in earnest now… damn it! Distracted again.
When she reaches for my zipper, I try one more time to do the right thing, "Bella, we should…" but before I can even finish she places her soft fingers over my mouth.
"I know. And we will. I promise we will talk, but right now, I want to make love to the man I love… Please." And I'm lost, completely gone, it takes me a second to think coherently, to be able to form words. There is something about her saying 'make love to the man I love' that stomps out any argument I can think of for stopping.
"OK, I give. You win. We'll talk, later." I say punctuating each statement with a kiss and rolling her over so I am back on top of her. I remove her pants and underwear and I'm hit with how beautiful she is, "Oh, God, Isabella, you are so beautiful." I may or may not say aloud.
I look her up and down, admiring her perfect body, when she pulls me out of my reverie with a small, "Please" and a gentle thrust of her hips. We remove my remaining clothing together as quickly as possible, and I lay back on top of her. I remember her saying once that she loves the way my body feels covering hers.
I move my now painful erection through her folds, "You are so fucking wet. So wet." And line myself up with her entrance. I pause slightly and look at her, giving her one last chance to change her mind.
"I love you, Edward. Please." She says and thrusts her hips up as I press into her glorious wet heat.
She closes her eyes in pleasure, but I can't stand not seeing her eyes. This is the first time we are making love since admitting how we feel for one another and I want – no need- to see her look at me while I'm inside of her. "I love you, too… don't close your eyes. Look at me. I want to see you," I say through clenched teeth. Her eyes pop open and I see nothing but love and passion, "Oh, God, Bella, so good. It's been too fucking long. My body feels complete for the first time in so long." I practically yell, never taking my eyes off hers. I've never felt so close to her. We move together seamlessly, our bodies instinctively moving the way the other likes, a perfect rhythm that builds the heat in both of us.
All too soon, I feel that hot coil inside me ready to spring, but I want to come with Bella, "Bella, I'm close, baby. I want you to come with me, please." I move my lips down her body, that tastes slightly of sweat and move her legs over my shoulders so I can penetrate deeper and hit that spot inside that I know makes her crazy.
"Oh, Edward. Oh, yeah. Just like that, please, please don't stop."
"OH, yessss, fuck! I love you. I missed you so damn much. I never want to be apart again- ever. Come for me, Isabella." I say as I let go and come in long, hot spurts inside of her.
"Oh, Fuck me! Yesss, God, yesss. Edward, Edward, Edward." She screams my name as she finds her own release, shaking from the pure rush of pleasure.
Hardly able to hold my body up, I fall gently onto Bella and rest my forehead on hers. I feel incredible, sated and loved. I roll over and pull her as close to me as possible, fighting to keep my eyes open.
The last thing I hear before drifting off is, "I love you, too. I missed you more than words can say, and I'm not going anywhere without you- ever." And it makes me smile ear to ear.
E/N: Next up, the big talk. Dun, dun, dun! I love to hear what you all think, so please review for me! Also, I'm wondering where all the newbies came from? Were you just looking for something to read on a long holiday weekend or was there something else? I'd love to know!