Required chapterly disclaimer:
I don't own it! But the royalty checks sure would be nice.
Just so you know, there are going to be some time jumps coming in order to move things along, you'll know 'em though. And with that said…on with the show!
Bella's POV (we haven't heard from her in quite some time)
The meadow had been wonderful. The moment we got home, Alice practically tackled me at the door. I laughed when Edward growled at her, but frankly, I could only laugh harder when Jasper informed us that he was surprised she'd showed enough restraint to not meet us at the end of the driveway. Alice merely stuck her tongue out at Edward and steered me – as much as I could be steered while hobbling on crutches – into the house and to the living room.
As promised, Edward gave me the tour of the house, well, part of it. We'll finish today. Yesterday we saw the upstairs – Carlisle's study and the historic paintings there. Jasper and Alice's room, I couldn't believe how little of Jasper there was in there. According to Edward, Jasper only wants what Alice wants, so if she's happy, he is and that means she's in charge of the décor, but then he showed me Jasper's study. It would have been any scholar's dream. A huge antique desk, books on almost every wall and pictures of Alice or Jasper and Alice together on every available surface or bare wall space. Some pictures of the rest of the family were framed on the wall too, but most were of Alice. You could tell she didn't know she was being photographed by the lack of posing. I'd asked how that could be when she's psychic, and Edward explained that it would have had to have been a spur of the moment decision. Alice can only see decisions and outcomes based on those decisions. So, if some one were to suddenly decide to snap her picture when she wasn't expecting it, they would be able to capture a moment when she wouldn't be able to see it coming.
After we left Jasper's study we'd headed down the hall towards Edward's room. His room, like mine next to it, faced south, with a wall-sized window. I realized that the whole back wall of the house must be made of glass. His view, the same as mine, looked down on the winding Sol Duc River, across the untouched forest to the Olympic Mountain range.
The western wall was completely covered with shelf after shelf of CDs. His room was better stocked than a music store. I'd commented that if we combined the contents of our rooms, we could open our own mega book and music store. In the corner was a sophisticated-looking sound system, the kind I was afraid to touch because I'd be sure to break something. There was no bed, only a wide and inviting black leather sofa, which I hobbled over too and sat on while Edward put my leg up to stretch it out. The floor was covered in thick golden carpet, and the walls hung with heavy fabric in a slightly darker shade.
"For the acoustics." He'd told me when he caught my wondering gaze.
We'd sat and listened to music and enjoyed the remainder of the evening in his room. We ate dinner, or rather, I ate dinner and he watched me, again, absolutely fascinated with my human need to eat in order to sustain myself.
Once it got dark outside, we'd headed towards my room. We pointedly avoided my original room, though, I couldn't help but pause and stare at the door as we passed and let the memories that had brought me there flood over me. Edward had noticed, of course, and guided me the rest of the way back to my room with his hand gently on my back, where we sat and talked for the rest of the night and I did everything I could think of to stay awake.
"Edward?" I asked.
We were laying on my bed cuddling and just enjoying the peace that only the middle of the night can bring.
"Hm?"
"Why do you think you can't 'hear' me?"
"I don't know. The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs does. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM."
We both laid there for a while contemplating that.
"Bella?"
"Hm?"
"Will you tell me about your dreams?"
"Why?"
"So I know how to make you feel better when you wake from them at night, when you actually sleep that is."
"Edward, I don't…"
"Bella, please. It kills me to see you suffering. I may not be able to stop those dreams, but I can, at least, comfort you when you are awake."
With a sigh, and after reminding him that talking abut the dreams inevitably leads to having them, Jasper or not, I told Edward all I could remember.
It turns out that most of the dreams were actually memories of what had happened to me after I'd been attacked in the yard. The few that had nothing to do with the attack were just my subconscious giving voice to my fears.
After telling Edward the dreams, I felt better, better than I had in a long time. I hadn't realized how much just telling some one would help. I'd fallen asleep shortly after that when exhaustion took over with Edward running his fingers through my hair and humming to me.
the next day
Now, as I sit at my vanity and Alice runs a brush through my hair, I wonder idly about my future. Will I ever be able to have some one be in close proximity without fearing they would try to hurt me. Even now, as I watch Alice raise the brush to the crown of my head, I can't help but flinch every time I see it come down towards me.
Will I ever go outside without the fear that some one will be lurking in every bush, around every corner, to attack me?
Will I ever be able to wake up in the morning after a full night of sleep and have not had nightmares the night before?
Will I ever get rid of the tightness that seems to grip my heart tighter with every breath I take?
I notice that the tightness I'd just been thinking about is getting worse. I bring my hand up and rub my sternum. With alarming speed the tightness turns into pain and I see myself grimace in the mirror. Alice stops brushing my hair and pulls the seat out. She gets down to my eye level and puts her cold hands on the sides of my face. When had the room gotten so hot?
"Bella?" She says, a tremor in her voice.
I open my mouth to tell her that it's nothing, but the words get stuck in my throat. The only sound I can manage is a grunt in pain.
My breathing quickens and then it seems as if it takes a great effort to draw any air into my lungs at all.
I throw a panicked look to Alice. I want her to tell me everything is okay, instead, it is as if I've gone completely deaf. The only thing I can hear is a sound like rushing wind.
As I look at Alice again, I can see her lips moving, but I don't hear a word of it.
She looks up sharply and starts speaking again, I can feel some one behind me and instinctively, I know its Edward.
I start when a hand is laid on my shoulder, almost falling off the seat.
Alice stands and takes a step back. I squeeze my eyes shut as tears start to slide down my cheeks as the pain becomes too much to bear.
I open my eyes and the room spins. The pain in my chest grows and I can't breathe anymore.
I feel myself begin to fall, but I don't go far. Some one holds me from the side. I turn my head slowly to see who it is and as my eyes focus I find Edward sitting next to me. He is talking, I can see his lips move, and I panic as I can't make out the words.
I feel a prick in my arm and instinctively turn my head sharply to see what has stuck me. Too sharply apparently because I feel my eyes roll up into my head and I slump against Edward.
I have the unpleasant feeling that I am spinning round and round and then I am floating. My eye lids are suddenly too heavy to hold open anymore and really, I can't think of a good enough reason to continue to try.
Sound slowly starts to come back to me and I can hear Edward call my name. He sounds so far away and I am just too tired to go looking for him.
"Put her on the bed." Some one instructs.
I want to tell them I am perfectly comfortable right where I am, but my lips don't move.
"Bella, if you can hear me, open your eyes." The voice says.
I know that voice, but for some reason, I can't place a name or face to it.
"What happened? Why did she freak out like that?" Another voice asks.
Alice. That voice belongs to Alice.
My mind begins to slowly unjumble. My head hurt, my chest and my heart hurt, but to my great relief, I can breathe again.
I turn to my side and pull my knees to my chest and take greedy gulps of air and begin to rub my sternum again.
"Alice, see if you can find some aspirin. Edward, you are going to have to find out what brought that on. I've given her something to calm her, and with the little amount of sleep she allows herself, she may go to sleep, but keep an eye on her. If she doesn't wake on her own in an hour or so, wake her yourself."
"Okay. What about tomorrow? Do you think she'll be up for it?"
"Let's wait and see how the rest of today goes. I want to keep an extra close eye on her. When she is ready, bring her down stairs and we'll try to get her used to being around a larger group of people by doing family activities today. Everyone has done as much as they can in getting her caught up to the rest of the class, so I don't think keeping her grades up will be an issue. My only concern at this point is if she will be able to be around all those people with out having a panic attack, which, if I were a betting man, I'd place a substantial wager on that being exactly what happened here today."
If anything else was said after that, it was lost on me. The feeling of floating gave way to the feel of the bed underneath me. I can feel some one laying beside me, holding me, and as much as I want to tell the person thank you, my brain and mouth aren't connecting. Giving a mental shrug, I tell myself that I'll just tell them later.
I don't know how long I had been laying there, but suddenly, my eye lids are no longer too heavy to hold open. I find my movements are sluggish, but I do have the control I'd been searching for earlier over my limbs.
I start to turn over, to get more comfortable, but I'm stopped with a hand on my arm.
"Bella?" A soft, soothing voice says to me.
"Hm?" I mumble in reply.
"Bella, I need you to open your eyes."
"But I'm sleepy." I mumble.
"I know you are, but I still need you to open your eyes and look at me."
Opening my eyes slowly, I find Edward smiling at me.
"Can I go back to sleep now?" I ask.
"Afraid not Bella." A frown crosses Edward's features. I don't like it there. "Bella, what happened earlier?"
"Earlier?"
"Yes, before you fell asleep."
"Alice was brushing my hair and she was talking about the kids at school. My mind wandered off, I can't really remember what I was thinking about, but then I couldn't breathe. I tried to get air in, but I just couldn't. I think I might have started to panic. And then I was here, and you were saying my name and telling me I had to wake up."
"I need you to try to remember what you'd been thinking about Bella." Edward says as he runs his fingers through my hair.
"I honestly don't remember. She was talking about school and I started…"
"You started what Bella?"
"I started thinking about my future."
"What about your future?"
"If I even have one, for one thing."
"Of course you have a future. Why wouldn't you"
"Edward, they are still out there. Charlie has been way too easy-going about my not being with him, and Phil…" I tried, but the shudder that ran through my body was irrepressible.
"You know we won't let either of them hurt you again, don't you?"
"It's not that easy Edward, you and I both know that. There are a million different ways that either one of them could get to me. You can't tell me you haven't thought of those possibilities."
"Of course I have."
"Then you can't deny that it's possible, and probable."
"No, I can't. I was just hoping that if I said it enough times, it would be true."
"I've tried that, it doesn't work."
"Are you ready to see every one?"
"Is Alice angry with me?"
"Why would Alice be upset with you in any way?"
"I did freak out on her."
"Bella, you had a panic attack, that isn't something you can control. Alice understands that. She would never hold it against you."
"Are you sure?"
"Bella." Edward sighed. "Of course."
"How long was I asleep?"
"A little over an hour. I didn't want to wake you, with what little sleep you've been getting lately."
"Mmm."
"Come on, let's go down stairs before every one ends up coming up here."
"Are you sure she's not upset with me?"
"Bella, I promise. Every one is just concerned. We're all going to spend the day together. Carlisle thinks it may help you get acclimated to being around larger groups of people so you'll be okay for school tomorrow."
"What is every one going to think of me? I was only there for a little bit on my first day, and then I passed out before I even made it into my first class. Every one is going to think I'm a freak Edward."
"I don't think you'll have anything to worry about honestly. Most of the school population stays away from us. Whether they know it or not, it's their instincts telling them they should be afraid, with you in our group, every one will probably leave you alone."
"I hope so, I wasn't so lucky at my last school."
"Want to tell me about it?"
"Not particularly. Let's just say that every one knew something was up, but I wasn't talking and that just lead to every one coming up with their own theories. Most people weren't polite enough to keep those theories to themselves."
EPOV
I could think of nothing to say. I held Bella tighter in a show of comfort and assured her nothing like that would happen here, at least I hoped nothing like that would happen here. It is seldom we hear the gossip about us with our own ears, well, it would be seldom if our hearing weren't so good.
"Let's go down and see what Carlisle had in mind for today." I suggest.
Nodding, Bella swung her feet to the floor and then stopped.
"Uh, are you planning another surprise or something?" She asked.
"Not today, why?"
"My crutches aren't here."
"Perhaps Alice took them down already."
"Would you mind?"
"Of course not."
I take silent delight in carrying Bella around. I can surreptitiously smell her hair, she uses a lovely strawberry scented shampoo. I feel as if I am able to protect her better when she is in my arms.
I pick her up and she puts her arms around my neck. I walk at a normal, human, pace. I can sense Bella's nervousness. She is stiff, holding me tightly as if…afraid.
"Bella, are you alright?" I ask.
"Fine. I'm…fine." She mumbles.
We enter the living room and every one is already there. I place Bella on the love seat and then take the space next to her.
"Thank you Edward." She says quietly.
"I thought today we would have some family time." Carlisle says to us all. "Perhaps today would be a good day to play board games."
"No board games, between Edward and Alice, no one else ever gets to win!" Emmett complains.
"Okay, no board games, and I assume this means card games are out as well. How about…" Carlisle trailed off.
"What about a game of baseball?" Alice suggests.
"Are you saying a storm is going to pass through?" Jasper asks.
"Oh yes, a very nice, very loud, storm." Alice replies.
"What is it Bella?" Jasper asks.
"Nothing. It's…nothing. But um, why is a storm so important for a baseball game? Wouldn't that make it harder to play?" Bella asks.
"Edward, I'm getting worried about Bella evading the question when some one asks about her." Carlisle says silently.
"I know. I am as well. Before bringing her down, she was overly tense when I carried her. When I asked her about it, she shrugged it off, and then just now with Jasper." I reply.
"There isn't
much we can do about it other than wait for her to open up on her own
unfortunately." "Do you think this will affect her going
to classes tomorrow?"
"I don't see how
it will, but keep an eye on her tomorrow, make sure all of you keep
your eye on her." "We will."
"…so, when we hit the ball it's loud, really loud, like a thunder clap. Playing during a storm disguises the noise, so no one is suspicious." Emmett finished explaining.
Bella nods her head, though if she truly understands or not, is a mystery to us all.
"Bella, we'll have to go away from the house to do this, will you be alright with that?" Carlisle asks.
"I'll be fine." Bella says.
"No, Edward, she won't." Jasper communicates with me.
"What do you mean Jasper?" I ask.
"She's already scared, by the time we leave, she'll have worked her way up to terrified. I'm not sure this is a good idea."
"She's going to
have to leave tomorrow too, better to find out today if she can do it
then wait until morning." "I suppose."
"Edward?" Bella asks.
"Yes?"
"What are you and Jasper talking about?"
"You are much more observant than I give you credit for. It was nothing, just strategy for the game."
"Oh."
"Why don't you take a nap before we leave. You've had such little sleep lately Bella." Carlisle suggests.
"I'm fine." Bella says, again.
"It would make me feel better. Please?" Carlisle beseeches her.
"Ah, sure, I'll lay down for a bit, I guess." Bella says hesitantly.
"I'll take you up." I volunteer.
Bella nods her head in acceptance and I pick her up and head toward the stairs.
"Will you stay with me?" Bella whispers.
"Of course." I answer.
I place her gently on her bed and she turns on her side and gets comfortable. As I lay down, she seems even more tense.
"Bella, is everything alright?"
"Yes, I was just wondering if it would be alright if I…well…put my head here?" She asks, placing her hand on my chest.
"It's fine. You know you don't have to ask."
With a wide yawn, Bella puts her head down on my chest. I run my fingers through her hair, down her arm, over her back.
Eventually, her breathing deepens and evens out as she falls asleep. I won't wake her until it's time to leave.