Chapter 20: The world outside

Emmy checked Whisper's saddle and the fastening of her packs one more time. She had been ready for a while, and she knew Eda was going over her own packs a second time as well. From the looks of it, Eda was being deliberately slow, as if she knew that Emmy was waiting for someone.

"Emmy!" Vania called, running towards them from the main building of the palace, the dawn light showing them only a disheveled girl in shirt and breeches in the shadows.

"Vania." Emmy said, smiling in relief as she opened her arms and welcomed Vania into them.

Vania all but slammed into her, hugging her tightly. "I'm sorry I'm late! I'm so glad I caught you."

It wasn't as if they didn't say their farewells last night. They had both known for a week that they would be completely apart this summer. Emmy was going back to the desert with Eda — Eda was actually going somewhere else, but promised to drop Emmy off with the Sandrunners for the summer, and to pick her up when it was time to return. Vania was going to accompany her parents to Trebond, where the Wildmage was due to have a naming ceremony for her still-shape-shifting child. After that, Vania would travel with Lianne to the City of the Gods, and she vowed to improve her healing skills.

"You didn't really have to come," Emmy said, though she had wanted her to.

"Don't be silly." Vania pulled apart, smiling. She passed her a small bag that she had been carrying in one hand. "Take this. I know you liked the spiced nuts Fianola brought back. I found some of them in the city."

Emmy took them, wondering how much they had cost. Not that she really cared. It was a ploy for her mind to distract herself — she was looking forward to visiting the tribe again, but the thought of leaving Vania was suddenly becoming harder to bear.

"Take care of yourself." Vania said, her sapphire eyes searching Emmy's intensely.

Emmy nodded, and tried to smile. "You too."

Vania smiled tightly, and leaned forward to kiss Emmy on the forehead. Emmy wasn't even surprised anymore. Emmy wished that she was bold enough to kiss her back just as easily.

Reluctantly, Emmy pulled away and mounted Whisper, thrusting the bag of nuts into one of her saddle bags.

"Safe travels!" Vania called as they rode away, waving hard.

The sun was in their eyes when they rode out into the main road, and Emmy pretended to shield her eyes as she quickly wiped away a few tears.

"You're close, aren't you?" Eda asked lightly.

Emmy tried not to blush, knowing that Eda had seen the whole thing. "She's my best friend."

Eda raised an eyebrow, as if in challenge, but she didn't say anything else. They rode on.

"Does Aunt Alanna seem anxious to you?" Vania asked Lianne on their first night at Trebond, just after Lianne doused the candles for that night. With the two of them sharing a bed and darkness surrounding them, it was like they were eight or nine again, when they often talked through the night.

Alanna had joined their party on the road two days earlier. With the war dying down and her childhood home nearby, Vania had expected Alanna to be cheerful and friendly. But instead, she was quiet and withdrawn, and she looked exhausted with shadows under her eyes.

Lianne sighed. "She does. I don't know why, and mother wouldn't say."

"Must be some secret then. I wonder what it is?"

"Probably something dangerous," Lianne said, "To us or to the realm."

"I wish I'm a knight already," Vania said suddenly, "I wish I can already help them."

Lianne's hand found hers in the dark, and she squeezed them gently. "Your time will come soon enough. Enjoy this while you can."

Vania snorted. "I'm sixteen. Girls my age who chose to fight are either active Riders, or guarding mother and Shinko as the queen's ladies. Commoners would be earning a full wage, or taking care of their babies. I'm a page. I'm not sure I ought to be enjoying myself further."

"Huh. What happened to attending balls and dressing up? You used to love those."

Vania was glad that Lianne couldn't see her blush. "I still like dressing up. I wore a dress today."

"I noticed," Lianne said dryly. "I also noticed that you weren't as enthusiastic about attending those balls over Midwinter. Was it because you haven't found the right man to dress up for?"

Vania made a non-committal noise, her eyes tracing the moonlight beyond the light curtains on the window.

"Or the right woman?"

Vania turned around to her sister sharply. Pale moonlight fell on Lianne's face, and she was waiting patiently.

"Wha — what did you say?"

"I had crushes on men since I was twelve, Vania." Lianne said gently, "And you know my feelings for Alan started when I was fourteen. I haven't heard you talk about men at all, but you talked about other women or Kel all the time. Or Emmy, recently."

Vania was very glad that her face didn't face the moonlight, her cheeks were so warm. She had not yet figured out how to tell Lianne. And truth to be told, she was afraid to. What if Lianne thought her unnatural? What if she thought this was yet another way Vania was shirking her duties as a princess, because she wouldn't want to marry a man?

If Vania had not hinted this to Fianola in one impulsive moment in their second year, no living person would have known that Vania of Conté preferred women.

But now Lianne had asked. How could she lie to Lianne, of all people?

Vania shook a little, suddenly filled with nerves. Belatedly, she realised tears had leaked from her eyes, and she shut them in shame.

She felt Lianne sit up in alarm, one hand rubbing Vania's shoulder comfortingly. "What's wrong?"

Vania pushed herself up slowly and let Lianne wrap her into a hug. She rested her head on Lianne's shoulder.

"It's all right, Vania. There's nothing wrong with preferring women."

"But what am I going to do?" Vania sniffled. "I'm a Conté. I — even if I can find someone to love, and for her to love me back somehow, I can't marry her! People will say it's unnatural, it'll bring shame to father and the Crown and —"

"Hush." Lianne started rubbing soothing circles on Vania's back. "You're thinking too much about things too far in the future. Don't beat yourself up when you haven't even begun. Father will react like he always does, but you know deep down he wants us to be happy. Mother, too."

Vania clung to her sister, immensely relieved for her acceptance, but in a hurry to release all the fears and worries that she had been carrying for so long.

"But how can I do this to them? They already have so many battles to fight at court. I wanted to help them, like you, and Kally, and our brothers. I never wanted to bring them trouble!" She shuddered, "And I said I'd be a knight to show the realm that girls can fight. What good would all this do if I end up a scandal!"

She sobbed into Lianne's shoulder, and Lianne held her tightly.

"Why am I so different?" Vania muttered miserably, sniffling, "Why can't I just be a good little princess, and wait for my turn to marry?"

"You would be so boring if that's true." Lianne said softly, and Vania felt her lips twitch a little. "We can't help who we are. You're great at being Vania, and most of the time you like being her. This is new, and strange, and difficult, but it's still part of you. And all of us — me, Kally, everyone who love you — all of us love you for who you are. We don't want you to be anyone else."

Vania hugged Lianne tighter, failing to find words to show her gratitude.

Lianne started rubbing circles on her back again. "And things aren't as bad as it seems. Shinko said that it's common in the Yamani Islands for people to take lovers of the same sex. One day she will be queen. Maybe things will change."

Vania nodded gratefully. She had not thought about that at all.

She sniffled again, and Lianne pulled back slowly. Lianne turned and stretched her arm towards the bedside table, and came back with a handkerchief.

"Blow."

Vania blew her nose into the handkerchief, and instantly felt much better. Lianne set the handkerchief aside and gently pulled her back down onto the bed.

"Thank you, Lianne." Vania whispered, feeling a rush of love for her sister, "I should have told you earlier. But — but I didn't know how to tell you."

"It's all right. It's not an easy thing to say."

Vania nodded, and took a few shaky breaths. Lianne's hand found hers, and gave her an encouraging squeeze.

"Do you like Emmy?"

Vania didn't reply immediately. She blushed, once again glad for the darkness surrounding them. "I — I don't know. I think I do. But — but she's my best friend."

"Well, Alan was a good friend too." Lianne said casually, as if they were not discussing Vania's deepest, most confusing feelings. "But I started wanting to kiss him. That's when I knew."

Normally, Vania would squeal at such revelations, as she did when Lianne admitted that she liked Alan. But now, it just made her squirm.

"Well, do you want to kiss Emmy?"

Vania swallowed. "I do. I— I did. Over Midwinter. But on the forehead. I think — I think she thinks of me as a friend. Maybe even a sister." That thought alone was depressing. What if that was all Emmy would think of her as? An older sister who watched out for her?

Unexpectedly, Lianne leaned forward and kissed Vania on the forehead. "Because that's how sisters and mothers kiss too, silly. I take it she doesn't know?"

Vania shook her head miserably. "Maybe she likes men."

"Has she said anything?"

Vania shook her head.

"Does she have a crush on any men?"

Vania considered for a moment, and shook her head again. "But she's thirteen. She's so young."

"She's seen a lot more than most thirteen-year-olds." Lianne said quietly. "More than she should have. And she's brave, and loyal, and kind. I can see why you like her."

Vania looked down. "What should I do, Lianne?"

Lianne didn't answer for a while.

Finally, she sighed. "I don't have the answers, Vania. I remember, when I first realised what I feel for Alan, I was afraid that it will destroy our friendship if things don't work out. I held back for a while, and tried to understand how he feels. When I realised he might feel the same way, I told him."

Lianne gave her hand another squeeze. "I don't know if this will work for you. Or when Emmy might realise whether she prefers one sex over another. But be careful if you want to keep your friendship with her still, no matter what happens."

Vania's heart was beating so fast that she felt like it might jump out of her. It was the thing that scared her the most, more than the possibility that Emmy might not like her back. What if she ruined their friendship?

"Hang in there for another year or two, maybe," Lianne said, patting Vania's hand sympathetically. "When Emmy is a little older and knows how she feels, you'll have a better chance."

Vania nodded. "We'll be apart by then, though. We'll be squires, and we probably won't see each other so often." She blinked away a few tears. "It was so hard to say good bye last week."

Lianne gave her hands a squeeze again, and didn't say anything else. They let the silence drag, and Vania closed her eyes.

She didn't have more answers than she did before tonight, but at least she could take comfort in the fact that Lianne knew, and she didn't treat her any differently. It was with a much lighter heart that she drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

One week after Emmy arrived at the desert, a rider galloped into the main camp when she was hanging some clothes to dry outside her tent. He rode straight for the headman's tent. Everyone who was outside stopped to stare.

"We have a call for help!" he shouted, and Emmy and a few other men found themselves running towards the main camp. Emmy recognised him as part of the patrol squad.

The headman, Hameen, pushed his tent flap open and gestured for the rider to speak.

"A Rider group close by is being attacked by a pack of immortals, headman," The rider bowed from his saddle, "It's a group of hurroks and centaurs, numbering close to forty."

Emmy felt her breath catch.

"How many are there in the Rider group?" Hameen asked quickly.

The rider frowned a little. "They are larger than usual Rider groups. About twenty of them, and three of them, a large black man and two women not in uniform, seem to be leading them."

Emmy's eyes widened when she realised what this meant. She rushed forward and bowed to the headman.

"They are trainees! They are not regular Riders, headman. These must be trainees riding for their summer camp. The large black man is Sarge, an instructor. And one of the woman is most likely Onua Chamtong, Horsemistress for the Queen's Riders."

"And the other woman?"

Emmy gulped and shook her head. "It could be their former commander, Buriram Tourakom, or it could be someone else. Buri still helps with the training, even if she no longer holds any formal post."

Hameen grimaced. "Buri and Lord Raoul are both of our tribe. We will take care of them."

He swiftly called for the men in the camp to assemble. Emmy ran back into her tent to grab her crossbow, quiver, and sword.

"Headman," Emmy said quickly when she found Hameen about to mount his horse. "Please let me come. I want to help."

"You're too young for this, Emmy." Hameen said kindly, "Eda entrusted you to us, and we must not put you in danger."

"I'm about to be a forth-year page, sir," Emmy stood straighter and tried to look more confident, even though she could hear her heart pumping in her ears. "I have three years of training. And some of them are my friends. I can't sit here while they are in danger!"

Hameen considered her for a moment, and shook his head in resignation. "We let boys your age join a party like this. I suppose it's not right to keep you here. Get your horse. We won't wait for you!"

Emmy ran, glad that it was a common practice for the young boys in the tribe to saddle every horse during an emergency. She hopped onto Whisper and brought her quickly to the rest of the group of twenty that was just riding out of the camp.

Hameen led them at a hard gallop. When the scene of the battle came into sight, Emmy almost rode straight into another rider.

"Watch out for the hand signals," The rider to her left said, and Emmy nodded, her cheeks warm.

Hameen split the group into two, planning to divert the immortals from the group of struggling Riders in the middle. Emmy brought up the rear for her group heading towards the right, trying to keep an eye on the immortals and find familiar faces. The Riders were mostly on the defensive, and a handful had fallen. But they were still fighting.

The hurroks turned on them first, and Emmy shot quickly. Her second shot hit a hurrok in the flank. It screamed and flew upwards and away, before another arrow to its neck took it down.

Emmy took a few more shots, missing some of them as the hurroks were retreating. The tide of the battle had turned with the arrival of the Bazhir. The centaurs found it harder to retreat — the moment they were a safe distance away from the Riders, the Bazhir and Emmy would take their shots. They stayed close to the Riders such that arrows were risky for the Bazhir.

At another hand signal that Emmy missed, the Bazhir closed in, drawing their swords. Emmy hurriedly slung her bow across her back and drew her own sword, nudging Whisper forward. They tried to close in around the remaining four centaurs on their end, though Emmy was kept outside of their ranks by unspoken agreement. Two of the centaurs reared, and the horses close to them balked, throwing off their riders. Whisper halted a few feet away, her head turning left and right and eyes darting around in fear.

"Easy, Whisper," Emmy leaned forward to rest her hand firmly on Whisper's neck. "You're a brave, brave girl." It wouldn't do for Emmy to stay on top of her. Whisper wasn't going to move forward.

She dismounted.

A scream tore through the air. Emmy took a step forward and saw a centaur breaking through the ranks of Bazhir, one screaming Rider trainee bundled under his arm. That explained why no one attacked him. The male centaur had crazed eyes staring straight ahead, and he was fast galloping towards Emmy's right.

Emmy hid next to Whisper, one firm hand on her flank and keeping Whisper between her and the centaur's line of sight. She watched his hooves from under Whisper's belly. Just before his hooves were level with Whisper's head, Emmy rushed out from behind Whisper and ran as fast as she could, sweeping with her sword just in time to cut one of his hind legs.

He roared, stumbling.

Momentum carried Emmy forward to his left, and she scored another deep cut down his flank. He dropped the trainee on his other side. His sword swung from his left hand towards Emmy, and Emmy raised her sword in time to block, staggering backwards at the force of his blow. He turned fully, stumbling on his front legs but his eyes murderous.

Emmy saw his sword come down and blocked. His right hand moved, Emmy raised her left arm to shield herself. Something shot into Emmy's forearm right where her neck would have been. Emmy gritted her teeth, and blocked again. As he pulled his sword back she darted in, stabbing deep into his vulnerable mid-section. She yanked her sword up to block as she dropped to her left. His sword slammed onto Emmy's wrist guard before she managed to roll away.

She cried at the sharp pain on her left arm, but she pushed herself up with her right hand as soon as she stopped. The centaur had fallen, blood flowing from his mid-section and an arrow in his back. Emmy scanned the battlefield. Only one centaur was left standing, fighting futilely against the Bazhir around him. Buri was running towards her from the main group, crossbow in hand. The kidnapped trainee was scrambling towards her as well.

Emmy sat back on her heels, panting as she laid her sword down beside her. She leaned on her right hand to stretch her legs out in front of her, grimacing at the throbbing at her right wrist.

The trainee knelt down next to her, her brown bangs falling into her eyes as she looked down to examine Emmy's arm. "Are you all right?"

Emmy nodded, still panting. The trainee sat back on her heels and started tearing the bottom of her tunic. Emmy brought her left arm up. A knife was embedded on her forearm, just below her wrist guard. She cursed inwardly at her luck.

"There you are."

Emmy looked up. Buri looked cross as she crouched down in front of her.

"What were you thinking?" Buri snapped, her voice as stern as Emmy ever heard her. She took Emmy's left hand with a gentleness that was a complete opposite of her voice and expression.

"I thought…" Emmy took a deep breath, fighting back a wince. "… You needed help."

Buri glared at her. "Hameen came with twenty men! How old are you? Thirteen?"

"Fourteen." Emmy said quickly. At Buri's look, she added meekly, "In a few months."

"You're still younger than all my trainees! I have my hands full taking care of them. I don't need to be worrying about you too! Alanna would have my hide if anything happened to you!"

"Would she?" Emmy asked dumbly, cursing her mouth the moment she said it. She looked down, embarrassed. Did the Lioness really care about her?

"Put a thicker padding," Buri was saying to the trainee, "It's a deep cut. Give me your other hand, Emmy. There's a cut in your wrist guard."

Emmy sat up straight and offered her other hand. There was a slice across the leather of her wrist guard, and her hand was bleeding a little. Buri took off her wrist guard carefully, revealing a large bruise and a thin cut in the middle.

"You got lucky with this." Buri said quietly, tearing her own tunic for a makeshift bandage.

Emmy was about to reply when the trainee warned her that she was pulling the blade out. Despite the warning, the burst of pain that came was a shock, and she yelped in pain. Buri moved to Emmy's right, and she leaned on her gratefully.

"That will teach you not to rush into battles too big for you." Buri said curtly as she wrapped Emmy's other hand. Emmy was still a little breathless to reply, but the trainee beat her to it.

"She did save my life, Buri." The trainee shot a smile at her as she wrapped Emmy's arm. She was beautiful. Her brown locks was cut short at her ears, and her eyes were a warm emerald. "Thank you, by the way. I don't even know your name."

"It's Emmy."

The trainee nodded. "I'm Clarissa."

Buri looked at both of them in turn, adding unexpectedly, "You might be distant cousins. This is Emmeline of Tirragen, Clarissa." Buri caught Emmy's eyes and nodded at Clarissa. "She's Clarissa of Eldorne."

Emmy turned, and saw a shocked expression on Clarissa's face that matched her own. Tirragen and Eldorne had been close once, and there were certainly marriages between their ancestors. But Emmy had never met another Eldorne in her life, nor had her father or Darius mention them. Perhaps it would look too suspicious for them to have dealings with each other — it was Tirragen and Eldorne men-at-arms who stormed the palace during King Jonathan's coronation more than twenty years ago, after all.

Clarissa ducked her head first, and finished wrapping Emmy's arm with a snug knot. Emmy opened her mouth, and closed it, not knowing what to say.

What would Emmy want someone to say to her? She didn't want pity. She didn't want charity. She just wanted to be treated normally, without the weight of treason on her name. Treating Clarissa any differently would mean acknowledging that legacy of treason, and Emmy knew how bad that felt.

Buri nudged Emmy when she was done, and she helped Emmy stand, adding Emmy's sword to her crossbow in her other hand. It took a moment for Emmy to gain her footing, feeling a light-headedness that could be a sign of blood loss. It took all her will and effort to focus on walking towards Whisper, and she didn't say another word to Clarissa as they made their way back to camp.

Clarissa didn't talk to her, either.

Much to Buri and the other instructors' relief, they didn't lose a single trainee, though about half the group had some injuries or another, and they lost four ponies. They decided to camp with the Sandrunners for a week before moving on to their original destination at Pearlsmouth, letting the injured recover and for them to learn about the poisons and herbs that was the Bazhir's specialty.

Emmy woke up from a nap the following afternoon to find both Eda and Buri talking quietly in her tent, sitting cross-legged around the low desk in the middle of her tent. She pushed herself up on her right hand, blinking blearily at Eda.

"Eda? When did you get here?"

Eda pulled a small cushion to one side of the desk in a silent invitation. "Just before lunch. I saw the Rider tents next to ours and went there first. It seems like I missed all the action." Her eyes were sharp on Emmy as Emmy stumbled to her feet and took the two steps needed to get to the desk. Emmy might have sat down a little heavily onto the cushion. "Are you all right?"

Emmy mustered a smile, though her arm throbbed. "I'm fine."

"Considerate but not helpful, Emmy." Buri said, pouring a cup of juice for Emmy. Buri and Eda already had cups in front of them. Buri nodded at Emmy's left arm. "The cut from the throwing knife is deep enough. The other one is mostly bruise. But my healer's dry from healing all the other injured, and he won't recover for another couple of days to tend to those properly."

"It doesn't even —" Emmy bit her lip as Eda took her arm. No, it wasn't true that it didn't even hurt.

Buri raised an eyebrow at her. Emmy hastily took her cup of juice with her right hand and tried to direct her embarrassment to the cup.

"This will take a few days to get back to normal, even after the Gift is used on it." Eda rested her hand carefully on the desk when she was done. "Not bad, considering the fact that you took on a centaur on foot and won."

"The idea is to discourage her from doing more stupid things, Eda." Buri said dryly.

"Credit should be given where it's due." Eda said calmly, sipping her juice. Emmy was about to sigh in relief when Eda turned sharp eyes on her. "Still, you took quite a risk, Emmy."

Emmy squirmed under the eyes of the two experienced warriors, both of them her teachers. "I had to do something. It's people I know."

Eda and Buri exchanged a look, and Emmy decided to do something before she was subjected to more scolding. "Have you found out what happened? Why did centaurs and hurroks come to the desert, of all places? And they don't usually work together, don't they?"

Eda and Buri exchanged yet another knowing look, making Emmy feel young in a way that she had not felt in a while.

Eda turned to Emmy. "Have you heard about what they found on the immortals who attacked summer camp two years back?" Emmy shook her head, startled to hear that incident being brought back into discussion. "All the immortals had invisible collars put on them by mages, and they were controlled that way. Yesterday's attack had the same pattern."

Buri nodded, her face grim. "It's a mark that only mages can see. The summer camp attack was the first known attack of this kind, but it's been increasing ever since. This marks the third attack the past two months."

Emmy's eyes widened. "Do we know who's behind them?"

Eda shook her head. "Many have been looking. Provost guards, mages, the Whisper Man. None of them have been successful."

"It's a very sneaky rat we have here." Buri said, taking another sip from her cup.

"Sneaky and political." Eda added, and Emmy turned to her in surprise. "Not all of these attacks are on people who can fight back, Emmy. Many of them leave villages and towns in ruins, and leave folks talking about how Tortall is falling apart and losing favour with the gods."

"But we're winning the war with Scanra!" Emmy protested.

"A war where killing devices made of children's souls led the charge." Buri reminded her, "It's as unnatural as it gets, never mind that they come from our enemy. These attacks are targeted to spread rumours that undermine the Crown. We and the Own try to put a stop to those rumours when we can, but in some parts of the realm the talk does take hold."

"The tricky thing is these are not new rumours," Eda set down her cup, "They ride on the talk that have always been here. That the Crown is losing favour with the gods because it allows intermarriages with foreigners, letting women fight — the usual. For some, these attacks are proof that what they've always believed is coming true."

"Some of the nastiest conservatives are happy to ride on it." Buri said with a look of disgust on her face. "Never mind that it's the Own and the Riders who clean up after these attacks."

"Do you mean…" Emmy hesitated, realising how serious a claim she was considering, "Do you mean these people are planning a rebellion?"

None of them were surprised by her question, though they didn't answer immediately.

"Someone is certainly planning something." Buri said finally, "And they've been working for at least two years. Let's hope we find and stop them before we find out what they want the hard way."

Emmy swallowed. Who could be this powerful to enslave immortals to their cause, and be smart enough to evade the best mages and warriors in the realm? And who would dare attempt rebellion against a king who wielded the Dominion Jewel?

How sheltered her life in the palace had been, Emmy realised. So much was going on in the world outside that she did not know about. There was much work to be done. She couldn't wait to be a knight.

Clarissa avoided Emmy for the next few days, and left with the Riders without saying another word to her. Emmy was a little disappointed, even if she did not know what to say to Clarissa either. Eda stayed a few more days after that, her own departure delayed because she wanted to wait for Emmy to heal completely. She was passing by and had meant to teach Emmy new moves before moving on, and she stayed long enough to make sure she did.

"Eda." Emmy said as the two of them shared their lunch in Emmy's tent. It was much too hot outside, and Emmy was glad to come back in after a morning of hard work. Eda was due to leave in a few hours, once the worst of the heat had passed.

"Thank you for teaching me these before you leave again." Emmy asked, looking at her lap. They both sat on the ground. "But I don't understand. Why are you so good to me?"

Eda raised on eyebrow. "Why does it matter to you?"

Emmy bit her lip. "I'm learning so much. I know most pages would move on to become squires without ever learning so much about Shang fighting. I don't — I don't know if I've earned this."

Eda was silent for a moment, and when Emmy looked up, she had an unreadable look on her face. Is it because you feel sorry for me? Emmy was dying to ask, though she couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"You've earned it." Eda finally said, "I wouldn't have taught you if I didn't see you practising hard. I teach plenty of pages at the palace, but few of them sought me out to learn more like you did, on your first day. You don't have a word of complain for the pace I set on the road, and Hameen said you don't shirk practice when I'm gone. Why shouldn't I be good to a good student like you?"

Eda stood up, and plucked Emmy's empty bowl from her hands without another word. Emmy muttered her thanks as Eda exited her tent.

What Eda said made sense to her. Maybe Eda did feel a little sorry for Emmy. But Emmy felt better now that she at least knew what she could do to make sure she was deserving of Eda's kindness.

She worked hard in the weeks after Eda left, practising in the early hours of the day and before she slept. It was too hot to do so at any other time of the day. The rest of the time, she visited Mari, the herbalist, and helped her with her chores, learning more details about poisons and herbs than she thought possible. Her fight with the immortals had earned her respect among the men as well, and they sometimes invited her to hunt with them. Sometimes she joined them for archery practice.

When Eda came back a week before they were due to return to the palace, the tribe surprised Emmy by asking her to join them formally as a member of the tribe. Eda was already a member, and she was among the witnesses when they performed the ceremony. Emmy felt incredibly flattered and honoured.

Lying on her bedroll that night, she realised it meant that she would always have a family among the Sandrunners, and it made her cry.

"What's the matter?" Eda asked somewhere close by. As Eda didn't stay long with the tribe, the two of them always shared a tent when Eda was back.

Emmy covered her mouth in dismay, chiding herself for forgetting that she wasn't alone.

"It's nothing, Eda." She muttered when she felt like her voice would sound normal.

"How many times do I need to remind you that I'm not senile? I heard you crying." Eda said, though there was no hint of annoyance in her voice.

Emmy smiled in the darkness. "I'm sorry. It's just… embarrassing."

"Huh. Why don't you humour an old grandma like me?"

"You're not old," Emmy protested softly. Eda didn't dignify it with a reply. Emmy took a deep breath. "I'm just… glad to be included in the tribe, that's all. Not just welcome as a guest, but included as part of the family. I've only ever had Xander."

Eda was quiet for a moment. "You have friends too."

Emmy nodded, and realised that Eda couldn't see her. "I'm lucky to have them."

"You've earned them." Eda said firmly.

Emmy turned to her left, and sought out the lump of shadows on the other side of the tent that was her teacher and mentor. She didn't fully agree with that assessment, but she appreciated the thought.

"Thank you." She whispered.