A/N: Hey people! I just got me some internet access, so here is the next chapter! My beloved beta (x0xDrumMajorx0x) says it's a winner, but I want to know what you think! I hope you guys had a good weekend, here is your Sunday night gift!

Chapter 18 Edward POV

The meadow was especially beautiful this afternoon; the sky, having brightened to a vibrant shade of blue, seemed to go on for miles with little to no clouds covering the unusually bright sun. I sighed, turning my pale features toward its warming rays, instinctively allowing my eyelids to droop and my mind to wander.

"What is this place?" I shrugged my shoulder rather nonchalantly at the familiar voice, too wrapped up in my relaxation.

"That's a brilliant description, Edward. Thank you for the valiant effort," came her sarcastic remark. My lips twitched ever so slightly, my hand searching for hers of its own accord.

I felt her small fingers wrap soothingly around my own, and her soft hair brush up against my cheek as she laid her head against my shoulder.

"This is my…place," I began, my face turning away from the sky to search our familiar surroundings.

"I found it while hiking a few months after we moved in. However cliché it may sound to you, it's my 'escape from reality'."

"That sounds like something on a Disney brochure," she teased, her laughter resounding beautifully through the open space.

I nudged her a bit with my shoulder, jostling her perfect curls. "I'm not one for philosophical descriptions," I reasoned, squeezing her hand playfully. She returned the gesture with equal pressure, her right hand sweeping across her body to rest on my chest.

I complied with her wishes as she pushed me back onto the smooth material of our picnic blanket.

She giggled, her mahogany locks fanning out around our faces, creating a curtain of sorts.

"Why did you bring me here?" She questioned, her chocolate irises gazing longingly back into my emerald ones.

This was not a dream I recognized, it wasn't a memory I had produced at an earlier date. This was not Addie and I. This was not Andy and I. This was Bella; these were her beautiful eyes pleading for answers. This was my subconscious further confirming the need to examine my feelings…

"I don't know, Bella." I whispered, my fingers moving to encircle her waist. Why was I so unreasonably comfortable with her?

I watched as her prior contented expression fell with my vague reasoning, and my dream-self frowned.

"Don't be upset," I reassured, further tightening my hold around her soft body.

"How can I not be?" She trailed off, making to push away from me; her eyes looking anywhere but at me.

"I just…I don't understand these feelings." I said uncertainly. She tilted her chin at a questioning angle, her face almost seeming hopeful for the shortest of seconds.

"So, there are feelings?" She questioned, the ghost of a smile pulling at her porcelain skin.

The unusual dream seemed to be more of an elongated version of our conversation last night. The one I had so cowardly backed out of…the one I had given up on. This was my own way of punishing me; this was my masochistic personality rearing its ugly head.

"Yes," I answered truthfully.

"What kind of feelings? Friendly feelings…or…more?" There was that word again, 'more.' Its connotations were vast and many. The word was just too broad a term. I felt all too overwhelmed and trapped with her wording. Was her version of 'more' different than mine? Was it more powerful, less…equal?

"I..I care about you." I knew it was a cheap way out. Care, in some instances, was just as broad a term as 'more'. I didn't know how to handle Bella. She was so different from Addie. She was so broken…so innocent. I didn't want to overwhelm her; I didn't want to hurt her. But…I wanted to know her. I wanted to learn her; everything about her…did that make my feelings more than friendly? Is this how I felt when I was with Addie?

The prospect scared me; a relationship that didn't involve Addie. She had been my everything; my everything that started out as nothing. I loved her, she was my better half. My best friend, my lover, the mother of my son. Could I really expect Bella to fill such a void in my mangled heart…was it fair to ask that of her?

My confused mindset seemed to darken the setting of the dream. The atmosphere seemed harsher now, the sky darkening with thick, overbearing clouds, the sunlight significantly dimming. I shivered as I felt the familiar raindrops, my uncertain eyes turning back to the angel above me. But she was gone.

My hands instinctively reached for her, a ruff sob escaping the startled set of my jaw.

Beep. Beep.

I foreign sound seemed to darken the edges of my dream picture, and in a desperate attempt to locate those familiar dark eyes before the dream faded into nothingness, I pushed away from the moistened grass, my eyes glancing this way and that in search of her perfect face.

"Edward?" The sound of my name echoed softly around the now empty image of my mind almost painfully, and I clutched my hands to my face in a defeated gesture.

"No, I'm here. Yea…I'm okay." Was I awake now? I quickly blinked the sleep from my eyes, the confusion from my dream seeming to reformulate in the form of a painful haze.

"Shit." I breathed, rubbing relentlessly at my foggy gaze. I felt the hollowed echo of a painful migraine beginning to form and reached my hand toward my aching forehead.

The coolness of a moist towel greeted the warm pads of my fingers, and I realized that Bella must have placed it on my head sometime during the night.

"Bye, Jake. Thanks for last night." I froze at the words, my clouded vision finding a path to her delicate figure. In my foggy haze I could still make out her simple movements. The way her long hair was tucked into a messy bun at the base of her neck…the oversized T-shirt and sweat pants combo that adorned her slight frame…Emmett must have come to check on her sometime while I was passed out.

I watched as she snapped her cell phone shut and tossed it carelessly onto my black leather couch, she seemed to pace around the room, mumbling to herself all the while. I wondered what she was thinking then, if it had been about our conversation last night…if she was upset. By the tense set of her jaw and her constant clenching and unclenching of her fists, I guessed that she was psyching herself up for some sort of declaration or a speech. I didn't know how I felt about that. I didn't know how I felt about a lot of things at the moment.

I attempted to right myself into a sitting position against my head board, but my head seemed to burn and pound in protest as if someone had lit a match and set my mind aflame. I groaned with the intensity of the pain, doubling over the side of the bed to wretch into the wastebasket Bella had set beside my bed earlier this morning.

"I doubt there's anything left in your stomach." Out of the corner of my eye I saw her approach my side. She eased her body into a crouch, her fingers wrapping around my arm as she attempted to sit me back up. I fought with myself not to shove her out of the way and wretch into the basket with all I had in me, closing my fists as the pain once more pronounced itself.

"God," I murmured, as she leaned around me to grab at the pills and water glass that sat on the nearby nightstand.

"Take these." She stated rather monotonously, her delicate fingers gently pried open my closed fist and dropped the white aspirin into my palm.

"Thanks," I whispered, popping the pills into my mouth and taking a few generous sips of the cool liquid.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, sitting herself down at the base of the mattress.

"Just dandy," I stated sarcastically, willing the medication to work faster, for my sobering haze to allow my eyes to adjust.

She breathed one soft chuckle, and I frowned at the fact she was taking any sort of pleasure from my pained state.

"Does my raging headache amuse you?" I all but seethed, unhappy with myself more than with her. I was annoyed mostly at my strange dream than at her soft laughter. The truth was it was a sound I looked forward to hearing most days; days when I didn't feel like passing out or dying.

"Only slightly," she admitted, moving to sit Indian style, her long legs wrapping under her small body.

I grimaced with the sudden shift of the mattress and my stomach rolled once more. She seemed to sense my change in demeanor and immediately stilled her movements.

"Are you okay?" She whispered, a hand half way outstretched toward wear I sat on the bed. I didn't say anything, couldn't really at the moment. I was afraid even the slightest tilt of my head would bring back the pills that I so desperately wanted in my system at the moment.

"What happened, last night…?" I asked, hoping to keep her worries off of my current physical status. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"What's the last thing you remember?" She wondered, her forehead creasing slightly with worry… and what seemed to be annoyance, or aggravation.

I thought about it for a moment. She was probably worried that her short monologue the night before had been forgotten, and the hangover offered me the option of playing the "I don't remember" card and pulling myself out of the situation, but I doubted that would stop her from saying what needed to be said.

The last thing that came to mind about the prior night's activities included mostly images and words that spoke of her hurt and her questioning gaze. My mind seemed to have subconsciously filled in the blanks with that odd dream I had woken up too.

"We were talking. I said I was tired, or something along those lines." I eventually stated, going for the truth angle rather than attempting to weasel my way out of this.

She sighed. Had anything more substantial been spoken following my cowardly excuse?

"Yea…you basically passed out after that. I didn't blame you. You drank a lot of Vodka." She rubbed her smooth palm against her forehead. "Emmett came in a bit after, gave me some clothes, watched you while I took a shower…then I went to sleep on your couch." She pointed to the black leather of my seldom-used sofa.

"Alice had offered me a ride home but…I wanted to stay with you…to make sure you were alright, in case you needed reminding of anything…" More like incase you needed more scolding.

"Otherwise, nothing too eventful; you woke up a few hours ago and puked your guts out, then insisted on brushing your teeth, ranted about dental hygiene, then came back to bed and passed out again."

"Oh." What else was I supposed to say? "You didn't have to stay you know. You could have gone home, I would have been alright." She scoffed at me, her soft pink lips forming a slight frown.

"Oh yea Edward, you seem completely fine." She pointed out, gesturing to my head and to the wastebasket. She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring holes into my comforter.

"Bella," I wanted to apologize, to explain myself, to say what I really meant. I wanted more time; I wanted to ask her what she thought about my dream…if seeing me like this had changed any of her feelings. If she was thinking about leaving or anything of the sort…but I just couldn't find the motivation.

I decided to change the subject, I was sick of her making me seem like the bad guy here. "Who was on the phone?" I questioned, knowing that she had spoken with Jacob earlier. That mongrel. I shouldn't have allowed her to even think about asking him out…he didn't deserve her.

She blushed at my question, and I watched as the apples of her cheeks became stained momentarily in a soft crimson.

"Jake. He wanted to make sure I was okay." She responded softly. It was hard not to be mad at her right now. It just was…and in an effort to keep the attention away from myself, and like the coward I was being, I pursued the subject.

"Did you tell him where you were?" I asked, finding a sick sort of comfort in having turned the figurative tables.

"No, I didn't want him to worry."

"Why do you care what he thinks? Do you think being here isn't safe? Because if you're uncomfortable, by all means, don't let my juvenile actions keep you here." I said, hoping she'd take the out and just leave. I wasn't ready for this, I could feel the aspirin kicking in, and my senses seemed to be coming more alert with each passing moment.

"Of course not. I'm perfectly fine being here."

"So why not mention where you were?"

"Because he would worry anyway."

"Bastard."

"Excuse you. You don't get to say that, what has he ever done to you?" I sneered at her, fighting the urge to lose my temper. I didn't want to think about the all consuming hatred I had for Jacob Black, or about how he had been a dark spot during Addie's pregnancy…Bella didn't want to here about that and I didn't need her sympathy on the subject.

"Nothing." I said quickly.

"Tell me." She commanded, her hands instinctively moving to her hips.

"Drop it, Bella." I warned, not wanting this to turn into a screaming match.

"Why are you so damn stubborn?" She wondered. I just shrugged.

"Because I can be."

"Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you for once just tell me, be straight with me, what are you thinking?" She asked, her chocolate eyes searching my silent features.

"You mean what were you thinking. Look Bella, I don't need another speech on my drunk (drunken) stupidity, it won't happen again."

She seemed slightly hurt at my accusation, but wasn't it true? Isn't that what this was really all about? She wanted me to open up, to talk about my life. But she wasn't willing to allow me the time or space I needed.

"I don't want to yell at you Edward. It was stupid what you pulled last night, but we both know that is not what I want you to talk to me about."

"How do we go about this?" I asked.

"Go about what? Discussing your feelings? I don't know. Opening your mouth might be a good place to start." Oh, har har.

"I don't need the sarcasm." I stated.

"You don't need it, but you could use some of it. Stop dancing around the subject."

"You infuriate me," I seethed, unable to wrangle in my current emotions.

"Infuriate? Really Edward? Look, you don't need to be all reserved, if you feel like screaming at me then dish out your worst. I can take it. I want it! I want you to be real with me! What is it about my questions that bothers you the most?"

"Your persistence."

"That's a start. What about my persistence."

"You're constantly pushing me! You want me to open up to you but sometimes I just can't."

"You can't, or you don't want to?"

"Both. What's wrong with wanting a little bit of privacy?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. But I'm not asking you to bear your soul Edward. I'm asking you to give me a chance, to at least attempt to share part of yourself with me."

"I'm not ready for this."

"It's been almost a year."

"It doesn't make it any less painful! She meant everything to me, and then you barge in to my life. You think it's unfair the way I treat you? I think it's unfair that your so damn sure of yourself, that you're always there…you with your big doe eyes, and you're comfortable essence…it's unsettling."

"Okay, we're making some sort of progress here. So…you're scared of me?" I sighed.

"No, not you…I'm scared of who I am when I'm with you."

"Who you are?"

"Yes, who I am. How I act, my thoughts…it's like you numb the pain. It feels good, and you're smart and you're happy and you're loyal and you're there for me…it's different. I don't feel the need to be closed off, I feel like telling you everything…but I don't like that. I'm not used to that."

"So you like me, but you're scared of what we could be." It wasn't a question, and I don't think it was ever meant to be one. She had figured me out, I had cracked and slipped and she was finally starting to understand. Did I want that? Was it better now that she had some inkling of my thoughts and feelings? Or have I just hurt her even more by admitting that this wasn't something I was willing to jump into.

"I just need more time." I stated, almost solemnly. I didn't understand this situation, I needed to and wanted to, but it seemed so much more difficult.

"Time for what? To think about it? It seems like you've done all the thinking you need."

"I don't think I'm ready for this. I have Andy. And Addie…I just…"

"Edward, this isn't a trap, I'm not asking you for forever. I just want a chance…a chance. Is that really something you can't offer me?"

"I want it to be something I can give you, I…I care about you, Bella. I know that it may seem like I don't, like I am pushing you away, and in some ways I am. I just," I took a deep breath attempting to gather up my thoughts. Was this the part where I told her how perfect she was? Was this where all those cheesy, corny feelings became heart felt vulnerable words? I wanted it to be, but I wanted her to understand that being cheesy or corny wasn't something I wanted to be with her. "God, I just want to be honest with you."

"You can be Edward, I'll understand, whatever you're feeling, I just need to know."

I watched her wearily as she reached for one of my hands. I held hers gently, relishing in the feeling of complete contentment that came with her soft touch.

"I'm afraid of losing you, of this not working out…of Andy being affected if it doesn't. I wonder if Addie will hate me, or if she's happy with whomever I choose or don't." I heard her quiet sigh once my words had died out. I was afraid to look into her eyes. I wanted her to understand.

"All of that scares me too. Of course I worry about Andy, I love him Edward. He's perfect. And…even if we don't work out, I want you to know that I'll be here for you, for him. No matter what, I'm here." I squeezed her palm lightly, earning a small grin.

"I'm glad."

"Me too," she whispered.

"Bella?" She looked up slowly, a small, hopeful smile about her perfect face.

"Will you be my second chance?" She smiled at my words, leaning across the mattress to wrap her arms around my neck. I could feel the gentle nod of her head against the side of my throat.

"Of course." I kissed her cheek, and for the first time in what seemed like years, I was able to breath.

A/N: Who likes it? Who loves it? Who hates it? Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!! ~Lauren (P.S. A big shout out to Twilam cus your reviews made me smile so wide!) P.P.S I LUV YOU MACKIE GIRLIE!!!