Chapter 18:
Shadepaw felt someone pulling her off of him and she tried to pull away. Whoever it was seemed to easily stronger and older than her, and she had little chance of escaping. So, she was pulled off of Whirlpaw and was thrown to the floor with a 'thump.'
"What the hell was that?" Snapped Shadowfur, her mentor, looking down at her with disgust.
"It was me attacking Whirlpaw, that's what it was," Shadepaw said with such a large amount of disrespect in her voice that Shadowfur seemed shocked.
"What is wrong with you?" The older she-cat was outraged but Shadepaw wasn't in the mood.
"What's wrong with me?" She growled back, "how about you ask what's wrong with him!" She jutted her head towards Whirlpaw, "he's the one who doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. I gave him several chances to close that yapping gob of his. But then he thought it was smart to go insult my family."
"That gives you no right to attack him!" She said back, "haven't I taught you any self-control?"
"Self-control?" Shadepaw felt the anger bubbling back up, "you think I have no self-control? How dare you? You have no idea the amount of self-control I've had to have over the past six moons or seven moons of my life. None of you do!" She snapped that last part at the onlookers.
"What are you talking about?" Shadowfur just looked confused.
"Exactly," the apprentice turned her back to her mentor and shot one last comment over her shoulder, "what am I talking about?"
"Hey!" Shadowfur shouted, "don't walk away from this!"
But the apprentice had already left the camp, consequences be damned. The moment she had stepped out onto open moor she had started running and didn't stop. Darkfall had told her not to leave camp. Screw him, he wasn't important. She had gone back to camp, she just wasn't planning on sticking around. Where was she going? She didn't know.
It wasn't the first time Shadepaw had ran from her problems, but it was definitely the first time she had ever had a problem this bad. She had never felt this pure, empty terror ever before. Not even when her mother died did she feel like this, this aching in her gut. Maybe back then she didn't realise how unfair it all was.
Now she did.
She had stopped running, she only just noticed that. She was also now standing at the shore of the lake, looking out at the fairly placid waters in front of her. How peaceful. She didn't feel peaceful.
"Mom?" She said aloud without realising, "you believed in Starclan, didn't you? That's why you went to the moon pool, to talk to them." She laughed to herself, I guess you drowned in your own beliefs. Sorry, that's not funny."
Shadepaw glances around herself, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
"If there were a Starclan, wouldn't they have done something already?" She looked at the sky, "are you really up there, mom? Or is that just a nice thought."
Nothing. No whisper in the wind or ripple in the lake. Only the never-ending sounds of nature. Shadepaw laughed again.
"I guess it is just a nice thought," Shadepaw said, "to think dead cats go somewhere when they die, that dead cats don't stay dead. But that's one fat lie. I'm not talking to my mother. I'm talking to myself."
She was shaking. She didn't know why, but she was.
"I miss you, mom," she said to the emptiness, "and it's so unfair. Every part of it is so unfair. I can't do anything. I'm trying but that murderer is too clever. I thought I was smart, but he's just smarter. He knows how to get to me. He knows something, when I'm around him, strange things happen. It's happened twice now. With the fire. Do you know, mom?"
Still no reply.
"Who is he?" She asked the emptiness again, "why does he know so much about me? Why does he care? I know he's killed a lot more cats than just you, but then why does he remember you? Why does he remember me?"
Shadepaw looked at her paws, sighing loudly.
"I hate him, I always knew that. But, I guess I didn't realise how much I hated him. Oh God, I really hate him, it's so uncontrollable. I'm scared and angry at the same. I want to run away and rip his throat out at the same time, you know what I mean."
Nothing. Still quiet.
"Who am I kidding? I'm just talking to myself." But even though she had just admitted to herself, she continued the one-sided conversation herself. "I wish he were here right now. I wish Darkfall were here right now, and I wish I could rip his throat out. That would be great, that's all I want."
Suddenly, he was there. From nowhere. He had just popped into existence only a few tail-lengths away from her, standing completely still in the shallows of the lake.
Instantly, she lunged at him, but just ended up face-planting on the sandy water bed, and she came back up, coughing and spluttering. She turned around, but Darkfall had not moved. He was still just standing there. Had she aimed her jump really poorly?
Confused, she approached Darkfall and placed a paw on him. Except it wasn't really on him, more like through him.
Her paw dazed through his body, which then flickered and vanished. The illusion had vanished.
"I'm doing that," she realised, "like when I set the tree on fire. I'm creating illusions, that's why the tree didn't burn."
A small part of her mind felt happy, another part of the mystery solved. Did Darkfall have these powers too? Probably, that was a far less happy thought.
But, she had just made a replica illusion of Darkfall appear. She wondered if she could do it with another cat.
"I want to see my mom," she whispered to herself, "please…"
But no matter how hard she tried, it wouldn't work. She felt confused, it had worked with Darkfall, why not with Brightfeather.
She tried a different cat, she pictures Emberpaw in her mind, and tried to make her appear in front of her.
It worked and, a few moments later, an accurate replica of the ginger apprentice appeared. If that worked, why didn't Brightfeather's illusion work?
She tried it with several other cats, it worked for them. But it still wouldn't work for Brightfeather, why not? Shadepaw just wanted to see her mother, even if she was only an illusion, a fake, didn't she deserve that at the least?
Then, with a jolt. She realised why it didn't work.
Shadepaw almost broke down.
"I can't even remember what my own mother looked like," she said to Willowpaw, who had been watching everything unfold for the past few minutes, "God, that's so depressing."
"Shadepaw…" the silver she-cat tried to find words of comfort, but none came.
"Maybe I should go jump in the lake," the dark apprentice said with an unsettling chuckle, "maybe then if there is a Starclan, I could see my mom."
"Please don't die."
"I won't." She said firmly, "at least, not until Darkfall is dead at my own claws."
"He's looking for you," Willowpaw said, not sounding happy about it, "he found the fight interesting. He wants to find you."
"And find you I did," came his voice from nearby, "You two seem very close, could almost mistake you for littermates."
Willowpaw looked at Shadepaw, but the green eyes she-cat had her eyes closed and her head raised to the sky. It broke her heart to see her best friend like this, she seemed so empty, so broken. It was awful to see, if all cats, Shadepaw like this.
"That was an interesting show you put on there, Little Shadepaw," Darkfall said, still atop the slope, "making little illusions appear. Impressive."
"I can't remember my mother," said Shadepaw, eyes still closed, "you killed her when I was two moons old, everything I try to picture her, it's blurry."
That's why her eyes were closed, realised Willowpaw, she was trying to make her mother appear. Willowpaw didn't really understand how that worked but didn't feel like it was the place to question it.
"How about this?" Darkfall tilted his head to the size.
Willowpaw turned around to see a beautiful, sleek, white-furred she-cat covered in ginger splotches standing nearby, her mesmerising, kind blue eyes looking at Shadepaw. Did Darkfall have the same ability that Shadepaw had, that was strange… what even was the ability? It made no sense.
Shadepaw turned to look at her, or it, and shook her head, "it's not the same when you do it. Maybe you should create an illusion of her drowning, that would probably hold more sentimental value to you."
Willowpaw was shocked at how calm Shadepaw was and couldn't help but feel like she was intruding on something.
"Drowning your mother wasn't an enjoyable feat," Darkfall snorted approaching his own illusion, "it was a necessity. I had no choice."
"Is that what you say to help you sleep at night?" Asked Shadepaw, but her tone held little anger or scorn. In fact, it held no emotion at all.
"She doesn't look like you," Willowpaw said suddenly.
Shadepaw and Darkfall both looked at her, almost as though they had forgotten she was there.
"No, she doesn't," said Shadepaw, "guess I get my looks of my father, whoever that is."
Much to her own surprise and horror, Willowpaw figured out very, very quickly. And the small, secret smirk on Darkfall's face that appeared after Shadepaw had said it practically confirmed the theory.
"Oh, no," murmured Willowpaw, "Oh, no. Oh, no."
The dark grey tabby she-cat looked away from the Brightfeather replicant and frowned, "what?"
The dark grey tabby tom did not look away, but his smug smirk only grew wider.
Of course! Of course! It made so much, horrifying sense. It was the only explanation.
"I'm sorry, Shadepaw," the silver she-cat shook her head, "I only just figured it out."
"What are you talking about?" Emotion returned to the she-cat's voice, but it was only confusion.
"Am I wrong?" Willowpaw looked at Darkfall who said nothing. "Am I wrong?" She repeated it.
He grinned, "no."
Willowpaw turned back to the thoroughly confused Shadepaw, "Shadepaw he's… oh, God- he's your-"
"Spit it out, Willowpaw," said Shadepaw, tone snappy and impatient.
"He's your father," she said suddenly, "Darkfall is- Oh, God."
"What?" Whispered Shadepaw, despite understanding it perfectly.
And it made so much sense as well. It made too much sense.
Her mom…
Darkfall.
The murderer.
The tom she hated most.
Her father.
"I shouldn't exist," whispered Shadepaw, "I'm the daughter of a monster."
"A little overdramatic, don't you think?" Darkfall was as sly and cocky as ever, but he wasn't exactly rushing to deny it.
The illusion of her mother vanished as Darkfall took a step closer to her. She didn't move or react, her eyes were fixed on the floor.
No.
No.
No!
"My mother…" but she trailed off
"Yeah, not as great as a she-cat as you thought she was," he laughed, but it was empty, "you'd be surprised at the things she's done."
'It's a lie' thought Shadepaw, 'or maybe I'm dreaming. Starclan, if you are real, then please wake me up now.'
But it wasn't. It was the whole, horrific truth.
"Now that the family reunion is over," Darkfall interrupted her thoughts, "I think it's time you returned to camp."
He wasn't looking at Willowpaw as he said it, but she knew he was asking her to do the same as well. She moved so she could silently slink away, but paused when she noticed that Shadepaw wasn't moving, she was standing completely still and was glaring straight at Darkfall with a murderous look on her face.
"No," she said.
He looked down at her, "who do you think you are?"
"I know exactly who I am," she hissed at him, "but I don't think you know who you are, do you?"
He grinned down at her, more amused than anything else then, "tell me then, little Shadepaw, what don't I know?"
"You're a murderer, that's a fact you seem to forget a lot," she watched him carefully as he edged closer, "you might be an important cat to The Glorious, but that's a lie and you know it. You're nothing but a worthless, murderous monster."
"And what does that make you?" He said, "the daughter of a worthless, murderous monster?"
"Maybe," she snarled, "but I'm better than you'll ever be."
"Really?" He tilted his head to the side, "because I'm a fully trained warrior who is the next in line to take the mantle of the leader of The Glorious, the leader of an empire. And what are you? Some traumatised apprentice who doesn't know how to keep her emotions in check."
She growled, "I know how to control my emotions, I've been doing it for the past six moons."
"Really? Because the way you leapt on that tom in camp a few minutes ago says otherwise."
"Whatever," was her only retort, "I'm not going back to camp. Especially not with you," she sneered at him.
"Fine then," he took a step closer so he practically towered over her, "run away then. I'll give you a day's head start. Then you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to hunt you down until I find you, and I will find you. Then, I'll drag you back to Moor camp by the ear if I have to. Then, if you're still not ready to listen to me or do what I say, I'll beat you senseless."
"No, you won't," she said but doubted herself as the words left her mouth.
He laughed, that empty laugh, "I drowned your mother right in front of you, and you still doubt me."
She looked up at him, trying not to give away her fear.
"If I run, you won't find me."
"Even if I couldn't, you'd come running back anyway."
"I wouldn't, there's nothing that would make me come back."
"Really?" Darkfall's eyes flickered back to Willowpaw, causing Shadepaw's heart to drop in realisation.
"Don't hurt her," she said.
"Then go back to camp, now, and stop wasting my time," he hissed, "I'm your father, you'll do exactly what I say, all the time. And if you don't? Well…" He drawled, "we'll deal with that when the time comes, won't we? Do you understand me, little Shadepaw, or do I need to reiterate?"
"No," she deadpanned, "I understand."
But, in her mind, a plan was forming. A plan that was her last hope.
A/N: I'm not overly satisfied with this chapter but whatever, I'm just trying to get back into the swing of things with this story. I saw Black Panther the other day, and it was amazing! If you haven't seen it yet, you totally should!