Chapter 19 (Yuiren)

It was starting to get warmer, as summer waited around the corner, and the days became longer. Yuiren shrugged out of her bright red cardigan and tied it around her waist, mumbling to herself as she walked. She wasn't overly fond of summer, it was always too hot for her, and she was going to miss the cherry blossoms - she loved viewing them in spring. Her family usually went walking at a nearby park for hanami, but this year, she hadn't felt like it and they'd gone without her.

Yasuo had liked the cherry blossoms, too.

Wrenching her mind from that direction as the familiar ache bloomed in her chest, Yuiren turned and looked at the line of sakura trees that ran along the school wall, evenly spaced out. Some late flowers were still there, bright and pink and pretty, and she took a deep breath, trying to think of something else. Jun... Miki! Yes, Miki. The strange, hyperactive girl she'd just met, whom Jun assured her was cute and a good friend, despite her rather eccentric habits. Yuiren trusted Jun's instincts about people, and her own were telling her that Miki was okay. She'd been excited in class earlier, just coming down off a high (apparently she got high on oxygen sometimes) but she'd been nice. Yuiren had liked her.

After she and Jun had updated her on the class and homework, Miki had offered to buy them both melon bread. Jun had declined, but Yuiren had figured she had nothing else to do and joined the other girl for lunch. Once not high - or less high, since the universe provided her with her crack after all - she had turned out to be a good lunch companion and they had talked a little. Miki had been interested to learn about what being Jun's roomie was like ("So, you saw him shirtless? That's awesome-sauce, did you get a photo?") and they'd found out that they each played various instruments (Miki was a jack-of-all-trades and master of none, while Yuiren herself could handle the violin, guitar, piano - and she was learning the drums, dangit). The other girl had been intrigued when Yuiren had confessed that she didn't know much about scores - she'd never officially learned to read them. Yasuo had, and he'd been teaching her, but Yuiren's talent came from her grandfather - he'd been a master violinist, and he'd taught himself how to play by ear. Yuiren, the only one of his grandchildren to inherit any sort of skill when it came to his mastery, had then inherited his violin after he'd died - though since it was an antique Stradivarius, and quite valuable, her mother had it in safekeeping for her for now - she was convinced that Yuiren would kill it somehow. Better to keep it safe, and only let her use it on special occasions.

"I'm not that clumsy," Yuiren had grumbled to Miki, who had burst out laughing and mimed whacking her forehead on the table.

Point taken.

Yuiren was only worried that she was going to be known as the 'Bonk-forehead-flip-table-girl' for a while in A class.

That had been yesterday. Her unexpected cohesion in forming a new friendship with the other girl had surprised her. It had been a while since she'd made friends so smoothly. Maybe it had been Miki. The girl was friendly, after all.

Pleasantly surprised to find a sudden breeze as she neared the lake, and her favorite gazebo, Yuiren closed her eyes in contemplation. She wished she had her violin with her. She felt like playing, or singing, or dancing. The plan had been to come out here and be alone, maybe enjoy the cherry blossoms. But the scenery was too beautiful out here, and now she felt like expressing herself in her favorite style. Yasuo would have written a song. Yuiren would have sung it. Her chest ached again, and suddenly, Yuiren wished she hadn't come out on her own. Ittoki would usually meet her here, and they'd chat a little if she was in the mood, but he and Kurusu-san had been away for a couple of days promoting their summer concert in town. Some sort of interview with a teen magazine. Ittoki, being Ittoki, had been excited about it. The others had their own things to do so it was just the two of them.

"See ya when I get back!" he'd told her.

Yuiren just hadn't realized at the time that she would actually miss her senpai.

When they were kids, Yasuo and she had played together. Yasuo's favorite game had been, of course, pretending that he was already an idol. Part of that game had included Yuiren being one with him. They'd been too young to even think about separating from each other; they did everything together and Yuiren had figured she didn't mind. Yasuo's dream had been to be a famous idol, and it had sounded fun to her. She wanted to be a violinist, like ojii-san, but at the same time, she'd also wanted to do whatever her brother wanted to do. And so they'd played, out in the garden, in the local park. Whatever was around them had become their performance arena. They'd danced on the playground, used the swings to swing dramatically onto the "stage", jumped over rocks and did power-slides on the grass. Their imaginations had made the entire world, literally, their stage.

Yuiren didn't remember growing out of that, though they had eventually slowed down and stopped, at least when there were others around to see.

So it was out of habit, really, that she lightly began to step down to the water's edge, leaving the gazebo and glancing around. No one else was here.

This was her stage.

Grinning to herself, she closed her eyes, pictured an audience in a sea of seats stretching as far as the lake did, and lifted her skirt for a curtsey. Then, she spun, in a graceful motion like ballet, hearing the music mingling with the roar of the crowd in her mind. Softly, remembering, she began to sing.

"In the time that we were moving on,
Didn't we meet by fate? You and I
I keep this overflowing feeling warm,
So it won't disappear
In the glistening future,
I want to be together with you.

Brand New Breeze~.
I never felt this feeling before
Just for you~.
I won't let it loose for forever.

When I'm happy
And when I'm sad,
I don't hesitate to fly to you.

I want you to hold me,
To catch me, and to show me your smile.
Because I have you,
Both today and tomorrow,
I can keep on going.

Brand New Breeze~.
The tale begins now.
Just for us~.
And I won't let it end for forever…"

As she sang, she moved, her movements uncoordinated ballet steps that somehow took her in twisting, spinning motions. She probably looked like a fool but no one was watching, and so instead she felt free. This, she understood, this was what she was good at - living in the music. This song, she and her brother had both liked. Coming to a halt, she half-sang, half-whispered the final chorus.

"Brand New Breeze, now the story begins
Just for us, I won't ever let it end..."

And as she ended, a part of her understood that not all of the song was directed to Yasuo.

That was startled out of her as behind her, someone started clapping. Heat rushed to her cheeks and she spun with a pounding heart and a little yelp, only to see - "S-senpai? You're back?"

"Just got back this morning," Ittoki said cheerfully, his eyes bright and enthusiastic. "That was awesome. I've never heard you sing before, not like that. Seems... different, from your audition performance?"

Yuiren stared at him, her cheeks still red, uncertain whether or not to be embarrassed. She was, rather, at the fact that he'd been watching and she'd been dancing and singing like a fool while thinking no one was around, but... it was Ittoki, wasn't it?

In the end, she muttered something and groaned as she yanked her cardigan from the loose knot it was in around her waist and covered her face with it, tumbling to the ground.

Ittoki quickly realized what the problem was. She heard him chuckle, then felt his hand on her head, ruffling her hair.

"You were good," he said, softly, gently. "But I won't tell anyone, not if you don't want me to."

"Please don't," pleaded the cardigan, and he laughed. Reaching for her hands, he tugged her to her feet.

"I'll pretend I never saw that, then." He winked as the cloth fell from her head, hanging halfway over her hair. "Cheer up. Look, the real reason I came down here was to bring you somewhere. I'm supposed to be having lunch with my group mates, so come on. I thought you could meet Masa, and Ren, and everyone."

Yuiren looked at him in mingled fascination and alarm. "Meet Starish? Now? Like this?" she glanced self-consciously down at her uniform. "But..."

"Nanami and Aria wear the exact same thing, you know," Ittoki said, with fond exasperation. "It'll be fine. Ren will probably seduce you and Syo will be friendly and Natsuki will go ga-ga over how cute you look with that cardigan on your head... ow, don't hit me! … and Tokiya will be there, so it's okay. I'll be there, too. I wouldn't leave ya." He fixed her with a pleading look. "It's just... I have to be there with them, because Syo and I are supposed to talk to them about the promotion and stuff, but I also wanted to see you. I... kinda missed you, a bit. And our chats." His face turned slightly red. "You're a friend."

Yuiren blushed anew, then mentally kicked herself. Was it a female thing, to blush at a guy when he said he missed her? He'd meant as a friend, after all. And... she'd missed him too, as a friend. When she confessed this, his blush turned even redder, but he grinned.

"Come on then," he said, clearing his throat. "They're meeting on the roof." And without giving her a chance to nod, he grabbed her by the hand and led her away.

Thankfully, her blush had cleared by the time they reached the roof. There was a sort of balcony railing all around the roof, and students did come up here sometimes to sit and talk, or study. There were table and chairs, even some benches around the edges, and at the middle table was where the Starish members were currently seated, around a large stone table. Yuiren hung back a little uncertainly, but she recognized the two main couples, Jinguji Ren, Shinomiya Natsuki, and Kurusu Syo. To her surprise, Miki was there, sitting in between Kurusu-san and Shinomiya-san,and as they approached, they all turned, and some waved and called a greeting to Ittoki. He waved animatedly back, and dragged her out from behind his lanky frame.

"Guys, this is Sukunami Yuiren."

"OOOOO CUTE GIRL!" she recognized Miki's high-pitched voice, waved at her uncertainly, and bowed awkwardly to greet the rest.

Jinguji Ren got to his feet as the people who had already met her all turned to greet her. Aria gave her a nod from beside Masato - Yuiren didn't know her last name, and hoped fervently that someone would introduce her first. Then her attention was caught as someone caught hold of her hand and lifted it to cool lips.

"I'm impressed, Otoya-kun," Ren said softly. "This is one of the best things you've accomplished so far - bringing such a lovely bouquet to grace our luncheon."

Yuiren yanked her hand away, startled out of her wits. Ittoki let out a whine of displeasure. "Aw, Ren. You're scaring her."

"No, I'm complimenting her - there's a difference."

"She doesn't look complimented, she looks scared!"

"Ah," sighed the orange-haired senior, "Such an innocent, delicate flower." He made as if to approach her again, and Yuiren was grateful that Ittoki shielded her this time, waving his arms animatedly at his group mate as he directed him away.

Yuiren took the opportunity to sneak over to the table, taking a seat quickly in front of Miki. Thankfully the other girl helped her feel at ease, greeting her loudly and energetically and offering her a red bean bun. Yuiren wasn't overly fond of red beans, but she was hungry, so she accepted the food gracefully and tried to make herself as small as possible.

It didn't work, but Ittoki helped when he came and flopped - there was no other word for it - on the seat beside her, reaching for a bento which was on the table.

Yuiren looked up as Kurusu Syo leaned over. "So you're Otoya's new friend," he said, swallowing his mouthful of rice and egg. "Nice to meetcha, I'm Kurusu Syo. You can call me Syo -"

"...-chan!" Miki finished for him cheerfully, causing Yuiren to grin in amusement and Syo to sputter in indignation. Beside Miki, Shinomiya-san chuckled as well as the two instantly started bickering, and leaned over to offer his hand, distracting Yuiren from the loudness and general confusion.

"Shinomiya Natsuki... I'd prefer not to be called Shinomiya-san."

Yuiren hesitated, then suggested, "Shinomiya-senpai?"

"Ah, that'll do - and may I say you look absolutely adorable, Yui-chan! I love your highlights!"

Syo groaned, and Miki cut in, tapping Natsuki patiently on the arm as he slowly came down from his starry-eyed cuteness high and turned back to her.

"Is that a hint, Shinomiya-san?" she asked him, raising an eyebrow cutely. "I've been calling you that, should I start calling you 'Natsuki'?"

His eyes crinkled at the corner as he smiled at her. "As you wish, Miki-chan."

Yuiren was just starting to realize that she'd been called 'Yui-chan' by a second person now. She wasn't sure if this was a good thing. Shrugging it off, she glanced at Ittoki, the person she considered most sane among this group - and that was stretching things.

"You guys meet for lunch everyday?"

"Nope, but we try to meet up once a week," answered Tokiya from across the table. He was holding Nanami's hand, which was kind of sweet. The blue-haired teen glanced at his group mates. "We have to switch places every few weeks, or we'd never get rid of Ren's fans."

"The women love me."

"Well, they love you a little too much. Can't you just pick one?" Syo complained.

"Ah, but if I love only one, who will love the many?" Ren lifted a rose to his nose, leaning back in his seat elegantly. But Yuiren noticed a hint of something - sadness? - in his eyes, and his gaze dropped slightly in Nanami Haruka's direction.

Hm.

Leaning back to observe, she found that even Masato's eyes drifted over to the girl with reddish-orange hair more than once. Only Tokiya kept his eyes on his group mates and his food, but then... he was holding her hand, and her eyes were only for him, whenever she smiled at something the others said and turned his way.

Yuiren was clumsy, naive, tactless, practical and straightforward. However, she wasn't stupid.

She just wasn't sure why, when she thought of Ittoki having a crush on some other girl.. well, she wasn't sure why it upset her, just a little. However, as she teased Syo and laughed with Ittoki and his friends, her smile was genuine, even if her feelings inside were shaded and uncertain.

As the lunch bell rang, Tokiya surprised Yuiren. He said something to Nanami that made her smile and reach up to touch his cheek, then made his way over to her.

"I'll walk her to class," he told Ittoki, who raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Got something to talk to her about."

In response, Ittoki looked at Yuiren, his gaze warm with concern, and Yuiren fought the sudden urge to blush. She shrugged. "It's okay." He nodded and gave her that grin she had missed so much while he was gone.

"I'll see you around, then. Ja ne, Tokiya!"

Tokiya walked beside her, helping her carry her cardigan. Yuiren wasn't sure what he'd meant about talking to her, since he was silent for most of the walk. He led her through the corridors with the ease of one who had been in the school longer than she had, and she focused on matching his long-legged stride.

It wasn't until they were almost outside her class that Tokiya stopped, and handed her her cardigan.

"Senpai?" Yuiren asked uncertainly, wondering about the expression on his face. He looked... serious.

"I just wanted to say, you did very well in your performance at the exams," Tokiya said, quietly. "I liked your song choice, and you were more confident than I thought you'd be."

"Oh." Yuiren blinked. "Thank you, senpai."

"However..." He looked at her, directly in the eyes, "I got the feeling... that you weren't singing up there, were you, Yuiren? Because for a moment, at the start... when you smiled, that was Yasuo. That was his smile. Yuiren... you weren't pretending to be Yasuo, were you?"

Yuiren's heart stopped - no, the world seemed to stop around her.

"W-what are you saying?" she managed, looking up at him uncertainly. "Senpai, you've known me since I was a child. You know I can emulate the styles of other people well. I suppose I was channeling my brother on that day, just a little. But..."

"No, you weren't just using his style. That would have been slightly bad, too, in a way, but... no, you were being him. And that... worries me, just a little. Yuiren - Nanami, Natsuki and the others, if there's one lesson I learned from them all it's that when I sing, I should sing as no one other than myself. I needed to be me on the stage - not Hayato, just Ichinose Tokiya. And I don't want you to make that mistake... Not you. You should be you onstage, not Yasuo. Yasuo's..."

"...my twin." Yuiren was barely aware she had said anything, she felt the warmth of tears pricking at her eyes and ducked her head quickly, cheeks red. She felt dizzy. But the words... "He was my twin, he was half of who I was, whether anyone knew it or not, and I was a part of him. And when he died... he was gone." She lifted her head, looking up at Tokiya, who appeared blurred behind the tears. "And I was gone, but I was still here, and that's why it hurt so much, for so long. And it still hurts. And I don't know when it will stop. Senpai... I wasn't being Yasuo, not completely, anyway. I was... I was being myself. I was being us, because it's not fair. It's not fair that Yasuo's not here, and I'm the one achieving his dreams. But I want to, for him."

Tokiya appeared startled, uncertain what to say. Tentatively, he reached for her, but Yuiren was unwilling to be comforted. Class suddenly the last thing on her mind, she turned and darted away, only to stop a little way away, thankful that most of her classmates hadn't arrived yet. What a scene for the gossip mill...

"Don't ask me to stop being him, senpai, not yet. Not now. I need to be him, I need to be us, because I'm doing this for him. I can't let go of him... not yet. This was all he left me... so I'm doing this to give it back."

And with that, she raced away, heading towards any safe haven where she could be alone to start licking at her wounds and stop the bleeding in her heart.

Author's Note: A lot going on for Yuiren here. Song featured is 'Brand New Breeze' by Kanon from 'La Corda D'Oro Primo Passo' the anime. Credits for translated lyrics go to 't0a5t' from the 'It's only the fairy tale they believe...' wordpress blog.

Finally, thanks to AkaiShadowBaneOrchid for the review on our previous chapter, we REALLY appreciate. Please continue to R&R peeps and do stay tuned!