Okay, so here it is, the final part.

I have had so many ups and downs with this story and can't quite believe I've made it to the end. If nothing else, it is certainly my longest word count on this site and potentially my longest story ever.

I wrote a few paragraphs about this story which I was going to post as a kind of after note - but I got worried it was a bit too self indulgent and decided not to publish it after all (although if anyone is interested, let me know!). What I do still want to say though is that my intention with this fic was to make a plausible backstory for the characters as we know them now and I hope I have managed to do this.

Of course, the most important bit of my final authors note is to thank everyone who has read, alerted, favourited or reviewed my story. Every single review has made me really happy and I appreciate it so much. One last time, please, please could you leave a few words letting me know what you think.

I really hope you enjoy reading this and that I've done the ending justice.

x

Chapter 20

Cal fidgeted. The train seats were uncomfortable and there was so little room between them that his long legs were pressed up against the chair in front. He regretted racing Ethan to the window seat now as otherwise he could have stretched his legs into the aisle. He shifted again and accidently elbowed Ethan in the side.

Ethan huffed. "Can't you sit still for a minute?"

"I'm trying to get comfy," Cal said. "It's alright for you; you're short."

"I'm not!"

Cal chuckled. There was no denying that his little brother was on the small side no matter what Ethan might claim.

"Don't laugh at me, Caleb."

Cal shuffled in his tiny seat so that he could look Ethan face on. "You can't still be annoyed about earlier!"

"I'm yet to recover from the embarrassment," Ethan told him.

"You turned the colour of a tomato."

"Yes, thank you, I was well aware of that."

"I don't understand why you were embarrassed anyway," Cal said. "All I said was congratulations."

"That's not strictly true."

Cal tried to recall his exact words. "Ah, yes," he grinned at the memory. "I congratulated you on losing your V plates."

"In front of Erin," Ethan reminded him.

"So? Don't tell me you tried to pass off as experienced."

"No, no, she knew-"

"You're going red again."

"-but I didn't appreciate the insinuation that I have discussed such matters with you."

Cal rolled his eyes. "Nibbles, you were so obvious. Of course I worked out what you'd been up to when I saw you kissing her like that."

"If you'd knocked first you wouldn't have seen anything!"

Cal reached over to pinch Ethan's cheeks. "Look at you, a man at last!"

Ethan swatted his hand away. "I could go and sit elsewhere, you know."

"You could," Cal replied. "But that would mean standing up and showing your face to all the people in this carriage who have overheard that you lost your virginity last night."

Ethan slumped lower in his seat. "Shut up, Caleb."

"All that kissing! Honestly, I thought we were going to miss the train."

"I wish I had."

"So you could have had round two?"

Ethan shot him a glare and retrieved a book from his satchel. He opened the book at random and placed it pointedly on the fold-out table.

Cal sighed as he turned to stare out of the window. The miles of grey countryside were far less of an effective distraction than winding up his brother. He couldn't help but remember the last time he made this journey, albeit in the opposite direction, when he had fled his father's abuse. Although his cramped knees were still uncomfortable, it was nothing compared to the pain he'd had in his side that day from where his father had hit him with the table leg.

He wasn't sure how he'd feel being back in the same house where that had happened. For years he had tried to bury the memories but it had become harder to do so now that others knew the truth and he suspected it would be near impossible when faced with the exact bit of carpet he'd been sprawled on when his dad presented him with a bag of his things and told him to get out.

Cal knew he wouldn't have agreed to visit home had it not been for the reassurance that his brother was going as well. Since their heart to heart, Ethan promised on a daily basis to be there for him. It was both overwhelming and the kindest thing anyone had ever said.

He looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye. Ethan's gaze was still on his book but he didn't appear to be reading or even pretending as no pages were getting turned. Cal groaned. He hadn't meant to annoy Ethan but sometimes words tripped out of his mouth without him realising what he was saying, especially when there was something more poignant on his mind.

"I was only teasing, you know," he said softly.

The corner of Ethan's mouth twitched. "I know."

"I'm getting it out my system before we get home," Cal continued. "I'm presuming you don't want Mum to know about your night of passion?"

"Goodness, no," Ethan said. "And don't call it that."

"I could run some other terms past you, if you prefer..?"

"I'd rather you didn't," Ethan said but he was smiling this time. "But if you insist on talking, you can help me revise." He plonked his textbook on Cal's lap. "Test me."

"You are the most boring person I've ever met," Cal said.

"That's not what Erin told me."

Cal spluttered in surprise at his brother's candour and nearly dropped the book. When recovered, he flicked through the pages. "Well. The Gynaecology section it is."

When the train finally pulled into the station, Cal was relieved to be able to stretch his legs. He peered out of the door and saw his mum at the back of the platform, waving blindly at the train, unable to locate them. He would have laughed except for the sudden kick of nerves in his stomach.

"Right," he muttered, as the door clicked open.

Ethan gave his shoulder a fleeting squeeze from behind.

Cal would have preferred it if his brother was leading the way, but the only way he could orchestrate that was by waiting by the side of the train as Ethan climbed down. He felt that the longer he lingered by the train, the more inclined he'd be to jump back on board and so he strode forwards hoping that his bold steps disguised his urge to escape.

He was so focused on acting confident that he didn't see his mum and ended up colliding with her open arms. Her embrace tightened and he suspected she thought he'd walked into her deliberately.

"Caleb," she said, "Oh, Caleb, I've missed you."

He rested his chin on her shoulder and inhaled the soft smell of washing powder that emanated from her coat. It was a smell he hadn't realised he associated with her until now.

"I've missed you too, Mum," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "My poor boy! I should have protected you!"

Cal could feel his mum shaking in his arms. He uncomfortably stroked her hair. He didn't want apologies and regrets, he wanted them all to move on as quickly as possible, but if the awkward conversations had to be held then he'd much rather they weren't done in the middle of a very public train station.

"We'll talk at home, yeah, Mum?"

He nodded encouragingly as she looked up at him. He could see her eyes were damp but recognised the firmly set jaw as a sign she was trying to battle with her emotions. She released him with one arm, but only to pull Ethan towards her. Cal felt his brother crash into his side as they were squashed in a three way hug.

"This was easier when you were little," their mum said with a forced laugh.

"He better stop eating all the pies then or you'll never get your arms around him!" Cal said, directing a smirk towards Ethan.

"Cal has pizza four times a week, Mum," his brother replied in revenge. "And beans on toast on the remaining days."

"Ethan set off the fire alarm by burning a roast dinner. The whole block had to be evacuated."

"Yet Cal still ate double portions of roast potatoes despite them being black."

"Yes, because they were the only edible part of the meal."

"The meal I cooked for you for free. The meal you didn't help prepare or help wash up afterwards."

"Hey, I bought you a beer!"

"And then drank it yourself!"

Cal hesitated as he struggled for a comeback, knowing Ethan was right. He was still trying to come up with something witty, when his mum started to laugh. The noise was croaky as if it was stuck in her throat and he suspected she'd not laughed in a long time. He began to join in and it was only seconds before Ethan was chuckling as well.

"I bought you something," his mum said. "I'll go get it. It's not wrapped; seemed a bit silly to do so when it's not your birthday or Christmas."

Cal perched on the edge of the sofa. It wasn't comfortable but he didn't feel inclined to lean back. He didn't feel capable of adopting a position of relaxation when bone in his body was filled with tension from being back in the house he'd hated.

He remembered the room having floral wallpaper but it was now painted in uneven shades of cream. Cal assumed it had been a recent change as there were thin patches on the walls where the old style flowers were almost visible and their dad wouldn't have allowed such an imperfection in his house.

The mantelpiece was empty except for a vase of dying flowers but Cal knew there had once been family portraits on either end. The first portrait had been a horribly posed for one when he was about five and Ethan still a toddler, the four of them all in the middle of shouting 'cheese'. It was an embarrassing picture but not as bad as the second, which had showed them on a family holiday by the beach. He'd styled his hair in curtains back then, which was bad enough on its own, but the photo also exhibited him in the midst of a teenage mood swing, looking sulky while everyone else smiled. He'd never fathomed how that picture had made it into a frame but could understand why it had been taken down.

His eyes met Ethan's and he registered that his brother had been watching him for some time. Cal managed a smile but only got a half-hearted one in return.

"Okay?" Ethan mouthed.

He nodded. He remembered a museum he'd gone to years ago with school which demonstrated replica lounges from various different decades. They'd been accurate down to the freeze frame on television and the snacks on the coffee table. He felt a bit like he was in one of those rooms now; everything looked realistic but he felt like an imposter in somebody else's life. He struggled to imagine thinking of it as home again.

His mum returned with her hands held behind her back. "I don't know if it's the right one," she said. "These things are lost on me! When we got Ethan's it was Dav-." Her lip wobbled as she avoided saying her husband's name. "But I asked the man in the shop and he assured me it was the newest model."

Cal accepted the small box she thrust in his hands. He could see straight away that it was a mobile phone, something he'd longed for. It was a good one as well, the same make that Gus had recently got shipped from America.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"It's perfect. Thanks Mum."

"There's one catch," she said, with a smile. "You have to phone me!"

Cal struggled his way into the box and pulled out the shiny grey phone. "I'm sure I can manage that," he said as he examined the object.

"And text me before you turn up at my flat," Ethan added.

Cal looked up to grin at his brother. "Where's the fun in that? It's much more entertaining to turn up unannounced, who knows what you might be up to!"

Ethan shot him a warning glare. "I might be out. It would save you the journey, that's all."

Cal knew better than to continue but couldn't help but snicker at Ethan's reaction. Luckily, a series of beeps from his new phone hid the noise so that their mum didn't question why he was laughing.

"I know a little present can't solve everything," she continued, "but I'm sure we'd have bought you a mobile phone long before now if you'd still been at home, so it's only right that you have one."

"Thank you."

During the silence that followed, Cal could sense the conversation was on the verge of getting deeper but desperately wished that he was wrong. He tried to think how he could delay it, but even methods of teasing Ethan had vanished from his mind.

His mum took his hand and squeezed it tightly. "I got everything wrong, didn't I? All I wanted was to bring you up the best I could, both of you, but instead I put you in danger! It's all my fault."

"No, Mum," Cal said. "You never hit me."

"But I should have stopped him. I should have known what he was doing!"

"How could you have?"

"Because I'm your Mum!"

Cal exhaled slowly, recognising the despair in her voice. His eyes flickered to Ethan but his brother was sat completely still, clearly listening but not available for input.

"You always told us to come to you if we needed help," Cal said. "But I didn't. I thought I could handle it and by the time I realised I couldn't, it was too late."

"You can tell me now?"

Cal wriggled his hand out of his mum's grip. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, Caleb, it's not healthy for you to keep it all to yourself."

Cal shrugged and fought the urge to tell her that's exactly what he'd been doing for years. "Ethan knows."

She sighed. "I need to understand, Cal. I need to know how I missed it."

"Mum, look, I don't want to talk about it!" Cal found himself on his feet. "I didn't come home to talk about the past, I just- I wanted my mum back, okay? But if you can't accept that I don't want to talk about it then forget it. I've managed by myself before."

As Cal stormed upstairs, he could hear his mum call after him. He hadn't wanted an argument but being back in the house filled his head with such hostility that he felt it would only take the slightest thing before he exploded.

His bedroom had changed even more than the lounge and had been decorated as a perfectly anonymous guest room, in whites and creams that should have been soothing but only made him angrier. His room had once been a work of art with pictures from magazines pasted across the walls and scribbled signatures and musings on the wall by his bed. It had been his only sanctuary of control in an otherwise stringent house.

He was still scowling at the changes when he felt his little brother's presence behind him.

"Mum's upset," Ethan said.

"Right, and that's my fault?"

Ethan's frown was enough of an answer.

"I just want to forget it ever happened, Ethan, I don't see why that's a problem."

"Caleb, you didn't see what she's been like since you left," Ethan replied. "It broke her heart. She cried every day for weeks. I tried to look after her but not matter what I did or said it wasn't enough because I wasn't you." He removed his glasses to rub at his weary eyes. "She thought she was never going to see you again."

"So she wiped all traces of me from the house?"

"Dad did," Ethan said. "He said it would help her move on."

"Bullshit."

"Evidently. And Mum never moved on. Now she's got you back, the thing that terrifies her more than anything is losing you again."

"How do you know?"

Ethan was silent for a few moments while he polished his glasses on a handkerchief and returned them to his face. "Because I feel the same," he said.

Cal felt a lump in his throat and was suddenly overcome with the fear that he may cry. Instead, he stepped forwards and gripped Ethan's shoulder so tightly he was surprised his brother didn't squirm away. "Nibbles, whatever happens next, you're never going to lose me."

Ethan gave an embarrassed nod. "Good."

"Although," Cal said. "You may regret that in the years to come."

"Why is it I can imagine you living with me rent free, not contributing to any housework, and reminding me of this conversation every time I protest?"

"Sounds like an invitation."

"Hardly!"

"Hey, there's no going back on it now!" Cal said. He gave a final pat on Ethan's shoulder. "Come on, I suppose I better go and convince mum she's stuck with me too."

With Ethan's polite intervention, Cal managed to reach a compromise with his mum. Although he wasn't ready to recall the bad memories of what happened with his dad, he agreed to tell her everything that had happened since.

He talked about University, about his friends and housemates, about how much he loved the area and which pubs were the best. He talked about his grades, his placement in the Emergency Department and his hopes to work on a similar ward in the future.

He told his mum about how shocked he'd been to see Ethan arriving at Halls that day and laughed at memories of Ethan getting drunk on his first night out. He explained that it had been difficult and they'd had arguments at times. But he said that they had repaired their relationship now and that they were friends as well as brothers.

He said that getting Ethan back in his life was the best thing that ever happened to him but having her back, may just be a joint first.