I do not own the rights to Emergency or any of its characters. I promise to return them unharmed when my imagination is finished with 'em.
Forgiveness Factor
Written by: Kianda
Chapter Twenty
The heart understands forgiveness.
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I know it has been a few years since I posted last. For the many followers who asked for a conclusion to this story, you're in for a treat. I have asked for, and graciously received help from kathy'ssis to finish this story. I hope you all enjoy!
"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, Happy New Year!" Gleeful voices shouted, couples kissed, as others hugged to an orchestra rendition of Auld Lang Synge. A blizzard of confetti excitedly swirled in the air coating revelers and the street. A TV camera spotlighted nameless faces in the crowd their reactions and emotions laid bare for all to see. Just as quickly the camera panned toward the dazzling multi-directional display of fireworks bursting midair. Summoning it up came the TV announcer's enthusiastic declaration of "Welcome to 1977!"
An animated smile lit up Alice's eyes as she switched off the TV. "Happy New Year, Johnny."
His lackluster, "You too." invoked sympathy. Her smile faded. "Not quite the New Year anyone would have pictured, huh."
"No," he answered sighing in appreciation as she gently fixed his pillows giving her a feeble attempt at playfulness, "but, there's always a chance ya might go out with me." He winked, "It's my number one New Year's resolution."
"Ooh, down, Casanova," she warned. "I might take you up on it . . . that is . . . when the smallest breeze wouldn't lay you flat."
He flashed a boyish pout.
His endearing sulk coupled with the way his eyes lazily caressed her caused a pleasurable tingling to reach around her middle. "Okay, okay, you have me," she said chuckling self-consciously; her hand fanning hard against a sudden flush, "coffee, when you get sprung from here."
His face brightened. "I knew my irresistible charm would wear ya down eventually."
"Honestly," she huffed but couldn't keep her smile from widening.
Inching his way lower in the bed, the only way to avoid the pain which accompanied movement, he stifled a yawn. "Thanks for ringing in the New Year with me."
Aiding him to a comfortable position Alice said lightly, "The pleasure is mine. Rest now."
"You don't have to tell me twice"
Once she assured herself of her patient's comfort she headed for the door only to spin around midway. "Oh, Johnny, I almost forgot to give you the good news. Dr. Halifax left orders; you're going into the ward tomorrow."
"Hum, that's great."
Alice stood a moment more watching her patient settle into slumber. Smiling, treading softly, she left the room."
Goodnight pumpkin, sleep tight," Roy told his daughter. In past years Jennifer lost the battle with sleep and missed the mid-night festivity. This year had been different because Johnny's family had been with them. It was a quiet subdued ringing in of the New Year filled with both happy-sadness. Happy for a hopeful and healthy New Year, blessed that Johnny would recover, sadness because everyone present felt his absence.
"Daddy, I miss Uncle Johnny."
"It's okay I miss him too," Roy comforted. "Tomorrow, when I see him, I will bring him the get well cards you, Lisa, and your friends made. If he's feeling sad or lonely I'm sure reading them will cheer him right up."
"Daddy?"
"Hum?" Roy coaxed.
"Lisa is so sad. It makes me want to cry."
Roy looked toward the ceiling swallowing hard before answering. "I know you are both feeling sad. It's okay to have these feelings. Just think good thoughts for both Uncle Johnny and Lisa and they will feel them."
A series of quick successive and loud firecracker pops from party revelers on the street filtered through the bedroom window. Jennifer froze her eyes opening wide, her face leaching color. Jennifer had never like sudden loud noises, but since Johnny's hospitalization she'd been more jumpy than normal.
The light of fear reflected in her eyes had Roy sitting carefully on the bed. "It alright Jennifer. I'm here, and nothing will happen."
"I bet Uncle Johnny said that too!"
Gathering her close Roy found himself clearing his throat. "Sometimes bad things happen to people sweetie as much as we try to prevent them from happening."
"I know. You help people who are in trouble."
Roy endeavored to shield his children from the harsh realities of his profession but he imagined both of them understood more than the average child about life and death.
"Daddy, you're hugging too hard," she complained, squirming. Startled he released her.
Repeating their good night ritual, he stood. Leaving the door slightly ajar, something new Jennifer insisted upon, Roy headed to bed only to stay sleepless as too many thoughts stirred. Not wanting to disturb Joanne with his tossing and turning, he left the comfort of the bed in favor of the kitchen. He sat at the table without bothering to switch on the overhead light finding the darkness comforting. His thoughts kept straying to a recent conversation with Johnny's father. The elder Gage had thanked him for saving Johnny's life. Roy truly didn't feel it was his actions that kept his friend from dying, but the skilled hands of his surgeons. When Roy tried telling him this, the other had waved him off with a pointed, "You and your partner were first to help him. Without your quick intervention I'm sure we'd be having a very different conversation. I need you to know how grateful I am."Roy pushed away from the table and stood. He retrieved a glass from the cupboard and filled it with cold water from the refrigerator. Returning to the table with glass in hand he sipped it as he thought of the other worry keeping sleep at bay, Johnny himself. Their brief conversations hinted at unspoken uncertainties. Johnny, being Johnny, half-jokingly informed Roy that if the news about his injury was depressing, becoming an instructor or becoming an Arson Inspector was a serious option. Roy pointed out there was every reason to hope there would be no lingering effects. The look Johnny leveled at him had Roy feeling uncomfortable for having mentioned it. Although, positive comments followed Roy hadn't been fooled. Johnny was nervous and rightly so. His partner made an excellent paramedic. If he wasn't able to continue in his job . . .
A familiar figure joined him at the table. "Roy?"
"Sorry I disturbed you, Jo."
Her warm hand lightly covered his. "I'm only disturbed when you aren't on the other side of the bed where you should be."
Roy gave her a wan smile.
Attempting to lighten the mood she said, "I know sleep is overrated but you're on duty tomorrow."
Roy shrugged. "Too many thoughts wandering around up here," he indicated tapping his temple, "and not enough distractions to keep 'em away."
She aimed a lighthearted punch to his shoulder "Come back to bed. I'm good at being a distraction."
As always Roy was struck by Joanne's patience. He grabbed her hand and followed her back to bed.
"Firefly, you can come home till you get better." Tears filled Lisa eyes. "Mommy and I will take care of you."
His sister and stepmother were leaving this morning. He knew from just a glance this goodbye wouldn't be easy on Lisa. He had seen her briefly yesterday morning, before she left to spend the day with Jennifer DeSoto.
He could see a frightened distrustful shadow in her eyes. This caused his own emotions to heighten increasing his physical pain. The best thing for Lisa would be getting back home to familiar surroundings and the things she loved; being with friends, taking care of the horses, and the simple routine of going to school. These things would ease her fear and distance the constant reminder of what happened. He wanted to scoop her up and hug her tight but he wasn't in any condition to console her physically. Damn, he felt helpless.
Lisa, we talked about this," Liz intervened. "Your brother is too weak to travel now. He needs special care."
Johnny's attention shifted briefly to Liz before refocusing once again on his teary-eyed sister.
"Listen Lisa, I will come to Montana once I'm better. It may take a little while, but I'll visit."
She acknowledged him in silence.
This unsettled him further. "I will visit."
Lisa resorted to pleading. "I don't want to leave."
He held her hand. "Tell me why you don't want to leave?"
Sliding her hand from his and scrubbing at her face she said convincingly, "I won't see you again if I go home!"
Her pointed words rendered him silent. Moments passed before he recovered. "What? Not gonna happen. You're stuck with me."
She blurted, "Why did Ryan's daddy want to hurt you?"
For an instant the memory of Rodger's fury as the two of them grappled over the gun held him hostage. He escaped by stating, "Honey, Ryan's daddy was not thinking straight. It was a bizarre, crazy accident."
As soon as the words were out, he knew Lisa didn't buy into it. Hell, he wouldn't believe his own words either. She remained unmoved. He tried again. "Listen, everything is gonna work out. You'll see. I'll be okay."
Her eyes fell to his arm, then back to him.
He understood her glance immediately surprised by her insight. The uncertainty of a full recovery loomed large. The notion he would escape unscathed wasn't in his nature. Instead his thoughts kept returning to a worst case scenario with potential impact to his career.
Unsure of what to do he looked toward Liz.
"Lisa, your brother needs to rest. Your father is waiting for us. We don't want to arrive late to the airport."
A flicker of indecision crossed his sister's face and Johnny thought Lisa would resist. She surprised him when she reached up and with solemn poise, gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek. She didn't try to cling to him but came close and whispered a very grownup, and simple, "Daddy cried and said he was sorry for everything. I love daddy and I love you."
Her words would stay with him for a long time.
Dixie dropped in a few hours later. "I had to check for myself whether our nurses are treating you properly," she explained. "How are you feeling?"
He answered without hesitation,"I'm okay."
"Yep, I can see that you're up for a three alarm fire." She flashed him a smile, "Listen, a reporter is trying to see you. Do you want to speak with him?"
His look soured. "No way, and thanks for checking in on me."
She pulled a stool closer to the bed. "Right, no interview. And as for me checking in, think of it as good PR. The Johnny Gage Fan Club needs updating."
A lopsided grin quickly morphed into a grimace as he attempted to find a more comfortable spot. His chest felt like wild stallions had trampled through it. "Now that you're here you can clear up a rumor floating around"
"Oh?"
"Did ya call off your New Years party?"
Shaking her head, "Well, this didn't take long. The hospital rumor mill is working overtime."
He did not simile. "So it is true. You shouldn't have cancelled it."
Dixie gave the unhappy man on the bed her full attention, blushing. After leaving the hospital with Kel's advice ringing soundly in her ears, her every intention was to carry out his suggestion of having the party. That is until she stepped into her apartment. The festive decorations and what they implied mocked her and she knew in her heart she wasn't up for celebrating with a crowd. She felt a certain amount of guilt at the last-minute change but most understood her decision to opt out. It hadn't stopped Kel from arriving at her door that evening. He always understood what she needed. Refocusing, she attempted to wipe away his guilty expression and cover her embarrassment. "If it will help, one lone holdout shared two excellent bottles of Champagne."
His frown deepened. "It doesn't. Sorry I ruined your evening."
Rising gracefully she smiled. "My evening worked out just fine."
Her tactic failed to chase away his look of disapproval. She busied herself reading the various messages of well wishes from the many cards received for him at the nurse's station while in the SICU. Now that he had his own room, not surprisingly, the cards and flowers kept arriving. The room resembled a small florist shop. A smile flirted at the corner of her mouth as she read the card from Jennifer DeSoto. It looked liked Roy stopped by. "I'm sure you understand the situation," she continued moving on to the next card, "a close friend, family, is in the hospital." She glanced over at him. "Do I need go on?
Her words brought forth a feeling of warmth. "I gotcha."
"Good. I don't want to hear any apologizing. Besides," she fixed him with a matter-of-fact gaze, "you're not off the hook. You'll have to help plan my next one. "
"Deal," he agreed at once his smile genuine.
"Okay." She came around to face him fully. "I have to go, but I am certain you won't lack for company."
He nodded, drooping.
One eyebrow arched. "What's this? The heart-throb of Rampart not interested in the fairer sex for company?"
He couldn't help it. His eyes dropped from hers. Since being hospitalized he hadn't been lonely. The constant barrage of people left him weary. He tried to convince himself it was because of his surgery, his being in pain, and off his game . . . .
"Johnny, what is it?
Trying to ease her concern he fired off a quick excuse. "It's nothing Dixie. You know how being cooped up bothers me."
"Ah huh, there's more to it."
Damn. He'd forgotten how Dixie could put Roy to the test when it came to reading his moods.
She prodded, "How can I help?"
Feeling her sincerity he blurted, "Liz told me my father isn't returning to Montana with them."
"Oh?" This was news. "How do you feel about that?"
Her question gave him pause. What did he feel? How should he react? Emotions foreign to him concerning his father left him confused. What seemed unfathomable a week ago didn't seem so now. "I don't know." He shrugged, causing abrupt discomfort.
"Go easy." Giving his hand a supportive pat, she advised, "Talk to him. If you would rather he go home . . . tell him. If his being here will detract from your recovery it's best he know it."
"The thing is . . ."
Voices coming down the hall ceased their conversation. A nurse accompanying his father filled the empty doorway. "I'll come back," The man being spoken about said upon spying Dixie.
"Miss McCall I wasn't aware you were here." The flustered nurse stammered. "I'm sorry."
Johnny stiffened "Hello, Dad."
At once Dixie felt palpable tension swirl in the room. She addressed the new occupants, "No, I was just leaving." She turned to Johnny, "I'll drop by later. We'll talk more." The elder Gage, moved into the room to allow her to exit. "Mr. Gage," she acknowledged as she swept past.
Johnny heard the younger woman apologize again as the two nurses walked down the hall. The air seemed to compress against Johnny with Dixie's departure.
His father wheeled his way toward the bed. "You're looking better hour by hour."
Johnny accepted his father's greeting in silence. Only this morning Dr. Halifax ordered the removal of his catheter. The freedom to use the bathroom, the normal everyday function intricate to ones life but taken for granted, left him simultaneously feeling alive and exhausted. The total of four steps it took to reach the bathroom left him bathed in sweat.
For want of anything better to say Johnny asked, "Everything go all right at the airport?"
"As smoothly as it could go under the circumstances. I expect you'll receive a large amount of letters from your sister if this is any indication." He withdrew an envelope from his pocket handing it to him, "she made me promise to tell you she would write everyday." Motioning toward the flowers, "you have admirers."
Johnny ignored the envelope for the moment along with the small talk. "Why didn't you return to Montana with them?"
Caught off guard at the change in topic Johnny heard confusion. "Excuse me?"
"You could have left today, yet you decided to stay on. Why?"
Annoyance shaded the elders reply. "Why? You know perfectly well, why. If you don't want me here, tell me."
The door of opportunity opened. All Johnny needed to do was to step over its threshold. Curiously, he found he couldn't. The thought of his father staying longer didn't leave the harsh taste of bitterness. The words rushed out before he could stop them. "I won't tell you to stay or go. It's your decision."
His father wasted no time with a reply.
"I thank you for that son, but I have a flight out on Friday."
Johnny felt fleeting disappointment which in turn made him uncomfortable. "Oh." Moments passed in an uneasy silence. "You are burning through your savings. I'm sorry for what happened and the way things turned out."
His father gave him a lengthy hard gaze. "Yes, I'm sorry too for everyone affected by this. But you're alive, something to which I'll never be sorry. "
"That isn't what I meant and you know it. Why aren't you angry? I caused Lisa . . . the legal hassle involved . . ."
His father held up a hand. "Don't. Where you're concerned there isn't anything anyone should be angry about. Nothing. In the case of your sister finding out about my . . . our past . . . well . . . she would have done so eventually. Although young, your sister is patient and forgiving. "
Johnny digested his father's words and the raw pain behind them, aware of what wasn't said. Unlike me you mean.Deep down he knew his father didn't have an ulterior motive for wanting to remain a while longer. He felt his genuine concern. This concept left him uneasy. Then there was Lisa. The emotional bond between father and daughter lay tarnished but his father was correct, there was time to smooth the rough waters.
"Listen son, this situation with your sister will right itself eventually." Longing filled his next statement, "the same hope I have for you."
Choosing to ignore his father's words, Johnny diverted his attention to the letter in his hands. His sister's childish handwriting sprawled across the page. "Firefly, don't forget to bring back my necklace. You can only borrow it."
He looked toward the necklace lying on the table next to the bed. The room seemed to brighten. He smiled.
"Good to see that," his father commented.
Johnny nodded. "How will you manage without Liz to help you?"
His father's lips twisted into a smile. "Oh, I believe I can manage for a short time. Thanks for asking."
Johnny looked at his father. "You up for some reading? I have a magazine with an article you'll find interesting."
A slight raised eyebrow and a smile answered for him.
"No, you aren't anything special in here. Just another body the taxpayer is paying to feed."
Rodger kept mum. Ever since arriving back inside he was constantly on edge. Brought directly to the prison's infirmary upon arrival and assigned a bed, the prison doctor checked him over announcing he'd be in the infirmary for an undetermined number of days. His recovery time depended on how well his hip healed. Once released from the infirmary he'd head into the general population of B cell block. Less than twenty-four hours later, and for reasons unknown, one of the prison guards took an instant dislike to him.
"What? A big shot like you has nothing to say? Heard you shot a paramedic. There are some in here who think its downright unpatriotic going after public servants. I'd watch my back if I were you."
Rodger eyed the way the guard's hand tapped the night stick hanging from a belt at his side. "Yep, newbie's like you . . . ." Wearing a wolfish smile, "See ya around."
"You work fast. Piss off Mulligan did you?" the inmate in the next bed said watching the guard leave, "I'd avoid that one."
"Nobody asked for your two cents," Rodger mumbled, feeling honest fear for the first time since he could remember.
The unnamed inmate shrugged his shoulders returning his attention to the book he held in his hands. "Warning a newbie is all."
There was something familiar about the guard, and then it hit Rodger. It was like seeing himself. His fear intensified.
"Max, you're making me jittery, please sit." Margery demanded, watching as he endlessly paced through her living room.
Max obliged by sitting on the couch.
"What's eating you, Max?" Margery had an idea but what could she do? "Rodger is where he deserves. I'm amazed he decided to plead no contest."
"I know it, Marge," Max said. Receiving the news of Rodger's plea of no contest left him stunned. Another shocking bit of news was Rodger actually confessed to the 4th of July incident. Knowing Rodger the way he did, he'd been sure the man would selfishly drag out the situation as long as possible. The fact that he didn't . . . "do you think he'll change his mind before the mandatory sentencing hearing before the judge?"
"I don't know what to expect from Rodger right now. Once he's no longer on drugs for the pain. . . We'll just have to cross that bridge when we get to it. The sentencing hearing is scheduled for Friday morning. Since they are holding it right at the jail you're not thinking of going are you?
The room was silent for a while the kind of silence that echoed off the walls and felt deafening.
"Max?"
"I haven't decided," he answered, "lets not talk about this right now. Just wait and see what happens, hum? Anyway Rodger isn't the reason . . ."
"Then if it isn't about Rodger . . ." Margery threw up her hands at his frown.
Max shifted and stood, hands sliding inside the back pockets of his jeans. "I'll be seeing Johnny today."
"That's good, right?"
Max mouth twisted.
"Well you don't sound so sure," Margery defended.
Heaving a long sigh, Max rubbed his neck. "Damn awkward is how I'm feeling. A lame thanks doesn't begin to cover what he did. I owe my life to him anyway you slice it. How does one begin to repay this kind of debt?"
Margery shook her head. "You don't. Johnny doesn't strike me as the sort who would want you to feel indebted. A simple thank you should do it."
With a slight nod, Max stood once more looking a bit lost. "You're right of course; Johnny doesn't strike me as the attention seeking keeping you on the line for the rest of your life sort."
"Do you want me to go with you? John Gage wouldn't want to be named a hero but that is exactly what he'll always be to us. Like you I know there is no way I can adequately thank him for all that he's done for my son, and me also."
Max nodded gratefully. "I could use the company."
Ryan fidgeted and squirmed while waiting for his Aunt to finish getting passes to visit Johnny. The wait seemed to last forever. He wasn't sure whether he would be allowed into the room since kids weren't permitted in certain areas of the hospital. In the days following his father's actions, Ryan wanted to find a deep hole and never come out. He knew going back to school would be torture and felt a ton of guilt over what happened. Although his family and others kept telling him it wasn't his fault, it was Chris DeSoto who helped him realize how important family relationships were. It would have been easy for Chris to walk away from their friendship. Instead Chris made him understand that although everyone close to Johnny was pulled into the craziness, it was entirely his father's fault. Period. He started to believe better about himself.
His aunt returned her face unreadable. She smiled and held up two visitor passes. "We can only visit for a few minutes."
He felt suddenly lighter as they made their way toward the elevators.
Ryan moved faster than his aunt but she did her best and managed to stay just a few steps behind him. It seemed to take forever for the elevator to reach the fifth floor where Johnny was staying, made worse when they had to stop at every floor on the way to either let someone off or someone new on. When they finally reached the fifth floor, Ryan hurried off while his aunt waited, more politely, for an elderly, slower moving person to exit the elevator before joining her nephew. She shared a tolerating smile with him as she stepped next to him. She did know how much this visit meant to him.
"We don't have to hurry, you're visiting time starts when you get there not from the time we were given the passes."
Ryan let out a slow breath of understanding then turned his attention quickly to the signs that told him which way to go to get to the room he was looking for. They followed the arrows on the wall signs and quickly noticed that John's room was just across from the nurse's desk. Ryan had learned from his time in the hospital after the auto accident, which finally led to his separation from his father, that the room's location meant Johnny was still in need of close watching by the nurses.
As the two started toward the room with the right number on the door, a man in a wheelchair wheeled himself out and the door was closed behind him.
"Is something wrong with Mr. Gage?" Young Ryan asked with panic in his voice.
"No," the elder Gage recognized the tone of someone who cared for his son, "John just needs some help to the men's room and the nurse needs to change some of his IV stuff, along with a few other things," the older man assured, "he'll be able to have visitors again in just a few minutes. Might I guess that you are Ryan, Ryan Clayton?" John senior was guessing but he had been in the room when his son was asked if he was okay with a visit from Ryan Clayton and his aunt. He could tell instantly that his son needed to see the boy as much as he was sure the boy needed to see him.
Ryan nodded in silent acknowledgement.
"Allow me to introduce myself; I'm John Gage senior, John's father." He offered his hand to Ryan. Hesitantly, Ryan reached out and the two shook hands. His aunt showed more confidence accepting the hand in her direction.
"I was just going to the waiting area for a drink while I waited, would you care to join me?"
John Sr. turned his chair and moved toward the waiting area. Ryan silently followed with his Aunt at his side and her hands on his shoulders. Once they reached the counter where complimentary juices and packages of crackers lay for the visiting family members, John Sr. turned to his guests. "May I get you something?"
Seeing that the counter was not designed for easy access by someone in a wheelchair Linda Brown stepped forward. "I believe I can reach things more easily than you can, allow me to serve you. Would you like cream or sugar in your coffee?"
John Sr. detested being made to feel inferior because he was in a wheelchair but taking a deep breath, he did realize that the woman was right and graciously maneuvered his wheelchair away from the counter allowing her access. "I like my coffee black."
It was Ryan who carried the hot beverage to him with a cup of juice for himself in his other hand.
John Sr. accepted it with a quiet thank you, and Ryan sat on the padded bench next to him sipping his juice.
After a couple of sips of coffee and being sure the level was low enough to prevent an accidental spill, John Sr. turned to the young man sitting next to him.
"Ryan, Lisa told me how you pulled her out of the arcade, I want to thank you for doing what you did to get her to safety."
"Wouldn't have been able to do anything if Mr. Gage hadn't have started wrestling with my dad, he's the one you should be thanking. He's the one that saved us both and my Uncle Max too.
"Oh, I will be thanking my son for the rest of my life for what he did." John Sr. paused a moment then spoke the words he wished he'd had the foresight to say to his son when he needed to hear them the most. "I know that you mean a great deal to my son, he truly cares about you. I also want you to know neither John nor I hold you in any way responsible for what happened at the arcade. There was nothing you did that caused what happened and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Neither one of us want you to feel guilty for anything."
Tears started to fill young Ryan's eyes as he dropped the hand holding his cup of juice into his lap spilling juice on the floor at his feet.
"Why does my father have to ruin everything when he's around? Even when he's not being mean you know it's coming, you just don't know when. He makes everyone feel sad whenever he's around. Everything was so much better when he wasn't around. Why can't I have someone like Mr. Gage for my father?"
Young Ryan had no idea how those words struck hard on the older man's heart.