The last missing scene… but first, the mother of all rants (I tried to keep it short).

This season had been disappointing and frustrating, here's what I thought about the characters this season:

Benson – the Noah storyline was too much. I'm glad she has a kid but the why do they have to push him into every storyline? It was boring and added nothing. It was like he was supposed to be the star this season (and I guess they don't have to pay the babies as much as they do to the regular cast so that's a problem solved). It's sad that a character I used to care about had nothing interesting this season, I just felt like they said 'Olivia's a mom – that's all we will write for her', I know she's the star and I know she's been on the show since day one but I didn't care about her this season at all. She was the main character in seasons 13-15 too but I didn't feel like anyone was missing, like anyone had a worse storyline, and we also had Munch and Cragen.

Fin – speaking of people who've been on the show for a long time. Where was Fin this season? He's on SVU since season 2, he's such a great character and the only thing we've learned about him this season is that he likes video games! Wow, I did not see that coming! No mention of his son, nothing. He was barely on and it's such a shame.

Carisi –He's just kinda there…he doesn't really add or take anything away.

Nick - he's the one I'm most disappointed about, Danny is a great actor and clearly did the best he could, but even when he did get something (the thing with his dad) it lead nowhere. I feel like he was busy sucking up to Olivia most of the time. In the previous seasons Nick actually did things, it seemed like he almost had no personality this season and if I didn't "know" him from season 13-15 I would probably dislike him. In the earlier seasons they made him out to be someone who notices people (he knew Amanda was back to gambling before anyone else noticed) and cares. But this season we maybe got a glimpse or two.

Amanda – she is the only good thing in this season in my opinion, I think she really helped everyone shine; her banter with Carisi, her friendship with Fin (not nearly enough, they are great partners) and with Nick- well that deserves a whole paragraph. I love that Amanda isn't perfect, she has a lot of issues, but she's trying to work on it, she isn't perfect and that's how you make an interesting character. I do hope she has better storylines ahead.

Rollaro- from the first episode I knew the writers had no plan for them, probably thought it would add some drama to season 15 but then they realized they don't know what do with it. It was a yoyo relationship, when the writers want them to be together- they are, the next day – they are not. I would respect it if there was a normal breakup storyline. But it was just a game – played with the viewers. Are we supposed to believe after Amanda's been there for him, called Munch (I don't think he know about the blackmail) he would just not talk to her for a few months? As fans we made up our excuses – but come on. But then they are magically back together. The episode of the bar fight started with Nick being a jerk – Amanda's trying to help him and he gets angry 'how about you don't tell me what to do…' and then when they are talking about the leaked pictures Fin found he's blaming the victims…and I'm not justifying Amanda's actions, but Nick had to be blind not to see there's something going on. And again, are we supposed to believe they weren't really speaking to each other till that deleted scene? And I'm sure more people said nasty things about Amanda for pushing him than about Nick when he beat up Maria's friend (in one of the earlier seasons) for no reason. Rollaro had so much potential, it could be written in a much better way, but who has the time for that when Noah needs more screen time.

This episode was so boring! I read all the interviews and was waiting for the exciting parts but there were none, even Nick being shot was like an afterthought. I don't understand why they didn't spread the thing with Nick's sergeant exam throughout the season? It had potential but the entire season had potential and ended up a disappointment so why am I surprised.

I'm not going to watch season 17, nothing to do with Rollins or Amaro. I won't watch it even if there was a Rollaro wedding. But I am glad Nick's not dead, moving to California should have been his first choice anyway, he is always saying how important family is to him.

But I do have to say…someone was shot in the leg and a move to California…looks like my other fic is almost happening…

After all of this I want to thank you all, everyone who took the time to read this fic and waited for it. Honestly, this was the only reason I kept on watching. I am using the term 'watching' lightly cause there were parts I skipped (and a lot of them). I really enjoyed writing this. Sure, I had to be creative (or delusional) sometimes, especially when Nick and Amanda didn't even talk to each other or weren't even there (one of the biggest crimes this season).

So thanks for all of your rants and encouragement.

In preparation to this episode I've written some ideas before watching, I'm glad I don't have to use some of them.

I hope you'll love the last missing scene, going to be a long one.

Surrendering Noah

He was slipping in and out of consciousness, every time he closed his eyes somebody appeared in front of him. He saw his mother and sister, Cynthia, Maria, Zara and Gil. People in his life that he had hurt or let down in one way or another. They were all floating by without speaking one word but they reminded him of all of his mistakes, everything he didn't want to be.

He wanted to keep his family together but he was now divorced and his kids were far away. He wanted to be different from his father, but how many times had he hit someone, deserving or not.

He tried to focus on the siren and on Amanda's voice, was she really there or was it just his imagination? But his eyes were getting heavy and it was hard and he allowed his body to close them.

Through the darkness he could still feel something, she appeared out of nowhere, wearing that green shirt, her hair in a side ponytail and they shook hands. The first time they'd met. That argument they had in the park…it was like their entire history was passing in front of him…the moment she got shot and his heart dropped – was she feeling the same now?

He saw their first time together, saw them lying in her bed unsure of what to say but not feeling like it was wrong. That image of them in the school appeared, she touched his pinky for just a second to reassure him everything will be alright, and how he ran to her after the gun shot and wanted so much to hold her.

But after that the fight they had appeared, how he couldn't see through it, how they'd hurt each other.

And then that night, after his father's trial, Nick was in a gloomy mood after arguing with both his sister and his mother. He was sitting with a bottle of beer on the steps in front of his house, not feeling like being inside despite the cold weather.

He was staring at nothing, really not wanting to think about anything.

"Got another one?" he heard a familiar voice and turned to see Amanda.

"Hey…" he stood up, surprised to see her "how you've been?"

Amanda shrugged and walked over to sit down next to him "can I have some?"

Nick handed her the bottle and sat down, he looked at her as she took a couple of sips.

He wasn't sure what to say, she's been in Costa Rica for the last few weeks.

"How…"

"How…" they both started and then smiled at each other, Nick gestured at her so she would go first.

"So your father…" she gave him the bottle and he nodded before drinking from it.

"Yeah…that was…not fun" he chuckled.

"I'm sorry" she gave him a concerned look.

Nick took a deep breath, first thing she does after coming back from her time off is to check up on him. He took another sip and passed her the beer.

"You enjoyed Costa Rica?" he changed the subject.

Amanda looked away "yeah, it was relaxing, did some yoga"

"Yoga? I thought you preferred running"

"It's fun, you should try it" she raised the bottle to her lips.

"I don't think that's my thing"

"Too calming for you?" she raised her brows.

Nick reached for the bottle and his fingers touched hers, he didn't take the beer away and they sat there like that for a minute or two.

"Must have been not easy to testify" she moved her hand and placed the beer on the concrete.

"Not like it changed anything, unless you count my sister not talking to me"

"You regret it?" she asked.

"No, but…" he shrugged "what was the point?"

"You stood up to him, that means something"

Nick took the bottle, there was almost no liquid left and he emptied it in one sip. Yes, he told the truth in court but his father was free, he wasn't going to change. It didn't make Nick feel better. But Amanda didn't even get that, the judge didn't allow her to testify.

He was still holding the bottle, playing with it.

"It was important" she said.

"I'm sorry about how it worked out for you" he looked at her.

"Don't be" she shook her head "it's fine, really"

"Yeah? Yoga helped you move on?"

Amanda shrugged and it felt like she was keeping something from him, like there was more to the yoga thing.

"No?" he asked and she gave him a somewhat mischievous smile.

"You read my statement?" she looked away.

Nick nodded, he had most of it figured out even before reading it, but the statement revealed the full story "You to know this doesn't change anything about the way I see you"

"I know" she gave him a faint smile, seemed like she's been trying to decide whether telling him that secret she's been hiding was a good idea, he wondered if it had anything to do with Costa Rica.

"How about we share another beer?" she smiled at him.

"Want to go inside? It's getting cold" Amanda nodded and they both stood up.

Nick opened the door for her and she walked in to the house. They spent most of the night talking, until they fell asleep on Nick's couch with her head on his shoulder and his arm around her. That night changed things, talking about everything meant clearing the air, it meant letting go of the past, forgiving and moving on. There was hope.

It was the last picture on Nick's mind before the paramedics opened the ambulance's door to roll the gurney into the ER, he was able to touch her hand for a second and then she was far away.

When Amanda was three years old her father brought her a gold fish. He never explained where he'd gotten it from, just handed her a plastic bag with the fish swimming in it. Her eyes beamed when she held the bag in her small hands, she never had a pet.

"Is he mine?" she asked.

"He is" her dad nodded and ruffled her short blond hair "you get to name him"

"Kevin!" she looked up at her dad.

"Kevin?" he gave her a questioning look, but he didn't really care about a fish's name.

"Yes!" Amanda insisted "his name is Kevin"

Amanda's mother gave her a glass bowl and she stared at Kevin swimming around in his new home for almost an hour, tapping on the glass once in a while "do you think he's hungry daddy?"

"I don't know Mandy, we'll go buy him food tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok" she turned her attention back to the fish, it seemed to her like he was looking straight at her so she gave him the widest smile, exposing a few missing teeth "I love you Kevin" she whispered to him. She carefully carried the bowl to her bedroom when it was time for sleep, excited to see him again in the morning.

Amanda jumped out of the bed the moment she opened her eyes, she rushed to the table where the bowl was placed to greet her pet but Kevin wasn't there. She looked at the water as if he would suddenly appear, but then she looked down and saw him. He was on the floor, not moving.

"Daddy!" she screamed "Mommy!" Amanda ran to their bedroom, they were still asleep so she shook her father's shoulder "Dad, dad!"

"What?" he didn't move.

"Something happened to Kevin" she said.

"What's going on?" Amanda's mom asked.

"Mommy" she ran to the other side of the bed "it's Kevin"

"Oh crap…fine" her father got up and she took his hand, dragging him to her room.

"Look" she pointed at the fish.

"Oh" he said "he's dead Mandy"

"Dead?" she had no idea what it meant "but he will be fine, right daddy?" she looked up at him with a sad look in her eyes.

"No Mandy, he's dead...that means he's gone and never coming back"

"But he's here dad, he's not away" she was about to reach for the fish.

"Don't touch it!" he pulled her back "we need to throw him away"

"Why?"

"Because, he is dead" he was a little irritated, he was still tired and didn't appreciate the early wake up call "when someone dies he doesn't exist anymore"

"But I can see Kevin"

"Look Mandy" he kneeled down in front of his daughter "his body is here but he isn't really here...because his...soul is somewhere else...it's the thing that makes him move, swim, breath"

"Where is it?"

This was not a conversation he planned on having with her "in heaven" he said.

"Can we go get it back? I want Kevin to be with me!"

"No one knows where heaven is honey" he caressed her head "and no one comes back from there"

"Why?"

"I don't know Mandy, why don't you go watch cartoons and I'll take care of Kevin, ok?"

Amanda was still confused, how comes her dad didn't know how to get somewhere? He had a map in the car, can't he look up heaven in it? She walked to the living room and turned on the television. Her father came out of her room and walked into the kitchen, he threw the fish in the bin and washed his hands.

The bowl was still in her bedroom and Amanda took it and poured out the water into the bath tub. She still wasn't sure about this 'dead' thing, how could Kevin be there and then not? How could he be dead when she loved him? Amanda crawled into bed with the bowl, she held it close and started crying.

She had to fight the tears now, Nick wasn't dead, he wasn't going anywhere, so why did she feel so helpless? Seeing him lying on that gurney, it wasn't meant to end like this, she loved him, he was not going to die.

Amanda was sitting by Nick's bed, it was late and everyone else had left. He'd woken up after the surgery and had many visitors, she felt so relieved he was out of it but a part of her just couldn't face him, she knew if he'd smile at her she would lose it and cry in front of everyone.

"Let's get out of here" Fin called her "he's not going anywhere and we deserve it"

Fin bought her a cup of coffee and they sat on a bench outside of the hospital.

"You know, this is why it's forbidden" he went straight to the point, she still gave him a puzzled look "this thing you two are having or not having, I'm not following anymore"

Amanda looked at the ground and smiled.

"You know that" he said.

"I thought you didn't want to be a sergeant, deal with all of…that"

"It's about my friend, my partner"

"Well I…" was she going to tell Fin she loves Nick?

"You know I'm no expert but whatever happens, things can't go on this way"

Amanda nodded, she knew Fin was right and he was probably one of the only people who really cared about her, they had to make a choice.

She looked at Nick's sleeping face and carefully took his hand in hers and he stirred a little.

"Amanda?" he whispered after opening his eyes just a crack.

"I'm here, you'll be ok" she was so relieved to hear his voice she felt tears forming in her eyes, but they were alone so she didn't care about that.

"Good" he smiled and closed his eyes for a moment.

"You want me to get you water or anything?" she asked.

"Yeah, water" he tried to sit up but she stopped him.

"Lie down" she said and walked over to pour him a glass of water "here" she put a straw in it and placed it close to his mouth.

"Thank you" he said after drinking a bit.

"Nice job stealing Noah's thunder" she sat back down "this trial was about him, you know?"

"Were you worried?" he gave her a soft smile.

Amanda shrugged "maybe just a tiny bit"

"I see" he pretended to be insulted "me getting shot wasn't enough to scare you"

"But don't do that again, ok?" she warned.

"Pinky swear" he raised his hand a little.

He looked down at his leg, it's going to take a long time, that's what the doctor said, a lot of time to heal and to get back on his feet. Nick took a deep breath, what if it won't get better? What if…

"Nick?" Amanda covered his palm with hers and suddenly he knew that somehow it will work out.

He's been thinking about this for a while, even before he got shot. He had no future in the NYPD, why would they want him? He messed up so many times and now they have their opening, he's injured. They didn't want him and his career was the only thing keeping him in New York, right? Both of his kids were going to live in California so what was left for him there?

Of course he knew the answer, Amanda. She was staying, but he couldn't.

"What?" she noticed him staring at her, he seemed to be thinking about something a lot lately and it worried her because he kept it to himself. Nick hated being weak, needing help, but she was there for him anyway.

"Nothing" he placed the fork in his mouth, finishing his noodles.

"Come on Nick, what's going on?" she was patient with him, came by everyday to see how he's been doing, helped him out and it was good, she loved spending time with him, but she hated this silently overthinking Nick, she hated not knowing what was in his head.

"I'm moving to California" he placed the fork on his plate and looked at her, she didn't look so surprised "I've looked into it, I can retire now…I'm not moving anywhere in the NYPD and with my knee they will only force me out, at least that way I can…"

"Be with Zara and Gil" she nodded.

"Yeah" he waited for her to say something but she just grabbed the plates and placed them in the sink.

Nick grabbed the crutches and followed her to the kitchen.

"Amanda" he gently touched her shoulder.

"I knew that already" she turned to him "that day you told me about Gil moving to San Diego…I knew it won't be long until you leave…" she shrugged "I think you're making the right decision"

Her reaction surprised him, did she not want him to stay?

"I'm going to tell Liv tomorrow" he said.

"I'll pick you up like I said" she smiled but it didn't feel sincere "I should go"

Nick watched as she walked out of the house, he wanted to just ask her to stay but she was already gone.

She looked so beautiful when she knocked on his door the next day, he loved it when she let her hair be and desperately wanted to run his fingers in it.

He was up all night, tossing and turning was a hustle due to his knee, but he couldn't sleep. Nick couldn't take his mind off her. He wasn't even in California and already he missed her, wished she was there next to him.

"Wait" he said when she was about to open the door and step outside, they were parked by Olivia's building.

"You ok?" she gave him a concerned look, wondering if he was in pain.

"I don't want to leave without you" he said, her eyes widened in surprise "I know you said your life's perfect but…I'm going to selfishly hope it's not. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I've been thinking about this, I should have but I'm going to say it now and I don't have the right to do it but heck, I love you and…what if you come with me?"

"What?" she wasn't sure if she heard right.

"I know this is too much to ask, I can't ask you to leave everything behind but…"

Amanda chuckled "Nick I…" she had no idea what to say "there's nothing to leave but I…we…"

She didn't have to say it for him to understand, whatever was going on between them was always so unclear, why would she drop everything for that?

"I'm sorry" he said and reached for the door.

"Wait!" it was her turn to stop him, but she still couldn't come up with the right words, this wasn't a question you ask out of nowhere. But she didn't want to say no, this wasn't over.

They shared a drink for family with the rest of the squad and their eyes met, it was just a second, but it was enough to know, they were each other's family and whatever it takes, they will make it work.

Somewhere down the road…

Nick woke up to the sound of running water in the bathroom. He stretched a little in the bed and sat up when the water was turned off. The door opened a couple of minutes later and he watched as Amanda emerged, wrapped in a big towel, her hair was damp and he could smell the soap from there.

"Morning" she sat on the edge of the bed.

Nick grinned and moved over to her "good morning" he pushed her blonde locks to the side, exposing the back of her neck and softly kissed her right shoulder, slowly moving his mouth to the other side, she tilted her head, giving him easier access to her neck. She let out a moan when his tongue reached below her ear.

Nick's hand reached to her chin and turned her face to him so he could capture her mouth in a sizzling kiss. The second their tongues entwined he placed his left palm on her thigh on moved it up until he was between her legs. Amanda pulled away and gasped when his fingers reached the spot he'd been looking for but Nick's lips moved to nibble on her collar bone. His free hand loosened the towel, allowing it to fall, exposing her body.

He removed his hand and was a little pleased with himself when she let out a frustrated grunt.

"Come here" he whispered and pulled her on top of him before lying down on the sheet. He ran his fingers through the damp hair while her lips were against his.

Nick's hands traveled down, caressing her back and without interrupting the kiss he turned them around.

"Ah, Nick…" her voice shivered as his finger was back to rubbing her clit.

Nick smiled feeling her arms move to his lower body trying to remove the fabric between them. He loved how impatient she could get, not that it was easy for him, he couldn't wait to bury him self inside of her, feel those muscles clench around him, hear her pant in his ear as he moved faster and faster.

He couldn't wait any longer and this time she didn't protest when he got up to remove his boxers. She spread her legs and the only thing he could feel as he entered her was that incredible pleasure taking over him. He tried to move slow, not wanting this to end. But Amanda didn't seem to share the sentiment. She was begging him to move faster and harder and he couldn't deny her request, not when the plea was made with a voice full of desire. Her need drove him crazy and his thrusts were now frantic, eliciting heavy grunts from her lips, or maybe it was him making those sounds. He was completely unaware of anything at the moment, he forced himself to open his eyes, wanting to look at her face as she fell over the edge. She called his name again and it didn't take long for the orgasm to take over her sending Nick on the same path just a few seconds later.

Nick collapsed on top of her, breathing hard but he turned to his back and pulled her closer, not ready to let go of her skin. Amanda placed soft kisses wherever she could reach without having to move.

"Good morning indeed" she mumbled against his chest.

"We are going to be late for the wedding" he caressed her forehead as she moved up to kiss his lips.

"Now you're worried about it" she grinned at him.

"Didn't hear you complain" he kissed her again.

"I didn't make any"

"We better get up and take a shower" he raised his brow "together"

"Oh, I see" she moved away "this was your plan all along"

"Yes" he wrapped his arms around her "an elaborated plan to have my way with you in the shower"

"Well if we don't want to be late…" she turned to look at him "tell me, what's the next part of this plan?"

"How about I show you?" he got up and carried her to the shower.

"You got a little teary eyed there Munch?" Amanda smiled at her former coworker.

"It was a beautiful ceremony" he said "what can I say, I was moved"

"Oh…" she laughed "didn't know you're such a sensitive guy"

"I'd say California has a bad influence on you, but I know you better, you were always cheeky" he winked "how's the captain doing?"

"He sends his regards, I really owe you for putting in a good word"

"Just call your first born John, that's all I ask" he laughed.

"John! Amanda!" they heard someone call and turned to look at the man walking towards them

"Congratulation Ken" she gave Fin's son a hug.

"Mazal tov kid" Munch hugged him too.

"Thank you so much for coming" he said.

"Of course and I'm glad to see Alejandro's father showed up" Amanda spotted Ken's now father in law not too far away.

"Yeah, he came around, mostly thanks to my dad"

"That's great" Munch smiled.

"We missed you at Christmas dinner this year" Ken turned to Amanda.

Munch chuckled "Amanda now has someone else to spend the holidays with, far away from New York" he saw Nick walking in their direction holding two Champagne glasses "speak of the devil…" Munch smiled.

"What?" Nick handed Amanda one of the drinks.

"Congratulation Ken" he shook the young man's hand.

"Thank you, I should go mingle, have fun guys" he walked away.

Amanda took a sip of the Champagne and Nick wrapped his right arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

"So what about you two?" Munch asked "are there wedding bells for Rollins-Amaro any time soon?"

The question caught Amanda off guard and she coughed uncomfortably "we are very happy with the way things are now"

"That's a shame, I was really looking forward to a visit in L.A" it was clear to him something had changed about them. He witnessed some of the events they've been through in the past years but now they seemed to be in peace and he knew it had almost everything to do with them being together.

He couldn't say it was a surprise, he noticed glimpses of it when he was still working in SVU, and when Amanda called him to help Nick after the arrest he knew something was going on. He was happy for them, they deserved that.

"Wanna dance?" Nick offered, Amanda gave him a questioning look but then took the glass from him and placed it on a nearby table next to hers.

"Talk to you later" Nick nodded at Munch and grabbed Amanda's hand as they made their way to the dance floor.

A slow song came on and she placed her hands behind his neck while he rested his arms around her lower back. Nick pulled her a little closer and they smiled at each other as they swayed to the rhythm.

He leaned forward and whispered something in her ear.

He had no regrets about leaving New York. They both needed a fresh start and he loved their life in California, they were never happier.

The end