Adaptability is the key to survival in the desert. The gopher snake, preferring to hunt during the day in the winter months, becomes nocturnal in the summer, as daytime temperatures soar forcing its prey underground or into one of the millions of crevices suitable for providing shade. Turkey buzzards work in groups to maximize the scare resources of the desert; soaring close to the ground, an individual might locate a perfectly ripe carcass, but rather than take the food for herself she flies high into the air, finds a suitable current, spreads her wings, and circles, attracting the attention of her group mates, who one by one join in the towering dance. Only when the group is fully assembled will they descend and eat. Sharing so little food among so many, these scavengers, in their most remarkable response to the paucity of their habitat, drop their body temperatures at night, lowering the caloric demand of their existence while at rest. California quail, who have no idea that they are in Nevada, grow quickly from hatchling to adolescent, avoiding ground predators with short bursts of flight as young as two weeks of age. Even under the ground, deserts plants allow a billowy, white fungus that grows in plumes to colonize their root systems helping them draw water from the oft-parched Earth.

As she had drifted off to sleep, with Delphine's arms around her and steady breaths tickling her hairline, Cosima realized that she was tired of merely surviving; she wanted to thrive. She was ready to climb out of the crevices of feeling in which she had been hiding; she was ready to provide for someone and to be provided for; she had grown weary of flight, and she knew that to truly live, she needed to strip away the emotional fungus that had helped her survive the long drought of feeling she had imposed upon herself.

The sun rose brilliantly over the Double S the next morning. A pair of male chukars squaring off in the scrubby underbrush that grew unchecked around the sides of the ranch house displayed their prowess, attempting to subdue one another in feather flailing dust-ups, filling the air with combative calls,

"chuk, chuk, chuk!"

"Chukar! Chuk!"

"Chuk!"

Cosima smiled as the sound brought her out of sleep. If there was one thing she could relate to this morning it was the desire to win a female. But as the memories of Delphine's words, her embrace, her kiss, her hands, her mouth, her breasts, and her longing came flooding back, it occurred to Cosima that maybe she already had. She began to stretch, luxuriating in the feeling of cool cotton sheets sliding over her still naked breasts. Her eyes closed; she groaned a little, loving the feeling of her body waking up, arching and twisting her spine. When her body relaxed back into itself, she turned, reaching out to where Delphine lay sleeping beside her.

A smile stretched across her face, she half mumbled the words, "Good morning," into the space between them. Her arm, aching to pull the other woman's body close, reached across the same expanse, but rather than falling onto the warm skin of Delphine's torso, Cosima's hand landed on cold and empty sheets. Almost instantly, the smile fell from her face; a lump lodged itself in her throat, and fear, from which she had been mercifully free since waking, filled her veins with ice, her mind with static, and her heart with dread. She knew better. She could still hear Delphine's voice confessing love and desire, asking to be touched. She could still feel the woman's gentle hands on her sides and her mouth, warm, against her breasts. She knew she was wanted, and she wanted to trust Delphine, but the memory of being abandoned, the memory that caused her to push Delphine away time and again, had a hold of her heart and her gut. She strained her senses against the sounds of morning and, listening for signs of life in the hallway, or the bathroom down the hall, but her ears were met only with the throaty laugh of the victorious chukar outside her window.

She threw her body across the bed, grasping for the undershirt she had discarded the night before, emotion rendering the idea of nudity intolerable. She shook out the forgotten tangle of cotton and pulled it quickly over her head. Cosima shut her eyes tight against the tears that, in direct opposition to both her will and her reason, sprang forward. She felt weak… on the verge of breaking, and for that she felt stupid, and for that she felt anger.

Delphine was not Emily; she knew it. Delphine had proved it, but her shattered perceptions insisted on trying to cast Delphine in Emily's role, to infect her hope with sickening doubt.

Raging at her broken heart, Cosima jumped up from the bed and paced the room, her cognition at war with her emotions. Her body seethed and pulsed, a casualty of the battle raging within. She strode in wide arcs around her room, corner to corner. She knew if she could get her blood moving it might help her body process the adrenaline that jangled her nerves and flooded her stomach with acid. She focused her breathing as she walked, each exhalation aimed at diminishing the impact of this unwelcome anxiety.

"Good Morning, mon amour." Delphine popped the door open with her hip, maneuvering a meticulously arranged breakfast tray through the slender entryway. Her bottom lip lay snugly between her teeth, and she shook almost imperceptibly as she moved in measured steps toward the bed, attempting to avoid any minor catastrophes while en route. Her attention fixed on keeping the food tray stable, she did not perceive the tension that melted from Cosima's body as her words floated across the room.

Delphine had dressed for the day in fresh blue jeans and the third of her pearl buttoned shirts; this one was dusty rose in color with chocolate brown piping across the breast and, just below each shoulder, there sat the silhouette of an eagle in the same hue. She set the tray carefully upon the bed, looking quite proud of herself for having disturbed neither a morsel of food nor a drop of coffee on her sojourn from the kitchen.

"I thought you might be hungry." she explained, smiling warmly in Cosima's direction.

"Hey you." Cosima beamed, sniffing back the last vestiges of a fear she hadn't meant to feel and hurtling herself toward the gorgeous creature in front of her. She threw her arms around Delphine's neck and caught her lips in a searing kiss, almost knocking them both over in the process. Delphine's reflexes saved them both as she stepped backwards with one foot, her initial surprise turning into delight and then something warmer as she melted into the supple adamancy of Cosima's mouth.

"Mmmmmm, good morning." Cosima said, as she relinquished her claim on Delphine's lips. "I am so, so happy to see you," she confessed, stealing first another kiss and then a glance at plate of food she had been offered. Two eggs, perfectly poached, sat in a small bowl, a side plate held fresh bread, lightly toasted with a small pat of butter slowly melting into its crevices. "I can't believe you remembered how I like my eggs. Thank you!" She made no attempt to mask her delight; her tongue stuck out slightly between her teeth as she sat down on the bed and prepared to dig in.

Delphine, who considered taking all of the credit, instead divulged the truth. "While I did remember, chérie, I must confess, Siobhan was already busy cooking when I woke up this morning. Mon Dieu, I haven't smelled fresh bread in so long; I had to have some. And since she is your mother there was not much I could tell her about your egg preferences that she did not already know. But" she added shyly, "it was my idea to bring it up to you, if that counts for anything."

"Counts for anything? Delphine, right now, it counts or everything." Cosima said warmly, as she broke the yolk of her eggs over the toast; her eyes found Delphine's before she added, "more than you could possibly know."

"Good," Delphine replied, enjoying the feeling of intimacy that imbued their gaze. She was a bit surprised by Cosima's reaction to eggs and toast, but she was too happy to question it. Rather, she crossed to join Cosima on the bed, nudging the other woman's shoulder playfully with her own, "Now hurry up and eat. There's someone I want you to meet."

"I'm not sure I'm ready," Cosima admitted as they stepped off of the porch.

"Come, Cosima." Delphine coaxed, threading her fingers between those of the reluctant woman to her left, but Cosima did not move immediately. She looked out toward the barn and then down at her own feet. Delphine could feel her hesitation, she knew its source, and so she waited for Cosima to decide.

"OK." Cosima agreed, finally looking up and giving Delphine's hand a squeeze. "for Lucy."

"D'accord" Delphine agreed, "for Lucy." and they set off across the yard.

As they entered the barn, they could here Donnie talking softy to Alison, who had left the calf's side for only a few minutes since his birth. She had washed up and changed her clothes; her canvas shoes were a total loss, so she wore a borrowed, and terribly oversized pair of boots that Cosima recognized instantly as she approached as Guillermo's. Alison stood inside the calf's pen; Donnie leaned over the railing. They looked quite comfortable with each other and that made Cosima smile.

"Nice boots!" Cosima called as they approached. Upon hearing his sister's voice, Donnie immediately stepped away from the fencing and walked to his sister, wrapping her up in a warm hug and kissing her on the cheek.

"How are you?" he asked quietly as he loosened his grip and looked her in the eye.

'I'm okay," she answered, nodding in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. He snuck a glance at Delphine, who nodded confirmation of Cosima's assertion. "I'm sure I'll have a few rough moments over the next week or so, but I'm okay right now. I'm trying to take it all in stride."

He stared her down for a minute, apprehension finally giving way to acceptance. "Well, that's all you can do I suppose." he observed. "Come on, Monkey, it's high time you were introduced to Claude?" Donnie pronounced the name with a decidedly American accent, confusing Cosima instantly.

"Clod?" Cosima grimaced. "What kind of name is Clod?" she wondered loud enough to make Alison and Delphine chuckle along with Donnie.

"Oh Donnie, " Alison chided playfully, "you have to say it right." She turned to Delphine, "Won't you say it Delphine; it sounds so lovely when you say it."

Delphine, amused by the observation, came up to Cosima's side and repeated the name in her own accent.

Cosima's concern diminished, but she was still skeptical, "Cloud is kind of girly name for a bull don't you think?"

The trio in her company laughed even harder now.

"Non, Cosima, his name is Claude, c-l-a-u-d-e." Delphine corrected, but, yes, in French it sounds like cloud! Absolument." she admitted.

"Isn't it perfect?" Alison added, appreciatively. "He looks just like a Claude." She did her best to imitate the liquid quality of Delphine's pronunciation.

"Well," Cosima asserted playfully. "we'll see about that!" She smiled broadly and climbed into the pen. In the far corner, under a grey warming blanket, the calf lay slumbering. As Cosima approached him the three observers cast knowing glances at one another. "Let's have a look at you, little guy." She sat beside him in the hay and scratched the white hair of his jaw, and then at the base of his ears. "Are you gonna wake up for me a little?" she asked. The calf's ear twitched, and his tail flipped a bit at the end, but his breathing remained steady and deep. "C'mon sleepy head," she coaxed, scratching a little harder. Still the calf slept. "He's so tired." Cosima observed to the group, affection dripping from her voice.

"He's also a fighter," Donnie added appreciatively.

'Yeah?" Cosima quirked, seeing the warm regard Donnie already had for the newborn.

"Oh yeah." he affirmed, "though he had a little help from Alison here. Turns out she's a bit of a fighter too." He winked at the new comer, and Cosima couldn't be sure but she thought she saw Alison blush a little.

"Well someone is going to have to tell me that story someday." she insisted before returning her attention back to the infant in front of her. "Hey buddy, show me some of that fighting spirit. Let me get a look at you."

As if on cue, the calf's ear twitched again; he shook his head and sneezed, blowing hay all over Cosima before finally opening his eyes. Cosima' laughed, shaking her head and spitting bits of straw out of her mouth. "There you go…" she started to say, but her voice fell off the second she locked eyes with the young animal.

"Oh my god," Cosima dead-panned as she looked into its face. "No way!" She looked one by one at the others in the room, who all looked back utterly charmed by her reaction. She pulled the warming blanket off of the sleepy bovine to confirm what her dizzy mind was telling her. She sat for a moment in shock before again uttering the only words she seemed capable of forming, "No way! Oh my god! No Way!"

"We were all pretty surprised, kitten." Siobhan added; they had all been so focused on watching Cosima, no one had notice Siobhan and Paul slip into the barn and join them.

"This is unreal." Cosima still could not believe her eyes. "Delphine, did you know about this?"

"Oiu, Cosima." she affirmed, "I came out early this morning. I hope you are not upset with me; I wanted you to see for yourself."

"We all did," Paul admitted. "Kind of softens the blow a little, doesn't it?" They all knew he was talking about Lucy and watched Cosima's reaction carefully.

She looked from Paul to the creature in front of her and back to her brother before agreeing, "You know, Paul, you're right. It actually does, a little." A wistful smile played at her lips, which she brought down squarely between the baby's eyes. "Hello, Claude," her accent was playfully affected to mimic Delphine's, "it's so nice to meet you!" A sly smile slid across half of her face, "And don't worry, we'll teach Donnie how to say your name soon enough." Cosima winked impishly at her brother.

"Do you believe in omens, Delphine?" Cosima asked, genuinely curious. "or, like, miracles?" She twisted bailing wire in a figure eight around a dual pronged thorn on each side of the spliced barbed wire that needed repair. "That should finish it."[i] she announced definitively, adding a wary, "Stand back." She released the ratchet on the fence stretcher. Even though she had done similar repairs hundreds of times, knowing that Delphine's eyes were on her made her hyper aware of the tension that threatened to injure one or both of them should her technique have been off. Delphine, who perceived the minimal level of danger and who felt more than confident in Cosima's competency, did as asked, simply to satisfy Cosima's caution.

"I'm a scientist, Cosima." Delphine replied, watching with satisfaction as the repair held fast, "There are no miracles, but I do believe in signs, in a fashion, I guess."

"Tell me more, Delphine." Cosima insisted, tossing the fence stretcher over her shoulder as they continued down the path.

They had been walking the perimeter of the property for almost an hour. After morning chores, Siobhan refused to let Cosima do any more work. She insisted her daughter rest, but Cosima, insisted she was grown and that work was good for the soul, "You taught me that, S."

Eventually, they compromised and the older woman sent Cosima and Delphine to look for damage to the barbed wire fencing; Paul swore they were missing more than a few head of cattle. He had fixed a gap in the split rail fencing, but the animals should still have been somewhere on the thousand acre property.

'Well, for example" Delphine elaborated, "about a year ago my Grand-père died. A few months later I got a letter from my Grand-mère. That letter inspired me to change my life. She didn't intend it to; in fact it wasn't about me at all, but I received it at a time in my own life that made it more meaningful to me. Does this make sense?" Delphine asked, finally turning to look at Cosima.

"Completely," Cosima answered emphatically. 'And for the record, Delphine, I'm sorry about your grandfather." Delphine reached into the space between them and grabbed Cosima's freehand, giving it a grateful squeeze as they walked.

"Do you?" Delphine followed up a few moments later, "believe in signs?"

Cosima didn't answer immediately; she had expected to have to answer her own question, but she hadn't quite decided how to present her thoughts. When she spoke it was intentionally, albeit obscurely, "the Paiute believe that albino animals are sacred." she began, "They have serious rules about hunting or harming them."

Delphine was un-phased by the seeming non-sequitur, "Well, true albinism is very rare." she remarked, certain Cosima was going somewhere with the dialogue.

"I know," Cosima added, light-heartedly, "that's why they have rules." Delphine, who had picked a sprig of new sage along their path and was holding it just under her nose, rolled her eyes in feigned annoyance. "You mock me, Delphine, but I wonder do you know why the Paiute have these rules?" Cosima probed Delphine's thinking.

"Superstition or divinity, I imagine," she responded, "Touched by God, perhaps."

"See, you would think that right?" Cosima offered, quite animated and pleased that Delphine had been given to this most common misapprehension; she worried instantly, however, that her reaction might seem condescending and she quickly (and needlessly) over corrected, "I mean, not you, you, but the ubiquitous you, all of us… when, as it turns out, that isn't the reason at all."

"No?" Delphine was intrigued. "Tell me more, Cosima." Delphine smiled wryly, borrowing the animated woman's turn of phrase.

"See, albino animals are sacred because they are defenseless." Cosima explained, "They lack one of the basic adaptations of any species. White coat, red eyes, in any habitat, they stick out like a sore thumb!"

"C'est vrai." Delphine interjected, nodding in agreement, adding a sympathetic "pauvre petit veau." as Cosima continued.

"The Paiute would consider it dishonorable to harm, and especially to kill, an animal that is already so vulnerable." Cosima elaborated.

"So, what you are saying is they suspend the predator/prey relationship out of empathy." she stated, "Is that right?"

'Yes!" Cosima replied emphatically, "Exactly!"

"Très compatissant." Delphine observed. They wandered in silence a few more moments before Delphine felt like compelled to redirect.

"As much as I appreciate the sociology lesson, Cosima, and I do. What, if anything, do Paiute beliefs about albinism have to do with your beliefs about signs?" Delphine reminded Cosima of their original conversation.

"Oh yeah, right. Sorry." Cosima apologized, then stated matter-of-factly, "I think Claude is a sign… for me… about us."

This statement stopped Delphine in her tracks. "A sign about us?" she asked. Her curiosity had been piqued; her heart fluttered hopefully.

Cosima stopped their progress and tossed the fence stretcher down into the dirt. "Yeah." she confirmed, and turned to look the other woman in the eye. "Delphine, I kind of freaked out this morning." Cosima confessed.

The flutter in Delphine's chest dropped slid into her stomach; she had not noticed anything unusual or unpleasant in Cosima's mood that could not be explained by Lucy's death. In fact her favorite memory of the day thus far had been the passionate kiss with which Cosima had greeted her that morning. "You did?"

"I did," Cosima explained. "I'm not exactly proud, because really, Delphine, it was nothing about you at all really. It was way more about her, but when I woke up and you were gone, it's just… I just… well, I sort of panicked." Cosima had rushed and stumbled through her thoughts, and then stopped abruptly.

"Merde," Delphine exhaled, "Cosima, I'm so sorry. I did not even think…"

Cosima stepped toward her, grabbing her hands, "Delphine, stop. You don't need to apologize. You had no way of knowing, and you were bringing me breakfast for goodness sake! I knew it was ridiculous and I was trying so hard to not feel what I was feeling and then you came in that door, and I heard your voice, and I saw you with that tray and with that adorable look on your face, and it was like magic. The fear was just," Cosima, warmth radiating from her expression paused briefly, "gone. It was just gone, and I wasn't going to tell you and then we went and met Claude and it all made sense."

Delphine had gotten so caught up in Cosima's explanation and affection, she couldn't help but smile, "What made sense?" she asked, half laughing.

"You. Delphine." Cosima said, "You made sense. Well, we made sense. I mean, I understood that I didn't need to protect myself from you, and I'm not saying it will be easy for me, or that I won't worry, but I don't want to hide from you either. I want to learn to trust myself again, to believe what I know, instead of what scares me." The two women had not broken eye contact since Cosima began speaking and they held it, still, as she continued. "I want you to want me, Delphine."

Delphine's expression melted into one of desire. "Mon Dieu, Cosima, I do."

"And if you'll let me," Cosima continued, "I want to try to love you, for at least the little time we have together."

Delphine's heart pounded in her chest as she dropped Cosima's hands and reached instead for her face. "Come here," she whispered into the space between them. "Come here." She drew Cosima's lips near to her own, placing a tender trail of kisses from one corner of her mouth to the other; in between each, she responded to Cosima with what had become her favorite two word phrase, a phrase she hoped to utter many more times over the course of the summer.

"Yes, Cosima."

[i]