I spend the next few hours in a raging conflict of emotions. I'm unable to sit still but also unable to determine what to do instead. I pace around the house. I decide to go out hunting, only to stop two steps out the door and decide I should stay home in case Peeta tries to get in contact with me. I run laps up and down the stairs which annoys Buttercup and earns me a hiss. I clean everything in my kitchen. I pace some more. Several times during the day I walk over to the window and look out, wishing I could see what is going on over at Peeta's house. I'm even tempted to take a walk into town in the hopes of hearing something through the grapevine but I'm nervous that my own name might be involved so I think the better of it. Over and over I stare at the phone, willing it to ring, occasionally walking up to it to call Peeta myself but then remembering Haymitch's words.

Mostly I'm jubilant. The wedding is off. Peeta isn't getting married. There is no Lace Mellark and that is amazing news in and of itself. Part of me is also nervous. What does this mean for Peeta and me? The thought of getting to kiss him the next time I see him makes me tingle with anticipation but it also makes me nervous. There's a part of me that's anxious, even though I want to ignore that as much as I can. Haymitch said I was the last person Peeta needs to see today and I really need to know what he meant by that.

Finally I can't bear it anymore. I decide to ignore Haymitch and go over to see Peeta. Haymitch doesn't deserve to be listened to anyway after what he did earlier this week. With my mind made up I hurry out the door and take the bright shining sun and the tweeting birds as a good sign. I whistle as I walk, trying to imitate the melodies of the birds. This combination of nervousness and joy makes me jittery and even though it's a short walk to Peeta's house I feel like it takes far too long to get there.

It's Haymitch who answers the door and he immediately scowls at me.

"Didn't I tell you not to come here?"

"Didn't I tell you not to tell Peeta?" I retort, an eyebrow raised in challenge. "I want to see him."

"Wait a day."

He looks annoyed, frustrated and weary. I don't care. He's not Peeta's gatekeeper, he's neither my father nor Peeta's and he's not even our mentor anymore. Unless Peeta himself asks me to hold off until tomorrow I see no reason why I shouldn't be here right now. The cancellation of the wedding affects my life too, very much so, and I have patiently waited for far too long already where Peeta is concerned.

"Get out of my way, Haymitch." When he doesn't budge I lower my voice to a hiss. "You were the one who insisted Peeta know the truth."

He glances over his shoulder and I hope to see Peeta walking up but nobody comes. Haymitch sighs and looks at me again.

"You can see him tomorrow. I think it's better for the both of you if you spend this particular day apart."

"And I think none of this would have happened if it wasn't for you so let me deal with the fallout in whatever way I see fit."

"You won't be able to have any form of sensible conversation with him today. Whether you're here to yell at him or kiss him or anything in-between he's not… he can't keep it together for long enough for any of that. Give him a day."

"I can handle him" I say. "I need some answers."

"Answers which you won't get today. Are you listening to me? He's too frazzled. Wait until he's feeling better."

"Haymitch" I say icily. "Get out of my way or find out exactly how displeased I am with what you've been up to this week."

Finally he makes a face and moves to the side, allowing me to enter.

"Just for a brief moment, then. At your own risk. If he has an adverse reaction you get out of here as quick as possible."

I ignore his instructions and walk through the house in search of Peeta. He's not in the kitchen but I find him in the sitting room, leaning forward on the couch, his arms folded over his knees. I can see even from a distance that his eyes are red and swollen, dark circles beneath them, and that he doesn't look very happy. For the first time since I got Haymitch's phone call I start to feel a real touch of worry.

"Peeta?" I say.

"Sorry, boy" says Haymitch over my shoulder, sounding weary. "I told her not to come by but she insisted."

Peeta looks up at us and seems exhausted. He's quiet for a moment and then he shakes his head heavily.

"That's alright, Haymitch. Might as well see each other, anyway, I guess."

"That's just another brilliant decision you're making this week."

"Pot, come meet my friend kettle."

I'm not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean but I know I want to talk to Peeta alone, without a chaperone. I turn to Haymitch and give him a glare and understanding my intentions he sighs and shakes his head.

"I'll give you two a moment, then. I have to go pick up Effie, anyway."

Peeta's sudden frown matches my own.

"Effie?" he says.

"Well it was going to be a surprise but it doesn't matter much now."

"Please Haymitch…" says Peeta after a moment of stunned silence. "I'm touched by the sentiment, truly I am, but I don't think I can handle seeing Effie today. Can you take her somewhere in town? Just for the night?"

"She's got a hotel room, don't worry." He gives me a pointed look and lowers his voice to a whisper. "He's having a hell of a rough time. Don't pressure him today, okay? I know you want to get some answers, and you deserve them, but today is not the day." I give him a look but he continues. "Sweetheart for your own sake I really think you'd be better off going back home right now."

A poisonous reply is at the tip of my tongue but he leaves before I can actually say anything. The moment he is gone I forget all about him and focus only on Peeta. The worry is back. He looks so distraught, so unhappy. This is exactly what I didn't want to have happen. I wanted him to have his happiness. I'm happy about the reason he's not happy but I wish it didn't have to cause him this much distress.

"How are you feeling?" I ask as I slowly walk over to him.

"Not how I was supposed to feel today" he mumbles. "I'm surprised you're here. Didn't think you'd want to see much of me after how I left things when we last saw each other…" He lets out a short huff. "No, definitely not feeling good today."

I sit down beside him on the couch, unsure of what I should say to him. I wasn't expecting him to be this distraught. Then again this is Peeta and a warm rush of affection flows through me when I realize that this is just like him to react this way. A few days ago he wouldn't as much as kiss me out of respect for his fiancée. Leaving her so close to the wedding would undoubtedly make him feel terrible.

"Peeta it will be alright" I say softly.

He shakes his head and laughs unhappily.

"How? This was supposed to be my wedding day. I was supposed to have a wife, a toasting, a family. Instead I have really, really hurt people very close to me. Instead I have nothing. Except for a ton of guilt and…"

"You have everything" I object gently. "Or you will."

"Katniss…"

He says my name with frustrated disbelief. Only now does a new insecurity come creeping up inside of me. Almost unnoticeably I move further away from him on the couch, as if to shield myself from something I might not want to hear.

"How did you and Lace end things?" I ask.

Up until this moment I've assumed that Peeta was the one who called off the marriage but that might not be the case I now realize. And it makes all the difference in the world. If Peeta cancelled his wedding then he must have done it because he would rather be with me than with Lace. He would probably feel horrible about it and blame himself for all the pain it must be causing her but it would still mean good things for him and me. It would mean the possibility of a future for us. But if it wasn't Peeta, if Lace was the one to decide they shouldn't get married… At first I'm not sure why she would have done something like that. It's impossible to imagine that she, too, might have somebody else holding part of her heart. She's seemed so completely infatuated and so excited about becoming Mrs. Mellark. Nothing could possibly change that, except…

Except for her finding out about Peeta's feelings for me. And only one person could have told her. Haymitch wouldn't, there's a limit even for him to how much he would meddle in our affairs. But Peeta just might have been feeling guilty enough to tell her everything, which might have caused her to call off the marriage, even against his wishes. He could have chosen her only to have her leave him. If that is what happened it changes everything for me. I wouldn't be Peeta's choice, the one he wants the most. I would be the runner-up, someone he gets together with because the one he truly wants doesn't want him anymore. If that is the case I am truly done.

If he's even capable of doing that. I wasn't. When Peeta came back from the Capitol in his hijacked state I knew I couldn't have him anymore which meant that there was no choice to be made anymore between him and Gale. It would have been simple to choose Gale then, to be with him out of default, to cling to somebody who loved me and wanted me when the only other option was bitter loneliness and longing for a person who would never want to hold me in his arms again. But I was not able to make that choice of being with Gale. When faced with the options of being with him or being alone I chose being alone. My gut tells me Peeta would do the same and be lonely rather than settle for me if those were his options.

Perhaps we're all going to be miserable now.

He still hasn't answered my question. In fact, it looks like he didn't even hear it. He's staring blankly into space, twiddling his thumbs in an unnerving gesture. I place my hand on top of his to still his movements and he looks up at me. Despite everything I can't still the enormous longing to reach out and take what I want. I want to see if I can make the pain in his eyes go away. I want to lean in and kiss his sadness away. I want to find out if we can take away each other's heartache. I move just a tiny bit closer and look into his eyes to see if he knows what I'm contemplating and if he will accept it.

"Peeta…" I say, my hand coming up to caress his cheek. He's got stubble, like he hasn't shaved in a day or two. "Listen to me… This doesn't have to be all bad. You and me, we could…"

My voice trails off but I keep looking deeply into his eyes. My words seem to register with him and he frowns, pulling back a little.

"You and me could what?" he asks, his tone a touch angry. "I'm supposed to be newly married to Lace right now so what exactly is it that you and me could do?"

I swallow and move back a little, letting my hand fall from his cheek. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do in this situation and whether or not it's better to relentlessly pursue what I want and need or if the best strategy is to give him some leeway right now.

"You and I could…" I begin, trying to figure out how to best end the sentence.

"What? We could what?" His voice is only angry now. "Kiss? Is that it? My supposed wedding day is not even over yet and you expect me to be in your arms?"

"No" I say. "I don't know. I just… That's why you're not married, isn't it? Because of you and me?"

"So what if that were the reason?" he asks, rising from his seat. He begins to pace back and forth in the room, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I don't know what makes you think I could just move forward with you on this day of all days." He scoffs. "Except I guess I do know. But I'm not like you."

"Peeta…" I say hesitantly. His demeanour is making me nervous.

He looks up at me and I can see his pupils dilating and contracting. This sends me to my feet, ready to flee. In his current emotional state he might not be able to fight it back. There's no wounded shoulder to smash against a bannister today.

"It's the kind of thing that's right up your alley, isn't it?" he hisses at me in a voice that holds nothing of the Peeta I know. "Exactly the kind of thing you did to Gale and me. Smooch one, then go smooch with the other. Who cares what any of us thought or felt, right? Who cares what Lace would think and feel if I gave you all you wanted tonight? She's just a little insignificant nobody in your eyes anyway, isn't she? Like an irritating fly you want to squish. But I'm not like you. I can't so much as think about anything related to you and me today. I'll be damned if I treat her with anything other than respect today when I've shown her so little of it lately."

Then, as if flipping a switch, his pupils go steady and he gasps and reels. His eyes then close hard and he turns and grabs the mantelpiece and lets out a long, painful groan, alternating between tugging and pushing at the mantelpiece as if it's the thing he's struggling with. I can see his body begin to tremble from his efforts.

"Peeta" I say, stepping closer.

"Please" he manages through painful pants. "I don't want this… I didn't want this… I don't mean the things I'm… You don't deserve… It's not fair to you…" He groans again, loudly, and his knuckles turn even whiter somehow. He continues through gritted teeth. "This is why you should have stayed away today. Why I asked them to keep you away. I can't trust myself. I'm afraid I might hurt you even worse. I'm sorry. I don't mean the horrible things I... I'm so damn sorry. I don't know if I can control it. Just go, Katniss. I have enough to regret as it is. I don't want to damage you too."

I don't want to go. I want to stay and take care of him through his agony. But I realize that my presence here is only going to make matters worse, not better. It won't help me at all either because clearly he's not in any shape to let me know what he's feeling deep down in his heart. There is nothing I can do here to help him. The best thing I can do is leave.

I can still hear him groaning and gasping and making agonized cries when the front door slams shut behind me. I sit down on the front porch, afraid to leave him completely alone, praying Haymitch will get here soon.

I don't know how long it's been when Haymitch finally comes walking up to me. Peeta has been quiet for a while and I've been leaning against the bannister for long enough that my neck is starting to ache a little. Haymitch doesn't seem particularly high spirited either. He looks depressed, like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He seems to have aged five or six years in the past few days.

"Didn't go so well, I take it?" he asks in a sigh. "He's been fighting attacks on and off all day long. All week, probably. He's smart enough to know he's messed things up and…e'HeH" He sighs again, taking a seat beside me on the porch steps. "I guess I don't have to tell you I feel pretty damn lousy for causing this whole screwed up situation. If his mind was a mess a week ago it's ten times that now. Or he's just in a state of panic, who knows?" He shrugs and wraps an arm around my shoulder. "How are you holding up?"

"I don't know" I mutter. "I don't even know what I'm supposed to fell. Exhilaration? Anger? Disappointment?"

"Did he say anything about… you two?"

"Nothing encouraging."

"He's not in any shape to start something with you right now" says Haymitch carefully. "Even if he might want to."

"No I know. It became quite glaringly obvious, if it wasn't before. I just… I got what I wanted. Didn't I? The wedding is cancelled and Peeta loves me." Keeping in a sigh I rest my head on Haymitch's shoulder. "So why does it feel like I lost anyway?"

"Because the boy really made a mess of things by proposing to someone he didn't love exclusively" says Haymitch. "I guess it's to his credit that he knows it, and he's having to fight off these attacks because he knows it, but all this could have been avoided."

A troubling thought occurs to me and adds to my concerns over how this wedding came to be cancelled.

"It's been almost a week since he found out how I feel. That night he told me his choice was Lace. It took him seven days to change his mind, apparently. What does that say?"

"The wedding wasn't called off today" reveals Haymitch, causing me to sit up straight and stare at him with wide eyes.

"What? Then when?"

"I don't know. He's not very forthcoming with information."

"Why not?" I ask warily.

"Sweetheart I'm not exactly Peeta Mellark's favourite person at the moment. I won't say he blames me for everything that's unfolded since that dinner but he's not very appreciative of my contributions…"

"He's mad at you?" I ask, silently thinking he might as well get in line.

"Well he thought I was being unsupportive eight days ago and that has only been amplified now."

"Okay, but he still called you here today" I point out.

"No, that would be Delly's handiwork."

"Delly?" I echo. I had completely forgotten she's even in town.

"She's the one he's been looking to since the wedding was called off. Only reason I'm here today instead of her is because she had to go into town and take care of some… business that comes with calling off a wedding less than a week before it's supposed to take place. She didn't want him to be alone so she called me over. Not sure my being here has done all that much good."

I let the news sink in and my brow furrows as I think it over. Delly Cartwright. I knew long before Peeta confirmed it that she would be coming to the toasting, she is his only surviving childhood friend after all, but it hadn't occurred to me that they have any form of closer relationship nowadays. I haven't forgotten the part she played when he came to District 13 but I guess I assumed they didn't stay in touch after that except for a phone call on birthdays or such. It's strangely comforting to know he's looked to her this week. She knows how to handle him when he's struggling with flashbacks and anything and everything else hijack related, probably she knows better than anybody else because she was there throughout the entire process in Thirteen. She can probably help him keep stabile more efficiently than the rest of us in a situation like this.

It crosses my mind that once again somebody other than me is there for him when he needs somebody badly. He's again chosen to lean on somebody else but unlike previous instances with Lace this time around I feel only relief, truth be told. I don't particularly want to be the one he leans on when he's dealing with guilt and anguish over breaking another woman's heart. In fact I realize I don't want to be there for anyone at all at the moment. I'm exhausted, more so than I think I've allowed myself to acknowledge, and I want to be supported, not supporting.

When I step through my front door I freeze. I'm not alone. Effie is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, dressed in some ridiculous Capitol outfit that is significantly toned down from the things she wore before but still so much her own style. She's also wearing a red wig that's vaguely styled into a heart on top of her head. I guess you can never fully take the Capitol lifestyle out of Effie Trinket.

She stands there looking at me, wringing her hands, giving me a sad smile that is probably meant to be encouraging and compassionate at the same time. It's strange seeing her again. I realize I haven't seen her since the war ended, and we've only spoken on the phone a handful of times. Her being here without Cinna, without my prep team, is strange. All the same it's nice to see a familiar, friendly face.

"Hi Effie" I manage.

"Katniss" she says, her hand touching her heart, her voice full of emotion.

"I… wasn't expecting to see you here. Haymitch said you had a hotel room."

"Haymitch told me what has been happening. We thought you could use someone to be with you today."

"Thank you" I say. "I'm fine, though."

Effie makes a face like she's touched by how strong I try to be and under other circumstances I would have been annoyed but right now it just feels comforting to have somebody here with me, somebody who cares. I'm sure I'll be sick and tired of her before morning but at the moment I can't help but feel like in lieu of my mother being here Effie is a decent substitute.

She walks up to me and wraps me in a hug, the thick smell of her vanilla perfume making me a little queasy but the gesture itself is so comforting and reassuring that I almost begin to cry. Dear old Effie.

"I was rooting for you and Peeta" she says. "From the very beginning, I was. You are so right for each other." She rocks me back and forth like I'm a little child. "Oh I wish things can work out for the two of you."

"I wish that too" I allow myself to admit to her, whispering the words against the fur collar of her blouse.

She pulls back from the hug and I see a tear or two in the corner of her eyes. She smiles her bravado smile and gives me a light pat on the cheek.

"Now, what do you say we have a cup of tea and a nice little girl chat? I could use one after the long and dreary train ride out here. Did you know they don't use the trains we had during the Games? You'd think that at least when someone important is travelling here they'd find a decent mode of transportation. The things they cart people around in these days are downright awful."

She continues to prattle on as we head to the kitchen and I put on a kettle. Most of what she says is typical mundane things a Capitol native would care about but underneath it all I notice something else, a trace of concern and caring. I wonder if she would like to go see Peeta and make sure he is doing okay but if she does want to she keeps it to herself. I get to be the full focus of her attention all afternoon and even though it's the last thing I would have thought to ask for it might just be exactly what I needed.

We've just finished having dinner when the front door opens and steps I recognize as Haymitch's walk inside the house. I feel myself tense up, not sure if I want an update from him or not. It's not like he's going to waltz in here and tell me Peeta is now recovered and feels just dandy and wants me to come over and everything will be fine.

"Delly finally got back" Haymitch declares as he walks into the kitchen. He leans over the table and grabs a piece of bell pepper from Effie's plate, ignoring the displeased look she gives him. "He seemed to get calmer when she showed up and I sure didn't mind leaving her to deal with him for the rest of the evening. I lost count somewhere around the fifth time he had to fight back an attack and let me tell you, he was no fun in-between them either."

"I should think not" I mumble under my breath.

"I think we should see the positive" says Effie in another one of her attempts at cheerfulness. "He realized his mistake before it was too late. It would have been a lot worse if this had happened after the wedding ceremony."

"Just because that would have been worse it doesn't make this anything other than bad" argues Haymitch. He hops up on the kitchen island next to Buttercup who is rudely woken from his nap. "He's made precisely zero people happy this week. Not to mention thrown a lot of money and people's time down the drain."

"Of course it sounds bad if you look at it with that attitude" admonishes Effie.

"The boy agrees with me" says Haymitch. "Says it was too late once he had popped the question, that from that point on it would be a disaster no matter how it played out. He's in full-blown self-deprecation mode right now." He sighs, running a hand through his hair and then down over his face. "Ugh, I'm just… more than a little bit exhausted right now. I knew he was making a mistake getting married so soon. I told him he shouldn't rush into it."

"Yeah he fucked up" I say, not even realizing my choice of words until I hear Effie's shocked gasp. I look up to see her staring at me in utter shock, and Haymitch looking at me like I just sprouted wings.

"Why Katniss!" Effie exclaims.

"Well he did" I say stubbornly.

"Don't go getting up on your high horse just yet" says Haymitch. "If you had gotten over yourself months ago and mustered up the courage to say something to him things would have never gotten this out of hand."

I scowl at the accusation and turn my eyes to Effie instead, only to find her still looking horrified at my coarse language.

"I should wash your mouth with soap" she says dramatically, in a hushed tone.

"Fine, I'm sorry for my choice of words" I say, rolling my eyes.

"It's going to be an unpleasant couple of days" says Haymitch. He's managed to get engaged in a swatting match with Buttercup who wants the kitchen island to himself, and is barely looking at us as he speaks. "I know you're having it rough, Katniss. The boy's mind is chaos. Peeta already spoke to dr. Aurelius earlier this week but I think the useless old doc is going to have to actually do something hands-on this time around. Either that or Peeta needs to find himself someone who isn't just a voice on the other end of a phone line. He's been on the phone with the doc several times a week since the shoulder incident and fat load of good that has done."

I get up from my seat and walk over to the kitchen island, grabbing Buttercup who meows in protest but allows me to carry him over to the table where I take my seat again.

"It's going to be such a scandal" says Effie, looking like she's about to have a nervous breakdown. "Calling off a wedding on such short notice? It simply isn't done!"

"The scandal is the least of our concerns at the moment" says Haymitch. "Effie I think tomorrow you're going to have to be the one who makes sure the boy doesn't bludgeon his forehead against the mantelpiece in one of his attempts at avoiding an attack. Delly still has things to get done in town and clearly my presence wasn't doing much to help but I couldn't leave him alone either."

"No wonder your presence wasn't helpful" I say coldly, patting Buttercup on the head. "If you had only kept your big, drunk mouth shut none of this would have happened."

"And he would have been married to miss Sunshine-And-Bubbles and you would have been cooped up in here playing the violin to your own depression" snarls Haymitch in reply. "It was going to be a disaster no matter what but at least Peeta got the chance to make his decisions based on the truth."

"How do you even know it was Peeta who made the decision?" I challenge. "Could have been Lace. He could have told her what happened and she made the call to not get married now. Hell, for all we know the wedding has been postponed, not cancelled. Delly might be running around making rearrangements not cancellations."

"I think we should all calm ourselves a bit" says Effie, though she certainly doesn't seem very calm herself.

"I'm not going to calm down" I snarl. Buttercup looks up at me and grunts, apparently displeased with my mood, and jumps off my lap. I lean over the table and scowl at Effie. "A week ago I was miserable because the guy I love was marrying someone else. Now he's apparently no longer doing that but he's also not knocking on my door looking for a chance to be with me. For all I know he blames me for messing everything up! Maybe he thinks I'm just jealous and petty!"

"You're not to blame for everything but you did hold back some fairly vital information" says Haymitch and I turn and glare at him.

"Oh you've got some nerve" I hiss. "Who's fault is this all, anyway? I made the choice not to tell Peeta how I feel and-"

"It was a stupid, immature choice" interrupts Haymitch. "I was really hoping you'd get your head out of your ass and go tell him the truth yourself, or that he'd get his head out of his ass and recognize that marrying his new beau so damn soon is a terrible idea. Had I known you were both going to persist on being stubborn idiots I would have intervened a lot sooner."

"Who gives you the job, or the right, to intervene in the first place?"

"Perfect, and now I'm getting a migraine" complains Effie. She throws her hands up, rises and walks over to the sink. "Is the water safe to drink?"

"It's an outline district, not a Hunger Games arena!" I snarl.

A moment of silence follows and none of us make eye contact. I don't know how this mood ended up the prevailing one, or what the hell is up with Haymitch's newfound attitude against me. I get that he's had a rough day in Peeta's company but that doesn't give him the right to take it out on me. Then again I can't deny I'm taking my own frustration out on him and Effie. However, I think my situation is a far bit more trying and emotionally exhausting than his so if anyone gets to act out it should be me.

"Probably best I get you to your hotel room, Effie" says Haymitch finally, getting down from the kitchen island.

"Some room service and a hot bath would be marvelous" she replies in a flustered tone, rubbing her temples.

"Possibly some drinkable water too" I snarl.

Ignoring my comment she walks up to me and gives me a hug from behind, promising to be back tomorrow and telling me to get some rest. I remain in my seat, offering no parting words as they leave the house and presumably head for Haymitch's beaten down old car. It's a relief to be alone again and it's also sad and lonely. I wonder how many days of this we will have to endure before anything starts making sense again.

Then again it's infinitely better than watching Peeta and Lace toast a piece of bread.

Evening comes and darkness falls. I take a hot shower and put on a sweater and a pair of sweat pants, or cosy-pants as Peeta used to refer to them. I curl up in an armchair with a book on my lap and try to focus on reading but I can't bring myself to feel interested. No matter how hard I try it seems impossible not to wonder about the developments of the day. There are so many questions I need answers to and before I have those answers it's difficult to feel joy alone over the cancelled toasting.

I've been sitting on my chair for over an hour and read only two or three pages when a knock on the door interrupts me. With a sigh I put the book down on the coffee table and force myself to get up from the chair. My wet hair has made my sweater damp and it feels uncomfortable and as I walk to answer the door I make up my mind to head upstairs the first change I get and change into something else. Perhaps pyjamas. I might as well go to bed seeing as how I'm clearly not able to do anything worthwhile while awake tonight.

I don't know who I expect to find on the other side of the door when I open it, but Delly Cartwright never entered my mind as a candidate. I don't know what to say at first when I see her standing there on my porch with her face tilted downward and wringing her hands in an unhappy gesture. She looks up at me from underneath her blonde bangs and I suppress a sigh at the expression in her eyes. Is everyone miserable today?

"Hi Katniss."

"Hey Delly."

There's a moment of awkward silence between us but I don't care to be the one to break it. It's been nice having both Haymitch and Effie show their support for me today, regardless of how things ended, but it's been just as nice getting to be alone for a while. This has been an emotionally draining week and the last thing I need is even more difficult emotions to deal with.

"I hope you don't mind that I stop by" says Delly.

There's no good reply to that so I settle for shrugging and reluctantly moving aside so that she can come inside the house. She takes a few tentative steps and looks around the room she's walked into but I think I can read from her body language that she doesn't intend to stay for long and that makes me pleased.

"Peeta is sleeping" she volunteers.

"Okay."

"I… knocked him out with some sleep syrup."

This bit of information surprises me a little. I didn't know sweet Delly Cartwright would have it in her and I didn't know Peeta was in a state that he would need it.

"So why are you here, then?" I ask, trying not to sound unfriendly.

"Because Peeta wanted me to."

I scowl and cross my arms over my chest.

"Peeta asked to be given sleep syrup and sent you over here to do… what exactly?"

Her eyes widen and to my annoyance they remind me of the doe eyes of the woman Peeta didn't get married to today.

"No! No, nothing like that. He…" She blushes and looks very uncomfortable. "I put the sleep syrup in his tea. He caught on to me after the first sip but he finished it anyway." Quickly she begins to defend her actions. "He's been having such a rough week, today worst of all, and I'm scared all those flashbacks are going to take too big a toll on him! I really feel he needs to sleep properly for a while." She looks deeply unhappy. "Well, he'll probably sleep all day tomorrow too since I put extra sleep syrup in the tea just in case he would only drink a little of it."

I hold up my hands to stop her.

"Delly, Delly, slow down. I don't care why you gave him that or for how long he will sleep." It's not entirely true but I wish it were. I try to suppress the worry I feel about her feeling the need to drug him. The state he was in when I saw him earlier today was bad but she's seen him much worse. How bad is it really this time around? Do I even want to know? "You said you came here because he asked you to. I'm really tired myself and was planning on going to bed so if you don't mind…"

"Well he asked me in so many words…" says Delly, wringing her hands again. "He told me you stopped by to see him and that… Oh Katniss, please understand! This week has been hell on him and he's having such a hard time and…"

"This week has been hell on many people" I mutter.

"I know" she says, a strangely soft touch in her voice. "I know none of this is your fault. I don't think anybody blames you."

I wasn't worrying about that but since she mentions it the thought enters my mind. Perhaps Peeta doesn't blame me, in fact I really hope he doesn't, but there's one person who undoubtedly hates me for causing all this chaos.

"Delly, listen…"

"Katniss he feels terrible about having an episode in front of you earlier today" Delly says, barely listening to me. "He told me he was so happy that you showed up and then he got really scared because he was worried he'd have another attack and then he did... I don't know what things he said or what he did but I hope you know that it wasn't him. You know?" The fervently pleading look on her eyes fades into something that seems almost happy and hopeful, strange as it may be. "He loves you so much, I just know that he does, and this will all work out. Lace is just so upset and he's feeling so terrible about everything and…" Her soft hands grab mine and I don't know if I ought to allow her or pull my hands back. I remember that Delly has always been in my corner as far as my relationship with Peeta goes but I wonder how objective she really is. Does she know he loves me deeply or does she wish that he does? "I hope you don't give up on him now. When all the dust has settled and everyone has had time to think things through I know you could be so happy together."

I can't help but feel a warm, happy feeling in my chest and a faint smile appears on my face. I really do want her to be right about this. All the same I think the best course of action is to proceed with caution at this point. No one knows for how long Peeta will be in the state he's currently in and until he's gotten through it there can be no happy ending for us.

"I just hope he doesn't end up regretting the decision to leave her" I say. I choose my wording carefully, hoping that Delly's response will tell me whether or not it actually was him who called it off.

"He really regrets hurting her" says Delly, looking sad. "I don't think it was a particularly pleasant conversation… In fact I think it devastated him to have to have that conversation at all. I don't think he'll regret it, though."

"Delly…" I say, deciding to just be blunt. "It was Peeta who called it off… right?"

She nods and I exhale slowly, letting my shoulders sink down a bit. Peeta did it. Not Lace.

It's not until fifteen minutes later, after Delly has left, that another thought occurs to me. Did Peeta call it off because he wants to be with me or did he call it off because he felt wrong marrying Lace when he's got feelings for me too? The latter doesn't necessarily have to imply that he'll come knocking on my door when he's worked through his currently messy state of mind.

Then I decide it doesn't entirely matter. I walk up the stairs and begin to get ready for bed, mulling over that possibility. So what if he called it off because he's uncertain, not because he knows he wants me more? If that's the case I can convince him where his heart should lie. I will remind him that we have a connection that goes far deeper and far beyond anything he could ever have with Lace. I will make it abundantly clear to him that it was not a mistake to take the chance at a possible future for us instead of a certain future with her.

Just to be overly-clear, Peeta is at the precipice of a flashback pretty much from the moment he and Katniss are left alone. He'll be in a more lucid state of mind next chapter. The argument between Katniss and Haymitch is mainly driven by their frustrations and weariness boiling over. I wasn't sure whether or not to include it but it seems like a very true-to-life reaction. Writing Delly was a challenge since I still haven't gotten my hands on an English language copy of "Mockingjay" (and it's been like two years since I read it in Swedish) so I can only hope she isn't OOC.