Enjoy

Chapter 20

Five hours before the events in Chapter 18

Christine's POV

I was confused at Christian's mercurial change of mood. One moment he was speaking to me sympathetically, the next he was ordering me to leave the room. I did not know where to go because I was in a strange house, but that did not occur to him. After a moment a servant approached me and told me to follow him. He told me that the Baron would like to have a word with me in private. I did not know what to make of it and the servant gave me no clue. I followed him wordlessly to a part of the Chateau that I had not yet seen, and he led me through some double doors into a very dark room. I was starting to grow fearful until the night before, I never met anyone in this house. Everyone that I had met in this house seemed to be either mysterious or odd or both. If something were to happen to me no one would ever know or care. I swallowed my fear and peered around room. The servant closed the door behind me and disappeared leaving me alone in the stark forbidding room. I wondered what I had done to earn this treatment. I felt a strong urge to turn around and leave, but then I heard some noise, and I could see a faint outline of a man coming towards me. It was not Christian. It was someone else, he was taller and leaner and I could feel his fiery eyes upon me scanning me and burning me.

I heard my name whispered very softly and gently by the dark cloaked figure. It sounded like a caress whispering "Christine"

My heart leapt in response, it sounded like…. I looked forward and suddenly, like the ghost that he was, my angel materialized before me. I froze in shock.

"Angel" I gasped instinctively. I took a step back in reflexive fear. It was not that I feared him, but I was completely startled. Despite the substantial clues that he was here, and my own instincts, I was still surprised to find him here.

"You still fear me?" he questioned bitterly. His tone changed completely. I could see the dim light illuminate his mask in sepia tones and beyond that I could see a flash of anger in his beautiful verdant eyes.

"No Erik, not anymore. Not after that night." I replied softly.

"Yet you tremble at my voice." He stated with a challenge. "Your words tell me otherwise but your eyes could never lie to me." He hissed bitterly.

"You hoped to find me dead!" he stated menacingly.

"No." I replied in strong denial. "I am glad to see you alive." I told him.

He approached me cautiously, coming even further out of the shadows where he had been hiding from me only moments before. I watched him warily as I would watch a panther springing out to attack his prey. He looked at me coldly "You lie! For once tell me the truth. You owe me that much for all of your past betrayals."

"I am not lying to you Erik. It is only that you have startled me. I did not expect to see you. I expected to see the Baron." I told him.

He nodded "Are you disappointed that it is me? Perhaps you preferred it to be Christian. He is not hideous like me. He is handsome like your fop. Shall I fetch him?" He taunted.

"Perhaps you would like to have a new protector to guard you and to guide you." He continued mocking me with my own words that passed between Raoul and me.

I met his angry gaze defiantly "Don't be ridiculous Erik. I have only just met Christian. I have not had time to develop any feelings for him one way or the other. I was told that the Baron wished to see me and I therefore expected it to be him."

He spoke to me in a more measured tone, but I could still feel his anger seething just below. He was struggling to maintain his composure. "I am the Baron who wished to see you Christine. This estate belongs to me, not my cousin. I inherited it from my grandfather years ago. I just never mentioned it to you. Unlike your boy, I do not flaunt my title or my wealth to anyone. I have no need to bring more attention upon me from this harsh world."

His eyes still blistered me with the intensity of his anger. He was, every inch, the Phantom of both my dreams and nightmares. I gazed into his intensely stormy eyes and could not find the soft affection that once graced the orbs of my angel and teacher. At that moment I could feel all of the power of his commanding presence. He was as remote to me as a mountain top. I was trembling with terror but I let it glide away, remembering who this man before me really was, and what he meant to me. I dwelt in the past and remembered the kind angel who once adored me. I wanted to get past the Phantom and find my angel. I knew that he was still there behind the bluster. I recovered my strength and lifted my gaze defiantly, eye meeting eye.

"Why are you here Christine?" he asked suddenly, breaking the tense silence. His eyes were watching me intensely, like a cat watching a mouse. He was probing me for a weakness.

"At this house? I needed a position to earn enough to return to Sweden." I replied casually knowing full well what he meant.

"No." he thundered "Why are you not with your boy? I set you free to be with him. Yet I find you here in my house. Did you follow me so you could destroy what little that you left of me after so many betrayals?"

"Isn't it obvious Erik? I could not marry him, not after what he did to you." I told him defensively. "I had no part in his final attempt on your life, despite what you think that you heard, and what Meg thought that she saw. I did not want to see you killed."

He searched my expression for some hint of a lie but because I was truthful I had nothing to hide.

"I heard what you told Christian." He said, still angry. "Christian came to see me right after he left you, before the break of dawn. He told me that you were here, in my Chateau. I stood outside and listened to your entire conversation. I know what you claim. Did you hope perhaps to sway his sympathy? Did you want his, and the Comtesses' support against the poor deranged monster who accosted you?"

His eyes challenged mine, daring me to deny the truth of what he was saying but it only increased my resolve against him. I was finished playing docile games with the men in my life, first Raoul and now Erik.

"So you know that I am telling you the truth. I did not know that you were listening. I had no reason to lie to him." I replied defensively but calmly. I would not let his anger arouse mine.

He acknowledged my words but snapped "From your perspective, you believe it to be true Christine. Perhaps I might have deluded myself on that last night in the lair; but I have had time to reflect on the recent past and have concluded that you wanted me dead."

"No" I replied insistently. I started to speak and to explain further; but he stepped forward and placed his gloved hand over my mouth to stop me.

He gave me a bitter glance and hissed "You dare to deny the truth Christine, but your actions have spoken louder than your words. It was you who set the Vicomte against me. You told him that you could never be free from me. Time and again you proclaimed me a monster, even after all that I had been to you and done for you; I was condemned without even a chance to explain myself! No Christine, I now believe that you knew nothing about the fop's cowardly attempt to stab me, but make no mistake it was your actions that placed that knife in his hands." He accused.

I was taken aback by his tone. My angel had never spoken to me as harshly as he did now. I continued to feel the full force of the Phantom in his strong baritone voice. He closed the small remaining gap between us and gripped my wrist and pulled me towards him, until it hurt.

His eyes flashed with hurt and with uncontrolled anger "Once and for all, admit that you hated me and you wanted me to be dead. You probably still do. Release me! Free us both from this agony that exists between us. I freed you to be with your boy, now leave me for good and let me be free!"

I looked at him in desperation. A short time before I would have been afraid of both him and his temper but I was more afraid of losing him forever. I remembered the softness that he showed me in his note that he had left me and the adoring eyes that had made a final plea for my love right before Raoul stabbed him. It strengthened my resolve to stand firm and deflect his rage. He did not hate me although he tried to make me believe so.

With new found will I managed to maintain my composure. One last time, I tried to reach past the Phantom who controlled the gates to plead my case with the man inside. I needed to see behind the mask and speak only to him and end the bitterness between us once and for all. If I failed I knew that he would flee again and I would lose him forever.

I looked into his eyes and told him "No, Erik I did not mean it when I did all of those things. I did not understand what was going on between us, truly I did not. I felt scared of you and your temper, even worse I was afraid of the passion that existed between us. I never wanted you dead. I don't want that now. I certainly do not hate you. I never did or would. I love you! That was why I couldn't marry Raoul. I love only you." The last words just slipped out.

He dropped my wrist and cupped my face in his hands his eyes bored into mine intensely. After a while he shook his head in angry denial. But I could sense a bit of wavering in his resolve.

Still he blustered "No, you are lying to me. Mocking my last words to you before your boy tried to end my wretched existence. A few months ago I would have given you the world, if you had only asked it of me. I did not ask you to love me just to save me from my lifetime of solitude. I begged your soul to join with my own, as I knew that they were both forged in the same fire. As much as you chose to deny it we both knew it to be true. But instead you taught me a valuable lesson that no matter how much I desire it, no matter how much love I could offer, that no woman could love me, least of all you." He spoke softly but firmly as if he was pronouncing judgment on a spoiled child.

"You are wrong Erik, I do love you." I insisted. "I did not realize it until later after you were gone but I do love you; with all of my heart." I insisted gently.

He looked at me as if I had slapped him, and stepped back. He met my eyes with a stricken glance, telling me bitterly "Of all the cruel actions that you have taken against me, this is the worst, Christine. You have already ripped my heart out and trampled upon it, just as you did to my mask in front of the world. Look at the face of monster who you claim to love and tell me that you have changed. Tell me that you love this!" he exclaimed savagely.

With a flick of the wrist he removed both his mask and wig and angrily flung them aside revealing his true face to me. He seized me once again and held my eyes captive in his. Angry fire leapt out at me from his hypnotic eyes, but I could see a small measure of gentle pleading in them as well. A sad yearning lie beneath the fire and I seized upon that small spark of hope and addressed it. We silently stared at one another for a moment and he mutely dared me to look away, as I had done before, and reject him. Strangely, I was not as repulsed as I had been in the past. His skin now had a golden tone as if he had spent time outside in the sun. His bald head no longer reminded me of a skull. His deformity was still terrible but he looked better, much better.

He broke the moment of silence and challenged me "See I have not changed Christine. I am still as hideous as ever. I will always be this way." He told me bitterly. "I am not your precious little fop who will turn your head with his fairy tale promises. I am not my cousin Christian either. Behold this face; it is the face of a demon. I will never be anything but repulsive, 'le mort vivant'." I have resigned myself to my fate, which is to be alone and unloved by anyone, especially you. My dream was your nightmare and I understand that clearly now." He spat. "Monsters are not worthy enough to have dreams. You taught me that." He added bitterly.

He calmed a little bit and told me. It will not do to have you here close to where I live. If you want me to help you get to Sweden I will give you the money to do so. I will even give you money to get started there while you look for employment; whatever you wish for as long as you are far from here. You can leave immediately on the next train heading north and never look at me again. I only ask in return that you stop torturing me with your lies. Please leave me with what little dignity that I retained after I got down that night on my hands and knees and confessed my love for you."

"No Erik what can I do to make you believe me? It doesn't have to be your fate to be alone, only if you want it to be. Your face does not matter to me any longer, truly it doesn't. It is your heart that is what is most important to me. That night, if Raoul hadn't stabbed you I would have stayed with you. I came back to you to stay. When I made my choice I meant it. I choose you Erik, not Raoul. I still do." I told him, standing my ground. "I do not want to go back to Sweden. I want to stay here with you."

I could see him listening to me, his mixed emotions fighting with one another for control. He wanted to believe me but he had doubts. Knowing our past, I couldn't blame him for doubting me. I had never given him a reason to believe that I cared. Everything that I had done during the last six months at the opera house was designed to push him away.

"Please Erik; I know that a part of you wants to believe me. Why am I here of all places? I will tell you the answer, which is that fate has decreed it. I had no idea where you went where any of you were. I heard the rumors that you had fled to America and I wanted to die. I went to the roof of the Opera House intending to fling myself off of it but I thought about you and how much that I wanted you and I pulled back." I could feel my tears rolling down my face. I was beside myself with pain and grief. "I wanted you to soothe me as you once did when I was a child, and tell me that you would stay with me and comfort me as you once promised me that you would. I didn't want to die alone, angel." I confessed brokenly "I wanted you, not Raoul, only you. You promised me that you would stay with me forever if that is what I wanted. You promised me." I repeated to him tearfully.

Suddenly I felt his arms close around me protectively and strongly embrace me. He caressed my hair softly with his long elegant fingers and told me softly "Shh, it's alright everything is going to be alright. Please don't cry. I could never stand to see you cry."

I looked up at his proud towering form and whispered "Please Erik, just kiss me. Let me kiss you like we did back in Paris in the lair. I need to feel your lips on top of mine."

I could see the tears forming in his eyes and then he pulled me on to a divan, and then closer to his unmasked face. I could hear his heart beating loudly. He placed his soft moist lips on mine and we kissed passionately, even more than the last time because I needed him to see that I truly wanted him. I returned his passion equally, not daring to let go. To prove my point I caressed his damaged cheek and kissed it. Then I kissed him in several of the most gruesome places, just to prove it to both of us that I no longer found him to be repulsive. We looked at one another and I repeated it again for good measure. I caressed his damaged face and bald head and planted warm kisses on them everywhere. He looked at me, shocked at my wonton display of affection but it served its purpose which was to show him that I wanted him.

When I finished I told him "I swear on all that is holy, even on my father's eternal soul that I love you Erik." I knew that Erik would be more likely believe me if I made such a gesture. While Erik was not religious, he knew that I was, and that my father's eternal soul would mean everything to me. He looked at me incredulously. He was beginning to believe me.

"Why do you love me Christine? Is it because you are destitute and I am now a man of means?" He asked me with a little edge of anger but less harshly than before.

Even after all that I had just said, and done, it was hard for him to believe me. Inwardly I cursed myself for all that I had done to make him suspicious of me and my intentions.

"How can you believe such a thing Erik? After all that we have meant to one another you would think that of me?" I asked "I could have married Raoul and been a woman of means, I still could if I returned to him; but I realized that I would be dead inside if I married him. I have been dead since you left. You are my soul, my music and my passion. Raoul was only a fairy tale prince, but when I opened my eyes, that was all that he was, a child's dream. You once asked me to succumb to you. I am here and ready to do so if you will accept my complete and unconditional surrender."

Erik gently placed his thumb under my chin and turned my face towards his. For the first time I could see a hint of humor creep into his eyes.

He turned to me and asked me smoothly in his beautiful purring voice "You would agree to my terms no matter what I demand of you?" He picked up one of my curls and caressed it.

"Anything" I breathed "Anything that you ask of me. Name your terms angel."

"You are beautiful." He whispered softly. "You would throw your life away for a murderous monster such as me?"

"You are innocent." I told him. "Madame Giry told me what happened with Buquet."

"Perhaps of that murder I am, but there is blood on my hands. I have killed, and killed again, just as you once said. I am far from an innocent man. I used to be just what you described, perhaps even worse." He added watching me carefully to gauge my reaction.

I looked at him sincerely "Perhaps you once did, but that is not who you are now. That is not the man that I know, that I love. Your face holds no horror for me and I love you despite your past deeds. Whatever they might have been, for me they do not define who you are and what you mean to me. You are my angel of music and you always will be, despite and because who you have been."

"I cannot change the past Christine, or this face. If I take you back into my heart you will never be free of me. I will not be able to let you go a second time. I would kill anyone who would try to part us, without hesitation. Can you live with that?" He warned.

"Yes, I am not free of you now, I can never be but I no longer want to be. I want you with me for the rest of our days. Please forgive me for my past betrayals and love me once more." I pleaded. "I am yours now completely, no matter what. I promise that I will never betray you again and will love you completely as you deserve to be loved."

"I never stopped loving you Christine. I might have hated you for a short time but I could not sustain it. You have always held my heart in your hand even when you didn't want it." He admitted finally. "If I asked you to do so, would you truly consent to be my wife or my lover? In the fullest sense of the word? I would want to know you, as a husband knows his wife, in every respect. Do you really wish to be chained to me forever despite my repulsive face?"

"I want you Erik in every way, including that one. Your face is dear to me because it is part of you and I accept you in all ways." I told him.

He took me back into his arms and gave me another fierce kiss. I felt his love pour into me and mine into him. I had never felt that way with Raoul despite his good looks.

"Oh Christine, you have restored what I thought that I had lost forever. You have made me very happy for the first time in my miserable life." He told me.

"I feel the same way Erik. I thought that I had lost you forever. I thought that you loved Meg and not me." I admitted.

"What made you think that I would be so fickle? She was only comforting me for what we thought that we had seen and heard. She wanted to show me that I was not repulsive to all women." He told me with a warm smile.

"Well she had better not show you that again. I will take those duties upon myself." I told him.

He looked at me apologetically "That reminds me, in a moment I must go. I have to go into Strasbourg to pick Meg, Madame Giry and Nadir from the train station, as well as pick up a new carriage that my cousin insisted that I have. I would like for you to stay here so that I might surprise them with your presence. They will be as shocked as I was to find out that you are here."

"How did you know that I was here?" I asked him.

"I sensed your presence even before I knew that you were here. I could not stop thinking about you. I went outside to clear my head and shortly after I returned Christian came to tell me of your little impromptu tet a tet. We thought it best that he question you to find out your feelings and intentions before I revealed myself to you. The last time that I had done so it did not go very well and I wanted no repetition. Christian is quite the romantic as you will see. He was happy to interrogate you." Erik told me with a fond smile.

"You couldn't have known him very long since you have only been here for a short time." I stated to him.

"No, but he has shown how to make wine and many other interesting lessons. He appears to love to be of service." Erik told me.

"Yes I can see that." I agreed. "But he is a very charming and friendly man. If I wasn't in love with you I would be quite tempted." I teased

"Well you have pledged yourself to me, so you may not give in to such temptation." He told me smiling but I could sense the seriousness behind his words.

"There is only one man in the world that I want and it is you." I insisted tracing his firm chiseled jaw with my finger.

"Don't speak to me in such a way. I am liable to forget that I am a gentleman and take advantage of you." He told me.

"Well then we better not wait for too long because I want you to do so." I told him.

"I promise that I will make you very happy. No queen will be adored and spoiled more than you will be by me." He vowed.

"I will give you the love that you badly deserve. You will never be lonely again." I promised in return.

I could see the tears of joy in his eyes. For so many years he had only seen tears of hate. I felt the warmth of his love and accepted it and gave the same in return. I was grateful for the unlikely good fortune that restored us to one another, that washed away all the despair that we had both felt. Strangely we owed our happiness to Raoul, who had unknowingly placed me back in Erik's path were we could reconcile. We could start a new life away from the Opera house and Paris which contained so many sad memories. We had much to look forward to.