Chapter 20

When Mel woke up, she felt much calmer. It was as if her mind had settled while she slept and now she was ready to face the task of sorting through her ever-growing list of problems. The first thing she did was sit up and take a deep breath. Then she took the choice that Mandos had placed before her, and locked it away. It was hard. It loomed over her, large and dark, but she managed to force it into a little box in her mind and shut the lid. It was still a big deal, she wasn't denying it, but it was a big deal that couldn't be decided right now, and there were more pressing issues that needed her immediate attention.

Legolas.

Upon careful consideration, Mel could not deny the possibility that his affection for her might have somehow molded into something she wasn't expecting. She didn't want to believe that was true, but Boromir clearly thought there was a problem, and she needed to address his feelings too. Someone needed to talk to both of them and sort the whole thing out, once and for all, and that someone was going to have to be her. She just hoped neither of them had done anything too stupid in the meantime.

She sighed and ran both hands through her hair, trying to think. She needed to talk to Legolas alone and figure out what was going on, something that wasn't going to be easy without explaining things to Boromir first. Which would require her to be alone with Boromir, which probably wasn't going to be that much easier. And she'd already wasted so much time…

She was wracking her brain for the best way to approach the situation without any hurt feelings, when Loriel's head bobbed silently through the curtain of Mel's room. Seeing Mel awake and sitting up, the girl grinned and slipped inside, setting a tray on the table beside the cot.

"I brought you some breakfast," she said cheerily.

Breakfast. So it was morning. But morning of what day?

"How long did I sleep?" Mel asked.

"Through the night," Loriel said, "It is still early. The sun has not yet risen."

Mel felt a little relief. She couldn't have slept too long then. She still had time to handle this. However her mind was wiped clean of all rational thought when Loriel lifted the lid on the tray. A sweet smell drifted to her nose and all she could think about was how hungry she was. Loriel set the tray on the bed. There was a bowl of steaming porridge, an apple, and a glass of juice.

"Master Peregrin was insistent about the apple," Loriel said.

Mel took a moment to savor a spoonful of the sweet porridge before she replied.

"Pippin was here?"

"For a little while. He has been flitting back and forth between your bedside and that of his friend, Meriadoc."

"How is Merry?"

"He recovers well, though it will be a long while before he fully regains his strength."

"I'd like to see him," Mel said wistfully.

Loriel smiled.

"I think he would like that as well. He has asked about you. If he were not so weak, I believe he would have come himself. He might have come anyway, to his detriment, were he not… deterred by the healers."

Mel thought she could imagine how that had worked out. Fiery little Merry, being held down by healers twice his size and fighting for all he was worth. She grinned, and hurried to finish her breakfast. She had a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in.

When she was done, she swung her legs out of bed and stood, immediately gritting her teeth to keep from crying out. Every tiny bit of her ached, but she fought it down and kept a straight face. If Loriel noticed she was a little ginger changing into her fresh blue gown, the maid never said.

They slipped through the curtains and Mel followed Loriel into the corridors of the Houses of Healing. There was a quietness to the place that struck her as eerie. There were moans and painful cries, but it all seemed muffled. Everywhere she looked there were men on stretchers and cots attended by calm, patient healers, and Mel walked through it in a haze, but then something caught her eye and froze her in her tracks. Loriel noticed that she wasn't following and came back, looking where Mel's gaze had fallen. She nodded her head in understanding.

"He lost a leg," she said, quietly but with no hint of gentleness, "He will recover, but he will be unable to serve."

Mel's eyes raked over the still form of Vanion lying on a cot in one of the main rooms, a noticeable vacancy under the blanket where his right leg should have been.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice absent any emotion.

"He fought during one of the last assaults on the wall. An orc cut through the leg right to the bone. We thought he might not survive, but your friend's healing powers are great, like the elven lords of old."

It took a minute for Mel to realize Loriel meant Aragorn. The girl didn't know who he was, of course, he hadn't revealed himself to anyone. Mel felt a stab of irrational anger that Aragorn had treated Vanion at all, but she immediately quelled it. Aragorn had no way of knowing anything about Vanion or her history with him. And even if he had, he would have treated him anyway because no one should have to die unnecessarily, not even Vanion. And as Mel looked at him, lying so still and pale on that dingy cot, she realized she didn't feel anything. Not anger, not hate, nothing. It was as if she knew him only in passing. He seemed so small and unimportant now, hardly worth her notice. She turned away and Loriel gave her a searching glance, before she also turned away.

They reached a small room at the end of one of the halls and Loriel knocked gently before poking her head inside.

"Master Meriadoc, you have a visitor."

"It better well be somebody to let me out of this place! This isn't a healing house, it's a prison!"

Loriel pulled her head back and rolled her eyes, which made Mel have to stifle a giggle. The servant girl pushed the door open while Merry was still ranting and Mel walked in. Pippin jumped to his feet, his face shining.

"Mel!"

However Merry barely paused in his tirade.

"Mel! It's about time! I was going to come see you, you know, but these people won't let me leave the bed! Too weak, they say! Can you believe that?"

"Yes, Meriadoc Brandybuck, I can," Mel said, crossing her arms and doing her best to look stern, "And frankly, I am appalled at your behavior."

Merry's eyes went wide. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but no sound came out.

"How can you treat the healers like this, fighting and raving like a lunatic? No wonder they won't let you out of bed, you cause havoc wherever you go."

"But, I…"

"No buts!" Mel said, "Now you are to do whatever these people tell you, and no exceptions, got it?"

Merry's eyes fell to his hands, bunched up in his sheets, and when he looked up again, he looked very young and scared. When he spoke, his voice was barely audible.

"Mel, I… you don't understand. They want me to sleep, and I…" He swallowed hard, "I can't. I just keep seeing… these horrible things. I see him. His eyes, burning at me. I can't…"

Mel's heart melted. She sank down onto the bed and put her arms around him, running her fingers through his curly hair.

"I know," she murmured, "I know, Merry. I'm here. Tell me what happened."

He did. The words seemed to fall out of his mouth of their own volition, sometimes getting muddled or mixed up, but Mel listened as he told her everything that had happened to him, about the ride of the Rohirrim, about feeling so small, about the fear and the blood and the terror. He talked about the Witch-king in a whisper, as if he were afraid he might still hear him somehow.

"What could I do?" he asked, "What could I do that Lady Eowyn couldn't? It was stupid what I did."

"No it wasn't," Mel said, still holding him and stroking his hair, "It was very brave, Merry. You saved her life. You saved all of us."

Merry looked up at her with innocent eyes.

"You really think so?"

She smiled.

"I know so. I'm sort of an expert, remember?"

A throat cleared and they both looked up, startled. Loriel was standing in the doorway, looking abjectly apologetic.

"I'm so sorry, Mel. But your presence has been requested."

Mel nodded and squeezed Merry's shoulders.

"Will you be alright?"

He sniffed and wiped his nose.

"Yeah, I'll be alright."

He was lying, but she let him get away with it. He needed to work through everything on his own. She leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"I'll come see you later."

"I'll keep an eye on him!" Pippin said enthusiastically, appearing at his cousin's bedside.

Mel rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure you will. Try not to cause too much trouble, okay?"

She and Loriel left the two hobbits and began the walk back through the Houses of Healing. Once they were safely out of earshot, Mel leaned in to whisper in Loriel's ear.

"Who's asking for me?"

"Mithrandir has convened with some of the other lords in the throne room. They ask for your guidance."

Mel didn't know how to feel about that. On the one hand, she was thrilled to be included. This was a big deal, when the decision would be made to march on Mordor. But on the other hand, she didn't see what good she could do. She had no advice to offer them other than what they would do if she weren't there at all. And with Legolas and Boromir there, she would be in no fit state to offer wise advice. But she couldn't very well pass up the opportunity, and she needed to find a way to talk to them somehow. That was very important.

Loriel ushered Mel into the throne room, and then promptly bowed out.

"Ah, there she is, at last!" Gimli said, brandishing a smoking pipe, reclining on the steps of the white throne, "Now we can get on with it!"

Gandalf smiled and took her elbow, leading her into the small circle of people gathered around the thrones of Gondor.

"How are you feeling, Mel?"

She looked up into his wise, kind eyes, and she knew he was trying to ask about more than just her physical pains. He knew. He knew about the choice. She couldn't explain how, but she could tell. She really wanted to be angry at him for knowing and not warning her, to somehow blame him for what was happening, for the unfairness of it, but she couldn't really bring herself to feel it. He could no more have helped her than helped a river flow to the sea. It had to come in its own time. She smiled, though a little weakly.

"I feel much better, thank you."

It wasn't a lie, but she could feel Gandalf scrutinizing her nonetheless. She was in pain and she was sure it showed on her face. She turned from his prying eyes and was met with a sight that was somehow much worse. Boromir and Legolas stood together across the room, arms crossed over their chests, both staring at her with burning intensity.

Those stares were more than she could handle so she turned away again, trying to focus on the others in the room instead. The man she had guessed as Eomer looked surprised to see her, openly staring across the room. He must have recognized her from the battlefield, but Mel could not imagine how. Aragorn was there too and he gave her a small nod, while the twins at his back both grinned broadly at her. She managed to return their smiles, feeling a little better for having at least seen them.

Gandalf slipped away from her, his eyes suddenly gazing into a space that only he could see.

"Frodo has passed beyond my sight," he murmured, almost to himself, "The darkness is deepening."

"If Sauron had the Ring, we would know it," Aragorn said, his jaw set stubbornly.

Gandalf turned to him, his face soft and sad.

"It is only a matter of time. He has suffered a defeat, yes, but behind the walls of Mordor our enemy is regrouping."

"Let him stay there," Gimli said, puffing on his pipe, "Let him rot! Why should we care?"

"Because ten thousand orcs now stand between Frodo and Mount Doom!" Gandalf snapped, but his irritation quickly waned, his expression drooping helplessly, "I've sent him to his death…"

Mel had said she wouldn't interfere, but Gandalf had moved close to her again and he looked so sad. She reached out and touched the wizard's arm hesitantly. He blinked and looked at her. She smiled and squeezed his shoulder in what she hoped was a reassuring gesture.

"No," Aragorn said, pulling back their focus, "There is still hope for Frodo. He needs time and safe passage across the Plains of Gorgoroth. We can give him that."

"And how exactly do you propose we do that?" Boromir asked, his voice stern and flat.

Aragorn turned to him, his face unmoving in its determination.

"Draw out Sauron's armies."

Boromir rolled his eyes, but Aragorn kept on, moved by his conviction.

"Empty his lands! We gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate."

"The Black Gate?" Boromir snapped, "You expect to storm the gates of Mordor with no more than the men in this city? We barely held our own lands, we cannot sustain an invasion!"

"Not an invasion…" Mel murmured.

"…a diversion."

Legolas' soft voice drew Mel's eye. He was smiling at her. Mel couldn't help it. A smile tugged her lips before she caught herself and looked away. Boromir's expression was black.

"We can give Frodo his chance if we keep Sauron's Eye fixed upon us," Aragorn said, moving toward Gandalf, who still did not look fully convinced, "Keep him blind to all else that moves."

"This is madness!" Boromir exclaimed, "Melody, tell them! This is suicide!"

Everyone turned and looked at Mel. She hadn't wanted to get involved in this. She had wanted to let it go as it should. But she no longer had that choice. She had to say something. She met Gandalf's eyes and held them.

"It'll work."

Boromir scoffed and she whirled on him, her expression rigid with anger and indignation.

"It won't be easy. It won't be safe. But it will work."

Boromir glared at her for a brief moment and then seemed to realize what he was doing and looked away, his jaw clenched. Mel tried to control the anger she could feel boiling just beneath her skin. It wasn't her fault he didn't like her answer. If he hadn't wanted to know, he shouldn't have asked.

"Certainty of death, small chance of success," Gimli stood up and took another puff on his pipe, "What are we waiting for?"

There was not much else to discuss after that. Mel left Aragorn and Gandalf conferring softly and tried to make a beeline for Legolas, who looked like he was just itching to talk to her too, but Boromir grabbed her arm as she swept by.

"I need to speak to you."

Mel felt a stab of petty fury that almost made her tell him to shove it until she saw his face. He didn't look angry anymore, but whatever he had to say seemed urgent. She glanced at Legolas, but Gimli had grabbed his attention for a moment. She turned back.

"Okay."

Boromir adjusted his grip on her arm and lead her away at a very quick pace. Mel nearly had to break into a jog to keep up. Once they were clear of the doors and out in the courtyard, Mel felt free to speak.

"Look, if this is about what I said…"

"You said what was necessary," Boromir interrupted her, his pace slowed nearly to a stop now, "I should not have put you in a situation where it was necessary for you to speak your mind so. I apologize."

Mel stared at him. That had been… easy. She struggled for words for a second.

"Oh… Okay then. Apology accepted."

She waited. There could only be one other reason they were out here, and she thought maybe she better let Boromir speak first. It took a moment before he found his voice again.

"I would like you to know," he said hesitantly, "I… bear no ill will, toward anyone. Legolas is a good man, and I know that you care about him."

Mel stopped walking, forcing Boromir to stop too and look up from his boots.

"I do care about him," she said, "I care about him very much."

She watched Boromir's face fall, but she kept talking. It was important that he hear all of this, that he understand what was going on.

"He is my best friend, Boromir. He was there when I felt most alone. I will always care about him."

She touched Boromir's cheek and he raised his sad, gray eyes to hers. She smiled.

"But I love you. I've always loved you. The only reason I'm here, right now, is because I love you. I feel no different about you than I did last night, or the night before, or months ago back in Rivendell."

His face transformed in an instant, relief softening his features.

"I… I thought… On the Pelennor…"

Mel felt her chest contract and she heard that voice again, echoing in her head.

…choose, Calenhiril…

Mel forced it back into its box. She had to focus.

"I need to speak to Legolas. Alone."

Boromir's expression hardened.

"I do not think that would be wise."

"A lot has happened since the last time we saw him," Mel said, in as calm and rational a voice as she could manage, "To him, to us. We have a lot to talk about. And if something has changed, I need to know, for sure, not just try to guess, or worse, ignore it."

"Melody…"

"You said it yourself, he's a good man, Boromir. You don't have to worry."

Boromir closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. Finally, he nodded.

"Very well. As always, it is pointless to argue with you. You will do what you will, with or without my blessing."

She smiled and took his hand.

"Thank you."

He opened his eyes and smiled reluctantly, then leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"I will leave you. He should be out soon."

Mel did something then that she was sure would probably be frowned upon in polite society around here. She grabbed his tunic, pulled him toward her, and kissed him hard. Though it surprised him, Boromir managed to pull himself together and kiss her back, briefly but passionately.

"I love you," he breathed in her ear.

Mel shivered, but he was already gone, walking out of the courtyard just as the doors to the throne room opened and Legolas came out, glancing around anxiously. Mel smiled and raised her hand when he spotted her. His smile was radiant as he jogged down the stairs and across the courtyard toward her.

"I wondered where you had gone," he said, as he reached out and took her hand, cupping her face with the other, "How are you feeling?"

Mel smiled, but she took the hand at her face and pulled it away.

"Better. But we need to talk."