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So sorry this took so long, but you know, Christmas, New Year, a new job… anyway, here it is now, hope you enjoy

Chapter 20

He didn't feel like confiding in Mercedes or Rachel. Finn was simply out of the question. Even though Kurt now considered the gangly teen to be a true brother, Finn Hudson just simply wasn't a suitable person to share his woes with. And as much as Kurt loved his dad, he was far too embarrassed to discuss the Sebastian situation with him. So it was that Kurt ended up ranting to Wes and David about his troubles. The two older boys were kind and patient and simply listened to what he needed to say, not interrupting and not passing judgement.

"And do you know what the worst part is?" Kurt asked rhetorically as he frantically paced up and down in front of Wes and David. "I don't even hate him for being such a prize-winning jerk. I know I should hate him right now and I'm honestly trying to but it just isn't working. Yes, I'm angry, upset and humiliated but despite all of those negative emotions I still can't make myself hate him. I still… this is so ridiculous… a part of me still wants to fall into his arms. You must think I'm insane."

"No, of course not," Wes said gently nudging David with his foot when he was about to nod in confirmation that he did think Kurt was insane.

"No," David said and Wes nodded to him in approval before retuning his attention to Kurt.

"Do you know what else is ridiculous and embarrassing?" Kurt asked with a sigh as he finally ceased pacing. "I think deep down I knew all along that everything was just some cruel joke. I mean I didn't actually know and I didn't have any suspicions but… I did have doubts. It was almost like it was too good to be true. I knew dating Sebastian Smythe was a bad idea, I knew it would only lead to trouble, I knew it but… I didn't care. I ignored the warning voices in my head and I ignored my friends' advice against dating him and I completely disregarded my dad's opinions. And it turns out they were right and… and I was wrong."

"Look, Kurt, the thing about Sebastian is…" Wes began to say but his words faded mid-sentence. "David, you explain."

"The thing about Sebastian," David started to say before he too failed to complete his sentence.

"Well?" Kurt prompted looking between them expectantly hoping their next words would be comforting or enlightening.

"To be perfectly honest, I don't understand Sebastian at all," Wes said. "I barely know him. He's a great addition to The Warblers. That's all I can really say about him."

"Maybe you should talk to Jesse and Blaine," David suggested. "They know Sebastian better than anyone."

"Or you could talk things through with Sebastian," Wes pointed out.

"Talking with Sebastian didn't go too well," Kurt replied. "I yelled, we fought, we kissed and then I left."

"I really don't know what else to say," David admitted. "Sorry, Kurt."

"No, its ok, you don't have to say anything," Kurt told him. "I'm really grateful that you were both prepared to just listen. This has helped. I feel better. Calmer."

"Take it easy, Kurt," Wes smiled squeezing Kurt's shoulder lightly before holding the door open for David and then following him out with a final wave goodbye to Kurt.

Turning his back to the door of the otherwise empty study room, Kurt walked to the window and rested his forehead against the pane. He closed his eyes and drew in a long breath as the coolness of the glass met his skin. Pulling his head back, he opened the window and perched on the ledge. He stared out at the scenic grounds, his mind replaying the memory of the night he'd darted about the fields playing kiss-chase with Sebastian. And there Kurt simply waited for he knew it was only a matter of time before Sebastian came looking for him. Or at least, he hoped Sebastian was coming to look for him so that they could… make up? Fight some more? Kurt wasn't sure what he wanted to happen just yet but he knew he wasn't prepared for things to reach a permanent ending. So he waited.

XXX

The room was chilly when Sebastian entered and Kurt was still the single occupant of the study room. As Sebastian let the door swing shut behind him, Kurt moved off of the window ledge and pulled the window shut but didn't turn to face the other teen.

"I looked for you in your dorm," Sebastian said. "Then I checked the choir room. It didn't really occur to me to look for you here."

Kurt didn't reply and he didn't turn round. He just continued to stare out of the now closed window, arms wrapped round himself defensively as he kept perfectly still while listening intently to every word Sebastian gave voice to.

"There are some private details I wish to share with you," Sebastian announced as he slowly stepped closer to Kurt, expecting the boy to run off at any moment. "Well, that isn't entirely true. I don't want you to know; I don't want anybody to know. I wish I could forget it myself. But I feel like I have to tell you. You said yourself that I owe you something and I guess this is it."

Still Kurt said nothing and his silence made Sebastian feel distinctly uncomfortable. He had been prepared for perhaps another fight with Kurt. He expected insults to be thrown his way in a bitter and vicious tone. He hadn't for a second predicted that Kurt would be so quiet.

"If you're not going to talk then please give some indication that you're listening to me," Sebastian asked. "This isn't going to be easy for me to say and I'm certainly not going to repeat myself."

Kurt spun on his heel and briefly met Sebastian's eye to show that he was listening. He then dropped his eyes lower down and fixed his sights around Sebastian's navel area.

"Do you know I always spend my summer vacation with my aunt in Paris?" Sebastian asked rhetorically as an opener to the conversation. "Well that's because I don't see my parents anymore. For the better part of the year I'm here at Dalton, but the rest of the time I live with my aunt. I've lived with her for many years now and she's my official guardian."

Kurt lifted his eyes back up to meet Sebastian's, his brow furrowed in confusion at the new piece of information.

"Your parents, are they…?" Kurt faltered and closed his eyes for a moment. "Are they still alive?" He asked deciding that was a kinder approach to asking if Sebastian's parents were dead.

"They're alive," Sebastian confirmed and the confusion on Kurt's face maximised.

"I don't understand," Kurt said after a few silent minutes where Sebastian made no further progress in his story. "If your parents are alive why don't you live with them? And what does this all have to do with you being a cruel-hearted jerk who decided to make a bet with his friends to trick the new kid into falling in love with you and taking his virginity?"

"My parents don't have anything to do with why I made the bet," Sebastian told him. "The bet was just a stupid idea influenced by a few dumb movies. And my parents aren't really the reason why I'm a cruel-hearted jerk. I'm an insensitive asshole simply because I find it amusing and easier to be this way. But my parents are the reason why I don't believe in love… or at least, they're part of the reason why I'm afraid to fall in love."

Sebastian cast his eyes to the floor and turned his back to Kurt. Watching him carefully, Kurt noticed the other teen's hands balling into fists at his sides. He could also tell from Sebastian's posture that the boy was incredibly tense. Kurt realised that the topic of his parents was clearly difficult for Sebastian and he suddenly wondered if he even wanted to hear what Sebastian had to say.

"If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to," Kurt said offering Sebastian the opportunity to back out.

"I don't want to," Sebastian admitted. "I need to. And Jesse or Blaine will probably just tell you if I don't. And if not them that insane tracksuit lady might."

"Coach Sylvester knows about your parents?" Kurt asked, his mood once again returning to heavy confusion. "How is that possible?"

"There was a newspaper article," Sebastian explained. "That ugly kid with the awful hair did some research and he found a copy of it and showed it to her. After that newspaper first came out everybody in school stared at me. The teachers, the children, even the other parents. I'm not sure if the other kids really understood what had happened but they knew something had happened and they all stared at me and pointed as they whispered to one another. I never actually heard anything any of them said but… I hated it. I was furious and I wanted to lash out and punch every single one of them every time they looked at me. But a couple of months later I moved to Paris with Aunt Helen. Nobody there knew anything about me or what had happened. It was better."

"So if Paris was better why did you come back?" Kurt asked him.

"My mum had always wanted me to attend Dalton Academy, so my aunt made it happen," Sebastian answered him. "And being here is ok. Nobody knew me before and if any of them did happen to read newspapers as kids then they wouldn't remember reading it anyway. It was a fresh start and I feel safe here."

"I know what you mean," Kurt said. "I feel safe here too. But this is only a school, it isn't a home and the other boys here aren't family."

"Aunt Helen's nice," Sebastian said. "But I've never felt at home with her. And Jesse and Blaine feel more like family to me than she does. I don't mean that disrespectfully. Aunt Helen has been really good to me and I'm so grateful that she took me in but… she's not my mum."

"Where is your mum?" Kurt asked. "And your dad?"

"They're safe," Sebastian replied vaguely.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked stepping closer to Sebastian and gently laying a hand at his waist. "Tell me," he coaxed running his other hand along Sebastian's arm comfortingly.

Sebastian swallowed as he watched Kurt's hand moving on his arm. He was more than surprised to receive such a gentle touch and unsure how to respond to it. He balled his hands into fists again and briefly considered shoving Kurt away from him before he released a long breath then settled his hands at Kurt's waist.

"You and me," Sebastian said, "we're safe here at Dalton. Safe from homophobes and girls and that awful public school smell." Kurt rolled his eyes and tutted. "My father is somewhere where he'll be safe from doing any more damage. And my mum is safe from him and the rest of the world."

"Damage?" Kurt repeated in a nervous whisper, that single word standing out the most from all Sebastian had said.

"He hit her," Sebastian admitted saying the words as quickly as he could. "All the time. I couldn't stop him," his voice cracked and he pulled away from Kurt.

"Sebastian," Kurt began and Sebastian glared at him.

"Don't," Sebastian said coldly.

"Don't what?" Kurt asked.

"Don't say my name like that," Sebastian complained. "And don't look at me with those beautiful doe eyes in that way either. I don't want your pity."

"Right, no, of course not," Kurt said completely understanding. For he had never appreciated signs of pity from anyone when he was being terrorised by Karofsky.

"She was baking me some cookies," Sebastian continued as he sank down to the floor. "Her hair was pinned up and she was wearing a red apron." Kurt carefully sat beside Sebastian and listened to him talk. "Then she took the cookies out of the oven and she put one on a plate for me. It was a little bit burned and I… I just spat it out at her feet and said they were horrible. And the look on her face… she looked so hurt. She had spent hours baking those cookies for me and I didn't even appreciate it. I just behaved like a selfish spoiled brat."

"You were a child," Kurt pointed out. "Kids do things like that. I'm sure she knows you didn't mean it."

"These cookies are horrible," Sebastian said in a pained voice. "That was the last thing I ever said to her."

"Oh," was all Kurt could say as he looked into Sebastian's tear-filled eyes. He draped an arm around Sebastian's shoulders and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his head.

"Then when he came home," Sebastian said and Kurt knew 'he' meant his father, "he was crazy. He was always crazy. He kept hitting her and hitting her again and again and I… I just crouched down on the floor under the table watching the entire thing."

A tear slipped down Sebastian's cheek and Kurt pretended not to notice as Sebastian wiped it away.

"He very nearly killed her," Sebastian told him. "Fucking asshole," he swore fiercely.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said quietly. "But its ok now right? He went to prison surely. So you don't have to live with your aunt, you can live your mum. Why don't you live with your mum?"

"He's in prison where he belongs," Sebastian said. "My mum is… well, Blaine would say that she's a permanent patient at St Mungo's just like Neville Longbottom's parents."

"You mean… she's still in hospital?" Kurt asked wracking his brains through his memories of reading the Harry Potter books.

"She was in a coma for a little over a month," Sebastian confided. "Then when she woke up she wasn't the same. She didn't remember me."

Kurt's mouth fell open in shock and he simply stared at Sebastian feeling his heart break for the other boy. He couldn't imagine how he would feel if his mum had woken up one day and not remembered who he was. He couldn't bear to think how his life would be if his dad hadn't remembered him after he woke up from his coma. The thoughts were just unbearable and it had all really happened to Sebastian when he was only a young boy.

"I'm so sorry," Kurt apologised having no idea what else he could possibly say.

"This stupid bet," Sebastian said but shook his head at him.

"It doesn't matter, just forget it," Kurt told him.

"No," Sebastian said. "The bet was stupid and if I could take it all back I would. And I honestly do care about you and I want to be with you. But you should stay away from me. I don't ever want to hurt you like my father hurt my mum."

"Sebastian, no, you're not like that," Kurt insisted. "You're not him; you're not your father. You're infuriating and yes you're a bit of a jerk but you are not a monster."

"That's what my mum used to say to Aunt Helen," Sebastian said. "She said he wasn't a monster, that he didn't mean it, that he really loved her and she loved him. She was wrong. You could be wrong too and if you are, I really don't want to find out."

"Sebastian, wait," Kurt tried to say making to grab his hand but Sebastian was already on his feet and out of the study room door. "Damn," Kurt sighed.

Getting up himself, he slowly made his way back to his dorm room and as he did a particular memory surfaced in his mind. He recalled the weekend when he had taken Sebastian to Lima with him to meet his family. Suddenly, Sebastian's immediate cold attitude towards his dad made sense. Sebastian's father had clearly been an awful man; it was only natural that he would be tense around other people's fathers. And Sebastian's thank-you to Carole's cooking made even more sense. Throughout the weekend Sebastian had been incredibly ill-mannered, yet he had made a point to be polite about Carole's cooking efforts. Kurt supposed that was Sebastian's way of trying to make up for his rudeness over his mother's cookies when he was a child.

As he returned to his dorm room and collapsed onto his bed Kurt realised all his anger towards Sebastian had gone. He just couldn't stay mad at the other boy after hearing about his parents. Now he just needed to figure out how to get the other boy back and he knew exactly whose advice he needed.

XXX

"Blaine, get the door," Jesse ordered as he flipped through an old Broadway programme and defaced a picture of Barbara Streisand.

"It's your room," Blaine huffed even as he moved to answer it. "Kurt," he said in surprise standing back so he could enter.

"Blaine Anderson, Jesse St James," Kurt said, "you two are going to help me make Sebastian my boyfriend again, but for real for this."

To Be Continued

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