I do not own Twilight. If you honestly thought I did, seek medical help.
Two of my favourite Americans, JulieToo and Beachcomberlc, worked tirelessly on this chapter to make it fit for human consumption. Wonderful women they are; smart, sassy and generous. I am in their debt.
ipsitac77 made the most beautiful banner for this story. She won't let me send her chocolates as a thank you, so I'll have to settle for thanking her here.
Chapter 18
In the present...
Edward,
I'll be attending your concert next week. I'll be staying at the Sheraton downtown if you'd like to meet. Emmett has mentioned, several times, that you want to talk to me. I'm not really sure why you want to see me, but I'm amenable. Let me know when you're in town and available and I'll send you my room number.
Bella
Edward hesitated in front of the closed door. He had read and reread her message so many times in the last week. It said so little, but so much at the same time. She was willing to see him. She was there, inside that room waiting for him. It wasn't the first time she'd waited for him, but hopefully it would be the last. If he could just get up the courage to knock on the door. He raised his fist to knock and noticed that it was propped open a bit.
After a few deep breaths he slowly pushed it open to find her. Bella's back was to him and she was swaying from side to side. Her hair was much shorter than he remembered. He quietly cleared his throat before speaking. She turned then and in her arms was a young girl with hair almost the same colour as Bella's. The child's eyes were closed and one hand loosely gripped Bella's shirt. Bella's glasses were much different than the plain wire rims she used to wear; they were heavier and framed her eyes in such a way that they looked bigger than he remembered. She was beautiful but he only had eyes for the girl she was holding.
Edward felt as though his lungs evaporated and there was no air left in his body. Is that—? Could that be—? His brain could not formulate a complete thought.
"Edward," Bella said softly, "how are you?" She glanced down at the sleeping child and then moved to put her on the couch. When she stood, she walked over to Edward, still standing in the doorway, and held out her right hand.
Shake hands? She wants to shake hands? After all this time, after everything he's been through, the pain and torment of the search for her, the hell he put himself through before he even decided to look for her? Here she was, nonchalantly holding out her hand as if nothing happened. Who the hell was the kid? She looked to be about five and Edward counted back in his head. She could be...she might be...possibly be...his.
"Who is she?" He nodded his head toward the sleeping child.
No hello, no pleasantries, no anything he had been practising in his head for the last two months. Straight to the accusations and straight to treating her like shit, just as before.
"Heidi? She's the reason I left. Well, not at first, but she became the main reason in the end." She turned back and smiled lovingly at the little girl.
"Why didn't you tell me? Or anyone else? How could you keep this to yourself, Bella?" He hissed.
"Why would I tell you? You made it very clear just how little I mattered in your life. Remember, New Year's Eve? Remember our entire 'relationship'? You never even tried to find me all these years. Why would I bother myself with a guy who couldn't give a rat's ass about me? And anyway, it was none of your business; she isn't any of your business. She's my concern." She threw back at him in a biting whisper.
"Is she mine?"
"I really hope not...wait you think...fuck. That's what you think of me? That I would keep your child from you, from your family just because you broke my heart? Shit, Edward, still so arrogant. You think yourself so important that some chick you fucked around would spend her entire life with a part of you and not let you know. Just because you kept me as your dirty secret I would keep your child as mine. Get off your high horse Edward. You're not that special." There were flashes of emotion he had never seen in her eyes before. He had seen her happy, sad, aroused and dejected. He had never seen anger or utter disappointment from her like this before. It made him feel about an inch tall.
Bella picked up the girl and took her into the bedroom of the suite. When she came out, she closed the door enough to muffle some of the shouting that was surely about to start.
"Well, who is she?" He was feeling petulant and not yet ready to fall begging for forgiveness at her feet.
"My friend Angela's little girl. She's in the adjoining room resting. I brought Heidi over here with me because she loves your band and she wants to meet you." Bella paused to gather her thoughts. When she started again she was calmer.
"Angela was staying with me over Christmas break before I moved away. I brought her to your party to introduce her, but I heard what you and the guys were saying so we left. I know you got my present, I've heard them on the radio. You've done well for yourself. I'm glad. I love some of the arrangements. You took a few of them in a direction I hadn't thought of when I wrote them, but they really work that way. Good for you." He could tell that she was trying to steer the conversation to the music.
"But those lyrics were a gift to you, Edward. Why have you been looking for me? When I first heard them on the radio I was happy for you, you got what you wanted after all. Why bring me back into it? Or do you need more? You know there are other songwriters out there and other ghostwriters. You don't need me, Edward. Or is that why you wanted to see me? To rub it in that you made it and I didn't, as far as you know anyway. Just because yours are the only songs I have being produced doesn't mean I'm unsuccessful. I am, very, just not in music." She sat heavily into one of the armchairs and crossed both her arms and her legs while staring at him as her temper started to rise again.
"God, you bring out the worst in me, Edward. I only came here because I found out you were looking for me. I came here to tell you to back off. You don't need to worry about me, Edward. You didn't break me. I'm not crying my days away pining after you."
Edward had had enough. He couldn't listen to her anymore. She was lying, she had to be, right?
"Just stop, Bella, please. Stop trying to pick a fight. I'm not leaving until we settle this. I confessed to the guys that you wrote the lyrics to all of our songs. Legally, we owe you lots of money for your intellectual property. You deserve the credit, you always did, and I wanted to find you and make sure you got what you were owed." He sat in the chair across from her.
"I don't want your money Edward. I don't want anything from you. I never did"
"It's a lot of money Bella. It could make a big difference in your life. And you deserve it."
"Trust me, Edward, I got all I deserved from you already. Have your lawyers draw up papers to say that I gave them to you. I'll sign them if it'll make you feel better, but I don't want your fucking money."
"But you dropped out of school. You could go back and get your degree, or get a house or something."
"Oh my god. You think—damn. It's like that All-American-Rejects song Gives You Hell. That song makes me think of you everytime I hear it. I can just picture you gloating over your success, rubbing it in that you're a big rockstar using my words. You think I'm struggling, living in some small crappy apartment fighting to live like before. It never entered your mind that I could have been just fine without you. You're not the first man to break my heart, Edward and I'm sure you won't be the last. But I haven't spent the last few years in a puddle waiting for you to come back to me. I graduated with honours. I have a job, friends and a condo. I even get fucked once in awhile. I have lots of money, Edward; I don't need yours, like I said."
Edward just sat there, dumbfounded. She was so different from the girl he had built in his mind or the girl he knew back then. She was formidable, strong and ballsy, and he wanted to see more of her.
Bella stood up and started pacing around the room, clearly agitated.
"This is not how I saw this going..." Edward mumbled just loud enough for Bella to hear. She responded to his musings.
"I know, right? I was supposed to be grateful that the big music star wanted to see me and then he'd offer me money to help with my pathetic life. Perhaps you'd even get a blow job out of it before I crawled back out of your life, happy that I got the chance to see you again in person. Was that what you pictured, Edward?"
"Fuck, no Bella. I changed. I changed a lot and I should have guessed that you would, too. But, yeah, I pictured you as I knew you then. I could only ever imagine you in a crappy apartment. I guess I assumed that you dropped out of school for good. I didn't think that you would go to school somewhere else. I got caught up in my own life. All I knew was that I ruined everything and made you leave. I know I treated you like shit time and again. I wanted you to know I'm not that man anymore. I wanted to apologize and earn your forgiveness. The money was a ruse. If you wanted nothing to do with me then at least I could give you what I owed you. I do owe you, Bella. You're the reason the band is successful. Without your words we would still be a shitty little cover band playing dive bars. You took us to the next level and beyond. Without you, we're nothing. I'm nothing. I wanted to confess it to the world, but the label won't let me. I feel like I stole your words from you and profited from them. Add that to everything else and I've been a fucking mess for years, since you left, really. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am."
"Relax, Edward, I didn't leave because of you. Well, not just because of you. I'm no longer a starving student with a shitty job. So there, you're absolved. Send the paperwork and the songs are exclusively yours."
She walked over the door and reached to open it.
"Don't— please, Bella. Don't kick me out." He stood as if to stop her but was unable to make his feet walk over to her.
"You got what you needed Edward, there's not a whole lot left to say, is there?"
"There is. There's a lot left to say if you'll let me."
"I really can't believe that. You didn't care about me then and now, all of a sudden you do? I call bullshit, Edward."
"It's not bullshit and I did care, I cared a lot but I was too stuck up my own ass to realize it. I didn't know just how much until you were gone. Why did you go, Bella? I know how I was then and what I did, but why did you leave? There had to be more to it than that. You were always tough, tough enough not to let me run you out of town. Please tell me."
"Angela got hurt and it was my fault. I spent two weeks with her in the hospital. When I finally made it back to my place there was nothing, no messages, no emails or voicemails, no sign that you even noticed I'd been gone. There was not one word about the notebook or the poems I had given you. It felt like I had nothing to keep me there, so I went with Angela and changed schools. Heidi came along nine months later and I've helped raise her."
She ran her hands over her face. Heidi began to stir in the other room, humming quietly to herself.
"Is that enough, Edward? Do you need anything more from me? Because I'm done. I've given you everything you wanted. There's nothing more. I'd like you to go now, but I promised Heidi she could meet you. Do you think you could fake it enough to make a little girl happy before you go?"
He didn't know what to think or feel. He knew if he didn't do something this was the end and he hated it, but he had no idea how to reach her. He was smart enough to know not to press it further today. He'd found her and he wasn't going to let her slip through his fingers again.
"Of course, Bella, I'd love to meet Heidi."
AN: Songs for this chapter are "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls and Gives You Hell by All-American-Rejects. Thank you so much for reading. Your response to last week's chapter and outtake blew me away. You make me so happy.