Yes, I have returned! I still have requests lined up for this story, and if you guys want to see more, just drop a review or a PM to me and I'll see what I can do. :)

This one was requested by TheLilyReviwer, who admits that it's not Christmas but still wanted to see Steve and Tony under a mistletoe: Okay, okay, I know it's nowhere NEAR Christmas, but what would happen if the Avengers (except Steve and Tony) put mistletoe all over the tower, then tried to get Tony and Steve in the same room? Pre-relationship is what I had in mind, but I leave that up to you. You are, after all, the one writing this.

Mistletoe Kiss

There was snickering and what sounded like a stifled giggle coming from somewhere in the vents. Tony did not want to know why an assassin was giggling in the vents, but he had the suspicion that he was going to find out one way or another.

If only it didn't have anything to do with his almost nonexistent pride ("almost" being the key word here because he was not a pushover, okay), but Tony wasn't holding out hope or anything. He'd given up on that the fifth time Natasha had delivered a truly awful joke in a deadpan voice and then sauntered off while leaving Tony gaping after her.

And he'd thought Clint was going to be a jokester.

In any case, it was a few days to Christmas and practically everyone had convened on the penthouse floor because that was where all the fun tended to happen. There was an absolutely enormous tree propped up against the windows, and it was decorated with the gaudiest ornaments that the Avengers had managed to find. The worst decoration– a truly horrible looking cherub with rosy cheeks, a lecherous smirk, and a large diaper – that was the crowning jewel on top of the tree had actually been contributed by Steve.

No one had looked at him the same way afterwards.

It had also given Tony much mental fodder when it came to his imaginary conversations with Steve because it meant the guy had a sense of humor and knew how to use it. Which meant he was a man after Tony's own heart, and Tony didn't quite know what to do with that information.

He was really awful at relationships; just look at Pepper.

There was another muffled snicker from the vents and what sounded like metal clanging against metal, and if Natasha had gotten James up in there, Tony was going to have words with her. (Or not. He valued his dick, thank you very much.)

Stepping into the elevator that would take him down to the level where Pepper's office was, Tony peered up at the ceiling to find a strand of mistletoe innocently sitting there. He narrowed his eyes at it, but it wasn't giving up its secrets.

Well, it was Christmas, and mistletoe was just par for the course. It wasn't like SI had any policies prohibiting stringing mistletoe up, and some overzealous employee had probably put it up hoping to get some poor schmuck under it.

Tony was not some poor schmuck.

But he also wasn't a complete killjoy, so he left the mistletoe alone despite his better judgment and exited the elevator to go bug Pepper into possibly leaving work early so she could entertain him.

Half an hour later found Tony back in the elevator, having been ousted from the office by an eager Happy, who had come to take Pepper out on a date. It was completely mind-boggling, not in the least because Tony hadn't seen that coming at all.

Musing (and not pouting at all) over this new development, Tony entered his living room and flopped down on his very comfy sofa, stretching out on his back to contemplate the ceiling and life. He frowned only a moment later upon finding no less than five strands of mistletoe decorating the ceiling.

This was not the work of an overzealous employee…

There was no muffled snickering or giggling, but Tony just knew that if he could hear it, he would. Someone had put up mistletoe, and he'd put money on it being either Natasha or Clint; James seemed the type but was still too skittish.

Well, luckily there was no one else in the room. Tony would ordinarily jump at kissing his extraordinarily attractive teammates, but he had no desire to sour what were actually wonderful working relationships. (Yes, really, shut up, Rhodey.)

Not wanting to push his luck, Tony left the living room and headed for his workshop, which was guaranteed to be mistletoe-free, and not in the least because Dummy would happily set it all on fire. JARVIS had been given very strict instructions on that front, which meant that the only decoration the bots received was a metal contraption shaped like a tree. It still had some presents stuffed under it, none of which Tony had a hand in making or wrapping.

Several hours later, Tony just happened to crane his neck back to stretch it and found an innocuous piece of mistletoe hanging above the doorframe. The fact that it was in plain view of Dummy's charging station made it all the stranger, especially since the bot had seemed particularly excited for some odd reason that was not at all mistletoe related.

Now slightly creeped out, Tony pulled the mistletoe down and stuffed it into a pocket, not wanting to trash it in the workshop for fear of Dummy setting fire to it and the rest of the room. He gave the room one last suspicious look before leaving.

The penthouse was still empty, so Tony went to the bar to pour himself a much needed drink. He soon regretted this decision when Steve came in three minutes later with a rather confused look on his face.

"I thought there was a party?" Steve asked, catching sight of a frozen Tony behind the bar.

Tony recovered quickly, not at all glancing up at the mistletoe. There was one right over Steve's head. "Not that I've heard of. Why?"

"Bucky just told me to be here at this time because there'd be 'food, girls, and other stuff,'" Steve said, using air quotes for the last part.

Tony snorted, his scotch nearly going down the wrong pipe. He set the glass down, wheezing as he brushed off Steve's concern. "No, no… Just slightly perturbed that your friend has a sense of humor under all that stone. No girls allowed up here, except for lovely assassins and scientists with brains that make me very jealous."

"Those were probably the girls Bucky was talking about," Steve remarked dryly, nodding. His eyes skipped from the glass by Tony's hand to his face. "So no party?"

"Nope." Tony shrugged very casually, carefully not looking up because he knew full well there was a strand of mistletoe hanging over their heads right now. He was no way in hell kissing Steve. It would be very awkward, not in the least because Tony felt like jumping Steve's bones 99% of the time anyway. Kissing wouldn't help that feeling; Tony would probably maul him the moment they touched lips.

"Okay." Steve nodded again, fingers rapping against the countertop. He took a moment before he spoke again. "Have you…seen anything…odd?"

"Not really," Tony lied, still not looking up.

Steve's brows pinched together in that worried manner that made Tony want to smooth the furrow out. "Okay." He didn't sound comforted.

"Have you?" Tony couldn't resist asking.

"Probably nothing," Steve said, "but I think someone showed Bucky the vents."

"I knew it!" Tony promptly coughed when Steve gave him an alarmed look. "I mean, I thought I heard something that sounded like it."

"So you have seen something weird," Steve said.

"'See,' no," Tony said, still lying through his teeth. "But you didn't say anything about hearing."

Steve rolled his eyes, a fond smile tugging at his lips. "Of course you'd use that as a loophole. Then have you heard anything else?"

"Lots of snickering," Tony admitted, shrugging minutely. "I don't want to know why."

Much to Tony's surprise, Steve turned a bit pink at that, his neck and ears flushing adorably. "Yeah, uh… Probably not."

Tony raised his eyebrows questioningly, only to receive a slight headshake before Steve turned his focus to their ostentatious Christmas tree, which was now glowing brightly in rainbow-colored lights as the sun went down. It made the ugly cherub at the top even uglier.

"I don't want to know where you got that thing," Tony said eventually, gesturing to said cherub.

Steve gave him an amused smirk, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Probably not," he agreed.

Ugh, was this man trying to kill Tony with cuteness here?

Fortunately, he was saved from dying from cute by the arrival of James, who gave the entire room a casual look before throwing himself down on the sofa and sprawling in what had to be the most inelegant manner Tony had ever seen. And this had been the Winter Soldier? He gave Steve a casual wave with his left arm (something which still made Tony squee in excitement whenever he got his hands on it) before pursing his lips and staring up at the ceiling like it was a painting.

Tony took the opportunity to pick up his drink, taking a long gulp from it before James very casually said, "You're standing under mistletoe," and then he was spluttering on the burn of scotch going down the wrong pipe and trying desperately not to choke on lack of air. Very attractive, Stark.

Steve had actually come around to help Tony out, patting him on the back while asking if he was okay.

"I'm fine," Tony managed after a large gulp of water from the sink. "So fine."

James, the little sneaky bastard, was staring at the two of them with an implacable expression on his face. "That wasn't kissing," he pointed out.

"No shit!" Tony smacked his hand into the skin above his reactor. His throat still burned, but at least he could breathe.

"There will be kissing," James added, eyebrow quirked and arms folded across his chest. A shit-eating grin wouldn't have been remiss at this point.

"Bucky!" Steve hissed, sounded utterly mortified, shooting his pal a warning glare.

"Just telling it like it is," James said casually. "Unless the mistletoe custom's changed?" He added a moment later, "And full-on macking – none of that cheek kissing stuff you like, Steve."

"Bucky," Steve groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Please stop." The last two words were garbled.

"I have duct tape," James said blandly, rubbing the fingers of his right hand across the red metal star of his left arm.

Oh fuck. Between potentially mauling Steve because of a kiss or mauling Steve because they ended up being duct taped together thanks to his crazy friend, Tony was going to go for the kiss because at least then he could run away. That wasn't possible with duct tape, not without ripping off several layers of skin and Tony liked his skin.

Pressing his lips together, Tony straightened and turned to face Steve. Steve was looking rather panicked now, eyes looking anywhere but at Tony, and that hurt more than Tony wanted to admit. Was it so reprehensible to kiss Tony?

"Sorry about this," Tony murmured, reaching up a gentle hand to touch Steve's jaw and angle his head appropriately, "but I'd rather not be duct taped to you for hours on end, no matter how cute you are."

Before Steve could say something that would cement how much he did not want to kiss Tony, Tony pressed their lips together. He'd been going to keep it chaste regardless of James's demands of "full-on macking" because otherwise there'd be full-blown sex happening right here, and it was totally going according to plan because his lips were on Steve's and now all he had to do was pull back and—

Okay, that was more problematic than planned, because Steve's arms had clamped around Tony's body and now he was being pressed up against the bar and practically devoured. Steve was really going for it.

Tony thought he heard James say something along the lines of "Okay, wow. Steve, man—", but he was too busy losing his brain through his mouth by Steve sucking on his tongue in the absolutely filthiest way and pulling out a low moan before he could stop it.

"Have safe sex!" James shouted through the haze in Tony's brain.

There was no way Tony could respond to that at the moment because Steve had just hitched his hands under Tony's thighs and lifted him up to sit on the countertop. This changed their angle so that Steve was craning his head back and Tony could better run his fingers through that blond hair and tug.

This pulled out a really deep groan that rumbled through Steve's chest and vibrated through Tony because they were really pressed up against each other, arc reactor to sternum, but Tony just didn't care because holy shit Steve could kiss.

Mistletoe was awesome.

Hope you enjoyed that! I, for one, couldn't stop grinning while writing Bucky being a little troll.